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The Mistletoe Chain

Apr 08, 2018

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    J-"\ ,e.aa*r4;-

    ,,', thre* Act C*ir'reciyl* i l ' f l

    ^ t1- r r ! - 1,J_o .r e _u_._t"._.:i!!!4.

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    lTili }{IS'ILETOE C}!\IN.

    soapy srnall,Johnnie, hls sonBoss,Penelopellickey ComeQulci{HoPtPitYtsarneYDalsy FlcggerSerenalllistletoeAuntle Kay, ( '

    Fkr _J_..,G. -0IRFI].LI.

    A l:ouselrainter.A carpenter.A t/etr:rinary liurgeonA surnerior girlA farrnerA farmerA Iocal gir lA wealthlr Zealander,Her chaperotleHer driver.--" y' Set ln a Vet 's Surgery, with an er: . t ranceto lef t and rlght.Curtain Up. Soan-vSrnal1 in nainterts overalls is repalrlng a Dunctureon hls bleycle. Hearing footsteps he turns bicycle rlght slde up andshoots back to his painting. Hoppity Ber,rneyenters wlth cap back tof ront .Barney: Ihat's a brave class of a &qr.Soapy: AVe, a riglrt day, noTv.Barney: I td say llourll irave rair:,Soapy: I t ouldntt be surDrised but you' l l have a sP, i te before r: ightfal l .Barnry: Would you be a vit , would you?Soapy: Ah no, I tnr not a vit , I t r : l only the nainter here.Barney: Just So? It's the vlt I nant, Th' oulr crud, Voll }cnrw,soany: The crud bees a bad dese. r lrave a touch of lt myself .Sarney; Ilhatrs that you said?Soapy: I said for you to ring that bel1 there.on the walI and theretllbe a lassie out to see Jrouin three sl i l tes of a rannts beast lnes,Barney: I t rs not a lassie I tm looJcingfor , i t ts t l re v1t .$oapy: Just ring tha,t bel} arrd siretll corimout zurdhear your confession.&.rney: Good enough. (nings) tnis is the t]:ird calf wlth a crud I rradthe year. &"d luck to tirern, tirtTy ha\/e my hear.t bruk.(3nter Fenelone)Penelcne:(br iglr t and eff ic ient): Yes, sir , ca,nf help you?Barney: Yourre not a vit are you?Penelrpe:0h no, sir-------Barney: ]fell youtre oann tl:e rnuch ireln to rne so'. I have another buck

    of a calf wirh a crud, and bad luck to the get he's doirg hisbest to die on rne.Penelcpe:lVell the 3oss is arryayat the noment, sir, but if yould Just 1lketo leave ]/our nryf.eand address I']1 give'hirn the iressag6 whenhe comcs in. (She gets out ilre booil)Barney: Mrat goodts learring a rnessage. I ruar:t him out atcal f is bad. onst. Thedo thiscase. Btrt I r11and acldress,Penelope:Tle]l rtm afraicl the Boss has a m:rnberof carls to' rnorning, and he wer,sout all nigirt on a difficulttell him anyway, if -rrout11just give rneyour namesir?

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    .l2.

    *"n*; lVould he be out before d1r:ner-tirne,Penelone: TVeII I reall1/ calltt prornise anythiug, sir, but lf iyoutll.- iust leave your lume and address------Barney: Aht lvhat namezu:d.address d.oeshe wantt sure ltm as well' t

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    ai!

    \qe.

    Soany

    Boss:Soany:Boss:Soany:

    Boss:Soany:Boss:Soarry:tsoss:

    Soally:' l l r rqc.

    soarry:Boss:Qnnrrrr .vvl lv-v tBoss:

    Soany:Boss:

    7

    After a rnornentihe reason becor:es arlDarent. lhe Soss conies ln)1fell Soanlr, lrzi,rdat it I see?

    (wines alTial/innp;inary srveat). Ah just putting ona bit ofDressure, sir. I alntalr's ti: ink ilre time p4oesby quicl',er v'rhenyourre going hard.See Penelope arourd a,r\nvhere'? (tsustling aroulld ln a hurry)I think she was in lrere a rninute ago sir, I iuldntt time toloolc at lrer.Never rnind, itl.L get it rlrs;elf , (Rurnrnagesin clrawers inpre-occuDied wa"v) Kt:orvif a;ry freslr calls cerneln?There rvas a fellotv here a, lr'lt i le ago but he didntt give hls narnelre said he iras a calf i 'rlth a cnrd and this is the third ofthem.Hm. Sounds like sorfieone I ]oor,;.f ront . Had lie h^s caD bacll toT think so-------I hardlv toolr tirne to loo.vlat him.Thatrs lrim so, ilonpitlr R-l,rtrey. I sw)pose he lyants me outat onceT'^maAi ^*n-1 "J l l j . r l l tJ \ . / .J -(1 U gI-v .

    T{ealways d.oes. Ile tirint',s Itrn Fiel,sirC,ordon. (Sdarcires)lfihere ir: tlrc ]ul,rneof God did I leave tlu,t sitrinse....r]\rerfind" arytlring in this plcae. (pause wl:ile ho-se.arohes.)lficicqr CorneQulck didntt comebaclr'I d idnt t see l t i rn, s i r .You i

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    4.1d

    Boss:

    Soany

    Bet sySoany

    3et qrSorrpyEetsySoanyBet sySoaoyEetsy: lle didn't get tne cirance. Tle told rne to run round toJ,4clrTarnaratsthe i iol ic i t t rrs t i ' i th a let ter after work, so I toldIrim to blourrniirg-rve1lruri round rvith it hirnself . You should

    Irlve seell tl:e face of irirn. "I'rn not going to starrd fortlrat kind of irnnertinence frorn voun rt1fell you can bloomlng-well si t do'.mfor i t rrso', soirs I. Arld I just took dovntrny coat a,ndwlrir:ned un rny bag tl,tid ival]:ed out.Soanyi rlh, You lrrere\/(3ryhastrr, Beisy.Betsy: Ilasiyt lfratr unl i{e rvas only girritrg rne seven quld avreek, the lousy old slcinfliut.Soapy: A11 the sameBetsy, sevel] quid it seven quid.Betsy: I{e carr no}ceitis se\/ell quid. Got a fag on you, Soaoy?Soany; Tiould you ciunce a hornernacleone? (gets out tin box)Betsy: Itd cirance arrything./,1,t (';a,t '.esclrgarette) Ta-ta. Got a match?Soany: So rvlra.trvill you do no'v';? (Glves ht:r a rnatch, whlch she- llehts on il:e sole of irer siroe)Betsy: God knolvs. itrlrat ca,narlyone do in a ghost tou"n l-l}ce thls ?I rnight go to ,ttgland ar:d becone a madel. tse smashlng,

    SoapyBetsySoapy

    wouldnf t i t .Soany: You have/tire rigtrt figure for 1t eut/vray.Betsy: The only tl:iug is I iraventt ztqy contacts uver there. 'f luhave to irave sornecontacts so start off . ..f rvonderwould your Jol'uurie have a,n1rcotttacis over there?

    ' r1 . rnhnrr ia iS i t tJ.| . r f t (J L/IUUII \r t .

    T'o'ouldhe be able to get rnea feiv introductions"T{ecould get Jrou it:troductions to builderst labourers lft l rat 'd be euryaddit iou.

    Ancl dontt forget, if l{icice-vCorneQui_clc.shows his nose ln here"gii". give hirn boih irai::els. (He hu::ries out. Soapyibtur irs"to f ix ing his bic"vcle.)(arnusedto hirnsel f) : Corneout . qrr icF,.vi t , t i r ' ,?ss i? utOeaff:is d.oor. I 'rnust rernernbertlrat one. (Laughing)

    ( lnter BetsrrFIogi ler)Trilrat's so ful:Y tilen?The lrard. i3etsy Flogger: i l7irs iust iraving a glggle atsometlring Oulii Tiglit Trousers told irie. .See,rns.he 4ot calledout at five otcloi:k tlris rnortritrg to attettd a dyitig 6,ss.lfy God, at firre in tire rnornitrgl Can-you irn?ellg i!, Soany...i i must ha\/e been grea.t to irear tire effing and blindlng.1?i11you quit, tvil1 you. Are you trot at vuorlc?Ahrvor l r , tN- *UIs t l re netv iob t iot goi t ig tuel l ' if t ts not gol t :g at al l Soar>1' ,i t rs gol ]e.Gone? Dicl he saci< you?

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    IF^t sy :soa'oy:Bet qr :Soany:Bet sy :Soany:tsetsy:Soapy:Betsy:Soa'oy:

    Betsy:soapy:Betsy:1'{1cke"v:soapry:Mlckey:Soapy:Mlckey:Soapy:I,{ickey:soapy:ir,{lclcey:

    Srany:Mickey:

    tr-) .A fat lot of gooci lre is then, 'lt irere is he now, London?r\h su/e GOdalOne lclolvs luirt:re he is. lfe ',vasto comeilbm; o,r tris holidays last l{ondrry, but }re d.idn't show uD,Probably too busy eelrtiitrg hi s nouti5r.Toe; bury snetrdiug i i , i f vou as]- 'rne.\Tlrat job 1s ire itt ttotv?lVetl acco:rclltrgto irirnself he;ts lvorlling on a big contract1n fiolve::harimtott, as a 'vuoodbutclrer.A lvoodbutcl:ertOir, you i:now, a cirittny, a car"Denter. ilers rnal

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    b.a-the wor]cl. ,The ha4rls was dronning-off ne, la,d, and there wasd.bout-t l rree gal lvns of r ' ; i t t rrr iu rnr tuelr i t rgtot is. Ah God, such ai' ' tt ing l -Tire only thing irut trlasatrt t arurcfittg rne, lii,d, was thei>d- tf Y- b o

    Bet; : ( lv ink ing): 1, ie11SoanyI 'd bei ter be get i ing along. I ftlrat son of Jrours does arrive jrorne,tell hirn Iwas askir'g for hirn.Soapy: Rigt r \ -o, 3etqr , I '11 iel l i : i rn. . . . .1f I see hirn. (EKlt Betsy)l l ickql; Wirorst i t iet lassie?

    Ah that's i3etsy Flogger. l"ould you llke a krrocir '-dowri-tolrer? (lfd.-ing a wry -face behind }{ickey's back)i lbuld slre coort, l i ld?I fm afraid l i rre roysel f you're get t i t rg too lot rg in the too' thf or titat ilane.

    L{iclcey: Ah you lqou}dntt icnolvtl:atm lad. },{anyfs trte go6d trrre wasnlayed on a,nourd fidrlle. Ah but it 's very nard nowadaysto get arrlr .kinci of a i:a1f-r.,rit ldiing-looritrg iassie fit tor,verkon land. Yon or:e lvoufclltrt De r-lucl)good goir:.g in witha ltucllet arnongstrong suckers. D1d you see t.ire high heelsshe had un lrer, Iad? Tlte,mtuouldtrft iast too long aboutthe back of our lrr:use.Soa'oy: You'd better r ing t i :at bei l t l r .ere, atrd t ire f i r l wl l} enterdorm j/our natoein tlre book.I',{ickqr.: i d.outt lvatr.tno riarneil} no boo}:, I tvatrt io talk to hirnself .

    Soa'oy:l , / t i nt^ranr .lvf * vl l v. t .Qn:nr.vvl4t,cr .

    soa'oy:l/li nircrr .! *vrlvuw .Soany:Ifickey:

    Soar;y:Ilickey:

    lfhen he cornes back aJro"s;ees your tuirte in the boolc hcrll be out*^ r tnrr d^.11LO yO U its rjoull as .ile ca,ll..r\yeo and maybe b.v tj:en tht ass rvoulcl be deadl lad.I thought it tvas oti.Iy a, colic.1.?e11i l rerets not l r i r lg as bad as col ic in an ass. I had bravehopes of lr irn t lr is rnornir:g, aud he took a sun of a drlnk thebest norv ;et niire orcloclc a.nd he see.roedto be rnaking bravewrastling, bu t Itrn danured i:ut lacl tulre.nI iveut out to throwhim a handful of boiled spuds',vasr:rt i te after gettlng a;:otherf r r r . r t It nust lrave beer:,tire cowld wateron an ernptystornach, Iad.

