Transcript
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KeepingupwithLizzie
IrvingBacheller
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KEEPINGUP
WITH
LIZZIE
BY
IRVINGBACHELLER
1910
TO
THELOVING
AND
BELOVED
MR.
ONEDEAR
IDEDICATE
THISLITTLEBOOK
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CONTENTS
CHAPTER I. IN WHICH THE LEADING TRADESMEN OFPOINTVIEWBECOMEABOARDOFASSESSORS
CHAPTER II. IN WHICH LIZZIE RETURNS TO HER HOME,HAVINGMETAQUEENANDACQUIREDANACCENTANDAFIANCE
CHAPTER III. INWHICH LIZZIEDESCENDS PROMAGREATHEIGHT
CHAPTERIV.INWHICHTHEHAMWARHASITSBEGINNING
CHAPTER V. INWHICH LIZZIE EXERTSAN INFLUENCEONTHEAFFAIRSOFTHERICHANDGREAT
CHAPTERVI.
IN
WHICH
THE
PURSUIT
OF
LIZZIE
BECOMES
HIGHLYSERIOUS
CHAPTER VII. IN WHICH THE HONORABLE SOCRATESPOTTERCATCHESUPWITHLIZZIE
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CHAPTERI
INWHICHTHELEADINGTRADESMENOFPOINTVIEW
BECOMEA
BOARD
OF
ASSESSORS
TheHonorableSocratesPotterwas theonlyscientificman in thevillageofPointview,Connecticut.Ineverypointofmanhoodhewasfaraheadofhisneighbors.Inawayhehadoutstrippedhimself,for,while his ideas were highly modern, he clung to the dress andmannersthatprevailedinhisyouth.Heworebroadclotheveryday,andachoker,andchewedtobacco,andneverpermittedhisworktointerferewith theeven tenorofhisconversation.He loved theold
timesand
fashions,
and
had
adrawling
tongue
and
often
spoke
in
thedialectofhis fathers, loving thesoundof it.His satiricalmoodwassuretobeflavoredwithclippedwordsandchangedtenses.Thestrangeroftentookhimforahayseed,butonfurtheracquaintanceopenedhismouth inastonishment, forSoc.Potter,asmany calledhim,wasamanofinsightandlearningandofaqualityofwithereinrevealed.Heusedtocallhimselfanattorneyandpeacemaker,buthewasmore than that.Hewas the attorney and friend of all hisclients,andthephilosopherofhiscommunity.Ifonemanthreatened
anotherwith
the
law
in
that
neighborhood,
he
was
apt
to
do
it
in
theseterms,WellseewhatSoc.Potterhastosayaboutthat.
All right!Well see, the other would answer, andboth partieswouldbe sure to show up at the lawyers office. Then, probably,Socrateswouldtryhisfamouslockandkeyexpedient.Hewouldsitthem down together, lock the door, and say, Now,boys, I dontbelieveingettingtwelvemenforajobthattwocandobetter,andgenerallyhewouldmakethemagree.
He had an office over the store of SamuelHenshaw, andmade aspecialtyofdeeds,titles,epigrams,andwitticisms.
Hewasabachelorwho callednow and then at thehomeofMissBetseySmead,awealthyspinsterofPointview,butnothinghadevercomeofit.
He satwith his feet on his desk and hismind on the subject of
extravagance.When
he
was
doing
business
he
sat
like
other
men,
but
whenhisthoughtassumedadegreeofelevationhisfeetrosewithit.Hebeganhisstorybyexplainingthatitwasalltruebutthenames.
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This is theballoonage,saidhe,withamerry twinkle inhisgrayeyes.Theinventorhasledusintotheskies.Theodorofgasolineisinthepathoftheeagle.Ourthoughtsarebetweenearthandheaven;
ourprices
have
followed
our
aspirations
in
the
upward
flight.
Now
here is Sam Henshaw. Sam? Why, hes a merchant prince oPointviewgrocery businesshad a girlname o Lizziesmartandaspurtyasawaxdoll.DanPettigrew,thenoblestflowerotheyoungmanhoodoPointview,fellinlovewithher.Nowonder.Wewereall fondoLizzie.Theywereahansomecouple,an togetherabouthalfthetime.
Well,Sambegantoaspire,annothingwoulddoforLizziebutthe
Smytheschool
at
Hardcastle
at
seven
hundred
dollars
ayear.
So
they
riggedherupsplendid,anawayshewent.Promthatdayshesetthepaceforthiscommunity.DanhadtokeepupwithLizzie,andsohisfather,BillPettigrew,senthimtoHarvard.Othergirlsstartedintherace, an the firstwe knew therewas abig field in thismaidenhandicap.
Well,Samhadbeenaspirinforaboutthreemonths,whenhebeganto perspire. The extras up at Hardcastle had exceeded his
expectations.He
was
goin
ahot
pace
to
keep
up
with
Lizzie,
an
it
lookedasifhismoralswasmeltinaway.
Iwas in the northern part o the county one day, an saw somewonderful,big,red,tastyapples.
Whatyedoinwithyerapples?saysItothegrower.
Ive sent themost of em to SamuelHenshaw, oPointview, an
hessold
em
on
commission,
says
he.
Whatdoyegetforem?Iasked.
Twodollarsantencentsabarrel,sayshe.
The next time Iwent into Sams store therewere the same redapples that came out o that orchard in the northern part o thecounty.
Howmucharetheseapples?Isays.
Sevendollarsabarrel,saysSam.
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How is it thatyouget sevendollarsabarrelanonly return twodollarsantencentstothegrower?Isays.
Samstuttered
an
changed
color.
Id
been
his
lawyer
for
years,
an
IalwaystalkedplaintoSam.
Wal, the fact is, says he,with a laugh an awink, I sold theseapplestomyclerk.
Sam, yere wastin yer talents, I says. Go into the railroadbusiness.
Samwas
kind
o
shamefaced.
ItcostssomuchtoliveIhavetomakeadecentprofitsomewhere,sayshe.Ifyouhadadaughtertoeducate,youdknowthereason.
Iboughtabillogoods,annoticed thathamanbutterwereuptwo cents apound, an flour four centsa sack, another things inproportion. Ididntsayaword,but Isee thatSamproposed totaxthecommunity for theeducationo thatLizziegirl.Folksbegan to
complain,but
the
tax
on
each
wasnt
heavy,
an
agood
many
people
owedSamanwasnt inshape toquithim.ThenSamhad thebeststore in thevillage,an everybodywaskindoproudof it. Sowestood this assessment o Sams, anby a general tax paid for theeducation o Lizzie. She made friends, an sailed around inautomobiles, an spent a part o the Christmas holidayswith thedaughteroMr.BeverlyGottrichonFifthAvenue,anyoungBeverlyGottrichbroughtherhome inhisbigredrunabout.Oh, thatwasagreatdayinPointview!thatredrunaboutdayofourhistorywhen
thepitcher
was
broken
at
the
fountain
and
they
that
looked
out
of
thewindowstrembled.
DanPettigrewwashomefromHarvardfortheholidays,anheanLizziemetata churchparty.Theyheld theirheadsveryhigh,anseemedtodespiseeachotheraneverybodyelse.Wordwentaroundthatitwasalloffbetweenem.Itseemsthattheyhadriznotrisen,butrizfaraboveeachother.
Nowit
often
happens
that
when
the
young
ascend
the
tower
o
theiraspirationsanlookdownupontheearthitsaverageinhabitantseemsnolargertothemthanaredant.Sometimestheresnobodyinsightthat is, no realbodynothinbut clouds an rainbows an
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kingsanqueensantheirfamilies.NowLizzieanDanwerebothupin their towersan lookindown,an thatwasprobably the reasontheydidntseeeachother.
RightawayawarbeganbetweentherivalhousesoHenshawanPettigrew.ThefirstweknewSamwasbuildinanewhousewithatoweron itbyjingo!anhardwood finish insideanhalfanacrein thedooryard.The towerwas forLizzie. It signalizedher rise inthecommunity.ItputheroneflightaboveanybodyinPointview.
As thehouserose,upwentSamspricesagain. Iwentover to thestoreanboughtaweeksprovisions,anwhenIgotthebillIseethat
hedtaxed
me
twenty
nine
cents
for
his
improvements.
Imetoneomyfriends,anIsaystohim,Wal,Isays,Samisgointomakeuspayforhisnewhouseanlot.Samshamanflourhavejumpedagain.AsanassessorSamislikelytomakehismark.
Wal,whatdoyeexpect?sayshe.Lizzieisinhighsociety,anhesgot tokeepupwithher.Lizziemusthaveahomeproper tooneoherstation.DontbehardonSam.
Iaint, Isays. ButSamshouseought tobeproper tohisstationinsteadohers.
I hadjust sat down inmy officewhen Bill Pettigrew came inSamsgreatrivalinthegroceryanaspirationbusiness.Hedboughtanewautomobile,anwantedmetodrawamortgageonhishouseanlotfortwothousanddollars.
Youdbetter
go
slow,
Isays.
It
looks
like
bad
business
to
mortgageyourhomeforanautomobile.
Itsforthebenefitomycustomers,sayshe.
Somethingpurtyforemtolookat?Iasked.
Itwillquickendeliveries,sayshe.
Youcant
afford
it,
Isays.
Yes,Ican,sayshe.Iveputuppricestwentypercent.,anitaintagointobothermetopayforit.
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Oh,thenyourcustomersaregointopayforit!Isays,anyoureonlyaguarantor.
Iwouldnt
put
it
that
way,
says
he.
It
costs
more
to
live
these
days.Everythingisgoinup.
Includin taxes, I says to Bill, an went to work an drew hismortgageforhim,anhegothisautomobile.
Id intended to takemy trade tohisstore,butwhen Isaw thatheplanned to tax thecommunity forhis luxuries IchangedmymindandwentovertoEphHills.Hekepttheonlyotherdecentgrocery
storein
the
village.
His
prices
were
just
about
on
alevel
with
the
others.
Howdoyouexplainitthatpriceshavegoneupso?Iasked.
Why,theysayitsduetoanoverproductionogold,sayshe.
Lookstomelikeanoverproductionofargument,Isays.TheoldEarthkeepsshellinoutmoregoldevryyear,anthemoreshetakes
outo
her
pockets
the
more
Ihave
to
take
out
o
mine.
Wal,o course Ihad tokeep in line, so Iputup thepricesomyworkalittletobeinfashion.Everybodykickedgoodanplenty,annobodyworsen Sam anBill anEphraim,but I told emhow Idread that therewas somuch gold in theworld it kind o setmehankerin.
YeknowIhadtenacresowornoutlandintheedgeothevillage,
anwhile
others
bought
automobiles
an
such
luxuries
Iinvested
in
fertilizers anhired ayoungmanoutof an agricultural schoolanwenttofarmin.WithinayearIwasraisinallthemeatanmilkanvegetablesthatIneeded,ansellinasmuchagintomyneighbors.
