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The Mission of the Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive. MEETINGS/REUNIONES PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS & ADULT SIBLINGS 7:00 p.m. 1st Thursday of the month New Cassel Retirement Center 900 N. 90th Street Auditorium Level 2, Omaha, NE REUNION EN ESPAŃOL/MEETING IN SPANISH 7:00 pm-3er miércoles de cada mes/3rd Wed. of every month One World Community Health Center Conference Room 4920 S. 30th Street, Omaha NE Kelly 712-326-4308 Miércoles/Wednesday - 20 Enero/January Miércoles/Wednesday - 17 Febrero/February Miércoles/Wednesday - 17 Marzo/March DAYTIME MEETING 3rd Tuesday of the month at noon. Join us for lunch at Tish’s restaurant. 1115 S 35 Street, Council Bluffs The Compassionate Friends Greater Omaha Chapter 402-571-4011 P.O. Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154 www.tcfomaha.org [email protected] (English) or [email protected] (Spanish) National Office: The Compassionate Friends P.O. Box 3696 Oakbrook IL 60522-3696 (877) 969-0010 www.compassionatefriends.org Address Service Requested Non-Profit US Postage PAID Omaha, NE Permit #1300 Please send stories, poems or love gifts by February 15, 2010 [email protected] January 7th -- Guest speaker is Rita Paskowicz. February 4th - Surviving the emptiness (Pot luck?) March 4th - Finances of the bereaved. April 1st - Reaching out for Help - Guest speaker Audrey Malena, coun- selor Jan/Feb 2010 Did you know TCF is on Facebook? You can get there by clicking on the link from TCF’s national website home page at www.compassionatefriends.org . Or, you can log into Facebook and search for The Com- passionate Friends/USA. The Compassionate Friends/USA Facebook page will have information about upcoming events such as conferences, the Walk to Remember, and the Worldwide Candle Lighting. Please visit often and contribute to the conversation. ents. For more information, you may call TCF’s National Office toll-free at 877-969-0010 or write [email protected] .
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Page 1: The Compassionate Friendstcfomaha.org/newsletters/2010/January - February... · Miércoles/Wednesday - 17 Febrero/February Miércoles/Wednesday - 17 Marzo/March DAYTIME MEETING 3rd

1

The Mission of the Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.

MEETINGS/REUNIONES

PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS & ADULT SIBLINGS

7:00 p.m. — 1st Thursday of the month

New Cassel Retirement Center

900 N. 90th Street —Auditorium Level 2, Omaha, NE

REUNION EN ESPAŃOL/MEETING IN SPANISH

7:00 pm-3er miércoles de cada mes/3rd Wed. of every month

One World Community Health Center Conference Room

4920 S. 30th Street, Omaha NE

Kelly 712-326-4308

Miércoles/Wednesday - 20 Enero/January

Miércoles/Wednesday - 17 Febrero/February

Miércoles/Wednesday - 17 Marzo/March

DAYTIME MEETING

3rd Tuesday of the month at noon. Join us for

lunch at Tish’s restaurant.

1115 S 35 Street, Council Bluffs

The Compassionate Friends Greater Omaha Chapter 402-571-4011 P.O. Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154 www.tcfomaha.org

[email protected] (English) or [email protected] (Spanish)

National Office: The Compassionate Friends P.O. Box 3696 Oakbrook IL 60522-3696 (877) 969-0010 www.compassionatefriends.org

Non-Profit

US Postage

PAID

Omaha, NE

Permit #1300

Address Service Requested

Non-Profit

US Postage

PAID

Omaha, NE

Permit #1300

Please send stories, poems or love gifts by

February 15, 2010

[email protected]

January 7th -- Guest speaker is Rita Paskowicz.

February 4th - Surviving the emptiness (Pot luck?)

March 4th - Finances of the bereaved.

April 1st - Reaching out for Help - Guest speaker Audrey Malena, coun-selor

Jan/Feb 2010

Did you know TCF is on Facebook? You can

get there by clicking on the link from

TCF’s national website home page at

www.compassionatefriends.org. Or, you can

log into Facebook and search for The Com-

passionate Friends/USA.