    Soapy: Cowld waterrs a bad dose, r . i rr i r f ar lr ttrrr l t4 4 fSrl v vrrv s[i l I.asses, lad?

    a painter i rere, but I(11 teI l ycucirse to tlte Boss as soon as he comesoI ]llickey: Are you aJryway well-up

    Soany: Indeed If rn ttot, I trn otrlYwhat, I r l l erolain yourirl, rttt111that do?Mickey: I 'm grateful to you, la,d, but f ?d as l ief talk to hl rn mysel f .

    Nothing bates talk ing to the educated man. I t l l te l l youno-but wlrat ir}l do, lad, I lraire to go dounri:.ere to tneCounty Council Offices to see tlrernabout gt,tting a sheughclaned, a,ndwhen I get tlult done i I 11 cornelrack here andmaybe the tsosstl i:e baclc ire tlren.l?lutever you like.I f he cornesin l lhet: I t rn out, Iad., dott t t let h im go out t i l lI cornein.

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    +'a 7.

    Soa'oy: All rigirt. (mit lf iclrolr) You lrouldn't reer,dabout lt,-'- '* -' nroul-dyoui I lrave a kincl of a situa,tion here, answeringenquir ies. ' r i f i te cornesin rv] :euitrn out, dourt . let .h i rnoui t iLt I coineintr . Honts that for a tot:gue twlster?(t te l iglr t r ; a fag) Alr rvel l , rv l tat .oddsas lqttg a.s rf fy. .rnoney'i(53oingdn? (geff rings) I wonder who thlsis? - Sorn5otirer fellil riit i: iL si6lr' ass I suDnoser (ts:terFenelotre) .r\Nra,me bould Pel:eloDeyou girl Vou, haveyou tire scoff readY?Penelope (icy;: I ' rn goi l :g to apslver t ire door, dtJtount ind?Scany does an lrnitation of itet rnaturer of hauglrty walXing)soapy: Ah boys if only I lva,sttveuty years younger Itd sooneralter tlnt tut:e.Penelope (at d.oor): Yes, sir, ciLrrI heln you?Johnnie (off stage) : Is tl:t oulri feller, worlrlt:g irere?Penelone: trVho,sir IJohnnie (off) : Of , J/ou icnr-n,,IffI oulrl fel}a, Soapy Srnall?penelope: I thinrc you'd better comein. (Joiurnie enters carryingair l ine bag. Pepelonets att i tude softens at once.She hovers around)Joirnlie: I loolced in aII tlre pubs, llever tlrouglrt Ird find you working.Scany: Ilhere did You dron out off ?Jchru:ie: I was otr tlre rnornitlg bus frorn D:blin.Soany: I tlrrtugirt you lrlere to coioe irorneon }{onday?Johnnie: Yes, I set or:t on l{on&qr, bui I got detaitred on the way.Soapy: You were detaiued? ily a poiicetnaJl?Johurnie: idot at all.Soany: 1Tell tvlu:,tcletait:ed you then?Johnnie: A tslonde.Penel-ope: lVould you care f or a cul of tealJohrur ie: 1fe1l thatts rrery k i t rd of you, Li l lssah.. . . . . . .Penelone: Penelone. (Srveet ly)Jolurnie: Penelope. youtre a good rnatch for tl:at na$e.Penelope: 1s tirat a comnlimetrt?Johnnie: It t s rnore tlrar: a comnllment. It

    t s a fact .Penelope: l'Ihatts Jrour name tiren'iJrhru:ie: Johrrnie. Youtre trice.Penelope: Youtre dishy.Soany:' You rvouldnrt read about it, vould you?Penelone: Riglrt Jolrtr:ie . Te;r-------cornitrg un. (exit Penelrne)

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    o'o B.

    ,$?apy:,;olu:.nle:Soaqr:

    Johnnie:Soapy:Johnnle:Soanlr:

    Johrrnie:soaDy:Jol:ru:ie:Soany;Johurnie:Soapy:Johnnie:Soany:Johnnie:Soany:.Tnhnni rr.Soanlr:.Tnhnni p.Penelone:Johnnie:Do'rr a] ^116.r vrrrJJ v l/ \J I

    soapy:

    How in lrell did you do tlrat?lfirat ?rrm pagglng tliat one all rnornir:g for a cunpa,tea arrd al lthe lltt le rarn ctonersas insult me. And me with a throatlike tite lining; of a lrlast funrace.lliell corxeor1, lvetl-l uo up ti:e street to }{cGovernrsand havea counle of 'oints.Dont t ternpt rae, ,1r9y. .. . r 'm of f i t t i r is three rnonths, ar ld.I war:t to iceep tiris gob if i cati.ITerl} iust l:ave a courrle of pints and then straight back.Ifo. T.:,lk aboui soinetlring else rill the scoff arrives.b_ecauserr4zresistance is loiy as it is. (starts oaint ing)How is tlre rvootl Dutcliering game?0h t lre jobrs al l r ig l r t . i t t s not the job that 'sworrying me a,t all.Ha. r lc:elv by you l{lffilrr.ujIXEtirere rvas sornethir}g on yourmind. Youtre in irorrble I sunnose?llrel] to tel] you rroilriirp3bu.t tlre trutlr d"ad.,Irm up a treeal l r iglr t .I lfn. I dorrrt fa.rtry ilre sounclof this too rnuch.lTait a minute norv, rlonrt start jurnning to conclusions--Tlri,1 llee you're uD, has it aJ4rt6itr* to do lvltir the btondethat rrdetained/ you?1[e11as a rnarter of fact 1t ] ras--------There you are, rvlrat did I tell you.Look here, rrrn not utr il:e kir:d of a tree you're ti:inkinE ofIs the blonde up i l r is tree too?You have a susl ic ious mincl, t t ratrs your trouble.ldowr:ever mind about rnlr trouble, iviut r rva,ritto lrnow is-___/ Elr f or T) olr r:'l r\ J44v J+ J . v .r . /+CDe )

    Ssssslr. .lj itut un.You take sugar, Jolrruu:ie?I go for a,uytlring sweet.l4ee too"+yg,_-?l],rJ-*e.,. (Slrp glives him a look) Is thls rasrcuD?Arr r igJrt , al l r igin^nour fenerone, you_rnustnrt rush inout,Itll just i:eln- rnlrself. (st:e ignor'es soanir, Tvnoooei al i t t le ?et, asking.. the quest ior:E ir irnself) ' " r i lno Vo"- i i f .e!]]gar, Soanlr?rr, . "Olr1rss,-'Qlease, PeneloTle, trvo"nfeiSGirnHefe you i i , re t i :enrf . 'Hr l l ' l l ' inrr - 'n,sweetbr yo[u. (ne t,*ru3tti,;i?ff J/ou'Penelope'that?s

    (!p Jolr4urls); I lianpened to ha,rresomeham sa'dwlches cut.?hought lrou rnight fmcy sorne.Penelone

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    "fof,ntie:S ,py:Johnnie:soapy:PenelopeSoa'oy:

    Johnnie:SoaDy:Johnnie:Soapy:Johnnle:Soapy:Joluuri e:Soany;Jolxu:ie:soapy:Johnnie:Soany:Johnnie:

    SoaP-r.';

    Johnnle:

    SoaDy:Jolmnie:Soapy:Johnnie:Soaplr:

    nv

    0h, lovely. (fa,lces sa,ndwich).olr, srna,shin5l. (Leans across a:rd snatcires a sarrdwich)1Tel1tlr.anlcs,Per:eloTle,tiris is suner.Scrumptious. Yourre a right gahal la, Penelope.

    (to Johulr ie): I f you 16ire arly rnore just r ing.lJonrt worry Penelorreztve wiI I (nxit penelope)(SgapVdrons tire-act) l$ow, ivirat's this all about, beforethat one comesback.

    i ' fel l i t ts quite simple. You see fud, t i tere were thesetwo birds on the plane corningover---------and of course you nut clrat on tirern?ldo, tirey Put chat sn 11.Ah for Fetets saicewi:ar rlifference who put the chat orr who.lfell i wouldntt irave tlre bao rflaJlnersto sneal

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    r0.i l lell r;e.got -tail: ing, llfe, iurd.Serena and me gJtalong like a lrouse on rire--Sererul?Yei: , the Blonde. Sererralt i st }etoe.0h, i-.eCrimrnenJrIOir shets a real slvinging chick, fud, really swltchedon. Aricllrou should have seen the clathes she waswearing- * -gear, man, gear.

    Soany: (to aurlience): You r'voulci:rttlerid. about it, would you?Johrrnie: \iol look, dad, do you rrarrt to hear me out ar not, becausei f i rou dorlr t just saJrso and wetl l forget ai l about l t .

    Go on boy, go on. .t 'e11me horr much she struck you for.Yes, I thought l routcl sa,y that , dad, zurd tnat ts just wherer rnrrry la lvr^) . - I aSked l:ef ly irat Shg did fOf a l iVi lg----JV s +\J l r lv j r f i . I (ar j r l \ru l iu4 " -ylfliO slre dirl for a living, Vou should. nave said-.--._-----I aslred ner what sire did for a living, l i lce I mearrt\Tas she a riecretri"ry or im irctress or wnat, a.nd you tcnrwwhat sire told rne'l Sire said she was ir l tne fashionousiness .;urd tiren the ar;rrt lea,ned acrcss a,nd tlhisped.to rne tirat i ierena lvas tne owner of the }{istletoe Chain.The l , i ist letor : Ci teint l [enrerheard of i t .Ai: donr t be so ignorant . The l l ist letve Cirain is a wel lknown chaln of fasiiiolt. shons. They have brenche aI Iover the wOrlrt fn-n hrtr1)lron?S sa,}re. It, S a fabUlOusbusiness.i \nd Scar let ina told Jrou she oiyned it .Not Scar let ina, Selena. That 's r ight , she told mesr le owned i t .T?el l yLu're a sof t rel la, t i r .et ts al l I car t say.lW lfi:y airr I a soft fella?i f yout c1l rel ier re t iul t r Jroutd bel ieve a.r rything.1i - ' i rylvouldnr t r oel ierre i t , rvhat ts incredible ai lout i . t .Ah my dear SXXXrnan, you're losing al l tne t l t t le wityou e\rer rurd. Af ter ai l the out ing you got you st i l1caJrrt see iqi:en you?re being nade a cod of . SerenaIl istletow, owner of a chain of fashion shops--- didever you hear as i_roodin.rrour l i fe. Faj(en up mffr, 1Sslre nas lvhat she said. she lJas, Voll wouldntt get in witnher--*--lfhy not? 1ffiy wouldn't IeSecause Jroul . louidt t t t De let ryi thin ah assts roar d her ,+h^+ ? a rrrr ,rrrt i -J

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    f

    o harrr; let irr:rserfhis irol idalrs 'i1.

    i - io n ' i nrorT tl r t ' i^.t ^ r i rn ^/ ."hrrf nhoy' nnmi rr i l hnnL\ / , /4vr ! \ / !a sf , Jy a irVUO(t UULC,..,4 vvr.r ! l rr r .- .11(] On

    .?'"\tni e:(of f euded) iv l rat 's I ' r rong \v i t i l a Y/oodbutcner? Itm not ashamedof being a carDellter. ldo Oiuistian btrt rqould be proud to bea carpenter .SoaDrr: 0h nol; I tm not sayir.g trie::er s ctJsrl i t i t t i lJrong lr ith i:eing acir.rDellter--- -- -- - -Joi rmie:ltel l lvlrat t]]e blazf]it i trre \r!11 saJiing then.,Soarry: ldowdontt get hr>t . l fo t reed to biow Jrour gasKet at a1] ,Johrrni e:Ah, J/ou rna,l(ene sick. Jtrst irecause I'rn working man an"dwasrealecl poor-- - -Soar4r: I I d say Jro1llvere a rla,nn s;iirlrt poorer by the tirne .Scarletina

    rras done rvi th you.Johnnie:Loolc. Lr :oic. Sne tvasnt t i r : teresieo. in my money at ai } , sireisn' t a gold-(1ipiger , sr te doesn' t l ra\ re to be. i fhen you own amult i * in l l l ion Dould business J/otr dont t i iave to cul t ivate Deor l leto make rooneif out of tjre,rn.Soapy: lThen are l/ou goi:rp: to ,,-striI i irrougn Jrour thicx skurl trrat youcaJI't niclc un muLti)r i i l Lion pourd cari.e.ries in an aDroplane.Mqr raan, rf slre rva.sa,rlrthing like what she lerl you tobelieve, srterd oe surrolrnded bv Sec::etaries and l,, lanagersandira,nger-otrlers tlrat you rvouldnrt f let anywilere neat: her..Tnlrrrr-r ' i o .