Well,PointviewunderLizziewaslikeRomeunderTheodora.Theimmoralsothepeoplethroveangrew.Aspriceswentupdecencywentdown,anwisdomroseinvaluelikemeatanflour.Seemedsoeverybodythathadadollarinthebankansomethatdidntbought
automobiles.They
kept
me
busy
drawin
contracts
an
deeds
an
mortgagesansearchin titles,anocourse Iprospered.More thanhalfthepopulationconvertedpropertyintocashancashintofollyautomobiles, pianoplayers, foreign tours, vocal music, modern
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languages,an theaspirationsofotherpeople.Theywerepuffin itoneachother.Everymanhadadeepscheme formakin theotherfellowpayforhisfun.RemindsmeothatversefromZechariah, I
willshow
them
no
mercy,
saith
the
Lord,
but
Iwill
deliver
every
man into the hand of his neighbor.Now thebaronbusiness hasgenerallybeen lucrative,buthere inPointviewtherewas toomuchcompetition.Wewereallbarons.Everybodywas taxin everybodyelseforhisluxuries,annobodycouldsaveacentnobodybutmeanEphHill.Hedidntbuyanyautomobilesorbuildanewhouseorsendhisgirltotheseminary.Hekeptbothfeetontheground,butheputuphispricesalongwiththerest.ByanbyEphhadamortgageonabouthalf thehouses in thevillage.Thatshowedwhatwas the
matterwith
the
other
men.
Themerchantsallgotlivercomlaint.ThereweretwentymenthatIused toseewalkinhome to theirdinnereverydayordown to thepostofficeeveryevenin.Buttheydidntwalkanymore.Theyscudalongintheirautomobilesat twentymilesanhour,withthewholefamilyaround em.They lookedas if they thought thatnowat lasttheywerekeepinupwithLizzie.Theirhomeswereemptymostothetime.Thereadinglampwasneverlighted.Therewasnoseason
osocial
converse.
Every
merchant
but
Eph
Hill
grew
fat
an
round,
ancomplainedof indigestionansickheadache.Sam looked likeamoored balloon. Seemed so theirmorals grew fat an flabby anshiflessaninneedofexercise.Theirmoralstravelledtoo,buttheytravelled from mouth to mouth, as ye might say, an very fast.Morenhalfofemgiveupchurchanwentoffonthecountryroadsevery Sunday. All along the pike from Pointview to JerusalemCornersyecouldseewheretheydlaidhumblyontheirbacksinthedust,prayin toanewgodan tryin tosoftenhisheartwithoilor
openthe
gates
o
mercy
with
amonkey
wrench.
Billcameintomyshoponedayanlookedasifhehadntafriendintheworld.Hewantedtoborrowsomemoney.
Money!Isays.WhatmakesyethinkIvegotmoney?
Becauseyeaintgotanyautomobile,hesays,laughin.
No,Isays.
You
bought
one,
an
that
was
all
Icould
afford,
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Itnever touchedhim.Hewenton asdryasaduck ina shower.Youreoneo the fewsensiblemen in thisvillage.You livewithinyermeans,anyououghttohavemoneyifyeaint.
Ivegotalittle,butIdontseewhyyoushouldhaveit,Isays.Youwantmetodoallthesavinforbothofus.
ItcostssomuchtoliveIcantsaveacent,hesays.YouknowIvegotaboyincollege,anitcostsfearful.ItoldmyboytheotherdayhowIworkedmywaythroughschoolanlivedonadollaraweekina little room an did my own washin. He says to me, Well,Governor,youforgetthatIhaveasocialpositiontomaintain.
Hes right, I says. Youcantexpecthim tobelong to thevarsitycrewantheDickeyantheHastyPuddinClubandressanbehavelikethesonofanordinarygrocerinPointview,Connecticut.Yecantliveonnutsanraisinsanbedecentinsuchaposition.Lookstomeas if itwould require the combined incomes o the grocer an hislawyer to maintain it. His position is likely to be hard on yourdisposition.Hes tryin to keep upwith Lizziethatswhats thematter,
ForamomentBilllookedlikealostdog.ItoldhimhowGrantanThomasstoodonahilltoponedayansawtheirmenbeinmoweddownlikegrass,anbyanbyThomassaystoGrant,Wal,General,wellhavetomovebackalittle;itstoohotfortheboyshere.
Imafraidyourboyspositioniskindofuncomftable,Isays.
Illwinout,hesays.Myboywillmarryansettledowninayear
orso,
then
hell
begin
to
help
me.
Butyoumaybekilledoffbeforethen,Isays.
IfmyfriendsllstandbymeIllpullthrough,sayshe.
Butyourfriendshavetheirownfamiliestostandby,Isays.
Lookhere,Mr.Potter,sayshe.YouvenosuchexpenseasIhave.
Youreable
to
help
me,
an
you
ought
to.
Ive
got
anote
comin
due
tomorrowannomoneytopayitwith.
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Renew itan then retrench, I says. Cutdownyourexpensesanyourprices.
Cant,says
he.
It
costs
too
much
to
live.
What
ll
Ido
?
Yououghttodie,Isays,verymad.
Icant,sayshe.
Whynot?
Itcostssomuchtodie,hesays.Why,ittakesathousandollarsto
giveaman
adecent
funeral
these
days.
Wal,Isays,amanthatcantaffordeithertoliveordieexcitesmysympathy an my caution. Youve taxed the community for yerluxuries, an now ye want to tax me for yer notes. Its unjustdiscrimination.Itgivesmeakindofalonesomefeelin.YoutellyourboyDan tocomeanseeme.Heneedsadvicemore thanyouneedmoney,anIvegotafulllineofit.
Billwent
away
richer
by
acheck
for
afew
hundred
dollars.
Oh,
Ialwaysknowwhen Im losinmoney! Imnot likeothercitizenso
Pointview.
Dan came to seeme thenextSaturdaynight.Hewasabig,blueeyed, handsome, goodnaturedboy, an dressed like the son of amillionaire.Ibroughthimheretotheoffice,anhesatdownbesideme.
Dan,Isays,
what
are
your
plans
for
the
future?
Imeantobealawyer,sayshe.
Quitit,Isays.
Why?sayshe.
There are toomany lawyers.We dont need anymore. Theyre
devourinour
substance.
Whatdoyousuggest?
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Bearealman.Wereonthevergeofasocialrevolution.Boyshavebeenleavingthefarmsangoingintothecitiestobegrandfolks.Theresult iswehave toomanygrand folksan too few real folks.The
tidehas
turned.
Get
aboard.
Idontunderstandyou.
America needswheat an corn an potatoesmore than it needsargumentsantheories.
Wouldyouhavemebeafarmer?heasked,insurprise.
Afarmer!
Isays.
Its
anew
businessan
exact
science
these
days.
Thinko thehighpricesan thecheap landwith itsproductivenessmorethandoubledbymodernmethods.Thecountry is longingforbig,brainymen towork its idle land. Soonwe shall not produceenoughforourownneeds.
ButImtoowelleducatedtobeafarmer,sayshe.
Pardonme, Isays. The land llsoakupall theeducationyouve
gotan
yell
for
more.
Its
great
need
is
education.
Weve
been
sending
thesmartboys to thecityankeeping the foolson the farm.Weveputeverythingonthefarmbutbrains.Thatswhatsthematterwiththefarm.
Butfarmingisntdignified,saysDan.
Pardonme agin, says I. Itsmore dignified to search for thesecretsoGod in thesoil than togrope for thesecretsoSatan ina
lawsuit.Any
fool
can
learn
Blackstone
an
Kent
an
Greenleaf,
but
thebookolawthatswritinthesoilisonlyforkeeneyes.
Iwantabusinessthatfitsagentleman,saysDan.
AnthefuturefarmercanbeasmuchofagentlemanasGodlllethim,saysI.Hellhaveasmanyservantsashistalentscanemploy.His incomewillexceed theearningso forty lawyers takenas theyaverage.Hispositionwillbe like thato therichplanterbefore the
war.
Well,howshallIgoaboutit?hesays,halfconvinced.
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First stop tryin tokeepupwithLizzie, says I. Theway tobeatLizzie is to go toward the other end o the road. Ye see, youvedraggedyerfatherintotherace,anhesaboutwinded.Turnaround
anlet
Lizzie
try
to
keep
up
with
you.
Second,
change
yer
base.
Go
to
a schoolofagriculturean learn thebusinessjustasyoudgo toaschoolo lawormedicine.Beginmodest.Livewithinyermeans. IfyoudorightIllbuyyouallthelandyewantanstartyegoin.
WhenheleftIknewthatIdwonmycase.Inaweekorsohesentmealettersayingthatheddecidedtotakemyadvice.
Hecametoseemeoftenafterthat.Thefirstweknewhewasgoin
withMarie
Benson.
Marie
had
areputation
for
good
sense,
but
right
awayshebegantotakeafterLizzie,anstruckatolerablygoodpace.WenttoNewYorktostudymusicanperfectherselfinFrench.
Ideclareitseemedasifabouteverygirlinthevillagewastryintobeakindofaprincesswitha fulljewelledbrain.Girlswhodidntknowanadjective fromanadverbanwouldhavebeenstuckbyasimplesum inalgebracouldconverse inFrenchansing in Italian.Notoneintenwaswillin,ifsheknewhow,tosweepafloororcook
asquare
meal.
Their
souls
were
above
it.
Their
feet
were
in
PointviewantheirheadsinDreamland.Theytalkedothedoinsothe Four Hundred an the successes o Lizzie. They trilled anwarbled; theypounded the familypiano; they golfed anmotoredan whisted; they engaged in the titivation of toy dogs an thecultivation o general debility; they ate caramels an chocolatesenoughtofillupawell;theycomplained;theydreamedosunburstsantiaraswhiletheirpapasworriedaboutnotesanbills;theylayondowny beds of ease with the last best seller, an followed the
fortunesof
the
bold
youth
until
he
found
his
treasure
at
last
in
the
unhiddenchestoftheheroine;theycreatedwhatwearepleasedtocalltheservantproblem,whichisreallythedroneproblem,causedby theaddednumberwho toilnot,buthave tobe toiled for; theygrew in fat an folly. Some were both oxeyed an peroxide.Homelinesswas to them theonlymisfortune, fat theonlyburden,andpimplesthegreatenemyofwoman.
Nowtheorgansofthehumanbodyarejustasshiftlessastheone
thatowns
em.
The
systems
o
these
fair
ladies
couldnt
do
their
own
work.Thephysicianan thesurgeonwereadded to the listo theirservants,anbecameasnecessaryasthecookanthechambermaid.ButtheywerekeepingupwithLizzie.Poorthings!Theywerentso
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muchtoblame.Theythoughttheirfatherswererich,antheirfathersenjoyed an clung to that reputation. They hid their poverty anflauntedtheflagofopulence.
It costsmoney,bigmoney anmore, to produce a generation ofinvalids.ThefathersoPointviewhadpaidforitwithsweatantoilanbrokenhealthanborrowedmoneyantheusualtaxaddedtothepriceotheirgoodsortheirlabor.ThenonenightthecashierotheFirstNationalBankblewouthisbrains.Wefoundthathehadstoleneighteenthousanddollarsintheefforttokeepup.ThatwasalessontotheLizziechasers!Why,sir,wefoundthateachofhisoldergirlshaddiamondringsancouldsinginthreelanguages,anaboywas
incollege.
Poor
man!
he
didnt
steal
for
his
own
pleasure.
