The roleoftheparentsinthevalueformationanddevelopmentofthechild final research paper ni tantan

The Role of Parents in the Value Formation and Development of the Child

A Term Paper RequirementFor

English 10

ByTristan Ray C. Mateo

Professor Juliet Mallari, Ph.D.April 5, 2013

SENTENCE OUTLINE

Thesis Statement:

Parent’s role consists of interrelated duties and obligations which includes civilizing,

educating, and nurturing the child in order to develop the child’s value, character and personality

which may prevent juvenile delinquency.

I. Value formation in children is, very relevant for it guides the children’s behavior

and enables them to live meaningfully.

A. The stages of value formation in children are identical with those of moral

development.

1. During the preconditional stage, children comply with the values of their

parents, teachers and priests who assert power.

2. During the conventional stage, adolescents identify themselves with their

peers, teachers, and their values because of interpersonal concordance.

3. During the post-conventional stage, people internalize the values by which

they live.

B. Parents lay the strong foundation of moral and personality development of the

children when they provide emotional security which is the very source of

child’s trust.

1. The child’s early experiences influence the molding of personality; thus,

proper parenting cannot be underestimated.

2. The parent’s ready-made and built-in fears are used as weapons to

manipulate the children to do what they want; as a result, their children

lacks self-reliance,

3. Because some Filipino parents destroy the intellectual and creative

capacity of their children by making them feel other people’s opinions,

children are afraid of making mistakes.

II. Parents need a clear view of their roles which is to educate and civilize their

children; which is a life-long process which goes forward step-by-step.

A. The mother’s role serves as an early foundation in the development of the

child.

1. The baby forms his first conscious human relationship at a time because

his mother is the instrument for both allying all his pains and purveying

his pleasures.

2. The first in a series of the long process of character formation is the

modification of instinctual drives.

3. The child builds a norm of behavior which guides him as he grows older

and the child judges right or wrong in relation to the pleasure or pain of

the act rather than in terms of how it affects others.

B. The father, as a representative of the world outside the home, acts as the

interpreter, guardian, and enforcer of the social mores in the home.

1. The father brings realistic toughness in his approach to children which the

mother has seldom has.

2. The father is the strong masculine figure to which the boys inevitably

identify themselves with.

3. When mother’s reasonable approach fails, the father takes place as an

occasional substitute for disciplining the children.

Value is intimately related to the search for meaning in human life. Life is meaningful

when a man has found something capable of arousing his commitment to it, something deserving

of his best efforts, worth living for, and if need be, worth dying for.

Values are the goals of man’s striving. They render meaning to one’s existence and

complete to a man’s fulfillment to a man’s personality as an individual and as a member of the

community. The very word “value” comes from the Latin root valere which means to be “strong

and vigorous.” It refers to a quality which proceeds from a high degree of physical energy. To be

valere is to have vigor, power to a specific thing which gives rise to an urgent demand to have it.

Values are things, persons, ideas, or goals which are important to life—anything which

enables life to be understood, evaluated, and directed. Values are ideals and principles by which

man lives. According to Edgar Shelfield Brightman’s Personalistic Value Theory, value means

“whatever is actually liked, prized, esteemed, desired, approved, or enjoyed by anyone at

anytime. It is the actual experience of enjoying a desired object or activity. Hence, value is an

existing realization of desire.”1

Simply put, values are our ideas of right and wrong, good and bad, to which we are

committed and which influence our everyday behavior and decisions. Many of these are

internalized through time, and they surface everytime we have a decision to make. Values are

1 Edgar Sheffield Brightman, Person and Reality—An Introduction to Metaphysics, ed. Peter Bertocci (U.S.A.: The Ronald Press Co., 1958), p. 12.

things that are chosen from a number of options and alternatives, and treasured because they are

good, virtuous and worthy.

Carl Rogers, an eminent psychologist, says that every person has within him a “natural

wisdom” from the moment of his conception to the day of his birth and thereafter.2 However, his

family, neighbors, teachers, schoolmates, the government, and the church, soon “robe” him with

their kind of wisdom. He thus begins to look to himself and his needs through the eyes of the

others. But this is not to say that he is completely directed for basicallyhe is still inner-directed in

that he thinks and develops his own set of values.