The Compassionate Friends/USA Facebook

page will have information about upcoming

events such as conferences, the Walk to

Remember, and the Worldwide Candle

Lighting. Please visit often and contribute

to the conversation.

ents.

For more information, you may call TCF’s

National Office toll-free at 877-969-0010

or write

[email protected].

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♥ Gifts of Love ♥ Our activities support the grief work of many families. We also work to educate members of our community about the grief process and how they can support bereaved parents. Please help us help others by making a LOVE GIFT today. TCF is a 501c3 organization and funded only by dona-tions. Monetary gifts in any amount are deeply appreciated and we gratefully accept these gifts knowing our children are warmly remembered. Chapter expenses include printing, postage, library, yellow pages, and memorial programs. Use the form above to send a tax deductible gift. Gifts Received October 16 — December 15

In loving memory of Michelle Audra Anderson by Dick and Jean Anderson ♥ Cheryl Anding, ―Merry Christmas, Brother. Love and Miss you al-

ways!‖ ♥ Anonymous ♥ Anonymous ♥ Anonymous ♥ Anonymous ♥ In loving memory of Matthew Applegate by Mark and Dana Applegate ♥

In loving memory of Charlie Moreland by Shirley Ashcraft ♥ In loving memory of Bradley Charles Barr by Charles and Vicki Barr ♥ In loving mem-

ory of Mark Massie and Addie Mixan by Lorraine Beaman ♥ In loving memory of Cameron W. Blackburn by Stephen and Susan Blackburn ♥ In

loving memory of Sally Frances Bruckner by Joanne Bruckner ♥ In loving memory of Steve Burhenne by Elmer and Carol Burhenne ♥ In loving

memory of Daryl L. Catlin by Don and Linda Catlin ♥ Phil and Beth Cerra, ―With much love to our Christmas Angel, Ellen Gloria. We miss you

every day! Mom, Dad, Amy, Abbey ♥ In loving memory of Rosalyn Clarke by Kevin and Angie Clarke ♥ In loving memory of Matt Guilfoyle by

Christine Connor ♥ In loving memory of Randy Lee Dady by Deborah Dady ♥ Dillard and Teresa Delts, ―In memory of Tanisha Richards – You live

in our hearts forever‖ ♥ In loving memory of John Ference, Mark Bremer, and Alex Tay by Robert and Mary Ference ♥ In loving memory of Kelcey

Fike by Randall and Mary Jo Fike ♥ In loving memory of Kelcey Fike, Becky Brewer, and Baby Boy Johnson by Mary Jo and Randall Fike ♥ In

loving memory of Matthew James Herrin by Robert and Elizabeth Gamache ♥ Alvin and Glenda Halley, ―Cindy Halley and Mary Halley-

Chrostowski – Always and Forever in our Hearts‖ ♥ Harold and Betty Harlow, ―Chad W. Harlow – We love U!‖ ♥ In loving memory of Aaron

vonKnorring Hartline and James Aaron Schlotfeld by Trudy Hartline ♥ In loving memory of Matthew Hartmann by Doug and Kathy Hartmann ♥

In loving memory of Michael Ray Hawes by Leslie and Florence Hawes ♥ In loving memory of Tiffany Headrick by Rod and Jolene Headrick ♥ In

loving memory of Heidi Ann Hirniak by Bo and Diane Hirniak ♥ In loving memory of Jake Jackson by Dave and Deb Jackson ♥ In loving memory

of Ashley Lynne Hagler by Loren and Rebecca Johnson ♥ In loving memory of Todd Johnston by Robert and Karen Johnston ♥ In loving memory

of Vicki Katz by Nan Katz ♥ In loving memory of Zachary Larsen, Timothy Larsen, Ronald Larsen, and Owen Nass by Mary Larsen

Love Gifts ∙ Address Change ∙ Authorization To Print Name & Dates

Mail to: The Compassionate Friends , PO Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154

Your Name_____________________________________________________________________________________

Address_______________________________________Email____________ _______________________________

City___________________________ State _______ Zip ______________ Phone_____________________