Everything
went at auctionhouse, grounds, rings, automobile.Anothermanwascaughtsellinunderweightwithfixedscales,anwenttoprison.Henry Brown failed, an we found that he had borrowed fivehundreddollarsfromJohnBass,anatthesametimeJohnBasshadborrowedsixhundred fromTomRogers,anRogershadborrowedseven hundred an fifty from Sam Henshaw, an Henshaw hadborrowedthesameamountfromPercivalSmith,anSmithhadgotitfromme. The chainbroke, the note structure fell like a house o
cards,an
Iwas
the
only
loserthink
o
that.
There
were
five
capitalistsanonlyonemanwithrealmoney.
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CHAPTERII
INWHICHLIZZIERETURNSTOHERHOME,HAVINGMETA
QUEENAND
ACQUIRED
AN
ACCENT
AND
A
FIANCE
Sam Henshaws girl had graduated an gone abroad with hermother.OneSunday boutayear later,Sam flewup to thedooromyhouseinhisautomobile.Helitonthesidewalkanstruggledupthestepswithtwohundredanfortysevenpoundsomeatonhim.Hewalkedlikeamancarryinabarrelopork.Heactedasifhewasgladtoseemeanthebigarmchaironthepiaz.
Whatsthe
news?
Iasked.
Lizzieanhermothergotback thismornin,hegasped. TheyvebeensixmonthsinEurope.Lizzieisinlovewithit.Sheshobnobbedwith kings an queens. She talks artbeautiful. Iwish youd comeoveranhearherholdaconversation.Itswonderful.Shesgointobeagreatadditiontothiscommunity.Shesgotmefadedanontherun.Irandowntothestoreforafewminutesthismornin,anwhenIgotbackshesaystome:
Father,youalwayssmellohamanmustard.Haveyoubeen inthatdisgustingstore?Goantakeabahthatonce.Thatswhatshecalled itabahth.Talksjust like theEnglishpeopleshesbeenamongemsolong.GetintomycaranIlltakeyeoveranfetchyeback.
Samregardedhishumiliationwithprideanjoy.AtlastLizziehadconvinced him that her education had paid. My curiosity was
excited.Igot
in
an
we
flew
over
to
his
house.
Sam
yelled
up
the
stairwaykindojoyfulaswecome in,anhiswifeansweredatthetopothestairsansays:
Mr.Henshaw,Iwishyouwouldntshout inthishouse likeaboycallingthecows.
IguessshedidntknowIwasthere.Samranupstairsanback,anthenwe turned into thatsplendidparlorohisansetdown.Purty
soonLiz
an
her
mother
swung
in
an
smiled
very
pleasant
an
shook
handsanaskedhowwasmyfamily,etc.,anwentrightontalkin.Isaw theydidntask for thepurposeofgettin information.Lizwasdressedtokillanpurtyasapicturecheeksredasaroosterscomb
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anwaist likeahornets.Thecoverwasoffhershowcase,an therewas a diamond sunburst in themiddle of it, an thejewelsweresurroundedby charms towhich I am notwholly insensible even
now.
IwantedyetotellMr.Potteraboutyertravels,saysSam.
Lizziesmiledanlookedoutothewindowaminuteanfetchedasighanstruckout,lookinlikeDeaconBristowthedayhegivetendollars to thechurch.She toldabout thecitiesan the folksan theweatherinthatqueer,Englishwayshehadotalking>
Tellhow
ye
hobnobbed
with
the
Queen
o
Italy,
Sam
says.
Oh,father!Hobnobbed!saysshe.AnybodywouldthinkthatsheandIhadmanicuredeachothershands.Sheonlyspokeafewwordsof Italianand lookedverygraciousanbeautifulancomplimentedmycolor.
Then she layback inher chair,kindoweary,anSamaskedmehowwasbusinessjust to fill in thegap, Iguess.Lizwokeupan
showedhow
far
shed
got
ahead
in
the
race.
Business! says she, with animation. Thats why I havent anypatiencewithAmericanmen.Theyneversitdown for tenminuteswithouttalkingbusiness.Theirsoulsaresteepedincommercialism.Dontyou seehow absurd it is, father?There areplentyof lovelythingstotalkabout.
Sam looked guilty, an I felt sorry for him. It had cost heavy to
educatehis
girl
up
to
apint
where
she
could
give
him
so
much
advicean information.Theresultwasnatural.Shewasirritatedbythe large cubic capacitythe length,breadth, and thickness of hisignoranceandunrefinement;hewasdazedby the length,breadth,anthicknessofherlearninganhercharm.Hedidntsayaword.Hebowedhisheadbeforethispretty,perfumedcasketoferudition.
YoulikeEurope,Isays.
Ilove
it,
says
she,
Its
the
only
place
to
live.
There
one
finds
so
much of the beautiful in art and music and so many cultivatedpeople.
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Lizziewas a handsome girl, an hadmore sense than any o theothersthattriedtokeepupwithher.Afterall,shewasSamsfault,anSamwasasinconceivedancommittedbyhiswife,asyemight
say.She
had
made
him
what
he
was.
HaveyouseenDanPettigrewlately?Lizzieasked.
Yes.Isays.Danisgointobeafarmer.
Afarmer!saysshe,ancoveredherfacewithherhandkerchiefanshookwithmerriment.
Yes,Isays.
Dan
has
come
down
out
o
the
air.
Hes
abandoned
folly.Hewantstodosomethingtohelpalong.
Yes, of course, says Lizzie, in a loftymanner. Dan is really anexcellentboyisnthe?
Yes,anhes livinwithinhismeansthatsthefirstmilestone intheroadtosuccess,Isays.Imgointobuyhimathousandacresoland,anoneothesedayshellownitanasmuchmore.Youwait.
Hellhave
ahundred
men
in
his
employ,
an
flocks
an
herds
an
amarketofhisown inNewYork.Hellcontrolprices inthiscounty,
antheyregoindown.HellbeaforceintheState.
Theywereall sittingup.The faceso theLadyHenshawanherdaughterturnedred.
Imverygladtohearit,Imsure,saidherLadyship.
Iwasnt
so
sure
o
that
as
she
was,
an
there,
for
me,
was
the
milk
inthecocoanut.Iwasjoyful.
Why, itsperfectly lovely! saysLizzie, as she fetched herprettyhandstogetherinherlap.
Yes,youwanttocultivateDan,Isays.Hesamantobereckonedwith.
Oh,indeed!
says
her
Ladyship.
Yes,indeed!Isays,anthegirlsareallafterhim.
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Ijustguessed that. Iknew itwasunscrupulous,but livinhere inthisatmospheredoesaffectthemoralsevenofalawyer.Lizziegrewredintheface.
HecouldmarryoneotheFourHundredifhewantedto,Isays.TheothereveninghewasseeninthebigredtourincarotheVanAlstynes.Whatdoyouthinkothat?
Now thatwas true,but thechauffeurhadbeenacollege friendoDans,anIdidntmentionthat.
Lizziehadadreamysmileinherface.
Why,itswonderful!saysshe.Ididntknowhedimprovedso.
I hear that hismother is doing her own work, says the LadyHenshaw,withaforcedsmile.
Yes, thinkof it, Isays. Thewoman isearningherdailybreadactuallyhelpinherhusband.Didyoueverhearosuchathing!Illhave to scratch em off my list. Its too uncommon. It aint
respectable.
HerLadyshipbegantosuspectmeanretreatedwithherchinintheair.Shedhadenough.
I thought thatwoulddoandrewouto thegame.Lizzie lookedconfident.Sheseemedtohavesomethinguphersleevebesidesthatlovelyarmohers.
Iwent
home,
an
two
days
later
Sam
looked
me
up
again.
Then
the
secretcameoutothebag.HedheardthatIhadsomemoneyinthesavingsbanksoveratBridgeportpayinmeonlythreeandahalfpercent., an he wanted to borrow it an pay me six per cent. Hisgenerositysurprisedme.ItwasnotlikeSam.
Whats the matter with you? I asked. Is it possible that yourprofitshaveallgone intogasolineanrubberansilkaneducationanhardwoodfinishanhumanfat?
Well, itcosts somuch to live,he says, an thewholesalershavekeptliftinthepricesonme.Nowtheresthemeattrusttheirpricesareupthirtyfivepercent.
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Of course, I says, thedirectorshave tohave their luxuries.Youtaxedus foryernewhouse an yer automobile anyerdaughterseducation,an theyre taxinyou for their steamyachts anprivate
carsan
racin
stables.
You
cant
expect
to
do
all
the
taxin.
The
wholesalers learntabout theprofits thatyouanothers likeyewasmakin,antheyconcludedthattheyneededapartofem.Ofcoursetheyhadtohavetheirluxuries,antheyretaxinyoutheycouldntaffordtohaveemiftheydidnt.Dontcomplain.
Ill come out all right, he says. Im goin to raise my wholeschedulefifteenpercent.
Thepeople
wont
stand
itthey
cant,
says
I.
Youll
be
drownin
themiller.Theyllleaveyou.
Itwontdo emanygood, sayshe. BillanEphwillmake theirpricesagreewithmine.
Folkswillgobacktotheland,asIhave,saysI.
Theydontknowenough,saysSam. Farmin isa lostarthere in
theEast.
You
take
my
word
for
ittheyll
pay
our
pricestheyll
have toan the rich folks, theydontworryaboutprices. Ipayacommissiontoeverystewardanbutlerinthisneighborhood.
Iwont help you, says I. Itswicked.You ought to have savedyourmoney.
In a year from now Ill havemoney toburn, he says. For onething,mydaughterseducationisfinished,anthathascostheavy.
Howmuchwould it cost tounlearn it? I asked. Thatsgoin tocostmorethanitdidtogetit,Imfraid.Inmyopinionthefirstthingtodowithheristouneducateher.
ThatwaslikearedhotirontoSam.Itkindohethimup.
Why,sir,youdontappreciateher,sayshe.ThatgirlisfaraboveusallhereinPointview.Shesaqueen.
Well,Sam,Isays,iftheresanythingyoudontneedjustnowitsa queen. If Iwere you Iwouldnt graft that kind o fruit on thegrocerytree.Hams an coronets dont flourish on the samebush.
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They have a different kind of abouquet. They dont harmonize.Then,Sam,whatdoyouwantofagirlthatsfaraboveye?Isitanycomforttoyoutobedespisedinyourownhome?
Mr.Potter, I havent educated her formy ownhome or for thiscommunity,butforhigherthings,saysSam.
Youhairyoldass!The firstyouknow, I says, theyllhaveyourskinoffanlayinonthefrontpiazforadoormat.
Samstarted for theopenair. Ihated tobehashwithhim,butheneeded some education himself, an it took abeetle anwedge to
openhis
mind
for
it.
He
lifted
his
chin
so
high
that
the
fat
swelled
outonthebackofhisneckanunbuttonedhiscollar.Thenheturnedansaid: Mydaughter istoogood for this town,an Idont intendthat she shall stay here. She has been asked tomarry aman ofortuneintheoldcountry.
So I surmised,an I supposeyou find that thepriceohusbandshasgoneup,Isays.
Samdidnt
answer
me.
Theywantyou to settle somemoney on the girldont they? Iasked.
Mywifesaysitsthecustomintheoldcountry,saysSam.
Supposeheaintworththeprice?
Theysay
hes
asplendid
fellow,
says
Sam.