As the influence of outside factors is strong, there is an equally strong need to strengthen

the individual, so that he can withstand the imposition of values by others. For sometime,

Western values which have been imposed up the Filipinos by colonizing powers held sway

resulting in the Filipinos’ lack of self-identity.3

But since all communities of people—no matter how primitive—have a “natural

wisdom” imbedded in their indigenous culture, Filipinos must have their own. Culture after all,

is but the result of a process by which a group of people develops ideas and values on how to

best cope with a given socio-physical environment in order to survive. There are definitely many

sound ideas and values that are truly Filipino. These are what parents and teachers should

cultivate and inculcate in the minds of the children, if Filipinos must transcend Western values.

They should be able to make children interiorize these ideas and values so that they begin to

institutionalize their interrelated values.4

Filipino values formation in children is, therefore, very relevant for it guides the

children’s behavior, and enables them to live meaningfully in their own country as they cope

with behavior dictated by values of pakikisama, hiya, utangnaloob, amorpropio, and the like.

2Gerald L. Hershey and James O. Lugo, Living Psychology (London: The Macmillan Company, 1970), pp. 24-25

3Tomas Quintin Andres, Positive Filipino Values (Manila: Divine World Publications), p. 16

4 Ibid.

Stages of Filipino Value-Formation

The stages of values-formation are identical with those of moral development. This is so,

because man’s sense of morality is colored by his cultural sense of what is right, moral or

virtuous. Basically man’s conscience and morality are dependent on the accepted standards and

values of society.

Stage 1- Childhood: the preconditional stage. During this stage, children comply with the

values of their parents, teachers, and priests who assert power –“makuha ka sa tingin.”

Stage II-Youth: the conventional stage. During this stage, the adolescents identify themselves

with their peers, idols, teachers and values because of interpersonal concordance.

Stage III- Adulthood: the post-conventional or principled stage. During this stage people

internalize the values by which they live. This is the 747 stage whereon they fly by themselves

without fear.5

Parents lay the strong foundations for moral and personality development of the child

when they provide the emotional security which is the very source of the child’s trust. Such trust

depends on a child’s knowing that he belongs; that his parents will always love and protect him

even when he gets spanked or punished for some wrong that he does for a particular moment.

When his mother scolds or gets angry with him, he may sulk and pout or may even consider

running away for a time. When his father angrily shoos him off from play to study he may think:

“That was real nasty of my father” yet, if he has experienced a deep conviction that he is loved

by mother and father, his resentments and frustrations will pass quickly. Contrast this in homes

where there is no genuine love, and where affection is held by a thin thread of awareness about

being provided of physical needs. One harsh word is sufficient to engender rebellion and

aggressive acting out of insecure feelings which in due time becomes an irreparable facet of the

child’s personality.6

5 Ibid. 6 Estefania Aldaba Lim, The Role of Parents in the Character Formation of the Child, in

The Filipino Family: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar-Phoenix Publishing House,

Such child’s early experiences influence the molding of his personality. Thus, proper

parenting cannot be underestimated. But in many instances, parents take the normal and healthy

growth of their children for granted and do not realize that some of the things they do may have

adverse effects on their children.

Some Filipino parents destroy the intellectual and creative capacity of their children by

making them fear other people’s opinions. Thus, their children are afraid of making mistakes,

being unable to please, and being wrong. They become afraid of taking a gamble, experimenting,

and trying the difficult and the unknown. The parents’ ready-made and built-in fears are used as

weapons to manipulate their children to do what they want.7

Because of this, there is an apparent inability among Filipinos to develop self-reliance.

The lack of heroes for the Filipino child to worship, and, at the same time, the exposure to

foreign heroes like Superman, Batman, Captain Marvel, and Captain America, undermine the

Filipino child’s faith in himself. His desire to be what his hero is like and his awareness of the

fact that he cannot be like his foreign hero make him a defeatist, especially so if he daydreams a

lot instead of taking steps to attaining his goal. Oftentimes, we see an evidence of maladjustment

resulting from such a situation.

