Dealing With Difficult People RAY SILVERSTEIN PRO, PRESIDENT’S ORGANIZATION SCOTTSDALE, AZ CHICAGO, IL.
Post on 14-Dec-2015
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INFORMATION RESOURCES
EXPERIENCE, FACILITATION &
OBSERVATION OF WORKING WITH
BUSINESS OWNERS IN PEER ADVISORY
BOARDS“DEALING WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN’T STAND” Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner
TTI SUCCESS INSIGHTSEMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 2.0
Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
Objectives
1. Understand Yourself
2. Understand Others
3. More Productive
Workplace
“As charming as we think we are there is someone who can’t stand being around us!” Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner “Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies” Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
MINIMIZE WORKPLACE TRAUMA
• HIRE MORE EFFECTIVELY: VALUES, VISION, CULTURE AND COMMUNICATION
• EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: EQ • PERSONALITY ASSESSMENTS: DiSC AND
OTHER TOOLS
HIRE MORE EFFECTIVELY
• MATCH VALUES • AGREE ON EXPECTATIONS – DEFINE WHAT
IS A GOOD JOB AND HOW THEIR POSITION HELPS FULFILL THE CULTURE AND BUSINESS GOALS
• COMPLEMENT GOOD WORK AND DISCUSS
LEARNING OPPORTUNITY
UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF
“SELF-AWARENESS is not about discovering deep, dark secrets and unconscious motivations, but rather, it comes from developing a straightforward and honest understanding of what makes you tick.” Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships. People with average EQ’s out perform people with high IQ’s 70% of the time. There is No known connection between IQ and EQ. IQ and Personality are stable over a lifetime.
PERSONAL COMPETENCE = SELF AWARENESS, SELF MANAGEMENT
SOCIAL COMPETENCE = SOCIAL AWARENESS, RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT
PERSONAL COMPETENCE
SELF-AWARENESS—Is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations. A high degree of self-awareness requires a willingness to tolerate the discomfort of focusing on feelings that may be negative. This is a foundational skill. When you have it, it makes other emotional intelligence skills much easier to use. SELF-MANAGEMENT---Is what happens when you act, or do not act. It is dependent on your self-awareness.
SOCIAL COMPENTENCE
• SOCIAL-AWARENESS—Is your ability to accurately pick
up on emotions in other people and understand what is
really going on with them. Listening and observing are
the most important element of Social Awareness. This is
a foundational skill.
• SELF-MANAGEMENT --- Is what happens when you act or
do not act. Self-Management is your ability to use your
awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct
your behavior positively.
• Success comes to those who can put their needs on hold
and manage their tendencies.
“Conflicts at work tend to fester when people passively avoid problems, because people lack the skills to initiate a direct, yet constructive conversation.”
Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves Problems are like old sweat socks in a locker. They do not improve with age.
D is for Dominant
• Demanding
• Egocentric
• Driving
• Ambitious
• Pioneering
• Strong-Willed
• Forceful
• Determined
• Aggressive
• Competitive
• Decisive
• Venturesome
• Inquisitive
• Responsible
I is for Influence• Effusive
• Inspiring
• Magnetic
• Political
• Enthusiastic
• Demonstrative
• Persuasive
• Warm
• Convincing
• Polished
• Poised
• Optimistic
• Trusting
• Sociable
S is for Steadiness
• Phlegmatic
• Relaxed
• Resistant to Change
• Non demonstrative
• Passive
• Patient
• Possessive
• Predictable
• Consistent
• Deliberate
• Steady
• Stable
C is for Compliance
• Evasive
• Worrisome
• Careful
• Dependent
• Cautious
• Conventional
• Exacting
• Open-Minded
• Balanced Judgment
• Diplomatic
• Systematic
• Neat
• Accurate
• Tactful
D BEHAVIORS
HOSTILE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS: GET IT DONE!
“If you need to get it done, you focus on the task at hand. Any awareness of people is peripheral or unnecessary to accomplishing the task. You tend to speed up…, to act…, to assert… You may even become careless and aggressive.”
SNIPERWhether through rude comments, biting sarcasm, or a well timed roll of the eyes, making you look foolish is the Sniper’s specialty. ACTION PLAN • STOP, LOOK, BACKTRACK• USE SEARCHIGHT QUESTIONS• GO ON A GRIEVANCE PATROL• SUGGEST A CIVIL FUTURE
D’s Value to the Team
• Bottom line organizer
• Self Starter
• Forward Looking
• Initiates Activity
• Tenacious
• Innovative
• Challenges Status Quo
D’s Limitations • Task oriented
• Too Direct
• Impatient with others
• Argumentative
• May not listen well
• Take on too many tasks
• Push rather than lead
• Lack tact and diplomacy
• May overstep authority
GET APPRECIATED
“The desire to contribute to others and to be appreciated for it is one of the most powerful motivational forces known.”