You letme investigate him, I says, an if hes reallyworth thepriceIllhelpyetopayit.
Samsaidthatwasfair,anthankedmefortheoffer,angavemetheyoungmansaddress.HewasaRussianby thenameofAlexanderRolanoff,anSam insisted thathebelonged toaveryold familyoflargemeansannobleblood,ansaidthattheyoungmanwouldbe
inPointview
that
summer.
Iwrote
to
the
mayor
of
the
city
in
which
hewassaidtolive,butgotnoanswer.
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Alexandercame.Hewasacostlyanbeautifulyoungman,aboutthirtyyearsold,with redcheeksancurlyhairanpolished fingernails, anwrotepoetry. Sometimesyemeet aman that excitesyer
worstsuspicions.
Your
right
hand
no
sooner
lets
go
o
his
than
it
slidesdown into yourpocket to see if anything has happened; ormaybeyoutakethearmoyerwifeoryerdaughteranwalkaway.Aleck leaneda little inbothdirections.But, sir,Samdidnt care toknowmy opinion of him.Never said anotherword tome on thesubject,butcameagaintoaskaboutthemoney.
Lookhere,Sam,Isays. YoutellLizziethat Iwanttohavea talkwithheratfouroclockinthisoffice?Ifshereallywantstobuythis
man,Ill
see
what
can
be
done
about
it.
Allright,youtalkwithher,sayshe,anwentout.
InafewminutesDanshowedup.
HaveyouseenLizzie?saysI.
Nottospeaktoher,saysDan.Looksfine,doesntshe?
Beautiful!Isays.HowisMarieBenson?
Oh, the second time Iwent to seeher shewas trying tokeepupwith Lizzie, says he. Shes changed her gait.Was going toNewYorkaftera lotonew frills. IsupposeshethoughtthatIwantedagrandlady.Thatsthetroublewithallthegirlshere.Amanmightaswellmarry the real thing as an imitation. IwishLizziewouldgetdownoffherhighhorse.
Shes goin to swap him for one with still longer legs, I says.Lizzieisengagedtoagentlemanofortuneintheoldcountry.
Dansfacebegantostretchoutlongasifitwasmadeofinjyrubber.
Itstoobad,sayshe.Lizzieisagoodheartedgirl,ifsheisspoilt.
Finegirl!Isays.An,Dan,Iwasinhopesthatshewoulddiscover
herown
folly
before
it
was
too
late.
But
she
saw
that
others
had
beguntopushherintheraceanthatshehadtoletoutanotherlinkorfallbehind.
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Well,Iwishherhappiness,saysDan,withasigh.
Goantellherso,Isays.Showherthatyouhavesomecareasto
whethershe
lives
or
dies.
Icouldseethathisfeelinshadbeenhonedtiltheyweresharpasarazor.
Iveseenthatfellow,hesays,anhellnevermarryLizzieifIcanprevent it. I hate the looks of him. I shall improve the firstopportunityIhavetoinsulthim.
Thatmight
be
impossible,
Isuggested.
ButIllmaketheeffort,saysDan.
Asan insulter Iwouldntwonder ifDanhad largecapacitywhenproperlystirredup.
Betterlethimalone.Ihavelinesoutthatwillbringinformation.Bepatient.
Danroseandsaidhewouldseemesoon,anleftwitharathersternlookinhisface.
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CHAPTERIII
INWHICHLIZZIEDESCENDSFROMAGREATHEIGHT
Lizziewasonhandatthehourappointed.Wesatdownhereallbyourselves.
Lizzie, I says, why in the world did you go to Europe for ahusband? Its a slight to Pointviewa discouragement of homeindustry.
Therewasnobodyherethatseemedtowantme,shesays,blushin
verysweet.
Shehaddroppedherprincessmanneranseemed tobe ready forstraighttalk.
Ifthatsso,Lizzie,itsyourfault,Isays.
Idontunderstandyou,saysshe.
Why,my
dear
child,
its
this
way,
Isays.
Your
mother
an
father
havemeantwell,buttheyvebeenfoolish.Theyveeducatedyouforamillionairess,anallthatslackinisthemillions.Youoverawedtheboys here in Pointview. They thought that you felt above em,whetheryoudidornot;antheboysonFifthAvenueweregladtoplaywith you,but theydidnt care tomarry you. I say it kindly,Lizzie,an Ima friendoyer fathers,anyoucanafford to letmesaywhatImean.Thoseyoungfellowswantedthemillionsaswellasthemillionairess.Oneofourboys fell in lovewithye an tried to
keepup,
but
your
pace
was
too
hot
for
him.
His
father
got
in
trouble,
an the boy had to drop out. Everywellborn girl in the villageentered the race with ye. An era of extravagance set in thatthreatened the solvency, the honor, o this sober old community.Their fathers had toborrowmoney to keep agoin. Theyworkedovertime, they importuned their creditors, they wallowed in lowfinancewhiletheirdaughtersrevelledinthehigherwalksolifeansang in different languages. Even your fatherI tell you inconfidence,forIsupposehewouldnthavethecouragetodoitis
infinancial
difficulties.
Now,
Lizzie,
Iwant
to
be
kind
to
you,
for
Ibelieveyoureagoodgirlatheart,butyouought toknow thatall
thisiswhatyouraccomplishmentshaveaccomplished.
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Sheroseanwalkedacrosstheroom,withtrembling lips.Shehadseizedherparachuteanjumped fromherballoonandwas slowlyapproachin the earth. I kept her comin, These clothes anjewels
thatyou
wear,
Lizziethese
silks
an
laces,
these
sunbursts
an
solitairesdont seem to harmonize with your fathers desire toborrowmoney.Pardonme,but Icantmake em lookhonest.Theyarenotpaid foror if theyare theyarepaid forwithothermensmoney.Theyseemtoaccuseyou.TheydaccusemeifIdidntspeakoutplaintoye.
AllofasuddenLizziedropped intoachairanbegan tocry.Shehadlitsafelyontheground.
Itmademefeellikeamurderer,butithadtobe.Poorgirl!Iwantedtopickherup likeababyankissher. Itwasnt that I lovedLizzieless but Rome more. She wasnt to blame. Every spoilt womanstandsforafoolman.Mostothemneednotamasterbutafrankcounsellor.Ilockedthedoor.Shegrewcalmanleanedonmytable,her face coveredwithherhands.My clock shouted the seconds inthesilence.Notawordwassaidfortwoorthreeminutes.
Ihave
been
brutal,
Isays,
by
an
by.
Forgive
me.
Mr.Potter,shesays, youvedonemeagreatkindness. Illneverforgetit.WhatshallIdo?
Well,foronething,saysI,gobacktoyouroldsimplicityanlivewithinyourmeans.
Illdo it,shesays; butIIsupposedmy fatherwasrich.Oh, I
wishwe
could
have
had
this
talk
before!
Didyouknow thatDanPettigrewwas in lovewithyou? Iput itstraightfromtheshoulder.Hewouldntdaretellye,butyououghtto know it. You are regarded as a kind of a queen here, an itscustomaryforqueenstobeapproachedbyambassadors.
Herfacelightedup.
Inlove
with
me?
she
whispered.
Why,
Mr.
Potter,
Inever
dreamed of such a thing. Are you sure? How do you know? Ithoughthefeltaboveme.
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Anhethoughtyoufeltabovehim,Isays.
Howabsurd!howunfortunate!shewhispered. Icouldntmarry
himnow
if
he
asked
me.
This
thing
has
gone
too
far.
Iwouldnt
treat
anymanthatway.
YouareengagedtoAlexander,areyou?Isays.
Well, there is a sort of understanding, and I thinkwe are tobemarriedifif
Shepaused,andtearscametohereyesagain.
Youarethinkingothemoney,saysI.
Iamthinkingothemoney,saysshe.Ithasbeenpromisedtohim.Hewillexpectit.
Doyouthinkheisanhonestman?Willhetreatyouwell?
Isupposeso.
Then letme talkwith him. Perhaps hewould take youwithoutanythingtoboot.
Pleasedontproposethat,saysshe.Ithinkhesgettingtheworstofitnow.Mr.Potter,wouldyoulendmethemoney?IaskitbecauseIdontwantthefamilytobedisgracedorMr.Rolanofftobebadlytreated.He isto invest themoney inmyname inaverypromisingventure.Hesayshecandoubleitwithinthreemonths.
Itwould havebeen easy forme to laugh,but I didnt. Lizziesattitude in thewholematterpleasedme. I saw thatherheartwassound.Ipromisedtohaveatalkwithherfatherandseeheragain.Ilookedintohisaffairscarefullyandputhimonanewfinancialbasiswithaloanoffifteenthousanddollars.
Onedayhecamearound tomyofficewithAlexanderanwantedmetodrawupacontractbetweenhimantheyoungman.Itwasa
rathercrude
proposition,
an
Ilaughed,
an
Aleck
sat
with
abored
smileonhisface.
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Oh,ifhesgoodenoughforyourdaughter,Isaid,hiswordoughttobegoodenoughforyou.
Thatsall
right,
says
Sam,
but
business
is
business.
Iwant
it
down
inblackanwhitethatthe income fromthismoney istobepaidtomy daughter, and that neither o them shall make any furtherdemandonme.
Well, I drew that fool contract, an, after it was signed, Samdeliveredtenonethousanddollarbillstotheyoungman,whowastobecomehissoninlawthefollowingmonthwiththeassistanceofacatererandafloristandastringband,allfromNewHaven.
WithinhalfanhourDanPettigrewcameroarinup in frontomyofficeinthebigredautomobileofhisfathers.Inaminutehecameintoseeme.Heoutwithhisbusinesssoonashelitinachair.
IvelearnedthatthismanRolanoffisascoundrel,sayshe.
Ascoundrel!saysI.
Ofpurest
ray
serene,
says
he.
I put a few questions,but hed nothing in theway o proof tootteritwasonlythestatementofanewspaper.
Isthatallyouknowagainsthim?Iasked.
He wont fight, says Dan. Ive tried himIvebegged him tofight.
Well,Ivegotbetterevidencethanyouhave,Isays.Itcameafewminutesbeforeyoudid.
IshowedhimacablegramfromaLondonbarristerthatsaid:
Inquirycomplete.Themanisapureadventurer,characternil.
Wemustactimmediately,saysDan.
Ihave telephonedallover thevillage forSam, I says. They sayhesout inhiscarwithAleckanLizzie. Iasked them tosendhimhereassoonashereturns.
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Theyredownon thePostRoad Imet emonmywayhere,saysDan.Wecanovertakethatcareasy.
Well,the
wedding
day
was
approaching
an
Aleck
had
the
money,
an the thought occurred tome that he might give em the slipsomewhereontheroadangetawaywithit.Ileftwordinthestorethat ifSamgotbackbeforeIsawhimhewastowaitwithAleck inmyofficeuntil I returned, anoffwe started like abaseballon itswayfromtheboxtothecatcher.
Anofficeronhismotorcycleoverhauleduson thePostRoad.Heknewme.
Itsacaseosickness,Isays,anwereafterSamHenshaw.
Hes gone down the road an hasnt come back yet, says theofficer.
Ipassedhimatendollarbill.
Keepwithinsightofus,Isays.Wemayneedyouanyminute.