Love Gift Donation of $________In Memory of_________________________________

DIRECT MY GIFT TOWARD:

□ Memorial Programs □ Outreach (Printing, postage, phone, web)

□ Angel of Hope Project □ General Fund (90% local/10% national)

Message:______________________________________________________________

I GIVE MY PERMISSION TO PRINT MY CHILD’S NAME, BIRTH & DEATH DATES IN THE NEWSLETTER

Child’s Name __________________________________________________________________________________

Birth Date __________________Death Date ______________________Your Relationship____________________

SIGNATURE_REQUIRED________________________________________________________________________

You will no longer receive the newsletter if 2 years have passed since our last

contact with you. You may be added back to our list at your request. 2009

Steering Committee These members are veterans of the organization who work together as a team to take care of the business of the chapter. Giving back is another stage of healing. They will have nametags to iden-tify them as steering committee, so you can seek them out at meetings for questions or suggestions, or a listening ear.

Barbara Schwede

Chris Villarreal

Kelly Pelster

Shirley Ashcraft

Joyce Schlosser

Kirsten Tay

Nicole Winton

Kate & John Spinks

Kelly Kleckner-Silva

Jennie Thompson

Sandra Massie

Thank you to the following businesses and professionals who have generously assisted us in our mission

New Cassel Retirement Center · One World Community Health Center · Ted E Bear Hollow · Centering Corporation

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♥ In loving memory of Jim Lehman by Herm and Ann Lehman ♥ Sharon Mack, ―Christine Mack – Love ya! Mom and John Jr.‖ ♥ In loving mem-

ory of Rachel A. Malena Donahue by Daryl and Audrey Malena ♥ In loving memory of Barbara Conry Dressman by Cheryl Marshall ♥ In loving

memory of Mark Massie and Addie Mixan by Tom and Sandi Massie ♥ Shirley Mcdowell for the occasion of Richie’s birthday ♥ In loving memory

of Ross Mlnarik by Robert and Elaine Mlnarik ♥ In loving memory of Alex Morrow by Mary Morrow ♥ In loving memory of Alex and Jim Morrow by

Mary Morrow and Hawkeye/Nebraska Siding, Window & Door, Inc. ♥ In loving memory of Kevin Michael Stewart by Tim and Lori Mueller ♥ In

loving memory of Guy D. Nielsen by Linda Nielsen ♥ Melanie and Darrin Petty and Gary Frederickson, ―Trevor Fredericksen – Always in our heart

and on our mind. We love and miss you – Your family‖ ♥ In loving memory of Brynn Babbel by Tom and Patti Recic ♥ In loving memory of John

Reek by Dirk and Barb Reek ♥ In loving memory of Randy Nunez by Judith Rose ♥ James and Colleen Sariscsany, ―For Ned‖ ♥ In loving memory

of Lynette Angers Schlosser by Al and Joyce Schlosser ♥ In loving memory of Matt Schmill by Matt’s Dream Foundation and Bob and Lynn

Schmill ♥ In loving memory of Richie Sehi by Rich and Linda Sehi ♥ In loving memory of Brian M. Smith by John and Joann Smith ♥ In loving

memory of SSgt Johnathan R. Smith USAF by Richard and Becky Smith ♥ In loving memory of Carrie Sue Sporhase by Joyce Sporhase ♥ In

loving memory of Linda Lee Stafford by Evelyn Stoops ♥ In loving memory of Jason and Renae by Leo and Barbara VonTersch ♥ In loving mem-

ory of Troy Martin by Floyd and Marlene Williamson ♥ In loving memory of Jordan James Vannausdle by Terry and Darla Wright ♥

♥ Angel of Hope Gifts received August 16—December 15 ♥

Thomas & Carlotta Conn—Michael Conn • John & Elaine DeBoer—Melissa Elaine DeBoer • Joan Harmon —Anna Pelster • Clinton & Natalie Karas—Elija J. Karas • Linda Nielsen—Guy D. Nielsen • Vic Pelster —Anna Pelster • Tim & Angie Petersen—Brody Petersen • Melanie

Petty/Trevor Fredericikson Memorial Fund —Trevor Fredrickson • David & Stefanie Rowe —Owen T. Nass • The Hawks Foundation •

Thank you!

to those who have generously assisted us in our mission

The mission of the Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief

following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.