Filipino parents have the tendency to teach values by using authority; limiting choices;

setting unquestionable dogmas, rules, and regulations; and appealing to conscience and to

emotions.8 Such a child refuses to abide by rules. He interprets restrictions as an attack. These

regulations frustrate him, inevitably making him feel angry and resentful. At first he tries to fight

these restrictions. He is warned not to do so. As a result, the child develops a tendency to be

hedonistic, selfish, and self-centered. There is a possibility for him to be demanding and he

wants people to cater his whims. He may even steal. He is inclined to be envious and become

irritated if others seem to receive more than he does. If he persists, he may get spanked, put in a

corner or his mother may say that if he continues to be a bad boy she won’t love him anymore,

1996), p. 387 Andres, op. cit., p.188 Ibid.

maybe she will even go away and leave him.9As a result, there is a tendency for their child to

become rebellious and aggressive; and worse, to become juvenile delinquent.

They should realize, however, that values cannot just be imposed upon children. Values

are learned by “value-ing.” Parents should dedicate time to enlighten their children on the

positive and negative polarities of Filipino values. They should stimulate their children’s minds

to creatively look for the positive Filipino realities and strengthen their will to choose these.10

True values are dictated upon the child or person. It is only after child has seen and

understood the implications of his choice can true value-formation take place.

By establishing realistic and attainable values for their children, by encouraging them, by

clarifying the fact that working efficiently and effectively is worthwhile, parents can contribute

to their children’s sound transition from play to planning. By giving their children the

opportunity to make choices, the parents help them put their values into a system. It is very

important that a child is able to do that, because the value-system is the ego identity. It is the

psychological development of the individual’s “thinking” of himself. Sometimes, the child holds

values that are not always clear to him, and he may challenge these values. He wants to

understand who he is; he is concerned about being accepted by others, especially by his peers,

etc. By going through various modes of experience, the child develops a self-image and

discovers himself.11

Understanding of self is a vital as aspect of life since the more one knows about himself,

the more likely he will able to make right choices and decisions. Through self-understanding,

power and insights that come from within oneself are released to mobilize his talents. He can

develop his potentialities andhis perception of his own feelings, attitudes, and ideas. As long as

person understands and accept himself, much of his energies will be used to defend rather than

9 Felicisima Serafica, The Aggressive Child, in The Filipino Family: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar-Phoenix Publishing House, 1996), p. 11

10 Andres, op. cit., p.1811 Ibid.

explore and actualize himself.12It is therefore very important that parents give their children to

make choices, experience new things, and systematize what they hold to be good and true.13

Parents need a clear view of our roles. They must be able to assist the character formation

and development of the child. Their job is to educate and to civilize, a life-long process which

goes forward step by step. It takes great understanding and sympathy to see children as creatures

who grow and change, who will need much tender loving care, who will need to be disciplined

or repressed at times and a great deal of judicious leaving alone. Parents must also be on the

watch for the child’s emerging ego; ever resourceful in guiding him to do what is “right” and

acceptable and to avoid “evil or wrong.” This means laying down the law within a strong

foundation of love. Children need parents with whom they identify themselves; they need

parental attitudes they can appreciate and take pride in possessing. It is interesting to note how

little boys early assume the posturing, speech, manners and attitudes of the father while the little

girl behaves and speaks just like mother. If you want to see yourself as you are, watch your little

daughter’s manners and speech while playing house with her friends.14 Most importantly, the role

of the parents in helping their children develop into adulthood cannot be relegated to yayas.

There is an undesirable trend in Filipino homes today: the upswing of parental hostility toward

children. The reason is that, unlike in agricultural societies, children are not considered economic

assets in industrial communities. Working mothers dislike taking care of their own and so they

leave them to their helpers. And what’s more, they show to the children how much they dislike

taking care of them. Therefore, there is a great tendency among their children to feel rejected.

This results in the children’s unhealthy development.15

The mother’s role serves as an early foundation in the development of the child. The

earliest years of a child are of great importance. The baby forms his first conscious human

relationship at atime when his mother, by feeding him eight times daily, is the instrument for

both allying all his pains and purveying his pleasures. These experiences will occupy practically

all his walking life and under loving mothers there will be little frustration. Therefore we may 12 Tomas Quintin Andres, Making Filipino Values Work For You (Manila: St. Paul