I Behaviors
Think They Know It All• The Think-They-Know–It-Alls can’t fool all of the
people all of the time, but they can fool some of
the people enough of the time, and enough of the
people all of the time---all for the sake of getting
some
ACTION PLAN
• GIVE THEM A LITTLE ATTENTION
• CLARIFY FOR SPECIFICS
• TELL IT LIKE IT IS
• GIVE THEM A BREAK
• BREAK THE CYCLE
I’s Value to the Organization• Optimistic and Enthusiasm
• Creative Problem Solving
• Motivates others
• Positive Sense of Humor
• Team Player
• Negotiates Conflict
• Verbalizes and is articulate
I’s Limitations• Oversell
• Tends to over trust
• Inattentive to detail
• Situational listener
• Impulsive, heart over mind
• Unrealistic expectations of ability to influence others
• Difficulty planning and controlling time
• Under instruct over delegate
• Overly animated when talking
GET ALONGS
“If getting along is your top priority…, personal desires are less important than the intent to get along with another person.”
S Behaviors
THE MAYBE PERSONIn a moment of decision, the Maybe Person
procrastinates in the hope that a better choice
will present itself. There comes a point when it is
too little, too late, and the decision makes itself.
ACTION PLAN
• ESTABLISH AND MAINTAIN A COMFORT ZONE
• SURFACE CONFLICTS AND CLARIFY OPTIONS
• USE A DECISION MAKING SYSTEM—BEN
FRANKLIN
• REASSURE THEM, AND ENSURE FOLLOW
THROUGH
• STRENGTHEN THE RELATIONSHIP
S’s Value to Organization
• Dependable Team Player
• Work hard for a leader and a cause
• Great listener
• Patient and Empathetic
• Calming and stabilizing
• Logical thinker
• Goal oriented
• Builds long term relationships
S’s Limitations• Takes criticism personally
• Resistant to change
• Need help beginning new assignments
• Has difficulty establishing priorities
• Internalize instead of talking through issues
• Wait for others before beginning projects
• Give a false sense of compliance
• Tough on themselves
• May not project a sense of urgency
GET IT RIGHT
“When getting it right is your highest priority, you will likely slow things down enough to see the details…You may even refuse to take action because of a particular doubt about the consequences.”
C Behaviors
THE WHINER
Whiners feel helpless and overwhelmed
by an unfair world. Their standard is
perfection, and no one and nothing
measures up to it. But misery loves
company, so they bring their problems
to you. Offering solutions makes you
bad company, so their whining
escalates.
ACTION PLAN for THE WHINER
Your Goal: Form a Problem Solving
Alliance
• LISTEN FOR THE MAIN POINTS
• INTERRUPT AND GET SPECIFIC
• SHIFT THE FOCUS TO SOLUTIONS
• SHOW THEM THE FUTURE
• DRAW THE LINE
C’s Value to Organization
• Objective Thinker
• Conscientious
• Task oriented
• Digs deeper
• Diplomatic
• Maintains high standards
• Attention to detail
• Expects and explores for
clarity
• Respects boundaries
C’s Limitations• Analysis paralysis• Overly critical• Overly self critical• Lost in the cornflakes• Internalizes feelings• Defensive when questioned• Yield their position to avoid conflict• Hesitant to act without precedent• Tells instead of sells
THE NO PERSON
• More deadly to morale than a
speeding bullet, more powerful
than hope, able to defeat big
ideas with a single syllable.
ACTION PLAN for THE NO PERSON
Your Goal: Transition to Problem
Solving
• USE THE WHINER STRATEGY
• USE THEM AS RESOURCES
• BUY SOME TIME
• GO FOR THE POLARITY RESPONSE
• ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR GOOD INTENT
Reach a Deeper Understanding
• Communicate more effectively
• Prevent future conflict
• Resolve current conflict before it
gets out of hand
• Closely examine the difficult
behavior until you can see the
motive behind it
Assessments to Consider
Strengthen your understanding of others:
• DISC Behaviors: What we do: on
teams, as management, as leaders
• Motivators/Values –
Why we do what we do
• Emotional Intelligence (EQ) –
How we respond
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