Robertson Family Foundation

Steve Ritzman & American National Bank

The Hawks Foundation

Thunn Construction, Inc.

E & A Consulting Group, Inc.

Harvest Construction

Mark Dahir & Omaha State Bank

David J. Ciaccio, Landscape Architect

Wahoo Concrete

Addicus Books

First Data Corporation Gift Match

Centering Corporation

Union Pacific Fund for Effective Government Gift

Match

West Maple Dental

Martin P. Pelster

Hawkeye/Nebraska Siding

Woodmen of the World Insurance

OPS Teacher Administrative Center Courtesy Com-

mittee

Matt’s Dream Foundation

Gleoma Arbor/Gleaner Life Insurance

Security National Bank

Ted E Bear Hollow

HyVee

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Valentine Message

I send this message to my child

Who no longer walks this plane,

A message filled with love

Yet also filled with pain.

My heart continues to skip a beat When I ponder your early death

As I think of times we’ll never share

I must stop to catch my breath.

Valentine’s Day is for those who love And for those who receive love, too

For a parent the perfect love in life

Is the love I’ve given you.

I’m thinking of you this day, my child, With a sadness that is unspoken

As I mark another Valentine’s Day

With a heart that is forever broken.

- - Annette Mennen Baldwin

In memory of my son, Todd Mennen

Katy Mennen, TCF TX

A Valentine Waiting for You

There’s a valentine waiting for you

That’s the different from all the others.

It’s there every month at our meetings

For fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers

It’s envelope is made of caring.

The glue of understanding seals it tight.

This non-judgmental group who’ve been there

Help to take away your fear and fright.

So come join with us together.

Read your loving message printed clear,

In not only this month’s Valentine

But all thse throughout the year.

Mary Cleckley, TCF Atlanta GA

NEW YEAR’S WISH

I wish you gentle days and quiet nights.

I wish you memories to keep you strong.

I wish you time to smile and time for song…

And then I wish you friends to give you love,

When you are hurt and lost and life in blind.

I wish you friends and love and peace of mind.

Sascha Wagner, TCF Central Iowa Chapter

The New Year

The New Year comes

When all the word is ready for

Changes,

Resolutions - -

great beginnings.

For us, to whom the stoke of midnight

Means a missing child remembered,

For us, the New Year comes

More like another darkness,

But let us not forget

That this may be the year

When love and hope and courage

Find each other somewhere

In the darkness.

To lift their voices and speak:

Let there be light...

Sascha Wagner, TCF Central Iowa Chapter

A friend is one who knows you as you are . . . Understands where you’ve been . . .

Accepts who you’ve become And still gently invites you to grow. ~

Author unknown

Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal

a totally new landscape. ~ From A Grief Observed

by C. S. Lewis

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If the bricks could talk,

what amazing and timeless stories

they would surely tell.

Tales of sorrow, despair, and broken hearts.

Lives forever changed against their will -

raw, utter sadness and

a fragile, unending vulnerability.

But the bricks would also tell the story of

healing, the story of courage and hope.

A place beyond this earth, warm and safe;

a bittersweet peace.

They would tell us to hold ever close

our precious dreams,

and they would sing the little babies lullabies

to soothe our mending souls.

Singing sweet songs of love -

Construction of the Angel of Hope at Boys Town began Novem-

ber 1, it was a beautiful month and work was almost competed

before

snowfall. You can still place a brick or stone engraving

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Good Grieving………

We’ll continue our tips for ―good grieving‖, especially now with the new year here. This can be almost as difficult as the holidays since it is the aftermath of the hustle and bustle. Often we can bury our feelings while staying busy with cleaning, cooking, baking, shopping and trying to smile through the tears which are always there. But, once we have survived it all, we must then face reality….that we have somehow man-aged to get through it all without our child. It can be almost overwhelming because we now much face the possibility that we might have enjoyed parts of it and how in the world could we do that without our child? And yet, it was also a lonely holiday without them. Depression can quickly surround us at this time. So, we must make an effort to be proactive so that doesn’t become a reality.