Publications, 1996), p.813 Andres, op. cit., p.18 14 Lim, loc. cit.,15 Andres, loc. cit.,

deduce the mental hygiene principle: that for development of a normal attitude to the

environment: the baby must have his primitive instinctual needs satisfied without fail and

without undue delay. There is no need to worry about “spoiling” the newborn child in the early

weeks. The newborn child needs close, warm, contact with his mother. The feel and smell of her

body during sucking provides the baby with opportunity to perceive the mother as a person and

leads him to an elementary concept of what love, security, and belonging means. The quality of

relationship between baby and mother during the first months will largely determine the “good”,

well-behaved child or the rejected unwanted “cry” baby. Related to this is the basic principle

which has been developed in modern psychiatry and psychology and that is: “psychological

events, emotional attitudes (such as rejection) emotional conflicts (in the husband-wife relations)

are as traumatic and destructive as physical agents cause are not less severe than those caused by

physical agents; both can lead to death with equal frequency.”16

The prompt satisfaction of needs that is characteristic of the life of the sucking infant

cannot last long and soon he is subjected to a series of experiences designed to test his adjustive

capacities; for example, experiencing frustrations such as waiting for his bottle. This is the first

in a series of these learning experiences in a long process of character formation, of which the

common factor is the modification of instinctual drives. An infant around three or four months

begin to learn to wait a few minutes for his next feeding or settle down by himself if allowed to

cry for a short time when put to bed in his crib. The infant wakes up early in the morning and

“yells”. He may learn to go to sleep again if his calls remain unanswered. By six or seven months

he can wait still a little longer for his small needs. On these foundations the child builds a norm

of behavior which is to guide him as he grows older. He judges right or wrong in relation to the

pleasure or pain of the act rather than in terms of how it affects others.17

In her intimate contacts with her child the mother is accustomed to frustrate many of his

impulses for which reasons, though doubtless good are unlikely to be evident to the child.

However, if the child has experienced that to comply with mother’s wishes invariably results in

growth, in skill, a sense of growing up, and enhancement of the quality of his love for the

16 R.E. Spitz, Children Study Stress, Family Mental Health and the State ( U.S.A.: World Federation on Mental Health, n.d.), p. 90

17 Lim, op.cit., pp. 40-41

mother, he will allow her to frustrate him. Then the all important process of repression of

instinctual drives and sublimation will follow gradually. Filipino mothers put great value n strict

obedience and little matters of “proper” behavior in the home.18

In fact she is possibly rather than demanding in impressing upon her children strict

obedience to her wishes but at the same time providing him with all the parental gentility and

affection through the meeting of all his needs which are immensely important for his mental and

emotional growth. This characteristic of Filipino mother-child relationship with actual

suppression and diversion of instinctual drives according to a set of values traditionally held in

Filipino homes may make for minimization of neurotic conflicts and breakdown in later life

since decision making and conflict-solving become parental prerogatives that shield the child

from mistakes and all forms of anxieties. However, the situation is not conducive to the

development of character formation attuned to the demands of today’s living as it provides for

far less opportunity of developing in the child a sense of personal responsibility and

individualism. With no opportunity to learn to exercise responsible choices, the child will remain

entirely dependent on authority. This is all clearly evidentin our young students in school—

gentle, warm, and unquestioningly obedient to every word of the teacher but lacking in initiative,

creativity, and individualism.19

The child must be encouraged to develop his curiosity so he may explore the world

around him and find out about how’s and why’s of life. As his curiosity grows, his mind expands

and he becomes increasingly capable of independent thought.20 Full development of moral

responsibility cannot be attained without opportunity to learn how to exercise responsible

choices and to formulate independent judgment from the early development years. More and

more the growing child should take on responsibility for governing his own moral behavior and

this he is being helped by more general social influences from his church group, the school, and

community.21

18 Ibid.19 Estefania Aldaba Lim, Toward Understanding the Juvenile Delinquent (Philippines:

San Miguel Corporation, 1969), p.8420 Ermelinda G. Quiambao: Bringing Up Children For Democracy, in The Filipino

Family: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar-Phoenix Publishing House, 1996), p. 332121 Lim, loc. cit.,

The father’s role, on the other hand, is also important. In many Filipino homes today the

fathers have completely given up their task of bringing up children and have restricted their role

to earning the daily bread and leaving mother to see to the moral and character education of the

children. Both boys and girls need two parents as active forces in their lives from the beginning.

Fathers are more than occasional substitute for mothers; more than a playmate. By his very

masculinity a father supplies an entirely different ingredient in the child’s emotional diet. As the

representative of the world outside the home, he is especially aware of the standards and values it

imposes and therefore acts as the interpreter, guardian and enforcer of the social more in the

home. He brings the realistic toughness in his approach to children which the mother seldom has.