Henoddedandsmiled,anawaywewent.
Imwonderinhowwereagoin toget themoney, Isays,havintoldDanaboutit.
Illtakeitawayfromhim,saysDan.
Thatwouldntdo,saysI.
Whynot?
Whynot!says I. Youwouldntwant tobearrested forhighwayrobbery.Then, too,wemust thinkoLizzie.Poorgirl!Itsagoin tobehardonher,anyhow.Illtryabluff.Itsprobablethathesworkedthisgamebefore.Ifso,wecanrobhimwithoutviolenceanlethimgo.
Dangrew
joyful
as
we
sped
along.
Lizzieismine,hesays.Shewouldntmarryhimnow.
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He toldmehow fond theyhadbeenof eachotheruntil theygotaccomplishments anbegan to putup the price o themselves.Hesaid that in theirownestimation theyhadriz invalue likebeefan
ham,an
he
confessed
how
foolish
he
had
been.
We
were
excited
an
movinfast.
Somethingllhappensoon,hesays.
An itdid,within tenminutes fromdate.Wecouldseeabluecarhalfamileahead.
Illgoby thatol freightcaro theHenshaws,saysDan. Theyll
takeafter
me,
for
Sam
is
vain
of
his
car.
We
can
halt
them
in
that
narrowcutonthehillbeyondtheByronRiver.
We had rounded the turn at Chesterville, when we saw theHenshaw carjust ahead ofus,withAleck at thewheel anLizziebesidehimanSamonthebackseat.Isawtheperilinthesituation.
The long rivalrybetween the houses ofHenshaw an Pettigrew,reinforcedbythatoftheyoungmen,wasnearingitsclimax.
SeemegobythatoldsoapboxotheHenshaws,saysDan,ashepulledouttopassem.
ThenDan anAleckbegan a duelwith automobiles. Each had afortyhorsepowerengineinhishands,withwhichhewasresolvedtohumbletheother.DanknewthathewasgointobringdownthepriceoAlecksanHenshaws.Firstwegotahead;thentheyscrapedbyus, crumplingour fenderon thenigh side.Lizziean I lostour
hatsin
the
scrimmage.
We
gathered
speed
an
ripped
off
asection
o
theirbulwarks,anroaredalongneckanneckwithem.Thebrokenfendersrattledlikedrumsinabattle.Ahenflewupanhitmeintheface,ancamenighunhorsinme.Ihungon.ItseemedasifFatewastryin to halt us,but our horsepowerwas too high.A dogwentunderus.Itbegantorainalittle.WewerealengthaheadattheturnbytheByronRiver.Weswungforthebridgeanskiddedanstruckatelephonepole,anIwentrightonoverthestonefenceantheclaybankan litonmyhead in thewater.DanPettigrew litbesideme.
Thencame
Lizzie
an
Samthey
fairly
rained
into
the
river.
Ilooked
up to see ifAleckwas comin,buthewasnt.Sam,bein soheavy,hadstoppedquickeranhitinshallowwaterneartheshore,but,asluckwouldhaveit,thebottomwassoftanhehadcomedownfeet
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foremost,anabroken legan somebadbruiseswereallhe couldboastof.Lizziewasinhysterics,butseemedtobeunhurt.DananIgot em out on the shore, an left em cryin side by side, an
scrambledup
the
bank
to
find
Aleck.
He
had
aimed
too
low
an
hit
thewall, anwas stunned, an apparently, for the time,dead as aherrin on the farther side of it. I removed the ten onethousanddollarbills from his person to prevent complications an tenderlylaidhimdown.Thenhecametoverysudden.
Stop!hemurmured.Yourerobbinme.
Well, you begun it, I says. Dont judge me hastily. Im a
philanthropist.Im
goin
to
leave
you
yer
liberty
an
ahundred
dollars. You take it an get. If you ever return to Connecticut Illarrestyouatsight.
Igavehimthemoneyancalledtheofficer,whohadjustcomeup.Atravellerinalargetourincarhadhaltednearus.
PuthimintothatcarantakehimtoChesterville,Isaid.
Helimped
to
the
car
an
left
without
aword.
Ireturnedtomyfriendsangentlybrokethenews.
SamblubberedEducationdoneit,sayshe,ashemournfullyshookhishead.
Yes, I says. Education is responsible for a damned lot ofignorance.
Ansomefoolishness,saysSam,ashescrapedthemudoutofhishair. Thinkofourgoin like that.Weought tohaveknownbetter.Weknewbetter,Isays,butwehadtokeepupwithLizzie.
SamturnedtowardLizzieanmoanedinabrokenvoice,Iwishithadkilledme.
Whyso?Iasked.
Itcostssomuchtolive,Samsobbed,inahalfhystericalway.Ivegotanexpensivefamilyonmyhands.
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YouneedntbeafraidohavinLizzieonyourhands, saysDan,whoheldthegirlinhisarms.
Whatdo
you
mean?^
Sam
inquired.
Shesonmyhands an shesgoin to stay there, says theyoungman. Im in lovewithLizziemyself. Ivealwaysbeen in lovewithLizzie.
Your confession is illtimed, saysLizzie,as shepulled awayantriedtosmoothherhair.Shebegantocryagain,anadded,betweensobs:Myheartisaboutbroken,andImustgohomeandgethelpfor
mypoor
father.
Illattendtothat,saysDan;butIwarnyouthatImgointoofferaPettigrewforaHenshaweven.IfIhadamilliondollarsIdgiveitalltoboot.
Samturnedtowardme,hisfaceredasabeet.
Themoney!heshouted.Getit,quick!
Hereitis!Isaid,asIputtherollobillsinhishand.
Didyoutakeitoffhim?
Itookitoffhim.
PoorAleck!he says,mournfully, ashe counted themoney. Itskindohardonhim.
SoonwehaltedapassinautomobileangotSamup thebankanoverthewall.Itwaslikemovinapianowithsomebodyplayinonit,butwemanaged toseathimon the front flooro thecar,whichtookusallhome.
So the affair endedwithout disgrace to any one, if notwithoutviolence,andnooneknowsof thecablegramsave the fewpersonsdirectly concerned. But the price of Alecks took a big slump in
Pointview.No
hansome
foreign
gent
could
marry
any
one
in
this
village,unlessitwasachambermaidinahotel.
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Now,ifyouplease,Illclimbbackonmypedestal,hesaid.
ThankGod!Lizziebegan toriseabovehereducation.Shewent to
workin
her
fathers
store,
an
the
whole
gang
o
Lizzie
chasers
had
to change their gait again. She organized our prosperous youngladies cluba model of its kindthe purpose of which is thepromotion of simple livin an a taste for usefulwork. They havefairs in the churches, an I distribute a hundred dollars in cashprizesfive dollars each for the best exhibits o pumpkinpie,chickenpie,bread,rolls,coffee,roastturkey,plainanfancysewin,ansoon.Onebyonethegirlsaretakinholdwithusanlettingoothegrandlife.Theyvebeguntotakeholdothebroomanthedish
cloth,an
the
boys
seem
to
be
takin
hold
o
them
with
more
vigor
andetermination.Theboysareconcludingthatitscheapertobuyapianoplayerthantomarryone,thatcannedprimadonnasarebetterthan the homegrown article, thatwomen aremore tobe desiredthanplaythings.
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CHAPTERIV
INWHICHTHEHAMWARHASITSBEGINNING
OnedayintheoldtimeacoupleofindustriousYankeeswerehardatwork ina field, Socrates continued. Suddenlyone said to theother:
IwishIwasworthtenthousanddollars.
Antheotherasked:
Whatwould
ye
do
with
it?
Thewisherrestedonhisshovelangavehisfrienda lookofuttercontempt.
Whatwould Idowith it?hesaid. Why,youcussed fool, Idsetdownanwithoutblaminmyself.
ByandbytheYankeegottosettindownwithoutblaminhimself,
analso
without
the
ten
thousand.
Here
in
Pointview
were
learnin
howtostandupagain,anLizzieisresponsible.Youshallhearhowithappened.
FirstImusttellyouthatDanhadbeenmakinlittleprogressinthewooinoLizzie.Nowshewasinclinedtogoslow.LizziewasfondoDan.Sheputonherbest clotheswhenhe came to seeherof aSunday.Shesang tohim,shewalkedhimabout theplacewithherarminhis,butshetenderlyrefusedtoagreetomarryhim.Whenhe
grewsentimental
she
took
him
out
among
the
cucumbers
in
the
garden.Shepermittednosuddenriseinhistemperature.
Iwillnotmarry,shesaid, until Ihavedonewhat Ican torepaymyfatherforallthathehastriedtodoforme.Imustbeuneducatedandreeducated.Itmaytakealongtime.Meanwhileyoumaymeetsomeoneyoulikebetter.Imnotgoingtopledgeyoutowaitforme.OfcourseIshallbeawfullyproudandpleased ifyoudowait,but,Dan,Iwantyoutobefree.Letsbothbefreeuntilwereready.
Itwasbully.Danpleadedwith theeloquenceofanoldfashionedlawyer.Lizziestood firmbehind thishigh fence,anshewasright.WithDan indebtanbabiescomin,whatcouldshehavedone for
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herfather?Suddenlyitseemedasifalltheyoungmenhadbeguntotake an interest in Lizzie, an, to tell the truth, shewas about theneatest, sweetest little myrmidon of commerce that ever wore a
whiteapron.
The
light
of
true
womanhood
had
begun
to
shine
in
her
face.Shekept thestore inapplepieorder,aneverybodywaswelltreated. Thebusiness grew. Sambought a small farm outside thevillage with crops in, anmoved there for the summer. Soon hebegan to letdownhisprices.The combinewasbroken. Itwas thethingwehadbeenwaitinfor.Peopleflockedtohisstore.Theotherscamedown,buttoolate.Samheldhisgain,anLizziewasthepowerbehind the fat.Dan finishedhis course inagriculture an Iboughthimafarm,anhewenttoworkthere,buthespenthalfhistimein
thestore
of
his
father
tryin
to
keep
up
with
Lizzie.
Suddenly
Dan
startedahamwar.Hecutthepriceofhamsfivecentsapound.Hamwas one of our great staples, an excitement ran high. Lizzie cutbelowhimtwocentsapound.Dancutthepriceagain.Lizziemadeno effort tomeet this competition. The price had gonebelow thewholesale rate by quite a margin. People thronged to Dansemporium.Women stood on thebattlefield, their necksblanchedwithpowder,theircheeksbearintheredbadgeocourage,aneverymanyoumethadaham inhishand.ThePettigrewwagonhurried
hitheran
thither
loaded
with
hams.
Even
the
best
friends
of
Sam
an
LizziewereseeninDansstorebuyinhams.Theylaidinastockforallwinter.SuddenlyDanquitanrestoredhispricetotheoldfigure.Lizziecontinuedtosellatthesameprice,anwasjustascheerfulasever. She hadwon the fight, an yewouldnt think that anythingunusualhadhappened;butwaitansee.
Everydayboysangirlsweredroppinoutothecloudsangointowork tryin tokeepupwithLizzie.Thehammocks swung limp in
thebreeze.
The
candy
stores
were
almost
deserted,
an
those
that
sat
bythefountainswerefew.Wewerelearninhowtostandup.