    ' l t ' l t o I knol' i that. I wrlr;ntt born \resterda't l .Soany: Wel l , then?Johnnie:All site hi:,r lt 'r i th her tvas tirr: ci:aperor:e, bur the rest of tnecircus net t ire xxre aeron-Lii,rreat Drlr l in Arrnort. The Dublinl{auager wa,s tr lere tvit ir t ivo pirbl- icit-rr r}en, and siie was interviewedb1r-the ttewsDaDersa;:cr ou telerrisioi i. i?ere you watching the

    tele on l,4or:&r1rnlf l irt.Soat4r; 1treI ivasnrt. Tlrsr took 1t bar:k.Johnnie:1fel1 lrou rmrst ira,ve seen tlre nervspaDers on Tuesclalr"Soany: I only read tire racir:g nages .Johru:ie:There ],verettictures of irer stepning rlorm.out of the air1ineranrl l i ten piClures Of l1p'r.i ,rr:fr i ' .c" g[1 Of the caT OUtsicle her fiOtelin Dublin. r lre renot i""E' ' i ; i ;3 to get me to girre nry narnebut r

    woul&rlt 5;ive it to tire-r'1. Yotr .Kriorvtirese fellows, always tryingto hr"rr:tou i a nint of rorna;:ce,(There is a p.l,use. fioanlr stares at ]rirn)Soany: l ls ten i tere, bo]r . Is t i r is t ] re tnr t l t?Johnirie:0f course it is. You surelJ/ clor: ' t t l r ini l I drearnedit al l '3oar4r:You're not just tnr i i r l l to naJcea cod or rner

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    a * lP.', lohDnie:t rYorcrof nonor-Lr ,dad, rrerr ' ,vo. lc lI 'n tel l in i ] ] rou is nlain honestt rui i r . Sne insisted on rc,egoing to tne hotel with them.. .a.nd -vou. should hatre seetl the spread tira,t was laid on for us. T'tregot sornckir:cl or a sr-'lanl

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    *Soopv: You're an awfur bloodlrman.t ' ' r , sne wer f inds out, yourre6 Trr i 1pf l .e 4q4rJohrr : r1e:Ti rat 's i l re worst of i t . she is going to f ind out .Sc ff: I iow wil l she?Johnnie: Shets coming here.Soapy: (dlsmayed) : J$hno, dou't sary il lat .Johnnie: f tm tet l ing you, shet s coning here. That rs nrnat I rrn so worr ledabout.Soapy: Tflnt business ]tls sjre coming .ilero?John:nie:It lras all that brassins T rjone about this being such a thrivlnctown. r painteo-iT-iri-.,]"ii"f glorvfu:gcolours tirat arl of'J,"*"*sudden sile decided to colnecloinr'-ar:r1s6e ii-h,rrserr wirhto stariirg ilniJil-etoe Fisirioi: strop irere Dvr'r'' rvrLI'ia vlewSoaPlr: Well you thick eejit lrou-Johrrnie:3fi:':?iHo,t:'":,F3",uI,H'Hlr3,Y;"ofi',l8firf,u.l3'#8"lrave corle llear trre plabe and I'nouidn'E ira,vebeen rouno-olt.Soarnr: There's where t jre t igl .geis.you now. I knewyou wouldnrt quityour ould eegit ing t i l l 'you'11get your noori- in a-utu"" l---Johnnie:youf hoolc's in this sturn'ojusi i ls muchas rnine is.Soapy: lThat are you ralking about ?Johnnie:1vell 'rynenr *e*tioL?* vou, sere'a a,skeclne wlrat you did a.r:dIsaid you wer a paiuter.sbapy: congra,tuLationsi Dantnit it 's great to lrear that you told thetruth once atse-Lf, eve* it i i i ia5 onqr-*i .6l ident.Johnnie: lonrt be too lmstv^rv1!! t3e cor:graltulations, _ you see, fud, shetook it for gra.ntbo wi:etri sir,id'-pr:,inter-inai r rnezu:tan artlst,I t never occured to her t i lat ' - i mear: ta housepainter. . . . .zurd Isori of let lt go at thatSoary; She thinks I 'm an art ist? lf i r God:! IJohnnie: f tm sorry, dad.Soapy: Wlrenis she corning)Johnnie: To-day.Sbaqr: What time tJofurnie: rrm to meet lrer a,t ilre ]rotel at trvo-tirirty.soatry: ffi-ll';l{i;;::3]9_:T_t,rinks vou're a university LecturerandJohrr'ie:-------a-ve a'd sire tirinl

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    * . LLL.

    Sban:r: ;U:lboV:s bul 1f Oll l \r l /o1ltd&;iel)I Jrou.I Oig goc shutlJohnnie: If onhr I iradJSo.r ,uy: ( to aud. ience): You urouldnt t rea.d about i t , lvoulc You'rJohnnie: lThat are lIJr3goitrg to do.Soany: (nic l r i l lg un p: l i r : i bnrsl i ) : I dot : . ' t i r i r re a t in-

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    soall/:JOnnnre:

    Soanv iJohnnie:soatTr:Johmie:Qnrrr- r .vv(!v.., .Johuuie:

    Q,nr:. ] .xr.

    Johnnie:

    Soaor/:Johnnie:Soanlr:Johnnie:Soany:Johnnie:

    Qnrnrr .

    JohmrieQnrrrrr .vvqr / tY .

    Johru:ieSoaqr:JohrrtrieSoany:JoirnnieSoapy:

    15.Goocl108,,11,l/ourserf I lltul,nit rroirrre a creciit 'Only a colryar(lLies d.ovrnbefore ite's i:eai, dl,d: T.''r look asi,ni" a= l lre Tlniversit j r Teeturr lr ,Df lr t i ioes, sitets trot goit tg tofirrd. out ar4r rli.fferelli b-r co;nirlil dotnr irere-lSot t i t l sorneitor l l rtel ls lrer \rol l t -re otr ly a wood btt tcher.I LcnOlv.SO itrs t l t : t r l t rS tO See t l l r , t t lOl lOdlrdoes, See',sureyoucal l ' i r loth.r t ,Jro' t tc i t r rl t tstonneopletal l r it rytoi rer 'And e.rr:n ir: r./()ucouldr inatts:rot t lre otrl ir t l lot on the copybook.I ' l l i .at aboUi ivhetr srre disco\/ers Itrr onllr a ix;usenail:ter':Shet l I not , dar1.lYlrat'rT;trensne alri.res he.re rvetl l irarre cotwerierl t l t is n-Lace into ana,r t is i ts st t r r l io, i t rvoD' i taice us long, tvet l l r1! l ut r an easeland sorne cdJlvas, iLl ld c,Lear alrlal/ t irrtse ltott les of cow rnedidineoff tne shel t res t i tere-- -Gcod man Johlriel 3\r:r ltvjrere'l l I be? Ove:: there by titei '; ind.Ovf, I supDoSe, rvit lr my tra,itr is iUrd ilrusheS, naitrt i trg SOmeni rnl 'rrr i n ;ror. S jCitt tt)Lti tVJ JJj r l \JJ( ignor ing t i re sarca.sm):of the rnorlel. i fhat rvouldnanrr i rro f nrrn lr6VTIUJfI ' - / VVuvl I.,1'nc trrtrt qcr i r )US )ftr \J o\,0f cor : rse I ' rn ser ious, &ldl

    C,oorion Jrou, &"d,! I ha&ttt t i tought,r . i r r ,: f i .r .: r ,uirnl^ i- i r ivr.- f i rn vlt1Ll \ r , , , , - -e rnlr lg r l le pronel

    I tras never nore ser ious in rqreizer had.I inotv i t t1l- rr ,rork.

    t l - I (J r

    l . te l I Vou 1- '-e I osir t r i ra.Lf i , r ' t l i l t i r t i ' l i t f 'OU., "*Don' t i - ' tel i lce tni l t , r lat l . I t t l l tvor ic,l\n wil l r iott g() irrvali anrl t irrol ' l a,n ouiri irotrse on yourself,Look dad, lrou ritralld io li l l . i tr blr tf l is t ir ir lg just as nuch a,s Ido. If I catr rnarlrr l jerena. :/orl caJt throrry t i :e paintbrusbesover l/ou.l ' left slrouldel a,nclsnetrd t:re::est of your l1fe r,valklngaoout, I Drofrrise l/ou il:at. :\ Ll I r;a,nt )rou to cio in returnis io heln rneout here itn(Inorv. Just i:eln me out of thisst ic lqr si t i rat io:r a,rd I t11 nr3r/r : r f orget l rou.ldol irei l : ir i l l i ' , t lr ine. If r)r l lrr l /ou rrrrLlt t gorle shooting offa'n1 rr 'n i r - "n,rrr* \ t l fe f e iV,;UIdt:, t t j le ; l .nrr qi i ntn ' c i frrof i nn./ vu r vr 6 lr l 'JuuJ r u rJU (! lJ , ' / D trrufLJ DJ- tJLldJt/.LUrr.ThAt ts tvnat Jrou t l t i t : i

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    I r'\

    Johnnie: lJOt: . t tsnl i t l r i l , r rs, dad. T1-r ; i ,1,ts thret : , at id I I i l te l } her tneold r i r i ,Lrvaystat ion is a fult i i r t rr t : f i ictor l r .Soany: Good miur J/ourseLf arrd d.ottt l f: lgei r,he ,',rr l lcriers]'ard, youcil,n tel1 ire:: t lr.at 's i l , l lerfu:tt: - l i lctorlr.Johnnie: I t l l te l l l rer '51:ecreaneqr is i r , s l l im i i i i t tc ' tovder factoqr andI /astersonts o. ld mi l ls is a stveet r i : .c ioqr . ^io t i rere's your

    Soanlr;s ix factor ies.And I rvouldn't nir t i t nast you to try to nass off the nubl icI arr: : t nrrr . e 2 n61rr l i r1 67 : l 'j -l cn rIAV(r, tJ tJ j - ' / aJ"D C! L ' \J rt ! ! rr t1 . ( !rrv r/ .

    Johnnie: , iut i t 's rvor tn a trrr , dad. Tl fni l of the rnoney.Soaplr : r \ye, Irr l th inking of i t , t i ierets tro lulrrn in tnini " ing. - tsut" Listen hele, as imi l r t as rrou') , -e t : rerets ot te t i r i r rg you forgotabout . 19hat ilbout if it cai:ie of f , and you got mairied tothis Scar let ina bird----Johrurie: Loolc for heit 'rettrs riaice ,Llertlule is Serena-Soany. l let1 ;ierena or Srrringa" or lvnir"te\/erjte: tuu;ie is, sunDose yournier'ryher isn't si.r.e54oing to find. out lue told her a coc.K a.ndbul l stor- r r . .s1re sl rers bor.urdto f ind out sooi ler or later .Jchrmie: Qne thing at a ti i le, da,d. l l tet11 croslt i t lrat i:r ictge when lveceme to i t .

    ( :nter PeneLone)Penelonel ' lSsr it l re tea al l r ignt '?Johnnie: It wlts Lovely, PeneLoue, tnii l j i i rrou \reff r: luch, 0f , by the rlay,

    (he taices out a, i lox of ch.ocli lres frorn trerirell ing i:alg) theseare for Jrou, Petrelone.(def ightecl) : ,\rrl t ireir rr:ally f or tre?ijure . Talle then.ITi l rd centres. Yuir t Ch Irn goi ; r5: to l ike you, Jofuui ie.Tt"r nnirrn +^ ' l i l .a trarr *nn PetfCiOOe.t l- l t j . \J f faY- UU +IIrv JV s vvvt

    C,oc, ruoul-cln ' t i t na. ' leyou sici l . ( Ini tat i i r i t ) " I trn going trl i ice Jr t tu. , \nd Itrn goir :g to l i i le you". i , i r

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    . r / 'Joitnie (raughing) : .A11ri;int, all ri5_rht, rlelret:rulricl.Soany: (to rnrdience):Dic1you ireerrt i rat , \ l rha1;" Oir i fogery" Ti ' lat 's agoocl one.Pt ; fer)e: l : t Joj r i l r ie, rvhy is lre nreter : r1ing to ite a; i ar t ist , I dont tJohnnie:

    , l , l * ; +tl-|=u I tJ .