If the relationship with the mother is one of the great understanding and tenderness all the

children will readily honor his standards and look at him for leadership. When the mother is the

heart of the family the common saying goes that the father is the head. He is strong masculine

figure to which the boys inevitably identify themselves with.22

When mother’s reasonable approach fails, when the children are behaving rudely or

unusually quarrelsome, then it is just possible that a word from the father may take a world of

difference.

Moral character and education is a long, slow process. With infinite patience, obedience

to idea, to principles, and standards, judicious common sense approach, a depth of

understanding, and above all, love which encompasses all frustrations and pressures, the growth

toward maturity is inevitable.23

While the parent’s role, both the mother and the father’s role, is significant for the

character, personality, and value formation of the child, it is equally important to show the

importance of the family in preventing juvenile delinquency of the child. During the fast

changing period when nations are racing to reach the moon, and when the strains, stresses, and

ways of modern living are shaking the very foundation of the family unit, it is a very good sign

that people, not only in our country, but the world over are now focusing some of their attention 22 Lim, op. cit., p.4223 Quiambao, loc. cit.,

to the children are now getting into difficulties, why our young people seem to be breaking more

laws, getting into trouble, and causing more damage to themselves and other people than used to

be true. We seem to feel that something basic is wrong; that parents are not doing as good a job

as they used to, that boys and girls are no longer made of as good stuff now as the older

generations were. We want to blame something; we want to blame somebody; and in our desire

to pinpoint responsibility for this problem, we point ninety-nine out of 100 times an accusing

finger to the parents, who, unfortunately, are themselves confused of their children.24

There is no sense blaming or sniping at the parents all time for the troubles caused by

their children. The constructive attitude should be “Let us find out what is wrong and do

something useful to help these confused parents and their delinquent children.”

But in a way, there is justification when parents are blamed, because it is in home where

the personality of the children is shaped. Hence, the home really plays an important role in the

prevention of juvenile delinquency/ rebelliousness of the child.

A child’s family particularly during his first few years, is the most important influence in

his life. It is in the home where his attitudes toward other people and authority are formed, and

his ethical values and standards of conducts are molded. Any solution, therefore, to the problem

of delinquency must concern itself, first of all, in obtaining for the child a stable and secure

family life in which his fundamental, physical, social, and emotional needs can be met.25

It is important to remember that getting into trouble, becoming delinquent, becoming

rebellious—happens in all social and economic groups and, of course, children, make mistakes

and may get into trouble accidentally. Such children are not really delinquent and are easily

helped. The delinquents who challenge our thinking most are those children who refuse or

unable to conform society’s demands. This raises the question: How do children learn to

24 Gertrudes Cabangon, The Role of the Family in Preventing Juvenile Delinquency, in The Filipino Family: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar Phoenix Publishing House, 1996), p. 83

25 Holly E. Brisbane, The Developing Child (U.S.A: Bennet, 1965), p.35

conform to “the rule”? What is the process by which they become responsible individuals? How

does it happen that some children fail in this, and therefore never really grow up?26

It is in the home where children learn the rules of the game of rightful living. Children are

not born with a sense of right or wrong. They must develop it. They must learn to repress

impulses that are socially disapproved, as, for example, the desire to take something that belongs

to someone else, or the urge to strike people, or to destroy things when they are angry. They

must be taught to behave according to prescribed conventions. And it is the family that does this

important work for society—the work for “civilizing” the child. Now we ask, How does the

family make over the growing child from a self-seeking creature demanding immediate

satisfaction for his wants to a law abiding citizen who subordinates his personal desires to the

interests of the social group?27

We know that children try to be like the persons they love and admire. We are all familiar

with the little boy who takes of his father’s gesture, or the little girl who assumes the tone of her

mother when she is scolding her doll or her baby brother. Children do not only imitate their

parents’ external behavior and accept their loved parents as an ideal, but they also absorb their

traits and standards of behavior.28

Now, the parents in teaching the child to behave properly must impose certain restrictions

upon him. In turn, the child wanting to keep his parent’s love, and fearful losing it and being

punished, unconsciously takes over as part of himself the teaching and prohibitions set by his

parents. These guide his behavior, and forbid him to do those things that his parents and,

indirectly the society disapprove of, even after he has grown up and is no longer supervised from

the outside. In other words, he develops a conscience. The king of conscience a child develops

depends upon the kind of adults he has patterned himself after, and more important, upon the

emotional feeling between him and the adults closest to him, his parents. Thus we see that there