OnedayDancameintomyofficealloutogear.Helookedsoreandiscouraged.Ididntwonder.
Whatsthematternow?Isays.
IdontbelieveLizziecaresforme.
Howsthat?Isays.
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Last Sunday she was out riding with Tom Bryson, an everySundayafternoonIfindhalfadozenyoungfellowsupthere.
Well,ye
know,
Lizzie
is
attractive,
an
she
aint
ourn
yitnot
just
yit, Isays. Ifyoungmencome to seehershesgot tobepolite toem.Youwouldntexpecthertotakeabroomanshooemoff?
ButIdonthaveanythingtodowithothergirls.
Anyourejealousasahornet, I says. Lizziewantsyou tomeetother girls.When Lizziemarries itwillbe for life. Shellwant toknow that you love her an only her.You keep right on tryin to
catchup
with
Lizzie,
an
dont
be
worried.
Hestoppedstrappin the razorofhisdiscontent,but leftmewithunhappy looks.Thatveryweek Isawhim ridinaboutwithMarieBensoninhisfathersmotorcar.
Soonabeautifulthinghappened.Ihavetoldyouofthemelancholyendof thecashierofoneofour localbanks.Well, in timehiswifefollowed him to the cemetery. Shewas adistant relative of Sams
wife,an
afriend
of
Lizzie.
We
found
easy
employment
for
the
older
children,anLizzieinducedherparentstoadopttwothatwerejustoutof theirmothersarmsagirlofoneanaboyof threeyears. Isuggested toLizziethat itseemedtomeaseriousundertaking,butshefeltthatsheoughttobeawfullygoodbywayofatonementforthefollyofherpastlife.Itwasneartheendoftheyear,anIhappento know that when Christmas came a little sack containing fivehundreddollars ingoldwasdeliveredatSamHenshawsdoor forLizzie froma sourceunknown toher.Thatpaid for thenurse,an
easedthe
situation.
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CHAPTERV
INWHICHLIZZIEEXERTSANINFLUENCEONTHEAFFAIRS
OFTHE
RICH
AND
GREAT
AyearafterSocratesPotterhadtoldofthedescentofLizzie,andthesuccessfulbeginningofhernewlife,Icalledagainathisoffice.
HowisPointview?Iasked.
Did ye ever learn how it happened tobe called Pointview? heinquired.
No.
Well, it began with a little tavern with a taproom called thePointviewHouse,agreatmanyyearsago.Travellersusedtostopanlook around for the Point, an, of course, they couldnt see it, fortheresnonehere;at least,nopointof land.Theydgo inanorderdrinksansay:
Landlord,wheres
the
point?
An the landlordwould say: Well,boys, if you aint in a hurryyoullprobablyseeitpurtysoon.
Allatonceitwouldappeartoem,anitwasapttobeanamusinbitoscenery.
Wevealwaysbeenquicktoseeapointhere,ananxioustoshowit
toother
people.
Heleanedbackandlaughedasonefootsoughtthetopofhisdesk.
Ourballoons rise from everywalk o life an come down out oballast, he went on. Many of em touch ground in the greatfinancialaviationpark that surroundsWallStreet. Inour stagesofrecoverythepowerofLizziehasbeenwidelyfelt.
Upwent
his
other
foot.
Isaw
that
the
historical
mood
was
upon
him.
Talkabout tryin to cross theAtlantic in anairshipwhy, thatsconservative, he continued. Right here in the eastern part o
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Connecticut lives amanwho set out for the vicinity of themoonwithalargecompanyajointstockcompanyinhislifeboat.Firsthemadethejourneywiththehotairshipofhismind,ancameback
withmillions
in
the
hold
of
his
imagination.
Then
he
thought
hed
experimentwith a corporation of his friendshis surplus friends.Theygotinonthegroundfloor,angotoutinthesky.Mostofemwerethrownoverforballast.TheWellmanofthisenterpriseescapedwith his life an a littlewreckage.HewasMr. Thomas RobinsonBarrow,anhe came to consultmeabouthisaffairs.Theywere inbadshape.
Sellyourbighouseanyourmotorcars,Iurged.
Thatwouldhavebeeneasy,heanswered,butLizziehasspoiltthemarketforluxuries.YourememberhowshegothighnotionsupattheSmytheschool,anbegana lifeofextravagance,anhowwealltriedtokeepupwithher,anhowtherococoarchitecturebrokeoutlikepimplesonthefaceofConnecticut?
Ismiledannodded.
Well,it
was
you,
Ihear,
that
helped
her
back
to
earth
and
started
her in thesimpleton life.Since thenshehasbeengoingjustas fast,but in theoppositedirection,andwerestill tryin tokeepupwithher.Now I found amanwhowasgoing tobuymyproperty,butsuddenlyhiswifedecided that theywouldgetalongwithamoremodestoutfit.ShestryingtokeepupwithLizzie.Folksaregettingwise.
Whydontyou?
Cant.
Whynot?
BecauseImabornfool.Werefettered;wereprisonersofluxury.
OnlyanightortwobeforeIhadseenhiswifeatareceptionwitharopeofpearls inher rigginana searchlightodiamondsonher
forwarddeck
an
atiara
boom
de
ay
at
her
masthead
an
the
flags
of
opulenceflyinforeanaft.
IfIwereyou,Isaid,Idselleverythingeventhejewels.
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Mypoorwife!heexclaimed.Ihaventthehearttotellherall.Shedontknowhowhardupweare!
Iwouldnt
neglect
her
education
if
Iwere
you,
Isaid.
Theres
akindness,youknow,thatsmostunkind.Someday Ishallwritean
article on the use an abuse of tiaraspoor things! It isnt fair tooverworkthefamilytiara.Isuggestthatyougetagoodsizedtrunkanlockitupwiththeotherjewelsforavacation.Ifnecessaryyourhousecouldbevisitedbyaburglarthat is, ifyouwanted tosavethefeelinsofyourwife.
Heturnedwithapuzzledlookatme.
Isitpossiblethatyouhaventheardofthattrick?Iaskedamanofyourtalents!
Heshookhishead.
Why,thesedays,ifamanwishestodivorcethefamilyjewelsanisafraidofhiswife,thehouseisalwaysenteredbyaburglar.Mydearsir,theburglar isaneverpresenthelp intimeoftrouble.Itsapity
thatwe
have
no
Gentlemans
Home
Journal
in
which
poor
but
deservinhusbandscouldfindencouragementaninspiration.
Helookedatmeanlaughed.
Supposeyouengageatrustyandreliableburglar?heproposed.
Theresonlyoneintheworld.Isaid.
Whois
it?
ThomasRobinsonBarrow.Ofcourse,ImnotsayinthatifIneededaburglarhesjustthemanIshouldchoose,butforthisjobhestheonlyreliableburglar.Tryhim.
Heseemedtobehighlyamused.
Butitmightbedifficulttofoolthepolice,hesaid,inaminute.
Well, it isnt absolutely necessary, you know, I suggested. TheChiefofPoliceisafriendofmine.
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Good!Imengagedforthisjob,andwillsellthejewelsandturnthemoneyovertoyou.
Ido
not
advise
thatnot
just
that,
Isaid.
Well
retire
them
from
active life.Atiara in thesafe isworth two in theTitianbush.Wellusethemforcollateralangotodoinbusiness.Whenwevepaidthedebts in full well redeem the goods an return them to youroverjoyedwife.WelllaunchourtiaraontheMarcelwaves.
Tom was delighted with this plannot the best, perhapsbut,anyhow, itwould save hiswife from reproach, an I dont knowwhat would have happened if she had continued to dazzle an
enragehis
creditors
with
the
pearls
an
the
tiara.
Itwillnotbesoeasy tosell thehouse,Tomwenton. Thatsourworstmillstone. Itwasbuilt for large hospitality, andwe have agoodmany friends,and theycomeeveryweekandjumpon to themillstone.
Ifonehastohaveamillstoneheshouldchooseitwithdiscretion,Isaid. Itdoesntpay to get one that is too inviting.Youll have to
swimaround
with
yours
for
awhile,
and
watch
your
chance
to
slip
it
on to some other fellows neck.You dontwant your son tobe amillstonaire.Somedayamanofmillionsmay find itacomfortablefit,anrelieveyou.Theyrebuyinplacesallabouthere.
Tomleftanbeganworkonourprogramme.Theburglarywaswellexecutedanadvertised.Itachievedafairamountofpublicitynottoomuch,youknow,butenough.TheplacewasphotographedbythereporterswiththeplacardForSaleshowinplainlyonthefront
lawn.The
advertisin
was
worth
almost
as
much
as
the
diamonds.
Tomsaidthathiswifehadlostweightsincethesadevent.
Of course, I said. You cant take ten pounds ofjewelry from awomanwithout reducinherweight. Shemusthavehad apintodiamonds.
Pictures an glowin accounts of the villawereprinted in all thepapers,ansoonamillionairewrotethatitwasjusttheplacehewas
lookinfor.
Iclosed
the
deal
with
him.
It
was
Bill
Warburton,
who
usedtogotoschoolwithmeupthereonthehills.HehadlongbeendreaminofahomeinPointview.
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TheyusedtosaythatBillwasafool,butheprovedanalibi.WentWestyearsagoanmadeafortune,anthought itwouldbenicetocome back an finish his life where it began, near the greatest
Americancity.
Idrew
the
papers,
an
Bill
an
Igot
together
often
an
talkedoftheoldhappydays,nowglimmeringinthefarpastsomethirtyfiveyearsaway,
Well, theyenlarged thehousethatwasalreadybigenough forahotelanbuiltstablesankennelsanpheasantyardsanhousesforducksangeeseanpeacocks.Theystockedupwithfourteenhorses,twelve hounds, nine collies, four setters, nineteen servants,innumerable fowls, an fourmotorcars, an started in pursuit o
happiness.
You see, theyhadno children,anall thesebeastsanbirdswereintended to supply the deficiency in human life, an assist in thecampaign.Well,somehow, itdidntsucceed,anonedayBillcameintomy officewith aworried look.He confided tome thewellknownfactthathiswifewasnervousandunhappy.
Thedoctorsdontdoheranygood,anIthoughtIdtryalawyer,
saidhe.
Doyouwant to sueFate fordamagesor indicther formaliciouspersecution?Iasked.
Neither,hesaid,butyouknowthe lawsofnatureaswellasthelawsofmen.Iappealtoyoutotellmewhatlawmywifehasbroken,andhowshecanmakeamends.
Yousurprise
me,
Isaid.
You
an
the
madame
can
have
everything
youwant,anstillyoureunhappy.
Whatcanwehave thatyoucant?Youcaneatasmuch,ansleepbetter,anwearasmanyclothes,anseeanhearaswellaswecan.
Ah,butinthematterofqualityImwaybehindtheflag,Bill.Youcanwearclothogold,anRussiansables,anhavechampagneanterrapineverymeal,an fiddlers toplaywhileyeeat it,anabrass
bandto
march
around
the
place
with
ye,
an
splendid
horses
to
ride,
andogs to roaronaheadanattract theattentionof thepopulace.You canhavea lotofbankruptnoblemen to rubanmanicureanadulateanchiropodizeye,anpeoplewhodhavetolaughatyour
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wit or look for another job, an authors to read from their ownworks
Billinterrupted
with
agentle
protest:
Soc,
how
comforting
you
are!
