LEAD 0510 Leadership Development Influencing Others.
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LEAD 0510LEAD 0510Leadership DevelopmentLeadership Development
Influencing OthersInfluencing Others
Life’s Basic AssumptionsLife’s Basic Assumptions
• No two people see the world the same way
• No two people react the same way
• No two people communicate the same way
Group ComparisonGroup Comparison
You come home and see coats, sweaters, shoes, bags and books near the door.
“You should consider yourself fortunate to have this person on your team.”
“As we look at changing patient and family needs and operational constraints, we should take into account that we have some tried and true ways of operating.”
In-Charge Chart-the-Course
Get-Things-Going
Behind-the-Scenes
Core Drive Urgent need to accomplish
In a timely manner
Pressing need to anticipate and have a point of reference
Urgent need to involve others and be involved
Pressing need to integrate and consider sources
Aim Get an achievable results
Get a desired result Get an embraced result
Get the best result possible
Core Belief It is worth the risk to go ahead and act or decide
It’s worth the effort and time to think ahead
It’s worth the energy to involve everyone
It’s worth the time to integrate and reconcile many inputs
Some Talents • Supervise• Mobilize• Mentor• Execute actions
• Plan• Illuminate• Give guidance• Monitor progress
• Facilitate• Share• Explore options• Explore options
• Support• Clarify values
and issues• Produce
Decision Making
Quick Decisions Deliberative Consensual decisions
Consultative decisions
Type Codes ESTP, ESTJ, ENTJ, ENFJ
ISTP, ISTJ, INTJ, INFJ
ESFP, ESFJ, ENTP, ENFP
ISFP, ISFJ, INTP, INFP
Reflections on Interaction StylesReflections on Interaction Styles
• How might others interact with you more effectively?
• How might they speed read you?
Aligning Your Communication StyleAligning Your Communication Style
How would you modify your communication style when speaking with an “In-Charge” team mate?
Aligning Your Communication StyleAligning Your Communication Style
How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a “Chart the Course” team mate?
Aligning Your Communication StyleAligning Your Communication Style
How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a “Get-Things-Going” team mate?
Aligning Your Communication StyleAligning Your Communication Style
How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a “Behind-the-Scenes” team mate?
ReflectionReflection
• Identify key people• What do you appreciate
about them?• What do you think their
communication style might be?
• What can you do to enhance the quality of the relationship?
Turbo TeamworkTurbo Teamwork
• Each person must touch each ball based on the established sequence
• Only the first person may touch more that one ball at any one time
• The balls must travel of their own volition• The balls must travel in numeric order• All teams must meet the time
requirements
DevelopingDeveloping Other-Centeredness Other-Centeredness
• Balance inquiry and advocacy
• Ask powerful questions
• Remain flexible
Focus on Advocacy
Focus on Inquiry
Discuss “I hear but I
don’t listen; I tell but I don’t sell”
L
L
H
H
Debate “I am right, you
are wrong; I don’t want to
listen to a word you say.”
Dialogue “I want to
understand your perspective and
have you explore mine.”
Defer “I will listen only
to your ideas; mine are of no consequence”
Potential ApproachesPotential Approaches
What is Dialogue?What is Dialogue?
• Bring your unique pool of meaning
• Make it safe to add others meaning to shared pool
• Be conscious of expanding pool
• Focus on possibilities
Our Shared Meaning
My Meaning
Your Meaning
When people purposefully withhold meaning from one another, individually smart people can collectively do stupid things.
• Kerry Patterson
DialogueDialogue
At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information. People openly and honestly express their opinions, share their feelings, and articulate their theories.
Paterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler: Crucial Conversations
Practice OpportunityPractice Opportunity
“What is one thing you like to do – and wish you could do more of?”
Asking Better QuestionsAsking Better Questions
• Explore for greater understanding
• Display genuine curiosity
• Look for what’s missing
Use Questions AppropriatelyUse Questions Appropriately
• Closed Questions
• Open Questions
A Process-Oriented ApproachA Process-Oriented Approach
Every door you open reveals
more of the other person’s mental
models.
Open/Directive Questions
Closed Question
Open Question
Closed Question
Open Question
Closed Question
Open Question
Closed Question
Open Question
Effective Questioning BehavioursEffective Questioning Behaviours
• Use questions appropriately
• Establish eye contact
• Summarize and paraphrase
ListeningListening
Learned
Behaviours
Selective
Ignoring
Attentive
AffectiveIntuitive Listening:
Empathetic
Learned
Behaviours
Affective ListeningAffective Listening
• Be fully present
• Invite intimacy
• Show you care
• Focus on empathy
• Delight in the unknown
Practice OpportunityPractice Opportunity
What are the biggest opportunities for change you have in your current role?
Lunch!!!!Lunch!!!!
• Enjoy lunch as a team
• Begin to pray and think about what you may want to focus on for your presentation
• How will you apply lessons learned to date?