26 Cabangon, loc. cit.,27 Cabangon, op. cit., p.8728 Pura M. Flores, The Socio-Psychological Development of Filipino Children, in The

Filipino Family: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar Phoenix Publishing House, 1996), p.64

is plenty of truth in the saying “like father, like son” and the child’s conduct reflects the training

he has received from his early childhood.29

Everyone, the delinquent and the law-abiding has certain fundamental emotional needs

that he seeks to satisfy. Simply expressed, they are the need for love and affection, for security

with other human beings; the need for growth and achievements and for recognition, the need for

freedom from family and the need to discover his identity and place in society.

In order that a child may grow up into a matured well-adjusted adult able to participate in

our society without too much emotional strain, he must have particularly in his childhood, the

kind of family that will help him answer those needs. First, and above all, he must be secure in

his relationship with his parents. He must feel that he is loved and wanted and that he “belongs.”

Such security gives him a sense of worth and of confidence in himself, which help him toward

becoming an integrated personality.

For his healthy development into maturity a child must have the kind of relationship with

his parents that will fulfill his second need—the need for growth, for achievement, for status as

an individual apart his family. As a child develops, his interests gradually broaden and his

experiences expand outside the family circle. As he approaches puberty, he wants to assert

himself from his family.30

The process of achieving these ends is not always a smoothly flowing affair. There are

times when the normal adolescent wants to be a “baby,” at other times he wants to be “his own

boss.” It is the conflict among other factors that makes adolescence a time of stress for all

children. The child who is secure in his relationship with his parents, however, is free to loosen

the family ties gradually and to become an emotionally mature adult that is the insecure child.

The latter who has been over-indulged or over-protected by his parents that he never learns his

own abilities and responsibilities may find it difficult to find his place in home and society.31

29 Ibid.30 Quiambao, op. cit., p. 1531 Lim, op. cit., p.90

All children—and for that matter, all adults – need recognition, approval from others.

Failing to find satisfaction for this basic desire in their actual experiences, they get what comfort

they can by withdrawing into the realm of fantasy where all their wishes come true. Or unable to

gain recognition through socially acceptable behavior they may turn to delinquency to get the

acclaim and admiration they seek from their companions. This does not mean that all children

who are rejected or spoiled by their parents, or who feel frustrated, inadequate or revengeful

become delinquent. Some of these children find expression for their conflict or get compensatory

substitutive satisfaction in ways that are not legally forbidden. But the child who is unhappy in

his family relationship is likely to seek satisfaction away from home.32

Inspite of difficulties, an individual can survive adolescence and occupies his place in

society as an adult member. His needs remain, but their focus is different. Thus, the need for peer

acceptance persists; the need for parental emancipation from parental control is now a struggle to

escape from the demands of the adult society. If parents give their children a good home,

establish a mutually loving relationship, set an example worth emulating and help them acquire

moral and ethical values, adolescence could be a rewarding challenge rather than a vexing

period. And if he lives in a community in which anti-social attitudes prevail, in which other boys

in the neighborhood seem to be getting lot of fun out of forbidden activities, in which a pattern of

delinquent behavior is traditional, he is more susceptible to the attractions of delinquency than

another child under the same community influences who has found more strength and

satisfaction in his home.

The art of parenthood is not a simple one. What civilizing the growing child and

inculcating in him a conscience that will make him conform to the rules of society, parents

should endeavor to strengthen their family life and maintain the social values of the home.33 If

we understand by social values of the home, the preparation of individual for community life, it

is obvious that one of the first considerations is the personal appraisal and discipline of the

individual concerned. A successful social life, in the broad sense of the term, depends upon the

32 Ibid.33 Roberto R. Sugcang, Planning To Meet the Welfare Needs of the Children and Youth

in the Philippines- A Cursory Review (Philippines: National Science Development Board, 1971), p.124

ability of the individual to adopt himself harmoniously and peacefully to the people with whom

he comes in contact. Such adaptation requires a certain calm appreciation of one’s own

importance without exaggeration and the practiced power of order and self-restraint. The home is

the logical place for children to develop his attitude if the full meaning of human personality is

therein understood.