#6 Let others help you, now and always. Grief is so hard. You need people to love you and help you through it. It’s okay to ask for help. Try talking to your family, a friend or a neighbor.

#7 Talk to someone you trust. It’s important to talk about your grief…you may have suppressed it during the holidays. Fine one or two with whom you feel safe and loved – and will talk with you openly and hon-estly.

#22 Talk to other people who are grieving. You don’t have to join a support group to talk to other griev-ing people. Maybe you know someone at work who has had a death in the family. Maybe you have cousins, brothers, sisters or friends who are grieving the same death you are. Ask them how they’re doing. Ask them if they think about the person who died.

#32 If you’re a man. Sometimes grieving boys are told that they have to ―be strong‖ or ―be a man‖. This kind of message can carry over into adulthood and make your grieving tasks more difficult. It’s okay to be aware of your feelings and to express them.

#33 If you’re a woman. Sometimes grieving girls are expected to cry and be sad all the time. If you’re not feeling especially sad today, that’s okay. It’s okay to have fun when you want to.

#45 Talk to your pastor or clergyman. Pastors can sometimes be great grief helpers – if you let them. Talk to your pastor about the death. Let him or her know if you’re having a hard time with your work be-cause of your grief. Ask for help if you don’t know how to handle the reactions of other people in your life.

#47 Talk to your brother or sister. If you have brothers or sisters, they’ve probably been hurt by this death, too. It’s good to talk to them about your feelings and to ask them about theirs. Spend time hanging out together. Be gentle and understanding. If you’re having trouble getting along with your brothers or sis-ters right now, it could be because of the death.

#39 Don’t let other people get to you. Lots of people won’t know how to talk to you about your grief. Some people might even say things that seem mean or cruel. Mostly people act this way because they’re scared. They’re scared that someone they love could die, too. Try not to let them get to you.

#28 Know that people love you. Lots of people care about you. You’re a special person and many people love you. You may want to make a list of these people to look at when it’s hard to remember this.

I’m hoping that the Candle Lighting event brought some comfort and healing to all who attended. I took a hint from Kelly Pelster this year. The week before I sent out an email along with a picture of our son to all of my friends and family telling them about the candle lighting. To those who didn’t have email I sent a post-card. I asked them to help us remember him by lighting a candle on that night. I was pleasantly surprised by the response from friends and family. Their many responses were comforting and warm and certainly brought us great comfort.

Wishing you a better 2010!

Diana Bodnar, TCF

David’s Mom

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The online support community OSC is a place where siblings from all over can share and help each other cope with the unique grief of losing a brother or a sister. Sessions are moderated by bereaved siblings who are specially trained for the OSC. To register to participate, go to the OSC at www.compassionatefriends.org

Chris Villarreal is the adult sibling representative for our chapter. We encourage adult siblings to form a sibling discussion group at the meet-ings.

A new chapter is in the startup process in Fremont. An e-mail for the chapter has been setup. It is [email protected]. The chap-ter meetings will be the 2nd Thurs-day of the month at 7:00 pm at the Fremont Area Medical Center Health Park Plaza room 5. If you would like to begin attending or would like to become involved on their steering committee please email them at the address above or contact Jeff & Leona Heldt at 402.727.9698.

Grandparent’s Grief

The death of your grandchild is like a double-edged sword. You grieve for the death of a child whom you cherished a child whom you had hopes and dreams for. But you also grieve the death of your own child, the baby’s mother or farther. For the child's parents died with the child. Not physically , but figuratively. Your own flesh and blood, the person whom you once knew your child to be, will never be again. Your child has been transformed in a moment of time into a new person. An overwhelming grief has touched their lives. It is a time of confusion, anger and frustration for many grandparents. Offer your unconditional love and support. Go to support group meetings with your child and go to a grandparents. Offer your uncon-ditional love and support. Go to support group meetings with your child and go to a grandparents group for yourselves. Remember your grandchild on special occasions such as his or her birthday/death day, Christ-mas and Easter, Send your child a Mother's Day or Father’s Day card reminding them that they are still the parents of the precious child, always loved but now lost. Share their pain with them, even years later. It will surely create an even deeper bond of love, appreciation and fortitude withstanding the passing of time and circumstances.

