Interpersonal Understanding and Comforting

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InterpersonalInterpersonal

Understanding Understanding and and

ComfortingComforting

Understanding Understanding and and

ComfortingComforting

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Empathy is the Empathy is the process of process of

identifying with the identifying with the feelings of others.feelings of others.

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Approaches to EmpathyApproaches to Empathy

• Empathic Responsiveness

• Perspective Taking

• Sympathetic

Responsiveness

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Empathy – Empathy – identifying with or vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathic response – Empathic response – an emotional response parallel to another person’s actual or anticipated display of emotion

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Perspective Perspective TakingTaking

Imaging oneself in the place of another

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Sympathetic Sympathetic ResponsivenessResponsiveness

Feeling concern, compassion, or sorrow for another because of the other’s situation or plight

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How do we Empathize?How do we Empathize?• Actively attend to what the person is saying.

• Observe and understand both verbal and nonverbal messages, using paraphrases and perception checking to help you.

• Draw on your experience to understand the situation.

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ParaphrasingParaphrasing

Put your understanding of a message into words to clarify meaning.Content – conveys understanding of

the denotative meaningFeeling – conveys your

understanding of the speaker’s connotative meaning

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EmpathizingEmpathizing• Can be particularly difficult across

cultures.

• Cross-cultural communication requires us to be even more attentive to verbal and non-verbal clues than we normally would.

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Supporting – Supporting – a statement whose goal is to show approval, bolster, encourage, soothe, console, or cheer up

• Recognize others’ good feelings and affirm their right to have them.

• Give comfort when a person has negative feelings.

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Effective Support MessagesEffective Support Messages

• Clearly state the aim to help the other

• Express acceptance, love, and affection for the other

• Demonstrate care, concern, and interest in the other’s situation

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Effective Support Messages (2)Effective Support Messages (2)

• Indicate that the speaker is available to listen and support the other

• State that the speaker is an ally

• Acknowledge the other’s feelings and situation and express sincere sympathy

• Assure the other that feelings are legitimate

• Encourage the other to elaborate

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Ineffective Support MessagesIneffective Support Messages

• Condemn and criticize the other’s feelings and behavior

• Imply that the other’s feelings are not warranted

• Tell the other how to feel

• Focus attention on the speaker

• Intrude by representing a level of concern greater than is appropriate within the relationship

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Supportive Message SkillsSupportive Message SkillsWe can all benefit from training in the six

supportive message skills (identified by Brian Burleson):

• Clarifying supportive intentions• Buffering face threats (negative and positive)• Using Other-centered messages• Framing messages• Giving advice

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Clarifying Supportive IntentionsClarifying Supportive Intentions

• Directly state your intentions by emphasizing your desire to help

• Remind your partner of your commitment to the relationship

• Indicate that helping is your only motive

• Phrase your clarification in a way that reflects helpfulness.

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Buffering Face ThreatsBuffering Face ThreatsPositive Facework messages protect the partner’s need to be respected, liked, and

valued.

• Describe and convey positive feelings about what the other has said and done

• Express your admiration for their courage• Acknowledge the difficulty of the situation• Express your belief that the other has the

qualities and skills needed to endure

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Buffering Face Threats (2)Buffering Face Threats (2)Negative facework messages support the

partner’s need for independence and autonomy.

• Ask for permission before giving advice• Verbally defer to the opinions and

preferences of the other person• Use tentative language to hedge and qualify

opinions and advice

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Using Other-Centered MessagesUsing Other-Centered Messages

• Ask questions that prompt the person to elaborate on what happened

• Emphasize your willingness to listen to an extended story

• Use vocalized encouragement and non-verbal behavior to communicate continued interest

• Affirm, legitimize, and encourage exploration of feelings expressed by partner

• Demonstrate the you understand but avoid changing the focus to you.

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Interpreting (Framing)Interpreting (Framing)

Information andExperiences

Reframes information to help the other understand from a different perspective

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Giving AdviceGiving Advice• Advice giving messages present

relevant suggestions that a person could use to satisfactorily resolve a situation.

• In general, advice messages should not be expressed until our supportive intentions are fully understood.

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