Bi polar experience updated aug 2013

MY BI-POLAR EXPERIENCE

Too little too late

DE DONDE VENGA BIPOLAR

Nurture = You can do anything

Genetics

Reinforced by experience of overreaching Constan

t strive & Failure Worn Out

CURRENT CONDITION

up Ceiling = anhedonia &

fatigue

Mood

Irritability & anxiety

Pain

Desperate drive to escape pain

PAIN OF DEPRESSION

Everyone understands physical pain• It has a locus• You can describe it• “ I hurt my knee”• It has a solution and an end

PAIN IS EXPERIENCED IN MIND

PAIN OF DEPRESSION

Is experienced in mind exactly as physical pain• But has no locus & no way to

describe• No understanding, no known end• Extreme dread, fear?, uncertainty• Discomfort?

NEED TO END PAIN

• To dull the pain many turn to drugs or alcohol

• I resort to dramatic frenetic projects – spend $, overconfident

• A % chose to dull the pain by committing suicide – No different than Sue Rodrigas who facing a life of pain asked to be euthanized and was granted that right

PHYSICAL VS. DEPRESSION PAIN

Physical Pain

• Has a locus

• Can envision end

• understandable

Depression

• No locus

• Cannot understand ending

• Amorphus

CURRENT CONDITION

up Ceiling = anhedonia &

fatigue

Mood

Irritability & anxiety

Pain

Desperate drive to escape pain

Descent into pain

LIKE SYSTEMATIC TORTURE

• As I descend into depression, because I have experienced it before, I react with anxiety, dread

OTHER SYMPTOMS

• Social anxiety – because I was normally confident and outgoing it took a long time to recognize the stress that even the most normal interaction caused

• My reaction to this stress is to deny it, push it away, try to rise above it

• This in turn raised the stress level to the point where I explode in an rage of anti

Depression stress

UPDATE AUGUST 2013

• I have just been diagnosed Bipolar II - after 45 years of depression - 20 years diagnosed

• No doctor or psychiatrist tested me for bipolar or seemed to know there was such a thing as bipolar 2.

• It is amazing to learn that there is a bipolar II B which seems to fit even more closely.

• There is a doctor and a book that explains it all! Why did no one tell me?

• I could have lead a far more productive life!

• The book is Bipolar Breakthrough by Ronald Fieve MD

DO YOU HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

• Symptoms of depression and some of the following• Hyperactive periods• Needing few hours of sleep• Risk taking • Sexual hyperactivity• Overconfidence Optimistic• Excited, talkative• Spending or gambling spree