    Oh ivel t , let 's si l r , Penelone, (ci l ieful l i ' ) for reasot ls wnichare nei iher ; rere nor t i rr : : :e r lrs goin5, lto nut on a l i r t ie actfor trrese two ladir:s rvhen ti l(I l i ,r l irre, i i l ld' i 've dontt wa,rrtyouto sni l l the i :eans, t i rat?s al l .Of coi r rse I lv( )nt t spi l l t i te i :ea;rs. : ju i I st i l l dont t get i t ,Jr :hunie. . . . . .hotv is ] re sunnoser l to l te a;r ar t ist in a vet tqsurgery?I t iroirglrt we lnigJrt lr ide a ferv of t lrose itott les a:rd tlr ings andrnaJcethe nlace lool r a bi t l i i ie an ar i ist 's studio-- - - that 's'i f r rrrrr dr.rrr t i ,n i r rr i Dor-,o l nrro4J

    "ttlg \4\JJJ I l f,r+i IU, L trLi \)LVtJ\J.

    l , le, rninr i? 0f courr;e I dor: . ' t mind. I t l l give Jroua hand./ T ,- t- . - , . i ^ a i rv ,r\ . ruir r r r r . ' p. . r"v, :s l iOar. ;nra lOOll of t r i r - r r iph)iLye----and tvlurt ilbout 'i'igirt ilrrtusers? If he I'raliced in hereanri caugirt rne in tlre rnirir l le of 1t Itd 5.:etit, quare Kick in t irebacicsi r le.( to Penelope): Yes, t lu i t 's a poir r t . ' l fhat about t i re vet , doyou tnink rve could lrei ir is nermii;si on?Is t j rere arr-rrneed to? l ier l } be out . I {e goes out t i recor-ntry on his rounds eveq/ day tt" i ttuo otclock zuro"cloesntt evercome baclr before six. .of ten i t ts nucn later t r ran tnat .

    Penelone

    Johrurie :

    Donol nyroMrv!v| /v

    Qnrrnr .pv4tJ't .

    Johnnie:Penelone

    Johrurie: Is tlr"at o efinite, Fenelope'lPenelone: You can t :el l f on i t .Jpirrurie: ' l iren it 's in the bag. ldo',vri l l tve lurve to do is to f iro. amodel to nose for dad a; :d lverre in business.Soapy: ( to Penelone): I sunl)oseJrou l tol l1fur ' t farr ry st r inning of f?(ljl^le gives hirn a looir, turns her lraclc on hin: and vralf,s out )l i lo luct< tl:ere. 1fst11 )rirrrstre tlet Betsy ! '1o6rger.Johnnie: .3etsrr f loi lger------- is sl re si i i l arorxld?Soapy: Sti l l around, l/gu bolr 1rou, a;td as large as life, A,rrdreadyto do arrythir4l for a pound.Johnnie: Cf fer her two.Soapy: Are you nairing?Johumie: I,ook fud, if tve can succeerl in bringing this thing off, twoouid rv1111be a icere drop in t l re oceaJi to rne.Soapyr Tlren you thiulr of ff i irhat i3etsir Floggrer luoulcl d6 for a Dound,it rnakes you Kind of woncier rvhat sheid r1o for t lvc. (:Drrerlfickery Come Q,uici

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    ,&q IRlad lvhenI wer: t in t lre: :e rvasa lassie l i i ie a f i lm star sit t insi,rDat one of thern t-irnervriters: r oftr;n iiearcl tell of themslrort skirts, but I'rn clarnbutthis one hadn't orle on jrer atalas far as I coulC see. I axerl lrer, lacl, ctid. sire Krror,J?Pytiring about sireuglr-cIaning, a;rcl thi ouli snot, she cutt i re nose off me.Sor:e of ihern do be \rery bad ternnered.right erlougn.liure hoiy ivould thery lte iurlr rray rigirt, lac1'l Sure thedraugltt going rrn tirern sirort skirts T'louldtte fit to talce tirel i fe of a, horse.

    Qnrnrr .v v\a r/ J IX,itin rerr .

    ' l?nq q .

    Soany:Johur ie:Sn:r.t lr .

    Johrmie:Soapy:

    (Ar ter the -3oss. He doesn' t see l{ ickey ar, tf l rst),ih, good, baclc fol clinnel or: iire ciot. ffe}l no signso-and-so l icicel/ (lorneQuicr,--------(tre sees l.{1ckey)Godl ({e turns a,rrrinishes out aqain)

    of thatAl.r mrr

    l4ickey: Ii1 Boss., cone he::e I rva,rrtyol], Hi, i30ss, Boss: (He mns outaf ter the lo, is)IVel l you l l iouldn' t read i l i tor r t i t , r roul ( l you?t?here does this Eets-rrFlog.gr:r one l:arg out?(very gra,nd): You rneurr ilrs v9111rdlady who rnocrels I-or rnerShe resides a"t ldo. 3, Cor:gol f t : r race, old ci tap.

    Yourre r i tne gnnrr ' r l rnrr t* i " r r 611i i rat accetr t t i r l t rrree orclock.06rie-on,- ciial""*ot''ie'ir/;"giitrvorlcto d.o./n^^ i . . .* ^h ^a'F'i n+ v^ i , . . ]1+\ lJOSII lg a$ EI I c1,rr , *>t , l I rJ-111ru, tO l lai l t t ar l i raagi r lary modelstalding by tlre windor.r). lvorlr ' i i ln lcjoicir i i forwardto rny l -1i t . Rol l on three otclocl l .

    Johnnie: You di r ty old manl (Therygn off iaughir: .g).

    CUR T A l_r{

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    hv,'" ACT NTOThev harre tried to rnalretlre surserv more llke arr artist'ssti;dio by hiding tl:e bottles ar-idirnnorting a sofa fromthe vetrs si i t ing roorn. Hoppity Barney enters and looksal l around. He f3oesal:d r lngs the be1l. After amorneirtl{ickqr CorneQuic}centers cariying a p1g ln a bag..

    alrTD-lr e llJ TTp ,vvr.

    I[ icktTy:tsan:qr:I ' l ickey:tsarnqrl,fickey;

    l3arnry:I{ ickey;

    Barney:Mlcke-tr:

    I say lad, is your rna;:about?Ah sure you wouldnrt l :nolv. Irm after r inging the bel l , butY1rr c i rr lr nf nrtrr cf i r . rratI l , \ . , DJ.Srr \J r CrI I IY DtJ IL J'(J9.Ring i t again, lad, I have to see the vit at onst for I tm aftergetiing a.n odious squeeze, so I am, lad.

    (rings): ] 'f iratrs a"I-it:r hatrneiringat all?Darnrnit1ad Irn after gett ing an od. ious t ightener, 1t 's t lght l fever I I l l ovrtr i t . I was in here before dimert irne trylng to

    get the vit to ask hirn alcout t l r t ass, he wasntt too wel}, arrddanrnit rvlretrI goi lrorre ald ruent out to throw a lockg boiledsnuds to the t:ii1s tia,rrunitlad tvasntt one lad dead and arrother geton his bacl

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    . - ' 20.Pen: : He rvent off on hi$ calls alJoilt tttt: rnir:"utesago, he's got lreur nameon his l ist , so ho migir t Dt l thcre whr:nyou get baci l .tsarr-.r : I hope he is, br:causr:t i re ci l , l f 's barl , so he ls.Pen; Het l l cal l on you, donrt worry.l3arnqr:A]l rigtrt, i ' l-l tread off out tirt: road horneso. (Urit Barnry)I/lelcerr'T towld tlrat na,intr:t fella if t lrr; trit came in not to let hlm outand darnrnithets gone again. Bad luck to it anyway, I was in badenough troublr: r,vith thr ass tlris rnorning, a,rrdnow the nigs Lsinto i t .Pen: I 'm so:ry about that, s ir . The Boss should be ln any t ime aftersix if youtd care to cornebaclc.I{ ic}cey:Andmaybew}renIrd get belckherd be gone out agaitr . Ah no, Ir11irot chatrrceit, It ll go un the street to ti:e liorse arrd Jockey, andwhen I see the car coming ltll rrrr out aud nab him.Pen: Al l r ight, sir , rvlrateveryou ivish.r i l inl rorr. r t ' l 1 iUSt lav, : that nig t i r t : re, yOUr] ] r :Ot let af iyone trafnfr On him.r .,rvrL\rJ . r dPen: He' l - l - be qui te safe, Sir , dor i . r t rvorry.l l l ic]

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    )_ . 2L.Pen: TVhen''3et,sy: Just there lrefore din:rert ime,Pen: What was that for?Betsv: ' i ' i r 'a, t tstvhat If rn irere t t t f ind out.Pen: I rnn not wi th J/ ' )u, exact ly .tsetsy: He called to ou:: housCIbefore dinrrertime while I wa.sout, and- left trvo lr/rs with l,Ia for rne, and said for me to be down hereb:r threc o rclock. (Looks at -watch) It t s nearly tha,t now.

    Soalry entt:rs, dressed up and carrying a school blackboard-easel)Soapy: Ladies, IadiesJ Sorry I ' rn a l i t t1e }ate get t ing irere, I hadto Day a ir is i t t r> tt:e Boyst Scirool to borrow this. (The easel)Eetsy' 0h rny, Soapy, Vourre al l dickit ;d up!snqmr. ir f l r t terr:d) : I dontt look l ike a working man nort l , do I tsetsyfv\JatJJ . \4+ww vR.tqrr . vnrr look l i i

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    t . 22,- arose about rne,. . . . .olr ] rou lorolvhor.vt i iese things can happen,3etsy, aJrdunfortunately iire ladies are urrder the fuq:ression thatI fm an art ist instead of a lr t lusenalnter d'you see norv-

    tsetsy: l fel l yet le t lre r igir i nair of t tv is ierslSoapy: (digr: i f ied) ' ?t : ts-rr ,reel ly ltsetsy:lVl:odid ire ssrr ly'curvere, Picassr> I sunnoserSoapy: Look, ml/ dear, wltai he said or what he didurt say is neither herenor iirere. Alf I lrave to do is a bit of painting, and a]l youhave ir) do is a bi i of nr>delJ"ing; dif t t r t you teI l rne only thisrnorning l/r)u lvre }ceeuou tnodr>lling.

    Yes, but I meant modell ing clot ires, not nosir :g for a housenainterin a vetrs surgery.re.{, Nevt-rrrnind, ny dr)ar, 1v{lall have to sta,rt somewhere: atI t ;ast yourre seit inlr uaid for i t , iv lr ic lr is r,roreth:-n I arn.foir t t girre me that . l /ourre not doing al l thls sturnt withoutgett ing something out of 1t .r tv 'el ltherets Do r, led tn go iuto al l thert , af td besides we haventtt i rne, the ladles are to elr r ive just af ier three otc lock. SocomeoD, 3eisy, uD on iire couch ivlth you there and soe can yougive me a bit of ins'oirat ion.