To achieve this objective, two extremes are to be avoided by the parents. One extreme is

a dominant and tyrannical attitude on the part of either or both of the parents, whether manifested

in a bull dozing manner or in the more quiet but equally repressive method of sentimental

condescension and vested rights by which some parents endeavor to keep their children in as

state of perpetual infancy. The other extreme is a total unconcern for the hours, habits,

companions, and general development of children, so that the latter manage to bring themselves

up to maturity by the method of trial and error.34

One of the most difficult tasks for many parents to recognize is that children are endowed

with growing minds that these minds are capable of all the essential powers of recognition and

judgment.

The situation becomes more acute when the parents regard each other with distrust or

condescension, or when one parent becomes a bugger for the children, or where physical

violence is called n to distribute justice. “Just wait till your father comes home.” This becomes

an expression calculated to strike terror in the hearts of children, who would rather be trained in

the principles of reason and love. Equally distressing is the attitude of the mother who nags

husband and children alike. Neither of these methods can be truly calculated to produce any

mentality other than of resentment on the part of the growing children or adolescent in the family

who are supposed to receive training at home for self-respect and independence.

Fortunate indeed are children in those homes where the parents have learned as a team, to

guide their children by a rational discipline, which is the product of a sympathetic and

understanding concern for their welfare, and at the same time to grow up their children in a

34 Sucgang, op. cit., pp.125-126

genuine companionship, with mutual companionship, with mutual encouragement and

community interests. For example, when the parents understands that the child’s early mistakes

and “badness” is a normal part of growing up and the child is corrected without being hurt,

shamed, or confused; when the child can say what he feels and talk things out without being

ashamed or afraid, and he knows his parents appreciate his success, rather than dwell upon his

failures; when he is allowed to plan with his family and is given real ways to help and feel he is

needed, and that his parents care as much about him as they do about his brothers and sisters.35

Parents exercising this guidance, while firm in the essentials, will make due allowance

for differences in temperaments and ambition, and will not attempt to straight-jacket the children

according to the parents’ preconceived plans. We hear parents say, “I don’t know what to think

of that son of mine, I wanted him to take commerce and continue my business when I am gone;

but there he is insisting on becoming a mechanic, architect or anything except what the father

wants him to be.” Parents must remember that one can go only so far in guiding and planning for

youth. If children have been provided with sound Christian principles of living and have been

given good safeguards at the danger points, they must be allowed commensurate freedom that

comes with maturity and be permitted to face their social responsibilities on the basis of a free

choice.36

Side by side with the development of a disciplined self-confidence, the home is the

logical training ground in the social virtues. The insistence of the parents upon certain rules in

the domestic game and helpful indications makes it easier for all to get along together under the

same roof.

This cannot be achieved when homes are in constant turmoil, when the various members

of the household are accustomed to snap at each other and to lapse into sullen silence, when the

idea of being voluntary service to one another is too ridiculous to consider, when such a thing as

privacy is unknown and good manners are regarded as a sign of affectation or weakness. Under

35 Cabangon, op. cit., pg. 8836 Ibid.

these conditions, social activity and entertainment within the home, which are of utmost

importance, are ruled out.37

As a result of this behavior, mental patterns are developed of social hostility, quick

tempers and battling tactics.

The home is likewise the ideal place to cultivate the power of appreciation, which has so

many facets from a personal as well as social standpoint. Parents who complain that their

children do not seem to appreciate what has been done for them may well pause to ask

themselves whether they have been sufficiently explicit in teaching this lesson. The spoiled child

who takes everything for granted and demands more and more without giving anything in return

is usually the product of overindulgence or overprotectiveness of parents.

All these negative patterns of home life should be avoided if we like our children to go

out the world as law-abiding citizens.