Well,ifallthatislosinitscharm,whatsthematterwithtravel?
Dont talk tomeabout travel, saidBill. Weveworn ruts in theearthnow.Ourfeethavetouchedeveryland.
Howmanymealsdoyoueataday?
Three.
Trysix,Isuggested.
Helaughed,anIthoughtIwasmakinprogress,soIkepton.
Howmanymotorcarshaveye?
Four.
Get eight, I advised, as Bill put on the loud pedal. Youve gotnineteenservants, Ibelieve, try thirtyeight.Youhavetwentyonedogsgetfortytwo.Youcanaffordit.
Come,beserious,saidBill.Dontpokefunatme.
Ah!butyourwifemustbeabletoprovethatshehasmoredogsan
horsesan
servants
an
motor
cars,
an
that
she
eats
more
meals
in
aday thananyotherwoman inConnecticut.Then,maybe, shellbe
happy.Youknowitsawomansambitiontoexcel.
Wehave toomany fool thingsnow, saidBill,mournfully. SheshadenoughofthemGodknows!
SomethinginBillsmannermademesitupandstareathim.
Ofcourse,
you
dont
mean
that
she
wants
another
husband!
Iexclaimed.
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Im not so sure of that, said Bill, sadly. Sometimes Im almostinclinedtothinkshedoes.
Well,thats
one
direction
in
which
Ishould
advise
strict
economy,
saidI.Youcanmultiplythedogsanthehorses,antheservantsanthemotorcars,butinthematterowivesanhusbandsweoughttosticktothesimplelife.DontlethergotocompetingwiththoseFifthAvenueladies.
I dont know whats the matter, Bill went on. Shes hadeverything that her heart couldwish. But, of course, she has hadonlyonehusband,andmostofher friendshavehad twoor three.
Theyveoutmarried
her.
It
may
be
that,
secretly,
shes
just
alittle
annoyed about that.Many of her old friends are consumedwithenvy;theirbonesarerottenwithit.Theysmileuponher;theyaccepther hospitality; they declare their love, and they long for herdownfall.Now,mywifehasacertainprideandjoy inall this,but,naturally, itbreeds a senseof lonelinessthebitter loneliness thatonemayfindonlyinacrowd.Sheturnsmoreandmoretome,and,betweenourselves,sheseemstohavemadeuphermindthatIdontloveher,andIcantconvinceherthatIdo.
Well,Bill,Ishouldguessthatyouhavealwaysbeenfondofyourwifeandtruetoher.
Andyouareright,saidBill.Ivelovedwithallmyheartandwitha conscience. Itsmy onlypride, for, of course, Imighthavebeengay.InsocietyIenjoyareputationforfirmness.Itisnoidleboast.
Well,Bill,youcantdoanythingmoreforherinthematteroffood,
raiment,beasts,
or
birds,
an
as
to
jewelry
she
carries
apretty
heavy
stock. I often feel the need of smoked glasseswhen I look at her.Youllhavetomakeupyourmindastowhethersheneedsmoreorless. Ill study the situationmyself. Itmaybe that I can suggestsomethingbyandbyjustasamatteroffriendship.
Yourcommonsensemaydiscernwhatisneeded,saidBill.Iwishyoud come at least once a week to dinner. My wife would bedelighted,tohaveyou,Soc.Youareoneofthefewmenwhointerest
her.
Shewasaprettywoman,distinguishedforalookofwearinessandamortalfearoffat.Shehaddonenothingsohardansolong,that,to
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her,nothingwasall therewas in theworldsave fat. Shewas sobusyabout it thatshecouldntsitstillanrest.Shewandered fromonechairtoanother,smokinacigarette,annowandthenglancin
ather
image
in
amirror
an
slyly
feelin
her
ribs
to
see
if
she
had
gained flesh thatday.She likedmebecause Iwasunlikeanyothermanshehadmet.Ipokedfunatherfollyanallthegrandeuroftheplace. Iamusedherasmuchassheamusedme,perhaps.Anyhow,wegottobegoodfriends,anthenextSundaywealldroveoutinamotorcar to see Lizzie.Mrs. Billwanted tomeet her. Lizzie hadbecome famous. Shewaswalkin up an down the lawnwith theinfant in aperambulator, an the smallboy toddling alongbehindher.WeleftMrs.BillwithLizzieanthekids,ansetoutforatramp
overthe
big
farm.
When
we
returned
we
found
the
ladies
talkin
earnestlyinthehouse.
BeforeweleftIcalledLizzieasideforaminute.
Howdoyougetalongwiththesebabies?Iasked.
Theyre the life of our home.My father andmother think theycouldntlivewithoutthem.
Antheyregoodpracticeforyou,Isuggested.Itstimeyouwereplanninforyourself,Lizzie.
Ivenoprospects,saidshe.
Howisthat?
Why,theresonlyoneboythatIcarefor,anhehashadenoughof
me.
YoudontmeanDan?
Yes,shewhisperedwithtremblinglips,anturnedaway.
Whatsthematter?
Shepulledherself togetherananswered inhalfamoment: Oh, I
dontknow!
He
doesnt
come
often.
He
goes
around
with
other
girls.
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Well, I said, its the sameol story.Hesonly tryin tokeepupwithLizzie.Youvedonesomegoinaroundyourself.
Iknow,
but
Icouldnt
help
it.
Heknows,anhecouldnthelp it, Isays. Theboyshave flockedaroundyou,anthegirlshaveflockedaroundDan.Theywereafraidhed get lonesome. If Iwere you Id put amortgage on him anforecloseitassoonaspossible.
Itstoolate,saysshe.Ihearhesmortgaged.
Youdbetter
search
the
records,
Isays,
an
if
it
aint
so,
stop
bein
careless.Youveputyerfatheronhisfeet.Nowlookoutforyerself.
Ithinkhesangryonaccountofthehamwar,saysshe.
Whydoyouthinkthat?
Shetoldmethefacts,anIlaughedtilthetearscametomyeyes.
Nonsense,Isays,
Dan
will
like
that.
You
wait
til
Itell
him,
an
hellbeupherewithhisthrottlewideopen.
DoyousupposehedspendChristmaswithus?sheasked,withaverysoberlook.Youknow,hismotheranfatherhavegoneSouth,anhellbeallalone.
Askhimatoncecallhimonthephone,Iadvised,anbadehergoodbye.
ThehappinessoLizzieanthecharmothosekidshadsuggestedanidea.ImadeupmymindthatIdtrytoputMr.anMrs.BillonthejobokeepinupwithLizzie.
Thatsawonderfulwoman, saidMrs.Bill,aswedroveaway. Ienvy hershes so strong and well and happy. She loves thosebabies,andisinthesaddleeveryafternoon,helpingwiththeworkothefarm.
Whydontyougetintothesaddleandbeaswellandstrongassheis?Billasked.
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BecauseIvenoobjectitsonlyawayofdoingnothing,saidMrs.Bill. Imweary of riding for exercise. There neverwas a humanbeingwhocouldkeepituplong.Itslikeyouandyourdumbbells.
Tomy
knowledge
you
havent
set
afoot
in
your
gymnasium
for
amonth.Asamatteroffact,youreastiredofplayasIam,everybit.
WhydontyougointoWallStreetangetpoor?
Tiredofplay!Billexclaimed. Why,Grace,nightbefore lastyouwereplayingbridgeuntilthreeoclockinthemorning.
Well,itsawayofdoingnothingskilfullyandonthecompetitiveplan,saidshe.Itgivesmeachancetomeasuremycapacity.WhenI
getthrough
Iam
so
weary
that
often
Ican
go
to
sleep
without
thinking.Itseemstomethatbrainsareagreatnuisancetoonewhohas no need of them. Of course, byandby, theyll atrophy anddisappear likethetailsofourancestors.Meanwhile,Isupposetheyareboundtogetsore.Mineissuchafierce,illbred,impudentsortofabrain,anditsasbusyasabat inabelfry.Ioftenwish thatIhadoneofthosesoft,flexible,paralytic,cockerspanielbrains,likethatofourfriendMrs.Seavey.Sheissohappywithitsounterrified.Sheisequallyathomeinbedoronhorseback,readingthelastbestseller
orpouring
tea
and
compliments.
Now
just
hear
how
this
brain
of
mineisgoingonaboutthatpoor,inoffensivecreature!Butthatsthewayittreatsme.Itsaperfectheathenofabrain.
BillanIlookedateachotheranlaughed.Hertalkconvincedmeofonethingthathertroublewasnotthelackofabrain.
Yourealwaysmaking funofme,she said. Whydontyougivemesomethingtodo?
Supposeyouwashthedishes?saidBill.
Woulditpleaseyou?
Anythingthatpleasesyoupleasesme.
Isaw thatshe, too,wasgoin to try tokeepupwithLizzie,an IdecidedthatIdhelpher.Whenwearrivedatthevillawemadeour
wayto
its
front
door
through
apack
of
collie
dogs
out
for
an
airing.
Bytheway,Isaid,whenwesatdowntoluncheonatBillshouse,congratulateme.Imacandidatefornewhonors.
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Thoseofahusband?Ivebeenhopingforthatyoustubbornoldbachelor.saidMrs.Bill,expectantly.
No,Ianswered,
Im
to
be
afather.
Billputdownhisforkanturnedanstaredatme.Mrs.Billleanedbackinherchairwitharedlookofsurprise.
Thegladdest,happiestpapainConnecticut,Iadded.
Mrs.Billcoveredherfacewithhernapkinanbegantoshake.
SSoc.,
have
you
fallen?
Bill
stammered.
No, Iveriz, Isaid. Dontblameme,olman, Ihad todo it. Iveadoptedsomeorphans. Imgoin tohaveanorphanageon thehill;but itwill take a year to finish it. Im goin to have five children.Theyrebeauties,anIknowthatImgointolovethem.Iproposetotakethemoutoftheatmosphereofindigenceanwholesalecharity.Theyllhaveanormal,pleasanthome,anahiredmotheranmetolookafterthemthepersonaltouch,youknow.Iexpecttohavealot
offun
with
them.
Butwhataresponsibility!saidMrs.Bill.
Iknow,butIfeeltheneedofit.Ofcourseitsdifferentwithyouverydifferentyouhaveallthesedogsanhorsestoberesponsibleforantogiveyouamusement.Icouldntaffordthat.Then,too,Imalittleodd,Iguess.Icangetmorefunoutofonehappy,humansoulthanoutofallthedogsanhorsesincreation.
Butchildren!Why,theyresosubjecttosicknessandaccidentanddeath,saidMrs.Bill.
Antheyresubject,also,tohealthanlifeansafety,Ianswered.
Yes,but you knowtheyllbe getting into all kinds of trouble.Theyllworryyou.
True;but
as
for
worry,
Idont
mind
that
much,
Isaid.
My
best
days were those that were full of worry. Now, that Ive won acompetenceanmyworriesaregone,so ishalfmyhappiness.Youcant have sunshine without shadows. There was one of my
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neighborswhowastroubledwithboils.Hehadtohaveemcuredrightaway,anadoctorgavehimsomemedicinethathealedemup,buthewasworseoffthanever.Theboilsbegantodobusinessinside
ofhim,
an
he
rushed
back
to
the
doctor.