    Betsyi . , t r i 'e l l I r l l s i t on it , but I ' l I not l le down,Soapy: ( l r r l tated) : Ah suire i l r is is only a codyourre going to go on.3etsy: I"hatrs 141)ivith you norv, cr wiri l t are you gerning about"Soapy: Sure uo'oaiuter, t lvD.if he w"r,stlre greatest genlus that ever t' irrerl- could. naint a lassie ir : . hr : r topcoat . '

    Bet sySoanyBetqvSoaplr

    tsetsySoanytsetsySoanlr

    f St'rre si t s, nlr enf r \\ va:v vrr uvrG/i f th ls 1s the way

    W-------caJttt lrou s,t roy fact:?A1le. . . .but i t ls al l I oa,nsee.r \ye, and ty l :eavens it 's al l youtre going to see{'i fe}l blOW tirie fnr :: .: 'r4?1/-On. (tinter JOhurr:ie)

    Johrurle:Ttel1, l:ow are lve goinglSoaoyi fi 'etre not going at all, Horv calr she nose for rne like that.togged out for t l re North Pole?Betsy: (ralsing her rroice) : l i iel l ivhat d.oyou erpect for God.rs sake. Inever got up tir is mon:ing tit l i tvelve otclock anci Lll I have on me1s a nlehtdress.Johmie: That '5 qui te al l r ight ,_ 3etsy; Joi lur ie t i r inks of everything.(He o'oens o, D&rcrrl and talres oirt a nretty sr.liilmeryfrock.)

    tsetsy: Is that for rne?Johirnle I Sure.Betsy: 0l r , Johurnie, i t ts fabulousdJohrur le: WlI l you Dose in that , for nerEetsy: rt l l do arryt i r ing for you. (nr ter penelone, wi th rug)Pen; i ' i l t l this do, i trs a lt i t dusty l rm afraid.Soapy: -:r ing it ovtlr here, r i lV gahalla.

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    23.Betgy: (passing by Pen. towards ir i tchcn) : Look l l turt I gott (She f loutsihe nr-.lvfrock at Pei:elope, thr:n exits to icitchen)Pc : (to Johuinie) l id l .on gl.ve lrr : r t l rat , too?Jolurnie: ldot j ealous, surely?Pen: Perharrs I si:ould betSoany: If you want niy advice, Penelone, d,ontt take anlrlikes of tlr-at fella, ilo ilrd get yourself il nlce not ice of thesteady fel low witha good job, a banlcclt3ric or a, guard.Pen: (Plafr fut ly ) : 0h? I don't lmow.Soany: iiiell I lrnorv, oy deilr. Oir I laroiy Jol:ulrieknow all ,abr)uthis drinlcing and garnblingwomenhe nut through his hands---------

    oetter than you do, Ihabits, and al l theJohruile:l{ot forgetting all the housr:s I robbed a,ndall the men I kllled..PenelopePen: ---and all your rvild adrreniures in the Legion of Mary?Soany: Yes but joklng auart, Penelope rnlrgai:al1a, Itm telllng you as hisfatlrer , Johnnie t s only a pennl l ess woodbuicher----Pen: lVell donrt worry Joluinie, f have Sj4 saved..Soapy: (to aud.ience): She has ,J4 saved----you wouldn't read about 1t:Johrurie: l'ftrat about the Boss, FeneloDePen: 0h, l rets gpnet . . He lras to nal le about a dozed.cal ls , start ing of faW?Yout iet Dlcicie llulveyf s stud_farm, so tirattll keep hirn buEy

    t i1 l about hal f -s ix or sel /enolc lock.-Johnnie: Youtre sure, nor!'? Becauseif he hap'rrenedto comebackune.xpectedly rvetd be destroired.Pen: '\.fhatts the rnatter'l Losing your ner\re?Johmrie:iTell we dontt walt arythir:g going ,,vrong.Soapy: Itrs trot e\/el'\r*l,y a ft:Il-a ilr:ts ti:.e chaJrceto join thet higherincome grou'o------(Johiurit: shoots lrirn a 1ooic, Soapy stops-and putsiris lrand across his rnoutir).Pen: 1fl:y-----are tl:ese tivo ladies rlclr or sonething"Johl inie:Not at al] Pt: i :elopc, i l ruy arentt wel l off at al l , they, r, keepboarders and, T, talce in tvllsl:ing to malceer:d.srneet. - 'Soapy: Ah., 1! ts a nity of the l lke of Nhornrrnrr l rnnnr. Youtre a lucky[arrarra-p,:nerobe, rvi t ] r your eoo*' joi "r ;a st4' in the post Off ice.Take my advice ttor.rydaugirter, 6rr:t in ruith'isornenir:c \rnlrn.' fella,vith a steady salary and tc,:enrvelt arvayftoC ;i;-iEriITS*" outof _legland.Pen: Yourre get i ing rrelrr worr ied a,boutne al1 of a sndd.en.soapy: rrrn olly adyiqing lrou for your owi: good, fiy gahalra, anclyou?lri i lf irl 'T.ix1,irfarwronsi' ,urrnrr?rnf erringviiu. rsn't tl larJohnnie: (uneaslly) : , i \ch, ISoany: You know \/rlra/ lvell.thlnlcs livlng in anThatts wil"at I wa;rtsorne terrible slumdrurften brute of astepped outside tne

    donrt ]cnorvThis Door iryrocent gahalta here nrobablyErgl lsh city 1s next door to naradlce.to vlarn her against, for fear shetd end upXg livfurg ln one roor0 rvlth terr. childer andhusba:rd, aird her in fear ilvery tinne shedoor tlut someruffia.r: of a forelsn sallor

    {nLL!

    would

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    ,ioally:

    Johnnie:Eet sy :Johnnie:

    Qot- arr ..rvwvJ .Johnr:ie:Pen:Johrurie:

    Qnrryrr .Johrurie:

    Soaoy:Eet sy :Soa-cy:

    Ilof ,rrr .

    Soany:Ret qrr .rJvvvJ.SoatTr:Rot crr .Soa,ny:

    Bet sy :Soapy:

    ( lookingorc loc l

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    25,Pen:- I wear najalsra,s.Sc )y: ltr'im,talt I going to do?Pen: Youtre-al 'rv ir l rsgi-r ing rnegood advice, ir t : rers a cnance to give, lrtlursr:lf sorne.Soany: Ah lrere, t tot t t lof t i t i l t , i i ts i f ter t l : ret : otc loc lr , lassies, and thenair of ladies il-re g;oing io rvalk ir: lrere on too-of us a,rryminute.So co!nc).6ii,qui-i -ihe codo.iirll, I 111116to wear sonething over mygoorl suit io rnalceine look'r,iril rra,rt. Corneorui Penefoiie, get mesometlrir:gquick.

    .Betsy: - I t 's my f ; lce yourte supoosed to be nai t i t ing, and nevt ; r nind myxnee.

    tsetsy : (tr : Pen) Wlrat about titr:ri iryi:ite coat sPenelope:Tht:re?san old otre ou.tside in a, sheclcat t I e.Qnrr.r lr . Ti I I I dn n ' i , : l r f l r rvvur/,vr ru rr UU l - Ig . i . l . t , I .V. . . . f l l l ]Thqrr l l be i i r on top ofPe:reJope) ldoovsit ut)

    a bit of Jntr re.

    t l re Boss wears?rirat $e uses for sculling

    oui quiclr i1ahalla, a,rrdi:rir4i it in.us itefore lve lc:orvlvhere rve are. (exittlrere tricr: alr straigi:t, Eetsy, atld. show

    sornestains on it )awaJrfrorn herself)il rninute, what t s

    Soar4r:

    Qnrrlrr .vv!!r /.y.Rot crr .

    Soapy:

    Faces are goue oui of fasirion, i-retsir. i tts knees rJ,t:etjre whoierage lowadalrs. (; ie starts to Tra,ini in a cornic tvay, walklngarouno to get various vir:ivs of -tst:tsy, dabbir:g arr;ayir'itir his-brushand suodenly fl inging tLie i-.rusl: r lomr as if in desnair)Stunid, incornpetet:t buffoon ti ia,i I arnj (Starnping ar.oout)Here, lv i rai rs the ga/x( l?f ?roput t i t rg ot ] a. l t act . Isnr t t l r is t l re l ray these art ist fe1lasgannl on? :flu"t Farldli F9ley fella tlult writes the Plays, Ii reard t lr i l t ot l r?di4' rv i r t ln i i r t : job rvasnt t going r ight ior hinr hewent inro sucir a, f it of ragt: illai ire brolce 6/ery windolv in thehorrse.(:trtrrr Penelor)rryitir tire rvhite Coat, rvitich lras

    Pen; iTi l l this do lrout (f j i reholds tne coat wellSoanlr: Tflrylvouldnri it . Jr.rstrny si zt; too. SaitUAn .

    Sn:rnrr .vv\ur lJ.?et sySoanyDan.

    SoanyPet crrrsoapy

    l J l fn.

    !. i r1aT\\/

    al l these big stains?I don' t know.

    (sni f f ing t ire coat) : Trr : t l r t l r r :n, I lcrory.He nrobalr l l r sni i led medici t re on i i .( lrolding coat undr:r irer nose): Srirell t jrat a.nd see cloes 1t smelll ike rnedicine.]dsrer mi t rd, tne ladiest l l t l r i rul i t ts sDots of naint .If t l tey come iu:1nvl:erenear nr,. t l i t iytl l soon knotv ryhat itts spots of .I must say I don't srnell anlrthing,tf leIl i f you tlot: 't, t, i ]e tvitrd nust iulrre slnx]g rounct to the North.(i:e serts tirat Peirelope is srail- ing to herself ) Look at rheiceberg snigg,3r1ng arvinlr .trotlr. t irer:.you rvould.n't laugh if youhar l to lvei t r 1t .I ttrasnrt l i lughing a,t rrou ilt al l.Tfel1 what tvere rrou sniggering at ?

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    t u 26.penl I tvas srniling at a secret tiroui5lrt.So*'4ri .,llrs, the Ej4, i s.rannose. (PeneJ-one\rory haughtitly walks out)I wonder r/nat secret ihougirt was sil'e sniling at:Betsy: Shers gone ovr:r[g.rd for :/()ur Jo]rtnie, I sunnoseyou .i

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    10" 27.Soapy: That ts al l r ip1l r t , a sl i t t of t i r r : tongue.Pi- - ' r i rn. so vourre a na, int , t r , l t i r .et r l f rratts t i re bi rd on the couch for?I r .+ rtr l . vv ,Soapy: f ihe's f f i1/nodel. She Doses for rne' you see.Pilgrim: 0h ail, l/r)ur inodr:l, h&, n3,. 0h I ]croiva,l} a9cut you oainterjolmnies. I sunposeyou itiure thrr:e or four of then, tvhat?Soany: (st i f f ly) : I don't lmol tv ir i l t ] rour:e r lr iv ing at, f fy rnan.Pitgr irn: ( laug_hit :gsarcar; t ic i i , l tv) 3 Do lrou not. Yout:e a quare soft ie.3ut don't tninlr lrou can cdd Pilgrim. Pilgrirn knolvs the score,boy. Piliirin tlavelled the wo::Id andwas in r:trery port fronri{amburg to Shanghal. I sutl'Doseyoulre a bit of a iiu:}"ie onthe quiet, what?Soapy: A iwu{ie?Pi lgrirn: Y

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    ?-8.low Pub or arlcther, lvere Y()u?

    T. l nr i m, / rnd f ors. i \rr: \r,),1.t l i r i ^ ^ *t rn * h. . r r ry i- r t i )F\ r . :? r r l r tq l 'gd me nead. If _*gI lm: GOU JUI- y_J_VE y,Jr,r, r . l i ju, u.tJE- UIh./t t$I. lu r l ( r \ / \ .r;J- \ /rIU\was, lubt do'dging .:u.i t,) iire lritcll()r) there for a drittk ofbut i ermilk.Kxr.

    Fi lgr im:Kay:p' t l ar? lmr

    Kay:

    Soany:Vn.'r

    Betsy :SiJapy:Tlcrr .

    soapy:Krrr .tsetsy :Tntrsoapy:Yntr ,

    S,l&DViKe-.r.

