Emotional Impact - NSW Christadelphian Support Network · Jantz, G. L. Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse, Fleming H. Revell, 1995 Matthews, C. A.: Breaking Through, Albatross Books,

Abuse - A Christadelphian Response

We would like to believe that the growing incidence ofreported abuse in the general community has norelevance to the Christadelphian community.However, the increased incidence of reported abusewithin our ecclesias tells us differently.Not only are people finding the courage toacknowledge the wrongs that have been done to themin the past, but also reports of recent abuse within theecclesias continue to be made. By allowing this tohappen, our fellowship supports the healing process ofthose who have been damaged. By increasing ourawareness of the problem, we have a greateropportunity to address it.For too long, we have believed the myth that theecclesia is a safe place, removed from the evil that is inthe world. Our reluctance to face the truth has meantthat some children (those under 16) have continuedbeing exposed to the chance of abuse.

•What is abuse?

Abuse is any act or attitude that hurts another individualby denigrating that person's self-worth. Abuse occurswhenever a person (or group of persons) in a positionof power in relation to another, takes advantage of thatposition to control the feelings and thinking of the other.Abuse is about control.Abuse can take obvious or subtle forms, and stemsfrom a lack of respect for the victim. There are fivecommon forms of abuse:

• Physical: excessive discipline, hitting,beating, shaking, shoving etc.

• Verbal: name-calling, teasing, put-downs,blaming, threatening, sarcasm, etc.

• Psychological/Emotional: rejection, lack oflove or support. All forms of abuse causepsychological trauma, negatively affecting theway we think and feel about ourselves andothers. The exposure of children to domesticviolence is now also considered to beemotional abuse.

• Spiritual: control and manipulation ofanother by evoking fear of God, or using guiltlanguage.

• Sexual: any behaviour directed at the sexualarousal of one or both parties, which is

imposed on one of the parties by the other, i.e., thevictim's wishes are not respected.

Whenever we belittle others, or hurt or manipulatethem, that is abuse.

The remainder of this leaflet will deal with thesubject of sexual abuse for 3 reasons:a) The subject of sexual abuse has beentaboo in most ecclesial groups until recently,b) A growing number of members feelcompelled to tell the truth about whathappened to them, andcNlt is both spiritually and legally essential forus to take care of the flock of God.<....~7

Sexual AbuseSexual abuse happens to children and adults, to malesand females, both within and outside marriage. In thecase of children, while it is true that abuse of females isnearly twice as common as that of males, it is importantto acknowledge that both sexes are affected, and bothneed to be protected.Abusive behaviours may include

i) inappropriate conversations or writtencommunications of a sexual nature,

ii) unwarranted and inappropriate touching,iii) involving children, young people or

disadvantaged people in sexual acts,iv) exposure of children or young people to

the sexual behaviour of others, includingpornography and R-rated or X-ratedvideos.

Whatever has been imposed, the unwilling party feelsbetrayed, invaded and violated.Often the offender takes pains to create guilt andshame in the victim to ensure secrecy. When the victimhas been involved in sexual activity imposed by theother, the emotional damage is often profound becauseof the sense of violation of one's personal being.Physical damage may result from sexual abuse, andspiritual damage can also occur, especially if the victimfeels abandoned by God at a time of great need.Sexual abuse, especially of children, is a verydestructive act of controlling and abusive behaviour.Often memories are repressed for many years and thehealing process can be long and painful.

The Emotional Impact of Sexual Abuse

Shock and Confusion. Sexual abuse is particularlyconfusing for children who lack the emotional andintellectual ability to cope with a premature introductionto sexuality imposed by an adolescent or adult. Often itis someone they love who is hurting them and this isextremely perplexing. Theirworld is no longer safe.

Guilt. The victim almost always feels at least partiallyresponsible for, and therefore guilty about, the abuse.Sometimes special rewards or favours are received aspart of the abusive relationship. Some victims believethat in some way they deserve the abuse.