The Emotionally Intelligent PersonThe Emotionally Intelligent Person
Our Behaviors
Emotional Connectedness
Emotional Self-Management
Self Awareness
The Emotionally Intelligent PersonThe Emotionally Intelligent Person
Our Behaviors
Emotional Connectedness
Emotional Self-Management
Self Awareness
The Emotionally Intelligent PersonThe Emotionally Intelligent Person
Our Behaviors
Emotional Connectedness
Emotional Self-Management
Self Awareness
The Emotionally Intelligent PersonThe Emotionally Intelligent Person
Our Behaviors
Emotional Connectedness
Emotional Self-Management
Self Awareness
Intention vs. ImpactIntention vs. Impact
Intention ImpactEmotions Behaviors
How the Human Brain WorksHow the Human Brain Works
Brain Stem – Basic Functions
• Temperature
• Breathing
• Heart Rate
• Reflexes
How the Human Brain WorksHow the Human Brain Works
Limbic Ring
• Amygdala
• Site of emotional memory
• Site of learning
• Answers critical questions of human survival
How the Human Brain WorksHow the Human Brain Works
Neo-Cortex
• Site of IQ
• Site of working memory
The Emotional HijackThe Emotional Hijack
• Increased heart rate
• Blood to large muscle groups
• Adrenalin
• Cortisol to neocortex
Typical ResponsesTypical Responses
• Fight
Typical ResponsesTypical Responses
• Fight
• Flight
Typical ResponsesTypical Responses
• Fight
• Flight
• Freeze
Typical ResponsesTypical Responses
• Fight
• Flight
• Freeze
• Freak
What does this mean?What does this mean?
• Our capacity to think is impacted by our emotional state
Hardwiring of the BrainHardwiring of the Brain
• EMOTION comes before THOUGHT
• We FEEL before we THINK
An Emotional HijackAn Emotional Hijack
Body responds
• Increase in heart rate
• Increase in breathing
• Increase in reflexes
An Emotional HijackAn Emotional Hijack
Body responds
Working memory decreases
• 4 variables
• 4 --------- 3,2,1
• Default to 1 for protectionIf unaddressed,
the effect lasts 18 minutes
Multiple optionsMultiple options
A minor trigger….A minor trigger….
Stress increases….Stress increases….
Perceptual narrowing
under stress.
Full blown hijack….Full blown hijack….
Before you know it, you’re just seeing red.
An Emotional HijackAn Emotional Hijack
Body responds
Working memory decreases
Brain toxicity occurs• Chemicals release into blood
Takes 3 – 4 hours for blood to clear
Internalizing AwarenessInternalizing Awareness
• Identify triggered moments
• Capture your ‘story’
Coming to the Boiling PointComing to the Boiling Point
Time
Toxicity
First Trigger
Second Trigger
Third Trigger
Full Scale Hijacking
Managing the physical responseManaging the physical response
• Exhale!
• Ask questions
• Develop a ‘learner’ mindset
JudgerJudger LearnerLearner• What’s wrong?• Whose at fault?• How can I stay
in control?• How could I
lose?• How could I get
hurt?• Why bother?
• What’s right?• For what am I
responsible?• What are my
choices?• What’s useful
about this?• What can I learn?• What’s possible?
Marilee C. Goldberg: The Art of the Question
Inner Critic ExerciseInner Critic Exercise
• What does your inner critic look like?
• Is it male / female?• What is your it’s name?• What does your inner
critic say to you?
New Studies in Neuro-leadershipNew Studies in Neuro-leadership
• Change can provoke massive doses of stress - if we cling to old models
• We resort to what we know best
• The threat response is more powerful than the reward stimuli unless we “rewire” the brain– Memory is a set of interactions of neurons –
a network of neural activity, not a “location”
Strategies for RewiringStrategies for Rewiring
• Symbolic labeling vs discussion– 1- 2 words: Strength 1 to 10– Enables the PFC
• Ask “What would I/you like to see?”
• Reappraisal
• Mindfulness
Leadership and EI: The RisksLeadership and EI: The Risks
• Leaders often create conditions of uncertainty– Positional power raises the stakes
• Human nature abhors a vacuum– People will make up their own stories
• Strongest presence in the room– Stimulate mirror neurons
• Decisions without input create feelings of helplessness
Five Leader-Driven TriggersFive Leader-Driven Triggers
• Arbitrary change in status
• Increased uncertainty
• Reduced autonomy
• Lack /removal of relatedness
• Perceived absence of fairness
Leadership and EI: The StrategiesLeadership and EI: The Strategies
• Anticipate potential triggers and reduce or eliminate them
• Be aware of your presence
• Intensify your mindfulness
• Manage the emotional bank accounts (7:1)
• Build empathy
OvernightOvernight
• Reflections on today
• Review Rost
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