    Yeah? Sell yru ciul iust stayIrve gct mYbeadYflre i)r l Yi)u'nbuttermilktr aga. in t iratr l i bewith the l l ist l i i t r )e Clrain.The Ball and Chaitl lJould. i)e rc()re l ike it.Ifhatrs trrat -rrc:ur;aid?I said it rvontt hanpen afaain, ][ iss. (Sul];y)See that i t d.oestr t t . (Turning to Scany) ! -orgive me, i t tsso diff icult to icee;pSelvii l l ts in i ine trt. i ladalrs, trade Unionismhas rnade thern s() itrsolent. Yi>tirnust be J.rhruriers daddie'rItrn Armtie l(a1r: Irrre been hearing so ma,nynice tir ings abcutyou OiOn't lrear half as l{ laJrynice tir in54s abc>utriie as I neardab.lut ]r)1r.,Auntie i(ay.(raptur.:usly) : Ch, Jriu sl)eaJ(exactly l i lce dr;ar J;hn, lvith thatfabul.lus Irish bri lgur:, attd y:ru bi;th haire tirrse r:arvell l ,us candidIri sir q,resJ Olr I 'n'tail jr g:lnr: rl i l / )u lr isfune,nl--Gire takesl r i rn qr sur:nr ise uith a Kir;s) (Srranvis sc surnr ised W thisthi:,t when sire lets 9;),:f hiro he fil, l-Ls lrack or] the cruch cn ton:f 3et qr )'{ere, sirr)r/e ;ff I (Prrsiring Soany alt'lal,r)

    r igir t rvt lerel/ou are, Pi lgr im.and if I ci-i,tchYou at thetlrt; l-ast cirivlng job yourll nave

    e 'rrrrr ?ot qrr I ir erbalancgd.v\/rrJ , - !. 'vaJ,in rny hu4ble studi,, Au:riie lia,v. i ' trel l Irra b'ltt..rured tcl }:ave yiluI'f,.rulclyiu care t J sit d.own?

    Soany:Kay:

    S;apy:K:rr -'

    Yes, thank yiu. (Sire si is dotvu,givr)s a lrel i anci jum'osupagain)What is it ?I sat Jn s ,rrethinr: fuurry.I t rs the nig.A n inD

    !t ul F I

    (dinlcmat ic) : I trs a Det l ) ig, Agl t ie Ks,1' . I keep hirn herewi th me in the studi . , , I rr l r rry f i . ,nd , . f him.( t , ,uched) : Ah, lsnt t t i r .at nice! Sererul lus a rret cat , his nameis Marrnadul

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    ' ^ ' , l t

    Kay:

    Elter Serena and J.ilyurie-wealthry, Tvith heaw ringSher rlrn waT/. She rvears

    a\/)a-,/.

    1L,s! in-eaclr other._ Serer:aisr)n ner llngers, and she is usedriark glasses and fur Clat)obvi{rusIvf r . hnrr i nn'UW 1ICLV ITIS

    Jchmrie: I {ere we are t} ren, Seren^a,zutd I tc i l ike 1' . ,u t i , meet Dad.Scapy: T,VellSerena, itts a grea,'Llr i. in,ur t., ir i tve you in rny lu.mble stuclio.Serena: I t - tq a.grgat nleasure tr; i :e l rere, l f t t . i lnal l . i ; r di , $uu mindif I sirnnlY call Y''lu Dad?Soan-rr: Nr,rt +t g]l Sp.retra,_Itd fr:ve y;;u t; call rne dad. And this is myI lco.el , I [ ] .SSBetS:$I I ' ,$eel . , \h Betsyr s been rnod.el ] ing f : .r raesince she lef t scl l : ; , , l , havenrt 1ruu, Betsy?Setsy: I rd rather n' r t say, I i ias at Confel ;s i : ,n tnly rast Satmday.Sr-;apy: (laughing this rrff ) : l I&, ha, a,l ivays 111',estl have her l itt lej,:;ke clces t)ur 3etsy.

    Isn't his accr)nt euaint, Sr)rena .atrd rvait t i l l y irug,: t t i re most adoreble l i ' i t1e tet nig, i te keeps 1t n"ereln the studi.l a.:rditrs rrarreis ,\rci:ibald,

    hear, hetswith irirnSerena: (chi ldishly exci ied) : j{ , r ,1 fsnt i t l rat fabulc;usJ Please-----I want t ,c se{t i t this l l intr tet (Clasnir4r her lrancisbl issful ly)Qr'cntr ' .1h i + rv";ulc l t r r t r1o t,u disturb AfChib; l ld at ihe mi,rnent rnlr r1a:DiJc1,[J.v: J.U,t rU r, l / , t l r r , l l . t . 'L ( .1. j^Lv t l rSuul-u l lL 'u l ] IUi j , -L(} iLL 1JIe. . . , , .- . , . , " , *- jar ,hers having his af ternoon t l "n.Serena: Oh It l1 De ever s ' r qui r : t , Dar1. I shaJt t t rcakenArchibald" , Inrcmise.Soany: We1l, j_ust a glimnse then. (l ie onelrs the neck of bag and thetwc ladles Batlrr:r artund)I(ay : 0h, rny Gr-rd!Serena: T{ei s dead !Saapy: 0h n(r . . . . . te] l rne i t ts ni , r t t tuer,rr . I cc,uldnt t stand lt . . . . . . . . .Serena: (comf.rrt ing hirn) : There, t jreler r/.;u ca:r always get an,,ther ,rno.Soapy: (sniff l ing) : Yc,u cl1rrrt uurcierstand. Tirere cari l]ever be ar*therArchilrald.Kay: St:w gan yJu evel: f ,irP--ive I3e?I Satr 01r nlm. it ivas I icl} led pt;t i tr Arehibald.Jrhnnie:Nrt to worry, Dad tvi l l soDr];rt : ,vor i t . I td better ta, i{e i t: ',ut a,ndbu4r it s:inewjtere. (G.,in6;r.,r nig)Serena: Di :nt t t r , ;uble, dar l ing, let Pi lgr i rn ta, lcecare i ; f i t . . . . .h thelvay wlrere ls Pilgrlra?Kay: Oh! ?hJ ihat tna;rl I ]il:e,lrt.li.at as siicn as I t:,:;k rny eyes ;;ffhim herd be r:ff to s:', ile l;"itr/c1,11y1tDub or atrr;titel---*-Johnnie:He lnust iravr; gon(l ;ru'b t ite i:acl< ..I t l l y11rrea l.r: ic;kfr,rr hif f i .(nxi t J, . rhnnie)Kalr : Qh, I i rave a feel i r :g this is. , lne- , ; f ih i ' ,se dalrs when everythingdoes vrcug; ,{ i , I ! !_T)r,rr :rrAici r ibald, zurd.r : rw.pi lgr im g(}ne rin thEbinge. -I d:l hrpe u,.,t lr ing else is gi.; ing to gri wroiig.Sea'py: (hal f t : ; h imsel f ) : Youtre n, : : t ihe only ,Jt ).Serena: Itm sltrrr.1r'. lutnust be *_read{ul.Ly iiJtgry_irith Auntiq l(ay and me, fcorbarging in here li]

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    .Jb 'to'l fal

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    Jr,hmie:lTirat ts tntrrcng, what ha.re I dr.,rrtl'iSerena: Therers l inst ic l ( r- inl / i lur face.J'. 'hrnnie:(alarrned, i lrt Crrrrr;:1i11gun) : Is tlrere? Fa:rcy that. Yerurnlstbe wear ing a lcr t : . , f i t to-day, Selena.Serena: ( ice-c' ; Id) : i lhat . . . . . . is. . . . .n;t , . . . . rny. . . . . l inst ick.Jr l imnie: ( t ry ing t ; laugh i t r f f ) : 0f cul l rsCI i t is. . . . . .y i rh(o elsers c, . :s] r1i t be?Serena: Tlratrs tvirat I want ii l

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    ' tPe'r61:ne:Jrr nie:Penelr;ne:

    J.',hrrnie:S,";&Dfi

    Qp t qr r .

    SoatTi:

    Tlct crrr .

    Sr;&D! i

    Fe t cn r .

    Seanlr:

    lo f

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    ,^( l

    ,

    lot crr .

    SoanlrRct clrSianytsetsyS;an1rBetsySoany

    Pet srrrSoa'rqrBet sys{ralT/BetsySoaqr3et s1rS.ra'OY

    tsetsyS,rany

    aai^JJ '

    I d. rp ' t bgl ieve.r /eurre. r ig l l t i t i lhe l igs! f l .PeneL'lne dlessed' fc;r sircpi5ing a,rrd carryingJr;hr,.:r iis f,:11 ;wing lter, a:nealing i* her)

    l ihers g, :neaf t er lrerlv l . t( ' - r .1 I 5r , unh -h t

    (Entpr fr;mi)er snopDlng rcitchenbasket.

    Penel;pe: (c.,rningin) : a,ndit duestttt rnai,ttt:rif y,;u lvere te, swear it enthe H,;fy tsible, I ll iSver lvalt rrr sile J/'11aP_:ainiurcttiratrs thearrr{ .-,f i i 'r-lJf\4 q-4 5 V . . .T^]rrrn i o..u ' .r ' r !!r l \/ . 3ut Penel,ir:e, l ' ,u nust l j .sietl t i . i r i le, I t:ever kil i . i lr l' , ihat reall,ove vlas ti l l I lnet :i )u, 0h just give rne a cirarrce tu exolalnPenelope. PeuelJl le, tui l l Jr i ru l ) lease l is ien, PeneloDe:. . . . . . .

    Hi, brly! I l i , 1:Uyl (fney cro'ls tire stage arguilrg and g.; :.utt r re, i tJrer side wi t l r ,ut gl iv i t :g Sr iat ly i r r tsersy the sl ightest heed)lU1 be,lrs i:ut i tts irard tti tcee,n\r, iur fists errf t l tat fel la.Geti ing tne cirance tr, Isariy a gi:l ' .vith the f,i;rtune lf amil l ir inaire a;:cl t i te lr i i .rks or'a fi lrnstar, a,ud what d,ies he do?He g'.;ss ruru]ing r;fr after tirat ,Nl1r)1'nirnbyiTith iner 834 in thePr,lst Ofrice aJtd airn roaliug npsn6]r1ire, ir,hPetrel-i)Defr l ike acalf with a bellyaclre. (3etsy gi)(]s i;l windt,w t:r rratch therngc up t l re st reet)

    Stlany:

    Ah will 1r.,u c.'.ne alvalr fr.,rn ':iult tvlndi..riva,ncikeen quiet, I tfiitryiug t,; thinlc un sri ln kind ,,r a Dla,n.Isn?t i t \ . rery ear ly f . , l t l re B;ss to De g:et t i r rg cacic?(eiectr i f ied) : Ti re 3rss"(at windcl) : ihai ' s lris carhe st,;oned t,, ialk to a raturtvith

