L ET ’ S HAVE FUN WITH STYLE ! O R, AT THE VERY LEAST, LET ’ S HAVE A MODERATELY GOOD TIME.

LET’S HAVE FUN WITH STYLE!OR, AT THE VERY LEAST, LET’S HAVE A MODERATELY GOOD TIME.

PROCEDURE

As a class, we will review several common style issue.

As Mrs. Rosselli introduces each issue, please write down the following: Name of the style issue (Ex. Passive voice) An example we do as a class. Write the original

sentence and write in the corrections.

PROCEDURE

After we do examples as a class, you have the following options: Copy down 2-3 sample sentences from the

powerpoint and correct them

OR Find 1-2 examples from your own paper, write

them down, and then correct them.

PROCEDURE

Make sure you take good notes as they will help you revise your paper.

You are required to hand in your notes/corrections with your revised paper.

PASSIVE VOICE What is the passive voice? In the

passive voice, the subject is acted upon. Typically, the passive voice uses a verb phrase of the verb to be* plus by. Many writers, however, drop the “by” in the passive voice—so the reader does not know for sure who or what the actor is.

PASSIVE VOICE

These are examples: Seniors are covered . . . Medicines are distributed . . . Prices were increased . . . You can mentally insert “by” to double check

that these sentences are in the passive voice. “Medicines are distributed by the United

Nations.” “Prices were increased by the health care

insurers.”

PASSIVE VOICE VS. ACTIVE VOICEWhy write in the active voice?

When you write in the active voice, you write more clearly and more vigorously than you do in the passive voice.

What is the active voice? It’s a form of sentence construction. In the most basic sentence, active-voice construction is: subject – verb – direct object. The subject “acts” on a direct object. Put another way, in the active voice you identify an “actor” (for instance, a person or organization) and what the action is.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FAMOUS QUOTES ARE WRITTEN IN PASSIVE VOICE

Active: Big Brother is watching you. George Orwell

Passive: You are being watched by Big Brother

Active: Our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation. Abraham Lincoln

Passive: A new nation was brought forth on this continent by our fathers. Abraham Lincoln

CHANGING PASSIVE TO ACTIVEPassive—Completion of this process by the

nurse will allow him to have greater success and stability in the new role.

1st edit (to determine what the writer is saying)This process, completed by the nurse, will allow him to have greater success and stability in the new role.”

2nd edit-ActiveOnce the nurse completes this process, he’ll be more successful and more stable in his new role.

***As you edit your own work, look for verbs hiding in nouns ending in tion, ion, ance, ment, ent, iency and ility and try to convert them to verbs. Intention: intend. Resistance: resist. Discernment: discern.

EXAMPLES

Passive: By then, the soundtrack will have been completely remixed by the sound engineers.

Active: By then, the sound engineers will have completely remixed the soundtrack.

EXAMPLES

Passive: Action on the bill is being considered by the committee.

Active: The committee is considering action on the bill.

INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE

Flopsy was given to me on Easter by my parents.

I got so mad at him that he was picked up by the collar of his Spider-Man pajamas and thrown across the room by me.

The stage was exited by me only after a long standing ovation.

INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE-ANSWERS

On Easter, my parents gave me Flopsy. I got so mad at him that I picked him up by

the collar of his Spider-Man pajamas and threw him across the room.

After a long standing ovation, I exited the stage.

UNCLEAR PRONOUN REFERENCE

All pronouns must clearly refer to definite referents (nouns).

Use it, they, this, that, these, those, and which carefully to prevent confusion.

EXAMPLES

Unclear: Einstein was a brilliant mathematician. This is how he was able to explain the universe.

Clear: Einstein, who was a brilliant mathematician, used his ability with numbers to explain the universe.

EXAMPLES

Unclear: Because Senator Martin is less interested in the environment than in economic development, he sometimes neglects it.

Clear: Because of his interest in economic development, Senator Martin sometimes neglects the environment.

EXAMPLES

Unclear: The troopers burned a refugee camp as a result of the earlier attack. This was the cause of the war.

Clear: The troopers burned a refugee camp as a result of the earlier attack. This destruction of the camp caused the war.

ORThe troopers burned a refugee camp as a

result of the earlier attack and their actions caused the war.

EXAMPLES

Unclear: Company policy prohibited smoking, which many employees resented.

Clear: Company policy prohibited smoking, a policy which many employees resented.

EXAMPLES

• Avoid the vague this when possible. If you can, substitute a clear noun phrase, or rephrase the sentence.

• VAGUE: I kept practicing despite my sore wrist. This has helped me in my studies.

• STILL VAGUE: This trait has helped me in my studies.

• CLEAR: The same perseverance has helped me in my studies.

EXAMPLES

• Even if the general idea is apparent, precise rephrasing can helpfully sum up the thought.

• VAGUE: Odysseus taunts the Cyclops, who angrily hurls a boulder that nearly capsizes the ship. This shows the danger of pride.

• STILL VAGUE: This taunting shows the danger of pride.

• CLEAR: The nearly fatal consequence of his boasts shows the danger of pride.

INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE

The company concealed financial losses. This caused investors to dump the stock.

I found out Jeremy had already been to Gettysburg. That surprised me.

The bridge was damaged. That made commuting difficult.

The shuttle launch was postponed. This was a disappointment to the astronauts.

INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE-ANSWERS

The company concealed financial losses. This fraud caused investors to dump the stock.

I was surprised when I found out Jeremy had already been to Gettysburg.

The damage to the bridge made commuting difficult.

The astronauts were disappointed when the shuttle launch was postponed.

WORDINESS EXAMPLES

Example: Although there are definitely positive ways to use rhetoric, there are some logical reasons to why some people and I think that rhetoric could become tractable to be used in a negative manner.

Revision: Although many speakers employ rhetoric positively, there are also logical reasons why rhetoric can be viewed negatively, especially when targeted towards a tractable audience.

WORDINESS EXAMPLES

Example: Being the mediator of the rhetorical situation, we have the power to choose the person or event that is more favorable to the current status.

Revision: As a mediator, we can choose the person or event appropriate to the situation.

WORDINESS-INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE The slave and the colonized are both cut

from the same mold because they both are considered to be doing what is against their will.

Because Douglass uses the word chattel to describe how his mistress felt about him, it can be concluded that she has no respect for him because chattel means something of little value.

INDIVIDUAL PRACTICE ANSWERS

The slave and the colonized are cut from the same mold because they both perform actions against their will.

By explaining that his mistress viewed him as chattel, or property, Douglass shows his mistress’s lack of respect toward him.

STACKING PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES

Even though it was not illegal for the bank to share its customers' personal and financial information with an outside marketing company in return for a commission on sales, the state's attorney general accused the bank of engaging in deceptive business practices by failing to honor its promise to its customers to keep records private.

STACKING PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES-SAMPLE REVISION

Despite the legality of the bank’s actions, earning sales commissions from outside marketing companies by sharing the bank’s customers’ personal and financial information, the state’s attorney general accused the bank of deceptive business practices as they did not keep customer records private as promised.