In order that home may adequately fulfill its role in the prevention of juvenile

delinquency, parents must understand certain things about their children, adolescents

particularly, and must be able to act and live accordingly. The family should share responsibility

wherein the father, the mother, and the children work together to make the home a happy place

to live in.38

To have a happy home life, it does not necessarily mean that the family should have

plenty of money to spend for everything for each member, or to have a mansion wherein all the

comforts and ease of living are provided. Except in cases where the family is harassed by

extreme poverty and insecurity, any family can experience real happiness, no matter what their

economic condition is, when the children feel that they are wanted and understood. This means

parent’s capacity to think with one’s feelings about their children, feeling what they feel, sharing

their joys as they do, act they do, and yet with us parents never getting lost in sentiment about

37 Lim, op. cit., p.94

38 Andres, op. cit., p.112

them, all the time keeping our feet in the ground, remaining their parents. When the dominant

mood of parents become that of trying to understand what their children are going through, and

when children become aware that their parents are really understanding and feeling with them

instead of just correcting or condemning them, then parenthood becomes richly satisfying and

family life becomes happier. With this home atmosphere, parents try to take time to be with their

children, listen to the things their children care about, share responsibilities with them nd help

the children think in terms of the well-being of all.39

The parents should encourage new experiences of the right kind at the appropriate time in

a child’s life, and should not forget to praise a child’s achievement and progress. The mother and

the father should not establish a restrictive atmosphere in the home, but should allow and

encourage their children to invite their friends to their homes. They should find time for their

children’s friends, fun, and ”foolishness” which are part of teen-age life.40

Parents, also, should be examples of honesty, courtesy, and mutual respect. A home with

a sense of values and a steady guiding hand can reach the lessons of courtesy and consideration

even under difficult circumstances. Ne need not sit at the banquet tables of the rich to learn the

art of saying “please” and “thank you” and “ I am sorry.” Every home can teach children respect

for old age, for grief and for dignity, and can impart the golden rules in learning how to share.41

“The family that plans together, stays together.” Hence, in matters that affect family life,

parents should take in their children and make the latter feel a real part of the family. The

children should be encouraged to listen to many sides and opinions, to express their ideas so they

can grow in responsibility and thus develop family strength through optimum development of

each member. Every child should be given a chance to do and be taught to think of others. The

little birthday parties, the saving of centavos to buy gifts for others, the occasional privilege of

staying up late or gong to some special entertainment, as a privilege, not always a right—these

are precious opportunities for developing a sense of social values within the easy reach of every

home.

39 Brisbane, op. cit., p. 7640 Quiambao, op. cit., p. 5741 Ibid.

Parents should also develop teamwork not only in work. But in play. A family that plays

together stays together. To keep the family together, parents should provide group experiences

such as after supper “program” where everybody, including father and mother takes part;

providing sala games such as checkers or sungka for a happy time together before bedtime, or

listen together to a favorite radio program or tell riddles for everyone to guess. On special

occasions, family picnics can be organized, giving each member his share and responsibility in

the preparation.

Another thing parents should remember, is that they should shield their children from

tension of family friction should such a thing arise. This example of quarreling and nagging

parents is not the best object lesson in human relations.42

Parents must respect their child as a person. They must respect his feelings, his thoughts,

his desires. Both the father and the mother should encourage their child to express himself freely,

spontaneously, and creatively.

Also, parents must reason with their child. Parents must not require their children to obey

and conform at all times. Unless it is imperative that he obeys automatically without question,

such as in an emergency, allow him to deviate from your commands sometimes. After all, who

knows that you are wrong and he is right?43

Parents must avoid comparing their child with other children. The good parent accepts

and loves the child as he is. If the child is not good enough, he can better not by becoming like

some other child but by strengthening his better self.

And lastly, but not the least, parents must live and practice their religion in their daily

living, to set an example to their children. A family that prays together stays together. A child’s

religion starts with his parents. His basic outlook on life, his sense of values, his moral and his

ethical standards he absorbs from the example of living set by his parents. By living their 42 Cabangon, loc. cit.,43 Ibid.

religion, parents can guide youth in arriving at scale of values in keeping with democratic living,

values that emphasize the dignity and worth of the individual and the equality and brotherhood

of all people.44

Things mentioned above are some of the fundamental functions of family life by which

the home contributes in the prevention of juvenile delinquency. But juvenile delinquency is a

many-sided complex phenomenon, causes of which cannot justifiably be laid at the door step of

the home alone. The prevention of juvenile delinquency is the responsibility of everyone in the

community and delinquency will always flourish in our midst unless all of us, individuals and

agencies alike, exert a concerned and coordinated effort to give our children all the opportunities

and facilities for wholesome growth and development.45

44 Lim, op. cit., p. 7245 Ibid.