Fear. Fear of being found out and fear of rejection byparents or friends are very common reactions.

Anger. Anger is felt towards the perpetrator, towardsothers who failed to protect them, towards God who didnot help them, and towards themselves for beingpowerless to stop the abuse.

Loss of trust in children. Most child sexual abuse iscommitted by a family member or friend, and thismakes the loss of trust in others, in authority figures,and in God, one of the most devastating effects of childsexual abuse. When the abuse perpetrator comesfrom outside the family, the child becomes unable totrust in the parents' protection. Often child victimsassume that the parents know. Sadly, they aresometimes right.

Recovery and Healing

The damage caused by abuse can rob the victim of apersonal sense of worth, leaving self-hatred, fear,depression and anger. In such cases, recovery cantake a long time, and requires real commitment andcourage.These are some of the steps in the healing process:

• Accepting and letting go of the feelings ofanger, grief and fear.

• Dealing with shame and guilt; learning tobelieve that God loves them just as they are.

• Choosing to be free from the control of pastevents.

• Coming to grips with current life issues, suchas depression, compulsive behaviour,inappropriate sexual behaviour etc.

• Learning to make mature relationships basedon honesty and respect.

• Looking to God as their source of help andhealing.

• Helping others who are hurting.

It is vital to note that healing can be complete andliberating. Strength and integrity and compassion canbe the fruits of the healing process.

What do victims of sexual abuse need?

• To be believed and to be given the respect of alistening ear.

• The opportunity to rebuild trust in the lovingcare of others.

• The opportunity to begin the process ofshedding shame and guilt.

• A safe place in which to vent the anger whichhas been suppressed.

• Knowledge that they are now safe. (It may belegally binding to report the abuse to theauthorities. )

• Information about professional resources toassist them in recovery.

• Encouragement to persevere with recoveringand healing when the going gets tough.•

What are appropriate ecdesial responses toabuse?

The ecclesia must affirm the dignity and worthof each human being, according to the teaching ofScripture. Matt 10:31; I John 3:1.

The ecclesia must acknowledge that abusivebehaviours are unacceptable in the church of God.CoI.3:5.

The ecclesia must accept responsibility for thediscipline of members who act in abusive ways.Perpetrators must be held accountable for theiractions. Ecclesial leaders are now regarded as"mandatory reporters" of sexual abuse of a personunder 16 years of age.

Victims of abuse must be protected. Toooften, in the past, victims have been re-victimised bycensure and public exposure, or alternatively, theabuse has been minimised, and victims have been

asked to maintain the secret. The ecclesianeeds to break the code of silence andsecrecy, and embrace the opportunity to helpput an end to abusive behaviour.

The ecclesia should encouragevictims and their families to avail themselvesof professional services to help them to dealwith the psychological repercussions ofabuse experiences. The spiritual problemsof abused persons also may need gentlehandling by sensitive ecclesial members.

~ eo Forgiving should not be expectedprematurely. It is important to understand thatforgiving an offender can be real andeffective only when healing has taken place.The survivor of abuse needs to remain incontrol of his/her recovery and to be the oneto decide when forgiving is appropriate.

Further reading:Anderson, Bill: When Child Abuse Comes to theChurch, Bethany House Publishers, 1992.

Evans, Patricia: The Verbally AbusiveRelationship, Adams Media Corporation, 1996.

Heitritter, L. & Vought, J. Helping Victims ofSexual Abuse, Bethany House Publishers,1989

Jantz, G. L. Healing the Scars of EmotionalAbuse, Fleming H. Revell, 1995

Matthews, C. A.: Breaking Through, AlbatrossBooks, 1990

Prepared by Robyn Henry and RosemaryPearce for the Christadelphian Support Service(NSW)

RevisedJuly 2005.

ffiCHRISTADELPHIAN

SUPPORT SERVICE NSW

AbuseA Christadelphian

Response

CHRISTADELPHIAN SUPPORT SERVICE NSW