Whatsthematternow?saidthemedicalman.
OutsideImsoundasadollar,saidmyneighbor,butitseemsasifallhellhadmovedintome.
Now, caresare likeboils: itdontdo toget ridof em tooquick.Theyreoftenagreat relief to the insideofaman,an itsbetter to
haveem
on
the
surface
than
way
down
in
your
marrow.
Billanhiswifelookedintoeachotherseyesforhalfaminute,butneitherspoke.
Imgoin toaska favorofyou, Isaid. Isee that theresnobodylivinintheoldfarmhouseoutbackofthegarden.IwishyoudletmeputmylittlefamilyintoituntilIcanbuildahomeforem.
Oh,my!
Mrs.
Bill
exclaimed.
Those
children
would
be
running
all
overthelawnsandthegarden.Theyddestroymyroses.
True;but,afterall,theyremorebeautifulthantheroses,Iurged.Theyremoregraceful in form,morecharming incolor.Then, too,rosescannotlaughorweeporplay.Rosescannotlookupatyououtofeyesfullofthelightofheavenanbrighterthanyourjewels.Rosesmaydelight,buttheycannotloveyouorknowthatyoulovethem.Dearwoman,myroseswillwanderoverthelawns.Theircolorswill
beflickering
about
you,
and
the
music
of
their
voices
will
surround
thevilla somedays;but,Godknows, theyll lookbetter, farbetterthan thedogs or thebronze lions, or the roses. I shalldress themwell.
Ithinkhesright,saidBill.
Hesmostdisturbingandpersuasiveanywaythe revolutionist!saidMrs.Bill.Ifitsreallyafavortoyou,Mr.Potter,Ishallagreeto
it.But
you
must
have
atrusty
woman.
Ireally
cannot
assume
any
responsibility.
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Ithankedherandpromisedtoassumeallresponsibility,andMrs.Warburtonwastogettheoldhousereadyatonce.
Threedays
later
Idrove
to
the
villa
with
my
matron
and
the
babies.
Ratherquickwork,wasntit?Ihadntletanygrassgrowundermyplan.Whenwe litat the frontdooreveryyoungsterbrokeout inaloud hurrah of merriment. The threeyearold boybeautifulbeyondallwordsgotaboardoneofthecrouchedlionsandbegantoshout.AlittlegirlmadeagrabatthemorninggloriesonaDoriccolumn,whilehersisterhadmountedaswingingseatan tumbledto the floor.Theother twowerechattering likeparrots.Honestly, Iwasscared.IwasafraidthatMrs.Billwouldcomedownandjump
intohysterics.
Isnaked
the
boy
off
the
lions
back
and
rapped
on
him
fororder.Thematrongotbusywiththeothers.Inajiffyitseemedasif they had allbegun to wail an roar. I trembled when amaidopened the door an I sawMrs. Bill comin down the staircase. Iwouldnthavebeensurprisedtohaveseenthebronzeliongetupanrun.
The saints defend us! exclaimedMrs. Bill, in themidst of theuproar.
Theyrenotattheirbest,Ishouted,butheretheyare.
Yes, Iknew theywere there,saidMrs.Bill. This is themusicofwhichyouwerespeakingtheotherday.Takethemrightaroundtotheoldhouse,ifyouplease.Imsorry,butImustaskyoutoexcusemethismorning.
Isucceededinquellinthetumult,andintroducedthematron,who
receivedanod
an
alook
that
made
adent
in
her,
an
away
we
went
aroundthegreathouse,amelancholy,shufflingtroop,nowsilentasthe grave. It looked dark formy littlebattalionwithwhich I hadbeenhopingtoconquerthisworldwithinthevillagates.Theywereofthegreatarmyofthefriendless.
IaskedMrs.Hammond, thematron, to see that theydidas littledamageaspossible,andleftthemsurroundedbyeverycomfort.
Theyhad
atelephone
and
unlimited
credit
at
the
stores,
an
Mrs.
Hammondwasamotherly soulofmuchexperiencewith children,anIknewthatIcouldtrusther.
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Iwas todinewith theWarburtons later in theweek,anbefore IenteredthebighousethateveningIwentaroundtothe lodge.Thechildren were all well an asleep in their beds, an the matron
apparentlyhappy
an
contented.
She
said
that
Mrs.
Bill
had
met
theminthegroundsthatday,anshetoldhowthelittlethreeyearoldboyhadexertedhischarmsuponmyladyWarburton,whohadspenthalfanhourleadinghimthroughthegardens.
Howbeautiful hewas lying asleep in hisbed that evening!hisfacelike theolddreamsofEros,withsilken,yellow,curly locksonhisbrow,an longdark lashes,softas thesilkof thegrowingcorn,anaredmouth,sowonderfullycurved,soappealing initssilence.
Beneathit
were
teeth
like
carved
ivory.
Those
baby
lips
seemed
to
speaktomeandtosay:Omanthatwasbornofawoman,andlikemewashelpless,givemeyourloveorlooknotuponme!
But I could not help looking, an as I looked he smiled inwhatdreamsofthingspastortocomeIwishitwereinmetotellyou.Something touchedmelike a strong hand. Iwent outunder thetrees in the darkness an stood still an wondered what hadhappened to me. Great Scott!me! Socrates Potter, lawyer,
statesman,horse
trader!
WiththatlittlecaptainIcouldtakeacity,Iwhispered,anIgotupanbrushedmyselfoff,as itwere,anwalked around to the frontdoorofthegreathouse.
Therein Iwas towitness an amusing comedy.Thebutlerwore anewsortofgrinashetookmywrapsatthedoor.Therewereguests,mostlyfromNewYorkanGreenwich.Wehadtakenourseatsatthe
tablewhen,
to
my
surprise,
Mrs.
Bill,
in
agrand
costume,
with
atiara
onherhead,anacollarofdiamondsonherneck,begantoservethecaviar.
Ladiesandgentlemen,said she, this is toconvinceMr.SocratesPotter that I candousefulwork. Imdieting, anyhow, and I canteat.
Myfriend,Iobservethatyouareservingus,andweareproud,but
youdo
not
appear
to
be
serving
apurpose,
Isaid.
Now,dontspoilitallwithyourrelentlesslogic,shebegan.Yousee, I am going to take a hand in this keepingupwithLizzie
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business.Oneofour ladieshad togiveupadinnerpartytheotherday,becauseherbutlershadleftsuddenly.
Whydidnt
you
and
amaid
serve
the
dinner
yourselves?
Isaid.
Impossible!washerproudanswer.
Itwouldhavebeenafinelark.Iwouldhavedoneit,Isaid.
Idliketoseeyou,shelaughed.
Youshall,Ianswered,andhereIam.
Now,therewerecertainsmileswhichledmetosuspectthatitwasablowaimedatoneoftheladieswhosatatthetablewithus,butofthatIamnotsure.
Imalsogettingmyhand in,ourhostesswenton. Billand Iaregoing to trythesimple life.Tomorrowwemove into the logcabin,wherewe shalldoour ownwork, and send the servantsoff for aweeks holiday. Im going to do the cookingIvebeen learning
howandIshall
make
the
beds,
and
Bill
is
to
chop
the
wood,
and
helpwashthedishes,andweshallsleepoutofdoors.Itwill,Ihope,bealessontosomeoftheseproudpeoplearounduswhoarelivingbeyondtheirmeans.Thatsgood,isntit?
Excellent!Iexclaimed,astheotherslaughed.
Incidentally,itwillhelpmetoreduce,sheadded.
Anit
promises
to
reduce
Bill,
Isaid.
It
will
kill
Bill,
Ifear,
but
it
willpay.YoumightchangeyourplanalittleJustalittleansavepoorBill.Think of eatingbiscuit an flapjacks from the hand of asocialleader!Betweenthemillstonesofdutyandindigestionhewillbe sadly ground,butwith the axe hemay, if hewill, defend hisconstitution.
Well,whatsaconstitutionbetweenhusbandandwife?sheasked.Nothin.Isays.BearinmindIwouldntdiscourageyou.Withthe
aidof
the
axe
his
ancestors
were
able
to
withstand
the
assaults
of
porkanbeansanpie.Ifheusesitfreely,heissafe.
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Yousee,Ishallhavehiminapositionwherehemustworkordie,saidMrs.Bill.
Helldie,
said
aguest.
Icall itaworthyenterprisewhatever theexpense, Isaid. Itwillsetafashionhereanaverygoodone.Inthiscommunitytherearesomany dear ladies who are prisoners of gravitation. They relyalmostexclusivelyonhiredhandsan feet,anare losin theuseotheirown.WhatconfusionwillspreadamongthemwhentheylearnthatMrs.WilliamHenryWarburton,therichestwomaninFairfieldCounty,andthedaughterofabishop,hasbeendoinherownwork!
Whatconsternation!
What
dismay!
What
female
profanity!
What
arevisionofhabitsan resolutions!Why, theresbeennothin like it
sincethedescentofLizzie.
I think its terrible, saida fat lady fromLouisville,distinguishedfor her appetite, an often surreptitiously referred to as TheMammoth Cave of Kentucky. The idea of trying to make itfashionabletoenduredrudgery!Ithinkwewomenhaveallwecandonow.
Tobe respectable, saidMrs. Bill; but lets try to do somethingelse.
Whydont you form aLadiesProtectiveUnion,Bill suggested,anchoosethetiaraforasymbol,anstrikefornohoursadayanallyourhusbandscanearn?
Andtheemploymentofskilledidlersonly,Mrs.Billputin.They
mustall
know
how
to
do
nothing
in
the
modern
wayby
discussing
therightsofwomenandthenoveloflust,andthedivorcespastandprospective,byplayingatbridgeandbenevolence.Howabsurditallis!Imnotgoingtobeanovergrownchildanylonger.
Isaw thatMrs.Billwasmakinprogress,anwithherassistance Ibegantohopeforbetterthingsinthatneighborhood.
Youvegottoreachthewomensomehow,yousee,beforeyoucan
improvethe
social
conditions
of
acommunity.
Ilove
them,
but
many
are overgrown children, asMrs.Bill hadput it, andoin nothingwithsingularskillandeterminationanoftenwithappallingenergy.
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Ourprettyhostesshadbeenhelpingabutler,asthistalkwenton,anpresentlyoneof theother ladiesjoinedher,anneverwasanycompanysopicturesquelyanamusinglyserved.
Ivequitefalleninlovewiththatthreeyearoldboy,saidMrs.Bill,aswerosefromthetable.Ihadagoodrompwithhimtoday.
Iwish youd go over to the old farmhousewithme; Iwant toshowyousomething,Isaid.
In amomentwewere inwraps anmaking ourway across thelawn.
IwasgladtogetarapatthatMrs.Barrow,shewhispered,aswewalkedalong. Shesjustgotbackherjewels thatwere stolen,andhasbegun to go out again. Shes the vainest, proudest fool of awoman, and her husband is always borrowing money. Did youknowit?
Somethatis,fairlywell,Isaid,withbitterness.
Sodoes
Bill,
and
she
goes
about
with
the
airs
of
agrand
lady
and
the silliest notions.Really, itwas for herbenefit that I helped theb
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