How to Make Friends with Anyone (okay, most people)

How to Make Friends with Anyone

(okay, most people)

As told by Friend Matchmakers at FriendTailor

blog: www.mylifeasafriendmatchmaker.wordpress.com

Read time: 3 minutes

Making new friends as an adult is

tough. Trust me, I feel your pain.

No one teaches you how to do it and, unfortunately, the days when you could walk up to another kid on the playground and say, “Hi, I’m Jessica. Will you be my friend?” are long gone.

Kids were way less judgy. Got caught eating sand during recess? Kids be like, “I admire your experiential curiosity. Let’s eat this sand together.”

Unfortunately, we don’t live in that sand-filled haven anymore. 

(It’s okay, let it out.)

We live in a world where it’s harder to admit that you need friends than to admit you need, say, a significant

other. 

We live in a world where there are hundreds of dating services, but almost none to help people

make friends.

We live in a world where we have to rely on social networking events and 5 minutes worth of small

talk and nervous laughter to find best buds

outside of our existing social circles.

Follow-up, you say? What the hell is that?

Hey, yea, this is the girl you met for 10 minutes at the 3-hour Social Networking for Cool People event last Thursday. Want to have lunch?

Let me know how that ends.

If you live in San Francisco, like I do, we live in a world where tech runs our lives and getting someone to glance

up from their smartphone and look us in the eye is deserving of a slice of Zanze’s cheesecake. Just remember, a San Francisco “maybe” means no.

(Can’t blame San Franciscans for trying to be polite though!)

In the 5 months we have been around, FriendTailor has learned a thing or two about

friendship.

After all, we meet all of our users over a fantastic cup of San Francisco coffee to understand what our users are looking

for in a friend. We then match them with a potential friend.

We also take out the awkwardness of

following up, since we attract awesome people who are actually

looking for friends in SF. Our users are proactive about making plans with

each other.

Check out our site, if you are interested: http://bit.ly/1l3k11S

(Get a 20% discount if you use gift code: slideshare20)

Okay, so you want to know how to make friends with anyone. Before we delve into actionable steps, I think it’s important to see the bigger picture. Once it is clear what most people want out of a friendship, it will be easy to come up with ways to meet those needs.

Just remember, a friend worth keeping will also strive to meet your needs.

THIS IS THE MONEY SLIDE!

When someone decides to be friends with you, he, or she, needs to…

1. Feel welcome and comfortable around you.

2. Have a good time when they hang out with you

3. Feel that you care about them and have your support.

That’s it.

Wait!

Don’t smash your computer on the ground.

Yes, most of this is common knowledge.

The problem, I think, is that people over-complicate what it means to be a friend. Human interactions are shrouded by emotions, making relationships seem more mysterious than they actually are.

To my overly-logical friends reading this, there’s hope.

Take a step back and realize that people want very simple

things: respect, companionship, and love. 

Action steps to make friends can all be derived from the 3 building blocks we

identified to create a good friendship. This is where friendships get fun!!!

Just because these are the requirements to

have a good relationship doesn’t

mean that the action steps are always the

same.

For example, when meeting someone for the first time, some people will feel welcome if you just smile and make eye contact.

Others won’t feel welcome until you directly address them.

(some of my friends need to be directly engaged until they talk to you!)

It’s all about finding the right formula.

Overly-logical people, you get what I’m saying, right? Form a hypothesis, test it, analyze the results, and conclude.

Trust me, reading people gets easier the more practice you get. You’ll soon find that there are certain things that work well no matter who

you’re with.

(Smiling is a solid go-to for me.)

With that said, here are some action steps you can try.

Mix and match and create your own to find out what works for you and the new people you are

meeting!

Action Steps to Try:

Smile Engage in conversation

Make eye contact Be willing to show kindness first

Introduce yourself Be yourself

Nod when the other person is talking

Keep an open mind

Pay attention to the other person

Keep an open stance

Ask questions

1. Make someone feel welcome and comfortable around you. 

Action Steps to Try:

Be yourself Do an activity that you both enjoy

Create a judge-free environment so the other person can be themselves too

Crack a joke to lighten the mood

Bring up different topics to discuss

Laugh

Listen to the other person’s opinions

Teach each other things

Share your opinions Give genuine compliments

Ask questions to learn about each other

Have fun!

2. Have a good time while hanging out.

Action Steps to Try:

Be willing to share things about yourself and your life

Go out of your way to do something nice for the other person

Be open to hearing about the other person’s problems and engage

Give some guidance by sharing your own experiences

Show your appreciation (you can start by just saying that you do!)

Hug!

Don’t judge

3. Show someone you care about them and have your support.

LASTLY, remember to invite the people you enjoyed hanging out with to hang out again. Relationships take time to build and you should look forward to hanging out every time!

If you ever have any doubts, remember not to over-

complicate it. Stick to the 3 needs.

Are you making your friend feel welcome and comfortable around you? Are you both having a

good time with each other? Are you making your friend feel cared for and supported?

Yes? Then take a chill pill. You got this.

Thanks for being a good friend and listening to what we have to say!

Check out our website: http://bit.ly/1l3k11SGet a 20% discount if you use gift code: slideshare20

You can also be entered to win a free match every week by following us on Twitter @friendtailorsf or liking our FB page

https://www.facebook.com/friendtailormeCatch you later!