    u'o ntlst ritr; iir,rse ar:d Jocl

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    ?.i {? -)'+'(fas!?pir.f4up lne ..,rreral}sbii,ciitri fr,nt):-^ f"l^tlg"q angglig,leioil li l.,e,',stuff tlrernurl iLl chirrunlqrl (She dr;ss{r) qu}cK:etsy, lolk trruta,I ldsee is ire c'xoing"(a1ter f r - inr Ki :c i ren Pi lg: in iv ining lne baclc Jf nLs hand acrosshis rn,uth) .tse the hearli:tlclersijnt tvas the i-rest clrei,ugirto. rter I drzu:ksince \rest ercl"il,:/---(frai.,tic): ] '[nere &Te l/,,,1).5i.ling? Get .]Llt t ' helI (' 'Llt 'rfin l -a - ' ( i iu g:ai ' r i l lesrv i t l r Pi l r r i in) Get i ;ut , c ' 'ut !D,rnrt forget be tire lrearrrllld.()rsthat is Pilgrinr, big anclr frugh, and I 'm corni.rrgiu.Arre and l:e tne ilea\retrclers Slfi{XXXI(lC{fllffifKlImHXffiLdllffidSXiKHXfrmmriwrKla:,;1fir:ci.lGtt lgxfr {lJss{i*{1ffiKHlGl6n0sxitt*}giumm}iu+xSmfi{ShilX{3*{i{#:lxiKtxffiX tlrls is Soany, small and t ",u$h,a;rd lr..,urre g,-;iug9ut I (Hr: irt:avesP:.lgrim -,ut th di,,-,r6ut Pilgrlm*get's nis head itr. )Ee tire ireaveuclersJ,'.iutll not titri.,$rr:re .,'ut a,t:dget airay withi t . Filgrirn Jcu;tv-stitt3 SCr..rIB,Pil i ir im wii,s in Sha,rrghai--------iVell : jhang-i^ra.ii tT 31x11gi-L)lv,1r:rurre I],"t Uerti l ]g in tierel(tTenr-i i ires'-PiLp:rin' s lreiid .,Ui ,;r siglrt , snut s the d'.;.urandDrrrT)sit shut vrit i : ir is i:ack.. :\s Pil6ir im tregius t.., ha.mr,rercitf the d,,r)T, rl l ttef r,he .iJ.rSS.)lVhat's this ? 'r l ihr..r 's,ut t i le:re?(r ra,nt iug): I t ts, . . . . i i r l ; misl4e.r rCxre Quicrc, Sir .ld.'t ap:ainl l{t: lllls rnrrht:rlrt sCa}ded, tyirat cl--,eshe weu:.tih is t i rnelI t ts t i re bag1e, Si r .Ihe oeagle?Yes, i i ir. Tle r,vi l t l is yiou ,)ut ai l l lce t,.; exa,rnit leher and seei s sire it: nutl ,(determir :ed) : iJ, t i t t let i r im i tr f t i r G;drs sa; ' "e h' ; ld himiherel i l tave t . ; g, si la igi r t Dacl l te; Dickie l fuivry 's studfarrn, he iras a stal Li'.,n ,;'ui t:lt:re ihai a,I1 the r:ien it: Irelandvr , rul i in ' t l t . , ld, Ir l l r lar r i r r l t . r l )ehin. (He irurr iedlyD()urs tire d,.:ue'iT'".trfr.oL;ti le inil, a glass. C:)rnCIout atouce to see if t l re ' )eaglets iu i tupl I ! Ye f t ;ds, lve g6t fr*rnt l re subl i rnr : t i l t r re r id icul r ius i t t r l t is i . ' rb.(h:r ld ing di- , : ) l :shrut) : i lu;nr , s i t , hurry, tqig fel ]a 'sgaining ',r l l l0rl. r3e'iqr, cr)Ito here quicli a;td lie,:.rn ihe dscr.(3etsy gies t ' rr is aid)(nleased) : G:;d Inai )l r ,urse1f , S; . r i l ,Drr . Ti rat ts t i :e gi r l-?etsJ/ . Lie an i t , t i re 'pai r ' . , f y ' . , i l , at . lddernr t let l r i rn in.I t l l 'be lut r r f l r t : re ' i r : a brace of ' s i r " r ] ies. ( i le pelurs alitt l-e rn,rro duDtl, rt/:) ich lul,ks li} '"e lt lhisl ',q', iut -r t lrernea.sur i i rgglass, at td l t , , lds i t un t ' r t i te l ignt) . Ai l yes(wit ] : sat isf rect i , , ,n) I 'd say i i reLt : rs en-rugh in that t l r rrr trci .

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    - '^ {'E 'J5'

    &D1r; Oh cr ines, iue're c iest r . . , r rodal t : ;gether n. i lv . (Pi lgr im burstsin ii,ncleiltofles Soatryby tlrr; thrcat)Pi lgr im: f t11 nut a bit . ; f rnaru:els.)o v,; l ) , be tnr: heatrenders! (Heswings a rn.i?numerri.i,lDulch ai St,any, $ll.;' flies ba,ck on thes,rfa hildinlr his chin. Tlre Br)ss sta,rrdsin arnazernentwiththe glass :rf done lre.L-cluut)Mickey: (cn;ssit :g stage tuit l r nig): I i la\ /ea brat, of a nig here,lad., and hets 1.i,tcir:.gvery di,,rvnin irirnself------Pilgrim: Tiell this?ll walcenhin urr! (He ei,irnsa, flying kick and sendsthe nig sai l ing in the air. . Thenhe tu.nrs and sees theglass In rhe Boss's ira,r :d).Pilsrirn: TharricsyeI/ rnucir,_attda itaDnrrl{ai;tr:r.l (liq rlrains i+eglar.sswith ;tre gulp, nuts r l- i in- i , ]e gl-asjs,then sways,) Oh,be thr: i tearrenders,tnatts t i te r irst t i rne I e,\rersaw the

    N'.rrtni:rn Liglrts in tlre rnicirlle or' ihe *ly. (tte falls)Soarryr: (rubbing his chin, gets 'rrf ti:e sofa,, c,;;rhosand.lol;ics cle'wnat ni I cr im i i ro11 l i ; , . : lcs in turn at }{ ickqr, &t the Boss, a, t rdtn"i''ifii ^"t ;ii;"*;Aieiice.'l"*SaapV: Y,ru wiruldfllt read ab.;ut it,

    CURTAIN

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    -

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    -n J+.i.

    Soir"oy: A s*,rt l igtt iirarrJ oll(). .

    JohnnieSoany:

    JohrrnieSoatry:

    JohurrieQnrnrr .Joh'tl:ieSoany:Johmrie

    Soanl/:

    Jolnr:rie:

    Soapy: Johurnie:

    Soapy:

    Johnnie:soapy:

    JoirrrnielSnrnrr .vv!4,/J .

    Johnnle:

    Soany;Johnnie:

    37.r igir t to t irr ; j , r ,w, ( jrodcst lY). . tne doctor said i :etd be out i t r a Ah it i,;aSnrt a, \rr_ycourrie of deys.

    l r lel l I dor: ' t get this; i t ts nronoted you ought to lranrebeeninsteatl of sa,ci(ed.(sarcast ic) : Aye, i i l lot t 'd been here you ni iht .harre got tneEoss to oronote nit:. The.';64.'it l ias, oe i:ouldntt see his wayto rralrir:g me f,i2 a weeicfor trtrnrilg his urEerT' into a bedLam.He was ar:noyed, [o tlouot.Ah no, not rriy; ire Just sai,idhe wa,sgoittg otci(out to DiclceyI/iulveyts, and if I wast:tt goile out or nere by tlre tirne he. getsbaclc lie'il irrealcmy r:eclc ir : -tl:ree nlace s . . (Tfith lrony) Hewasnrt what l/outd call ve)ced.Irrn awfulllr sorrl/ aboui all iiris, Da,d.(mimickit :s hirn): I ' ro atvful ly sol iy about al l this, Dad",Youf're r:rtt iire onll/ otle. It '/e got 'r,roubles too.Have you, 1lotr'' IVell d;unrnititrs too bad. wlli she not goar.l:?Slre keot rvalicilig aireied arid }Qtrilff.iXfnff tarirlg rlot a oit ofnoiicrl of rne. i Kent otl aI'ter i:er, ilui sile gave rne tlre slinin tlre Farrncrst Siores a;rd I losi lrer.You?re irr luci'", l/ou boy ''6tt. J,et -rrousiart running now, youboy you, and dontt cry 1u;"1ttilf l/ourre i)ack ir: Tfolve::harnuton.Ah, please Da,d,l)lease rlotr't rntliiefun of rne. Catrtt ]tou see,ca,r: t tyou rurr lers;a;rd,I tve fal ien for Perrelope, I tH real ly inlove for t lre f i rs t t i r . re in rnr } i fe, I t r i iu deep this t ime, I tvegot 1t bad.hnrnit you itirve it bad airiilnt. Darnnit you ought to ta,lceadose of jo1 Lon tot:iglrt before l/ou go to ired,(offenried): Thatts r iglr t , s l leer aTay. Thatts the game,ma]ceas liit le of rneas rrou caJl 'I ira,irs goir:g to do you a lot ofgoo11.Aye, a.nda rlght lot of goo

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    Soanrr'Johnnie:Soanlr'Johnnie:

    Soany:

    Johurnie:Soany:Johanie:Soapy:

    Johmi e :Soanrr'Johiuie:

    Soar{r:Johru:ie:Soaqr:iohnnie:

    Soaoir:Johnnie:star4r:iohnnie:

    38.you; al l t iul t ts rro.r .sr i t rg116111i5; the nronel ' ;__it '? oply your ow+"seffisir inte:est -rott ci;.lCarlout; if i t was Penelore tilai ownedtre l/isi.Letoe Clrain lrorrtclbe nrrsir,itrgrnewi.th alI rrour might. i nto tnizr-r11i i lp lr r . r " rv lrerhpr" I IOvr; t l l fef Of t :Ot.ri t? v 1+r(4.L + lrt/- tlfou and j/our lrtve, you girre Ijle a pain iil the backsicle.You can snr3eraway, llut sneerit:53lvotrtt ilet us arrlrnla,ce.Atr:rfella tirilt lets tlre l'l istletoe Clulin siin throuSthhis finge::sdoesnrt d"eserrreto i 'et i l r1rn1'ut t '( renewed nat ience) : IJo() . r { ,Dad, l isten to ne; isnr t i t as nlainand obvious as trne ilose on \rou.r race tint st:::ena doesntt 10ve meand I dotrf t .Lotreiler .l,fnat nas .Love got to do tvit lr i i For God's sa,icematr rvi l i youwaJ

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    Q - r'rrr .u t -'J

    Joimr:ie

    Soanlr;

    .Toirnnie

    Soanlr:Johr:riieSoa'oy:

    [,l1ckey:Soanv:I [ ickey:

    Soa'oy:Micicery:iohruriet r l i nksrr.

    soany:

    ?o)J 'Dainmit l lou r3OUIdl:e ri i i i :*" at t lrat. I i l :et. al l, t irg w?y S. -warrned lo;1,: r{j le}l I f ld.ru,:1}er1 he- ii,r l l ;ut i:atritrg a-Det Digcarrerl Arci: i l talnentid tlrat Trig, I wasdebat i r :g ir : rnernino, l iKt: , i f i retd l rave l ived 6n1y foi thatkick lre got. ,\nd d;urunit rvlren i was going round, tne showlderof the nountain I t,rougi:i of a]: la;r, l-d, and I turned. tjrtou l ' hlke rould l$NH,a;id cane ba,cir.r lnd lvhat rs tire nlien if i i ts j lo i jarrn to a,sk vou?f rm going to asir for a nosi nodirenx-r.A wlrat :A post rnodlreruri, lad. Yr:u oftr:n irear:d tell of some fel1argefu3gggi Qpa4, ancl t ire dociors nerforrning a nost rnod.herum,t-ratrs io f inrl out rvirat lre died of lad, d.ovou twig me now".i\nd sure 1f t:rqr cart do it for tlte Clrristian. Oar,lnit t irevn",- la* * ,r l rn ^ -1,- 4^ ,i .- : + -t^-^ -!1-^ -^ i .-\ -/L1t

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    l;fickrysoar4r:] , ,r i nForrt' t r vJ!\JJ

    Soanlr:Mi cKey

    Soany:i{li ckeyRnlrnr.vva-,rr l .l . / i ' inkgrr .

    Qnarnr.

    Joiunie:Soapy:

    Johrinie:soapy:

    Johnnie:lJ A1'l i

    Johnni e:Fe n '

    Soany:Johnnie:

    .i0.Only a Dost riiodherumcaJt tell t irelt, lacl, aJtd Ir11 trot ltesa. t is fied wi t l r less.Iherers no n')ed toi i t Dost- iulratcira,cal l i tat al l , I tooka loolc at t/our nig rvlrile you lvere in tie lIorse and Jockey,ano ne nras ,lust 01] llle lTa-l/oil!.Ah boyst r . i last t r t i t a i .nist i i i :e l rou did:r r t sel id up tO tnellorse alld Joci{e./ frrr me, &rr"(i.itrl iurre trred blolving into hinn.I did.'rrt t i : inrc of that. (Flicl l ing a looic at audience ashe rryal}csof f )It was a nj"staice. i :cr:aldonly iast Sunday, c[ a bit ofnews'oaDer I routrd o1 l lte i{ay to the Ciranel, i'/ileie thls fellawas aJ'ter getting drornreo, arld I'n diu.l ied. out they oulledhirn oui and started ii in again i-lr blowing inio tris rnouth.f t ts what t , rev cal l arui f ic iai rnseni t rat ioi t .l fel l i t rs too lair: for tt*at l lolv aJl:/rqir l/.l \ye, lust so, I had me r lui r , ) r t lotLLlng.head off again so, all( l r)e silortenin6l int:You had a t()ugil ould ri;4r of itrAye, a,nd It l l i I t \ /e a tougl l orr ld. i r r5r i i t of i t I 'et . f l rave tol:ake l::read ivlren r go l:orre, i i l ir1 ti ier: r irarre to iron a shirtft:r rnyself , l :eci:,use rrrn coortir:g a lassie a,nclt irqr do xtrct- '/ou 1o O* spick a;id sDali. i \ncl rvhen a fella's l ivine on hisolm, _wel l , l t ings don' t bt : too exact . ' t ' fe l r , i r11 6e of fso, r i ra ' re f i ' r , r lo i ig :ni r r :s to c. 'c le i :ont : . Good luck. lads.