In Peace and Memory of our Beloved Children…

Joanne Cacciatore, St. Paul Chapter.

Communicating with surviving children

If you are fortunate enough to have surviving children, when was the last time you:

Told them how import they are to you?

Thanked them for their patience with you during these dark hours?

Assured them that had it been one of them who died, it would have

been just the same?

Told them that the reason you struggle so hard to survive is because

you want to enjoy life with them again?

Reassured them there will be joy and some happiness in your family’s

life again when you have had the necessary time to create your new life?

If you haven’t told them lately—or even if you have—tell them again. Both you and they need that reassurance.

- Mary Cleckley

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♥ Our Children Remembered ♥ In the days ahead, especially remember these children and their families...on the day of their birth and on the

anniversary of their death. If your child has a birthday this month, bring a photo or memorabilia for the

birthday table, and a treat to share at the meeting. We need your authorization to list your child here.

Your child is not automatically listed just because you receive this newsletter. Sign & submit the form on Page 2.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Say to yourself, ”It is hard to lose a child.” Say to yourself, “It is reasonable to hurt.” Say to yourself, “Healing takes time.” Be good to yourself ----Sasha Wagner TCF Des Moines, IA

January sunrises Birth Child

1/2 Nathan James Graybill

1/3 Michele Audra Anderson

1/8 Eric William Kuhl

1/9 Bradley Charles Barr

1/11 Cole Alan Krueger

1/11 Alan C. Wiles

1/13 Matthew Hartmann

1/16 Jim C. Failla

1/16 Theresa Marie Spinks

1/16 Shannon Lee Lloyd

1/16 Michael Peterson

1/18 Lynette Schlosser Angers

1/22 Sandy Hanrahan

1/23 Daryl L. Catlin

1/24 Ashley Peterson

1/28 Ellen Gloria Cerra

1/29 Melissa Ann Duhn

February sunrises Birth Child

2/1 Jill Kelly Bradrick

2/2 Mariah Hope Gould

2/9 Brian Nye Paterson

2/10 Allyssa Colleen Johnson

2/11 Lyndsay Madison Bills

2/15 Colton Joseph Peterson

2/16 Jayden Anthony Gibson

2/16 Barbara Conry Dressman

2/16 Vivian Leigh Lemke

2/16 Amanda Jo Miller Golden

2/17 Eric Paul Bauer

2/20 Drew Michael Benson

2/21 Michaiah Delano Taylor

2/21 Michael Andrew Epstein

2/23 Rachel Sarah Talbott

2/26 Tyson Henry Peters

2/26 Pio Porta Viii

2/28 Jay Krier

January sunsets Day Child

1/1 Michele Audra Anderson

1/2 Cari Sue Sporhase

1/3 Steven Dennis Schult

1/3 Christopher Blanchard

1/6 Shawn "Boomer" Lattimer

1/9 Fenton (Pen) Keller

1/11 Christine Mack

1/13 Dylan Zackary O'neill

1/16 Barbara Conry Dressman

1/19 Timothy Ronald Larsen

1/19 Bryan Jensen

1/22 Vince Walde

1/23 Eric William Kuhl

1/24 Nathan James Graybill

1/24 Terry Mccue

1/24 Madison Renae Clark

1/25 Chad Chollett

1/26 Erik Matthew Balkus

1/27 Daniel Logeman

1/28 Brianne Dreith

1/29 Steve Starks

1/31 Pio Porta Viii

February sunsets Day Child

2/1 Nicholas John Scarpello

2/3 Eric Michael Jensen

2/6 Randy Lee Dady

2/8 Richie A. Sehi

2/11 Lyndsay Madison Bills

2/18 Bradley Charles Barr

2/21 Scott Blevins

2/22 Michaiah Delano Taylor

2/25 Christine Perkins

2/26 Tyson Henry Peters

2/26 Lisa Barton

2/26 Jeffrey Thomas Brown