    ( rci t t { ic1rs/)( :a, ' , i i lg ofr overal ls) : lTr : l i I r juDnoseitd i - ret ter takethesr : ci rats of f rne to sra,r t l r i ih. you wouldnr t have erera cornb in irour nocl"cei rvould ]rour( l ra, I rdingconb) : Youtre get t ing rre4' nar t icular arepr t yog"(snitt ing rri l Cofn"batid Conbit:g); lf jren Jrou':e On 1r9ur.stenout to 'rronose to a ra,ssie yrlu li ice to srnarten yourself up abi t .(admirat i i : r l , /surnr ise) : You i ietul yourre going to haire a go,

    l{ou bet l/our l_ife f 'n going to }rarre ii, go. Just becar.xeuou threw ?!uay ]/our clu,nce rvrlel]you gof it, tnat d.oesn't rnearrf ?m.going.to lnrgw alval ' :n i : r r : (pei :efone'entels, lef t , ; i thload of shonoing)$o tner t l yor i a. rel l ' I l :ere in the wor ld di r l you get t6"

    An lyell, I rnayroacr for rneself .

    ( f ranicl '") ; J t ' rasi* t i re l{otel.lf lrat were -rroudoi:rg in tlre hotr:}?Ir1l atlslTer llrilt in just a r:ornent, rri:en r get teaving d..rw]all these narcels airrl nrrt rlre lcetdle on. (penelo;E acrosst*g utage arrrl out to ilre kLtcl:en) .iohmie'stancls iooklryaf ter her. )lvill this slrirt I ha.,"eor:.rae clo? (.lonrrrie d.oesn't hear him)Are lrou drea;r ir :g or wrrat?--------wi ir this shir{ ao me:I tqt t . (Vag:ely) Oh, J/our shlr t 1s 1t? Itrs not toob?9., but for ilre job yori':e goir:g on lroi could jrarre cronewith a shave.

    ltir]'t

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    Scr.lOy:

    Jonnnie:Soany:

    Soanlr:

    Penelo'oe:Soa'oy:Fan.

    Soapy:Don.

    Soany:Johnniei,Soantr:Don.Johru:ie:Don.

    Johrnie:

    Pan.

    Johrurie:Fon.

    Johnnie:Pon.

    Johnnie:Pen:

    41.I lraven' i i ine to shave. l ihis TuorlCis rnovingal l the t ime,

    }rn" ^ ' rr l 'i f r ' ,LrvJr crr.'Lrrr yolttre not ieady to jurnn in when tire cirance offers,someother fel lar l l jurnDin ir t f iont of y6u. l Iere, throfme over tna,t ould coa,t . ( ioi l : : r i t : r l ives hirn vetts old whitecoi l t , Soapy slrrr :eshis shoes rr i in 1t). These shoes of miner ro r1r : : : r ' l r r r ) r :+ / r i \ - r ' -^ r r l r i r r r i o\ T' l l rnr t i t -Tnhnrr i r: \rnrr nrrn].rtOJ.LE I.[\J( jLJ. -T J UI' iJ ' \ JT.YITIF. tJVTLLL'Lr,I .UCU,JJT.. 1.I.U C\JTi I I I I I ( j .Y Ut I ULIBT]Uto lend l:rrl t irat curat of yours, this ot,e of []l"ie wet]t out offashion before the ki,st liiar.Anlrthing you iva/rt, Jilst ask. (Gives Soir,p4'his coat) youwouldnrt l i rce t ire lend of rnr trotrserseIt rd be els well, tlrese of rlr or,rilli),te \/ery buffed about thelcnees.(Joir:rnie is abour to .rrlrno\retnrl tlousels wirer:Fenelope enters)AlrJ Alr: Ah! Ah! j\l:! (trilarningiy)(Johrnie last i I ; ' r recovers : r is 13911srrs)(coot and cakn) : Wjrai tvelsa.ii iint ah : a,h: ah! about "Tlt"atwas tire da,niier sicnal.A::e rrou goint4 somewllere?I (dl1 .

    Far?Yourd nerrel icrow. l{aybe io tire otirc:r sride of the world..t0el], hrlre {roes. (t1,3pe\rs off ) In the na.mecf God.Good lucr

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    42.;hru: ie: Ah. . f fe, : l s ' l asl rarsed,get t i l : .g shown-ul ) l ike thislffrat oid si:e sii.y when l/ou tolrl l:er'

    Pen: Slre cr :uldt i ' t see the point . . . . .unt i l I e; rnlaine

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    -r,rirr:nie:7i nnrr ./JLlJr) ' t.

    Johru:ie:Zippni:Johnnie:ziDr)y:

    Jolnurie:'1 a nha7.uI v tJ -v .

    Johrlri e:7i nn.^r ..J* 't ' /J .Joirt.nie:?. i rrrrrr .eL r,JJ .

    Joir:rnie:,/ a hhl r auL vtJJ .

    Johnnie:r/ t hh17 .r vr l .y .

    Johnnie:7i nmr.Johnnie:" / . ' l Y-\n17.

    Johnnie:ZL'DTryI;

    Boss:Johru:le:

    ,+5.Really. i io wirai'iI io Irni lre: ie io ia]ce l jerena oaci i io Cali fornia tvi th me..' i f i t t s anv nf rrorrr rrrrs ineSS.-

    *v v (srJ Jvs4

    lTlrat rnar(e$you tnink siretd go llith you?Shetll go all rigiri , ivhen r;l:e hears aiJout the lruit farn I tmgoing to buy in lial:ta Clerra.lVirat rvirl you use for money?l4onelr? Ar,: lrou kiddit:g? Sr:letra,has so rnuchmoney ittalcr:s & co(lnu.ttlr to cor-lntii. Did you r)er/er uear of thebl ist letoe Clu, in?Slte 's sel l i l le 1t .lTlroiold you tirai?She did.lVhorssrre sel l ing i t to IRainbotvText i les.Thatts al l r ight t i reu. l , iot lr ing to ruorr l ' albout. She'11be rakir:g off a D1g tax-ffi:o eapital gain, \/ery very clever.Tlre only thit:g is, srters iratrrlingall irer mor:.eyover to UlffCEF.' i l?ir- * II t l l ,Cl l U I

    Isn't a iror:.derful tii lng ior ;rer to give up ail lrer noney tofeed tl:e startrir:g clrildrr:tr of r\sia,.To he1l rvitil t ire cirildren of Asia, rvlrat about rne? I r:.eedmoneybad, Irve got to j11''16tlrrrre tirousand dollars rlght awayto r:ut dorvnas denosj.i or: this new fruit farm, a.nd I watrt arlew cAr. lV'nat tire rrell did she va;ri to do thrat for?To rid nerself of r :arasites, t ' roul ierro.lflrat ir: hell a.rnf Lloitlt1to rlo for rnor:eynow?]1n rrnrr r rnf lntrt rt a.nr r ot l rer r i nlr oi r-. qDJJ\) ./ \- /U laL/ U rul \- / lY (! lJ \J tJl f l f -_ -! * vrr )4r .- rJ0h I do, of course I c1o,I tve got a whore l ist of them. Btt ttj.re ot:ly otre I rt:ovt this tr[E sirle of tire Atlantic is sixtv-two a,r:dha,srvhisicers or: her.Tf t, : r7^rr1A nn-l rr n 'neltna-L t, ') t' , WL,tJ- \Jllr V Ul l(lJ-rurt

    Y.eg,.Jrourre dead rrgir t , c inxr i . r t t1l ha\re to be eynthia Jane.whisicers or no rrr l iskers ... (Looicsat rvatch) i can st i l l 'catch a nla.ire :o i,ondon if r iret a rjlove on. oh God, womenrvith whisrcers f{i're me tne screar.rirrghab-riabs, but oeggarscanrt be choosers .. . . ( i le turns to go ouf , ref i , * iurd aslre goes, : re. raeeis the:3oss coming in. i i ie j3ossston6 fo lookaf t er irirn)tilhere rlid tirat fel.Lorvcone orrt of?I{eIs a sira,nger nassiirg tluoug}:, I ivn,sqiving hirn sornedirect ioi is .(qrt er Penelone)-fhere rvasall urgei:t ni:one ci:,ll for rrou, si::. yourre wantedout at orlce to Far,rick rlloysius ca,rberilyrs, to a cow calving.

    Dan.

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    tt lt* ' t t

    . ' ' ] 'ncrcr. l$l:en did yorr rr:t t i t is?Penelone: Abrrr t f ive rt r tei r ln imrtes at3o. 1Ti l l you harre your tea f i rst?Boss: Good Lord, 1lo, aef 11 i te uet ; r l i l t i - Ine out t ; rere r igh! alvay.: ,et f s see l tow, I t . re got s() r i lenew roDes here somewi lere. . . . . . . .( i{e gets out soine rorjes)Penelope: 3y the wa-/ , s i r , I i ral re sonethi l ]g else ro rel l you.SOsS: il lel-L rna,lceit r,rr ief, I '11 iIr\/g to rret mOtritrg-Penelone: I iv ish to gi le l lot ice, si : r .Soss: (stun:red) : Notice? l3ttt lvh1r, rit lr detlr? Wi:atf s wrollg"Penelone: \ 'ot i r ing's 1{rorrg, si : . . l ( r l r} l ) t tL}&t I 'n goi i : .g to p-et rnarr ied- .Boss : r\h ! At : tvetl t lfirots tite luc)"lr rmlf i

    i{ets o;}11/3 irol/ .rr lt, si:r It ' l l tat

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    tsoss:Sereua:tsoss:Serena:l l r rqq.

    Johnnie:tsoss:

    Johru:ie:Darr .

    Joirnnie:

    Snrntr .tJ v \, lJ ,t .Pen:Soanrr:

    Joir:r l ie:Qnrnr.

    Johnnie:Soarvy:

    p 6t-t .

    soapv:Johnnie:' lnlnlr .

    Jolrnnie:

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  • 8/7/2019 The Mistletoe Chain

    49/49

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    ,lB.IOu JtarreA DOitlt l i tr;rr:, i i , l . l r i i iht.(wai l in i l ) : Holy suf fer ing l , loses, ist t ' t that a nice ket t leof f isir ' -arr l : rc af l r )T gci l l f l on my l3]ees to her and asklngher to rnarqr ine: ru:d tlre tvorst or i i was, site iumperi at theor.:;rCe. ,tir rlid rrOu e\/()I ilear the Lrate Of it. What aXnI goir:g to do ? (itrirttl r I(a\/, -radia;rt )(going to Soa'or) : lda.reyorr ioid then t l re big nelvs, dar l lngr.3ig nervs is rig:: l . I ' tr i i , frer irearing bi5lgcr ne,wsnor that.(quictcl r r ) : Yes, Pe/relone i l ,nd I a: :e get t ing rnarr ied, too,]1iel1 isrtr i t i t ls absolutely suner. i rm so thr i lLed;(To Soan:r) , \ re you ihr i l ted, dar l i t rg.( f f i r , t l l r ) : , \1rr l , I ' rn t l i r i l lcd to Di ts.Itrn flattr:recl to s(){l l /o1l so hilDnj,t darl i trg ..you arehaPny, arenr t YotriGod al rc .Irrc lennir t1l out of niy si r in. (Sarcast ical fyt r .ljr?Tlla sal/B l1ie could }rai,./r) for i{erv zea,lanci lir Thursday andire rn;eru1edji.tst aftr:r -tr i t, l ;rer.I ca; t r t wai t .Atl r igirtr yolt slratrri i larr(-:to lvait lonprr {otl lovely rnanyou.ldoul Ifrre be,3i: tlrirricing of Door tlear l4armaduice, sltting hereall i l lone iir ir is baslret aLl da1'. iYe rnustnrt forget dearl/armadu,