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The Temperament Monologues By Hal Warfield © 2007 A Series of Essays and Letters
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Temperament Monologues

Sep 12, 2014

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An e-book of articles and essays on the 4 types of Temperaments and how they affect our lives.
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Page 1: Temperament Monologues

The Temperament Monologues�By Hal Warfield © 2007�

A Series of Essays and Letters�

Page 2: Temperament Monologues

Hal Warfield is a coach, educator, speaker and writer with 30 years work experience�in Human Resources, Training, higher education, and technical sales and marketing.�

As a speaker and educator, Hal has taught at institutions of higher learning including�the University of Tennessee Center for the Health Sciences and Southeast�Tennessee Community College. As a consultant, he has worked for companies such�as International Paper and Holiday Inns to deliver personal and professional�development training.�

He has also led seminars and workshops for national and international professional�groups on subjects ranging from Career Development to Temperament & Personality.�

Hal is a published author in the personal development field and has published his�work in an ongoing weblog format at�www.halwarfield.com�.�

He answers personal development email questions from around the world at his�Myers-Briggs related web site�www.introvert.cc�.�

Hal is also the Vice President of Business Development at Market Strategy�(�www.marketstrategy.cc�); companies devoted to helping companies increase sales�through technology.�

Page 3: Temperament Monologues

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

Temperament and Personality�Who you are, how you got that way, and how to live�

with others who aren't like you.�© 2002 – 2003 Hal Warfield�Temperament�

Your temperament is like an artist's canvas. It is your basic inherited style. It is the fabric underlying�who you are. Generally speaking, two of the basic temperament types are outgoing or extroverted�and two are more inward directed or introverted. This varies based on temperament blend and our�individual personality development.�

Personality�Your personality is like the painting on the canvas. It is what you have built on top of your�temperament. Two people with like temperament may be very different in actual behavior. Factors�that affect personality include socialization, education, birth order, siblings or lack of siblings, and�interpersonal pressures which will cause us to adapt and change our behaviors.�

Why Study Temperament?�Understanding temperament - your own and others - makes you much better equipped to handle�interpersonal relationships successfully. Studying your own temperament helps you understand your�strength's and weaknesses and why you do some of the things you do. Understanding another's�temperament can help you adapt your communication to theirs or at the least understand why you�have problems with them.�

The Four "Types"�Why four? Why not forty? There are more than four kinds of people, aren't there? Of course, but�everyone from the ancients to modern psychologists find that people can be grouped into four basic�types of personality. These are:�

Sanguine� -�I�nfluencing of others, SP - Artisan�The Sanguine is receptive by nature and outgoing. He is usually called a 'super-extrovert'. This� temperament is usually thought of as a "natural salesman" but they also tend to enter professions�that are outgoing such as acting.�

He "leads into a room with his mouth" and is never at a loss for words. His outgoing nature makes�him the envy of more timid temperament types. He is most comfortable around people and does not�like being alone. He is often known as a "toucher"; reaching out and touching the arm or shoulder of�the person he is talking with. This can make more introverted temperaments nervous and�uncomfortable.�

His energy can make him seem more confident than he actually is and his cheery disposition often�cause others to excuse his weaknesses by saying, "That's just how he is". The Sanguine is mostly a�happy person whom others are glad to have around.�

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The weakness of the Sanguine include a lack of discipline which can be expressed in many ways -�including a generally "messy" lifestyle or overeating. The Sanguine is the most emotional of the�temperaments and can burst into tears or a rage without warning. These "bursts" are usually over�as fast as they occur but this lack of emotional consistency can affect other areas of his life. He�may be "morally flexible" and may take advantage of others via his good nature. A Sanguine's�tremendous personal talents can be made or broken by his lack of self-discipline.�

Choleric-�D�ecisive, NT - Rational�The choleric is the most forceful and active of the four types. He is strong-willed and independent�and opinionated. The Choleric thrives on activity. He is the most practical and makes sound, quick�decisions. He is not afraid of obstacles and tends to drive right through or over problems. He is�probably the strongest natural leader of the four types. He has the most problem with anger and�does not display compassion easily. He is quick to recognize opportunities and quick to capitalize�on them - though details irritate him and, unless he learns to delegate, he will often gloss over�details. His strong will and determination may drive him to succeed where more gifted people�give up.�

The Choleric is a developer and may be seen in construction supervision or coaching or law�enforcement. Most entrepreneurs are choleric. Because of their impatience they often end up�doing everything themselves. A choleric is extremely goal/task oriented in leading others. His�biggest weakness as a leader is a tendency to run right over people if he feels they are in his way.�He assumes that approval and encouragement will lead others to slack off and he probably finds�criticism and faultfinding more useful for his purposes. Through his natural determination he may�succeed where others may give up.�

A Choleric's weaknesses include anger and hostility. A Choleric is the most likely to have an active�temper; he is a door slammer and horn blower and he can carry a grudge for a long time. This�includes a cutting and sarcastic tongue and the Choleric will rarely hesitate to tell someone off. The�Choleric is the least likely to show affection or any public show of emotion. His emotions are the�least developed of all the temperaments. Additionally a Choleric can be inconsiderate, opinionated�and crafty in getting their own way.�

Melancholy -�C�onscientious, SJ - Guardian�The Melancholy is an introverted temperament type. His natural style is analytical and perfectionist.�He is the most moody of types ranging from highly "up" to gloomy and depressed. During his low�periods he can be very antagonistic and does not make friends easily. He is the most dependable�of the temperaments due to his perfectionist tendencies. His analytical ability allows him to�accurately diagnose obstacles and problems which often keep him from making changes - he�prefers the status quo and may seem overly pessimistic.�

He may choose a difficult life vocation involving personal sacrifice. Many Melancholies become�doctors or scientists or artists. Their interpersonal style can be critical and negative. He tends to�be more indecisive than other types. They have difficulty giving praise and approval because they�cannot bring themselves to say something that is not 100% true. They also are usually dissatisfied�with themselves being highly self-critical.�

Other weaknesses include being "thin skinned" or touchy and easily offended. He often feels�persecuted and may seek revenge for real or imagined insults. He tends to be "all or nothing" in his�evaluation of things; everything must be black or white and no shades of gray. He is least likely to�consider mitigating circumstances when evaluating a person or situation. No temperament is more�likely to be legalistic and rigid. He can be intolerant and impatient with those who do not see things�his way.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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Phlegmatic-�S�teady, NF - Idealist�The Phlegmatic is best characterized by the words "easy going". He is the calm and steady person�who is not easily disturbed. He is the easiest temperament type to get along with. Life or him is�happy, unexcited and calm. Underneath the calm exterior, the Phlegmatic is the most timid�temperament type. He often uses humor to make his points. The Phlegmatic is more an observer�and does not involve himself in the activities of others.�

Phlegmatics make excellent teachers, counselors and administrators. They are very dependable and�organized and, while they never volunteer, they make good group leaders.�

The weakness of a Phlegmatic include lack of motivation or even laziness; they appear to lack drive�and ambition. A Phlegmatic needs to realize that he is not internally motivated and take up activities�that force him into action. The Phlegmatic is self-protective and may be selfish. He is often very�stubborn, though it is hidden beneath his mild-mannered style. He is also the most fearful of� temperaments.�

After defining each temperament in "black and white" we must realize that no one is completely one� temperament type. Each of us is a blend of usually two and occasionally three types. One�temperament type is dominant and one is secondary. And don't forget that training, lifestyle,�upbringing and other circumstances may have forced an individual to function "off style". The�saddest people I have seen are those who have "put on" a style that is not theirs naturally for so long�that it has become a habitual way of life�

The Sixteen "Combinations"�SanChol (ID)�This is the strongest extrovert of all the blends because both primary types are extroverted. They are�people-oriented and enthusiastic but with the resolutions of the choleric tempering the lack of�organization of the Sanguine. He is almost always a sports enthusiast and is ideal in sales. He can� talk too much and can be obnoxious if threatened. The forgetfulness of the Sanguine and the caustic�nature of the Choleric may make them hurtful without realizing it.�

SanMel (IC)�These are highly emotional people whose moods can fluctuate from highs to lows and back again�quickly. The Sanguine outgoing nature often allows the melancholy's critical nature "out" too easily.�It is very easy for a Sanmel to "get down" on themselves and, to realize their potential, it is best if�they work with others.�

SanPhleg (IS)�The overpowering outgoing nature of the Sanguine is tempered by the gracious Phlegmatic. These�are extremely happy and carefree individuals who live to help people. They would not purposely hurt�anyone but they must fight a lack of workplace motivation - they would rather visit than work.�

CholSan (DI)�The second strongest extrovert is an active and purposeful individual. He is almost fearless and has�high levels of energy. Whatever his profession, his brain is always active and engaged. His�weaknesses combine the quick anger of the Sanguine with the resentment of the Choleric. He gets�and� gives ulcers. He may leave people, including spouse and children, shell-shocked and resentful�of their angry outbursts.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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CholMel (DC)�The Choleric/Melancholy is very industrious and capable. He is both industrious�and�detailed. He�combines verbal aggressiveness with sharp attention to detail. He is very competitive and forceful. He�can be autocratic and opinionated with work habits that keep after details until the job is completely�finished. He finds interpersonal relationships difficult due to the hard-to-please nature of the Choleric�and the perfectionism nature of the Melancholy.�

CholPhleg (DS)�This is the most subdued of the outgoing temperaments. He is extremely capable in the long run�though he may not impress you that way at first. He is organized and a good planner. He often gets�more accomplished than other temperaments because he always thinks in terms of enlisting others to�help him. His weaknesses include a tendency to quietly harbor bitterness rather than letting it out like�a Cholmeg might. Acknowledging weaknesses is difficult for him and he tends to worry about his�performance in life activities.�

MelSan (CI)�The detailed and organized Melancholy is tempered by the outgoing and warm Sanguine. He makes�an excellent teacher as his organized side is well versed in the facts and his Sanguine side makes him�enjoyable to attend to. If he goes into sales it will be sales that call for exacting detail and the�presentation of many facts. He is an emotional person - from being moved to tears to being critical�and hard on others. Both temperaments can be fearful which may make this an insecure person with�a poor self-image.�

MelChol (CD)�This type is both a perfectionist and a driver which may lead him into the law or medicine. They mix�decisiveness and determination. Because of the critical nature of the Melancholy they may be very�difficult to please. If they become negative about someone or something it will have a tendency to stay�with them for a long time. Their combination can lead them to "nit-pick" others and be revengeful to� those they have a grudge against.�

MelPhleg (CS)�These are often teachers and scholars. They are not as prone to hostility as other Melancholy blends�and combine analysis with organization. They make excellent accountants and bookkeepers.�Unfortunately he can become easily discouraged and may be susceptible to fear and anxiety. They�may become uncooperative because of stubborn, rigid tendencies.�

PhlegSan (SI)�This is the easiest to get along with being congenial, happy, and people-oriented. They make�excellent administrators and other jobs that involve getting along with people. He may lack motivation�and discipline and may fall short of his true capabilities. He may "putter around" for years without�making progress.�

PhlegChol (SD)�This is the most active of the Introverts but he'll never be a ball of fire. He can be an excellent�counselor because he is an active listener. He is practical and helpful and patient. He may lack�motivation and may become stubborn if threatened. He may also have a tendency toward being�sedentary and passive. He needs to be around other people as he is externally motivated.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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PhlegMel (SC)�This type is gracious and quiet, does the proper thing and is dependable. He wobbles between�patience and criticism and may tend toward negativism. They can be afraid of overextending�themselves so may avoid involvement in a group.�

Other Factors That Shape Personality�Just as no one is only one temperament or an exact blend of two types, there are a multitude of other�factors that affect a person's behavior. The percentage of blend may be any combination of�percentages making them more one type than another.�

A Choleric raised in the northeast US may exhibit different behavior than one raised in the deep south�due to cultural differences.�

Childhood experiences and parenting will cause differences. A Phlegmatic father may behave�differently in raising a child than a Melancholy one thereby causing the child to value different�behaviors.�

A person's level of education and training may affect behavior as will a person's level of physical�health. A healthy PhlegChol may seem more outgoing and aggressive than a Choleric with health�problems.�

In certain individuals there may be parts of three temperament types blended together. While rare, it�does happen and makes it more difficult for the person to get a clear picture of their type.�

How To Use Temperament To Your Advantage�

Know Yourself�Knowing your temperament blend can be an "eye-opening" experience. It may help explain why you�do certain things and why you don't get along with certain others. Use your knowledge of�temperament to guide you in choosing vocations, affiliations, and friendships.�

Get Along With Others�Learning how to spot the temperament of others is invaluable. It takes practice but once you can�spot a Choleric you know not to try and be "chatty" with them. If you spot a Phlegmatic you may�understand why they seem quiet and reserved.�

Work Life�This is a key area of understanding temperament. There are so many people in life who are in jobs�that do not match their temperament. A Sangphlet may not make a good surgeon. A CholMel�probably wouldn't be happy teaching kindergartners. Tests of temperament often include suggestions�concerning career choices.�

Relationships�Another key area. Cholerics get impatient with Sanguines. Melancholies think that Phlegmatics "just�don't care" about details. And in marriage we more often than not see opposite temperaments�together. This can help each individual grow and develop or it can cause anger, resentment and�separation. Understanding your temperament and your child's can affect parenting style. A�Melancholy child needs structure, organization and reassurance. A Choleric child needs a big�backyard and a large dog to take care of. A Phlegmatic mother needs to be firm with a Sanguine child.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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Frequently Asked Questions�

Can you change your personality?�You cannot change your basic temperament styles but you can influence your behaviors and thereby your�personality. The biggest mistake I've seen is someone who has "put on" behaviors that were not theirs'�naturally until it has become habitual. It is almost always obvious and often painful. An example is a�Phlegmatic who felt is necessary to put on an outgoing Sanguine style for so many years that it has�become a habit; however it is clear that this is not their natural way of being.�

Can you change someone else's personality?�If you can't change you own, it is clear that you can't change someone else's but that won't stop most of�us from trying. This is a special problem in marriage and child raising if the spouse or parent thinks the�other person can be "improved" on. In Dickens'�David Copperfield,� Mr. Murdstone and his sister fatally try�to impress their Choleric nature on Sanguine Mrs. Copperfield. Husbands and wives who think they will�change their spouse may affect some behavior changes and think they have "changed" them. Changes�are only fully implemented when they come from within the person and then they will still be in line with�their basic temperament style.�

Why do people so often marry opposite temperament?�The first person to find out the underlying answer to this one will retire wealthy. Seriously, what attracts�us to another person? Often it is the strengths we see in them that we do not have temperamentally. A�Choleric woman may appreciate the easygoing nature of the Phlegmatic. A disorganized Sanguine�appreciates the orderly manner of a Melancholy. Unfortunately, over time, we realize that our natural�strengths are usually their natural weaknesses which can cause friction or even a feeling of betrayal; that�is, "if he really loved me, he wouldn't be so disorganized, or angry, or rigid".�

Why do different temperament types irritate us?�Again, it's usually a matter of strengths and weaknesses. A straightforward Choleric is irritated by a highly�verbal Sanguine. A highly organized Melancholy finds a Phlegmatic's laid back nature to go "against their�grain". The Phlegmatic is the most likely to ignore these irritations. The Choleric is the most likely to bring�them out in the open.�

Is one temperament "better" than another?�Each of us is who we are - we were made that way based on inherited temperament characteristics. Each�temperament type at some time thinks another type is "better" but that feeling is usually related to�something they admire in that person that they cannot do easily. So a quiet Phlegmatic envies the�Sanguine’s easy outgoing manner and the disorganized Sanguine may envy the Melancholy's natural�organization. Each type is better at some things and worse at others. The trick is to match the personality�to the situation - which very rarely happens in normal life.�

How does knowing my temperament help me?�"Why do I do the things I do?" is a question many of us have asked ourselves at one time or another.�Temperament study gives us insight into some of those "whys". A Choleric with a quick temper, the�talkative Sanguine, or the organized Melancholy now has an underlying reason for behavior. The trick is�not to let temperament become an excuse for negative behavior.�

What jobs are best for each temperament type?�Again there are many other factors to consider but in general Cholerics make good leaders (managers or�executives) if they can control their tendency to criticize and get angry. Sanguines make good teachers�if they can keep themselves organized. Phlegmatics make good counselors or pastors; anywhere where�non-critical listening and relating can be helpful.�

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The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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Melancholies are good anywhere organization is important including the law and medical professions.�Cholerics don't like jobs where easygoing relating to others is important. Phlegmatics don't care for jobs�where they must be outgoing and talkative. Melancholies detest jobs where they have little control over�their circumstances and Sanguines don't like jobs where they must work alone for periods of time.�

Help! I'm not just a blend of two types - I can see traits of three!�This is where temperament tests can be useful as well as talking with someone familiar with temperament�theory. If we inherit temperament then it's certainly possible to inherit a blend of three temperament types.�

What are quick "cues" that I can use to "read" a person's temperament?�Again, the Phlegmatic will be calm, quiet and easygoing. The Melancholy will be precise, analytical and�critical in conversation. A Sanguine will always be the most verbal and will often be a "toucher". The�Choleric will be straightforward, even abrupt and most easily angered.�

I hate my job! Is that a temperament thing?� If you dislike the job because it doesn't "fit" your type, then yes it may be temperament related. List those�things you dislike about the job (i.e.. relationships, tasks, etc.,�not� "it doesn't pay enough".) and compare�them to your temperamental strengths and weaknesses. This should give you insight into whether or not�your job dislike is temperamental.�

I love my husband (wife, child) but I can't stand certain traits.�How can I change them?�Again, you cannot change a person's temperament type any more than you can change their eye color.�Real change comes when a person sees the need to change and not before. Externally forced change is�never real and can cause unhappiness and friction. Encourage the other's natural strengths and�discourage their natural weaknesses. Realize that you may cause the same feelings in others that do not�have your temperament.�

How do the different temperament systems match up?�Am I a Choleric, a "D", or an "SJ"?�There are many different "systems" of temperament classification. There are even those that compare a�temperament to different animals. The three most common systems include the one used here -�Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholy and Phlegmatic, as well as the Myers-Briggs Temperament Indicator�which uses sixteen combinations of traits and includes the Guardian, Artisan, Rational, and idealist. The�DiSC system is similar to the first system where the Decisive is the Choleric, the influencer is the�Sanguine, the Steady is the Phlegmatic and the Conscientious is the Melancholy.�

Is my temperament my personality? Or the other way round? What's the difference?�Temperament is the canvas, personality is the painting. The temperament is the foundation, personality�is the building. Taking your basic temperament, you add life experience, culture, education, and�upbringing to form your personality.�

How do the temperaments relate to a person's anger and fear?�Everyone experiences fear and anger. The Phlegmatic experiences the most fear and the Choleric the�most anger. The Melancholy fears being out of control of situations and the Sanguine has quick, hot�flashes of anger that pass as quickly as they start.�

Do men and women's temperaments differ substantially?�Temperament is temperament. There are Choleric men and Choleric women. There are Sanguine�women and Sanguine men. Gender is only one of many environmental factors that influence behavior.�Others include upbringing, culture, education, etc.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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Page 10: Temperament Monologues

If I can't change my temperament, then what good is it to know about it?�Understanding temperament has many benefits such as understanding others better or being able to�communicate more easily with temperament types that are different from yours. But while you cannot�change your temperament type, all of us�can� change our behaviors. Knowing your temperamental�weaknesses can help you reduce their impact on your life. Knowing your temperamental strengths can�help you release them more into your everyday life. Feed your strengths and starve your weaknesses.�Understand how your temperament impacts other types of individuals and adapt accordingly.�

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The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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Choleric - Focused Driver�

This is part of an overall series on our natural Temperament. Temperament differs from Personality�in that Temperament inborn and Personality grows out of upbringing, culture, family, and other�external factors. Personality equals Temperament plus Life Experience.�

In the study of Temperament there are many approaches with many names. The easiest approach to�understand and use divides individuals into one of four basic types – Phlegmatic, Choleric, Sanguine,�and Melancholy. These names came from the Greeks who thought that behavior was influenced by�an abundance of bodily fluid. Studies today confirm that an individual can be classified by�Temperament type as evidenced by the use of Temperament tests in the areas of employment, group�team building, and organizational development.�

Today the four Temperament types have been re-named many times – in this series I will try to provide�other naming systems for each type including the DiSC model. Understanding Temperament provides�many insights into our own behavior and the behaviors of others – spouses, children, bosses, co-�workers, etc. Many have asked, “Why do I react the way I do? Why do I have this particular�weakness or fear”? Temperament is one means of answering some of these questions.�

Further study has shown that most people are a blend of two of the four Temperament types. One�Temperament type is predominating; the other is secondary. Each article in this series will focus on�one primary Temperament type and its combinations.�

The Choleric is the strongest of the extroverted Temperaments. The Choleric Temperament is�sometimes referred to as a “Type A” personality; a hard driving individual known for accomplishing�goals. This is both good and bad; good in that the Choleric is a person of accomplishment; they ‘get�things done’. Bad, in that the Choleric does not care how they accomplish those goals.�

The most insensitive of the Temperaments, a Choleric cares little for the feelings of others. They�simply don’t play into the equation.�

In the DiSC model, the Choleric is the “D” for Driver or Difficult.�

Cholerics have the most trouble with anger, intolerance, and impatience. Those of other�Temperaments are simply tools to be used or problems to be avoided. The Choleric doesn’t stand on�ceremony, they want facts instead of emotions, and if you get your feelings hurt, it’s your problem, not�theirs.�

The Choleric may make an impressive leader – the most obvious example is General George Patton�of World War II fame. Watching the character portrayed by George C. Scott you find a man who is�driven and drives everyone around him towards excellence.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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Page 12: Temperament Monologues

A Choleric in business will often rise rapidly in managerial rank but may leave damaged souls in his�wake. And in the area of home and family, a Choleric can damage spouses and children by insisting�on ‘my way or the highway’. This is not to say that Cholerics are any better or worse than any other�Temperament. They simply have stronger strengths and weaknesses than some of the other types.�

Because the Choleric is such a driver, they do not work well in groups. I have often seen a Choleric�group member take a project or task and, in effect, say “I’ll get this done and have it for ‘us’ in the�morning” and proceed to do the work himself.�

A Choleric may not have many friends; having scared or injured most of the people they know. They�need friends because a strong Choleric may come to dislike even them self over time.�

Cholerics have the most difficulty with the warm, outgoing Sanguines and would probably do best�with easygoing Phlegmatics as friends. In a spouse or partner, a Choleric most needs someone with�a great deal of personal strength. Another Choleric would probably be best suited as a spouse with�the Phlegmatic coming in a distant second.�

Temperament Type Combinations�As stated earlier, each of us is a combination of two temperament types – one is dominant, the other�is secondary. The following section gives details concerning each combination.�

Choleric Phlegmatic – CholPhleg - High D High S in DiSC parlance�A Choleric Phlegmatic is a person who is known for steadily achieving goals or finishing plans; but in a�quiet, unobtrusive sort of way. The most easygoing of the Choleric types, the Phlegmatic secondary�softens the sharp Choleric primary just enough to make them easier to get along with. As with all�Cholerics, a Choleric Phlegmatic doesn’t really care how they achieve a goal, even if it means hurting�other’s feelings. But in this case, the Choleric Phlegmatic won’t actively seek to antagonize others (as we� will see with the Choleric Melancholy). As long as you understand that this is still mainly a Choleric, it is�much easier to get along with this blend. Because the Phlegmatic is secondary, the Choleric Phlegmatic�is much less likely to have strong angry outbursts. They often show their Choleric ‘edge’ through less-�than-funny pranks (i.e. the stinky cheese in the desk drawer, etc).�

Choleric Sanguine – CholSan – High D High i in DiSC parlance�The Choleric Sanguine can be strongly persuasive. Having the driven nature of the Choleric, the�Sanguine secondary type can be ‘used’ to persuade others by means of their outgoing nature. The�weakness of the Choleric is a tendency towards anger; one weakness of the Sanguine is brief but intense�outbursts of strong feeling. A Sanguine doesn’t hold on to these feelings for long; once over, they return�to their normal cheery selves. In a Choleric Sanguine, however, anger can be sustained and loud.�Rather than gradually fading, a Choleric Sanguine may hold a ‘grudge’ for a very long period of time. It�may be stereotypical, but a Choleric Sanguine makes an excellent outside sales person; combining drive�with the ability to charm.�

Choleric Melancholy – CholMel – High D High C in DiSC parlance�The Choleric Melancholy is a powerful combination of Temperament characteristics. The driven nature of�the Choleric is augmented by the analytical nature of the Melancholy. A Choleric Melancholy lawyer�would be a formidable combination of ‘in your face’ determination with exacting amounts of facts and�figures to back them up. The Choleric again wants to achieve goals and uses their Melancholy side to�arm themselves via analysis. The downside is that the anger of the Choleric combined with the critical�nature of the Melancholy can cause extremely unhappy arguments and confrontations, which the Choleric�will most likely ‘win’ and ‘lose’ at the same time.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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Page 13: Temperament Monologues

Sanguine - Outgoing�and Disorganized�

The Sanguine is the most outgoing and emotional of the four types. Sanguines are talkative and�‘touchy’ people; they love to visit and socialize. Sanguines might be thought of as those that ‘grease’�social interaction.�

The Sanguine is obviously an extrovert – they experience life ‘out here’; meaning the world around�them. They do their thinking ‘out here’ as well; if they have problems or issues, they are most likely�to talk them out with a friend or family member. In a pinch, a Sanguine will make a new friend in order�to have someone to talk to. You can spot a Sanguine on an airplane by seeing who is talking with their�seat mate.�

Sanguines are very puzzled by introverted Phlegmatics and Melancholies and may try to drag them�into social situations.�

The weaknesses of the Sanguine are a total lack of organizing instincts; Sanguines tend to be messy.�While they don’t hold a grudge, as a Choleric will, a Sanguine will have brief, strong emotional�‘outbursts’. In other words, a Sanguine will get very angry for a very short time and then be over it as�quickly as it came up. This anger can be quite unexpected and surprising and, for other temperaments,�puzzling that it vanishes as quickly as it appears.�

Sanguines definitely need friends and partners with the ability to overlook disorganization or to help�promote organization because the Sanguine will always struggle with this weakness.�

Temperament Type Combinations�As stated earlier, each of us is a combination of two temperament types – one is dominant, the other is�secondary. The following section gives details concerning each combination.�

Sanguine Choleric – SanChol – High i High D in DiSC parlance�The Sanguine Choleric is s study in contrasts. The most extroverted of the extroverts; the Sanguine�Choleric combines a love of social interaction with a goal oriented approach. This blend makes an�excellent sales person – they are not afraid of talking with people, but they always remember that they�are trying to sell something. Their charm combined with their outcome focus gives them a great deal�of drive.�

But using the metaphor of a salesperson, this individual will be the one accomplishing great sales�goals but never file their expense reports or sales forecasts. Do not expect the Sanguine Choleric to�cross their “T’s” and dot their “I’s”; they are too busy accomplishing great things.�

The weakness of the Choleric – a lack of sensitivity to others and a tendency to hold a grudge –�combined with the brief, sharp emotional outbursts of the Sanguine, make this blend a formidable�emotional adversary. A Sanguine Choleric made angry will probably tend to hold that against you for�quite a while; even though they may seem fine on the outside. And their initial “shot” of anger may�leave you reeling and wondering what you did to deserve it.�

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Sanguine Phlegmatic – SanPhleg – Hi i High S in DiSC parlance�The Sanguine Phlegmatic is friendly and calm at the same time. Not as outgoing as most�Sanguines, the Sanguine Phlegmatic is the person voted ‘most friendly’ in yearbooks. They like�to be around people and don’t have the need to be the ‘life of the party’, as some Sanguines do.�This blend makes a great and empathic listener; they generate an immediate trust that people�will open up to.�

Unfortunately, the lack of organization of the Sanguine coupled with the tendency towards�laziness in the Phlegmatic can combine into an awesome “I don’t care” attitude concerning work�organization, home cleanliness, and the inability to follow through with important promises. This�blend may not have balanced their checkbook for months (years?) and may often have to react�quickly to late notices.�

Sanguine Melancholy – SanMel – High I High C in DiSC parlance�The Sanguine Melancholy type is a person whose moods can fluctuate from highs to lows and�back again quickly. The Sanguine outgoing nature often allows the Melancholy's critical nature�"out" too easily. It is very easy for a Sanguine Melancholy to "get down" on themselves and, if�they are to realize their potential, it is best if they work with others.�

The warmth of the Sanguine makes this person very sociable and the focus on detail of the�Melancholy makes them excellent organizers. They remember every birthday and anniversary�and have a strong inclination to attend each and every one of these special events.�

The critical nature of the Melancholy combined with the verbal nature of the Sanguine means that�this person will have no qualms about telling you exactly what they think about you or anyone else.�

There is an interesting conflict in this blend - the weakness of the Sanguine is disorganization and�the strength of the Melancholy is organization. This means that the Sanguine Melancholy will�always feel that they should be cleaning or organizing but the Sanguine won't follow through.�

Another weakness of the Sanguine is quick flashes of emotion - combine this with the critical�nature of the Melancholy and you can get a "hot flash" of angry criticism with very little warning.�

This temperament blend is the most likely to remember every negative detail of a situation for the� longest time. The Sanguine Melancholy most needs to cultivate an attitude of gentleness and�kindness to soften their sharp tongue.�

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Phlegmatic - Quiet But Anxious�

In the DiSC model, the Phlegmatic is the “S” for Steady or Structure.�

Phlegmatics appear to the world as calm, easygoing people. As friends they are fiercely loyal�though they do not usually have a large number of friends. It takes time to get to know a Phlegmatic�because they are not naturally outgoing. Phlegmatics make great team members because they are�cooperative and do not insist on their own way. They tend to prefer repetitive, structured work,�which also makes them excellent assistants or committee members.�

The Phlegmatic has two chief weaknesses – first, they have to fight a tendency towards laziness.�It is very easy for a Phlegmatic to “drift” when faced with unstructured time. The second weakness�shared by Phlegmatics is a naturally fearful streak. While apparently calm most of the time, the�Phlegmatic’s inside world is awash with anxiety and fear. These fears may be completely�unfounded but still the Phlegmatic will find a way to worry.�

With all this inner ‘stuff’ going on, the Phlegmatic is still ‘hard to read’ and may be thought of as shy,�snobbish, or arrogant – when, for the most part, none of these is true. Most extroverts have a�great deal of trouble understanding introverts, but have an easier time accepting Phlegmatics than�they do the more critical Melancholy Temperament.�

Temperament Type Combinations�Phlegmatic Choleric – PhlegChol – High S High D in DiSC parlance�While still laid back, a Phlegmatic Choleric is the most driven of the Phlegmatics. A Phlegmatic�Choleric wants to accomplish what they have set their minds to, however, being Phlegmatic they�don’t make a splash about it. A Phlegmatic Choleric with a goal will simply go ahead and do what�needs to be done – without fanfare or telling anyone.�

Since the Choleric has problems with anger, this is often reflected in the Phlegmatic Choleric as� irritability or frustration. Since the Phlegmatic is “hard to read”, there may not be an obvious reason�for this reaction. For example, traffic backups can irritate a Phlegmatic Choleric; but little warning�about their irritation is visible until they comment.�

These individuals can make excellent team leaders – they are the only Phlegmatic type that may�rise to leadership. Because their Choleric secondary type is a Driver and their primary Phlegmatic�is easygoing, these can combine to make a leader who can handle a variety of personalities. The� Phlegmatic Choleric needs to have a partner or spouse who understands – and more importantly –�accepts their quiet ways. Another Phlegmatic may be best suited while a Choleric or Melancholy�will be a less likely match.�

Phlegmatic Sanguine – PhlegSan – High S High I in DiSC parlance�The Phlegmatic Sanguine will be the most outgoing of the Phlegmatics. But as so often happens,�the juxtaposition of these two opposite types often causes internal and external conflict. The�Phlegmatic is quiet, the Sanguine is outgoing – a Phlegmatic Sanguine may find themselves�internally conflicted; going from introvert to extrovert in certain conditions.�

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The Phlegmatic fights laziness, the Sanguine is naturally disorganized – a Phlegmatic Sanguine�will have the most difficulty staying organized, focused, and on-track. They will have the most�difficulty with goal setting and accomplishment. If they start painting a room, it won’t get finished. If�they start a blog, it won’t have many entries.�

Phlegmatic Sanguines make good friends; they are acceptant and warm – but don’t expect them to�be helpful in keeping you on your diet or going after that promotion. A Phlegmatic Sanguine needs�a partner or spouse with a tolerance for their natural lack of organization and focus. A Sanguine�Choleric with their warm but firm nature might be the best choice.�

Phlegmatic Melancholy – PhlegMel – High S High C in DiSC parlance�The Phlegmatic Melancholy is a study in contrasts; usually acceptant of others, the Melancholy�secondary type will cause them to be more critical and analytical. In this case, where a Melancholy�might be blatantly critical of someone, a Phlegmatic Melancholy may “hint” or “snipe” or in some�other way let you know of their displeasure at your behavior. This type is the most organized of the�Phlegmatics due to the Melancholies organized nature. This temperament works well in jobs�requiring organization and an ability to be acceptant.�

The Phlegmatic Melancholy make an excellent administrator; combining the ability to look at and�solve problems with an ability to put up with schedules and bureaucracy. They need a partner or�spouse who understands their need to criticize things and people from time to time.�

In summary, the Phlegmatic can be identified by a quiet, easygoing, unassuming nature. Don’t�mistake this introversion for arrogance; a Phlegmatic just wants to get along, find structure in life,�and cherish a few key friendships and relationships.�

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Page 17: Temperament Monologues

Melancholy - Organized�and Critical�

The Melancholy is an introverted Temperament with a drive for organization. Melancholies are�highly analytical and critical of the four types; they simply are unable to approach any person or�situation without analyzing it. The Melancholy is highly valuable in any situation where a detailed�understanding or a problem or plan is needed. It is as natural to them as breathing.�

The main weaknesses of the Melancholy are related to their strength; their ability to analyze�quickly becomes criticism. Of all the four types the Melancholy can have the sharpest tongue.�while a Choleric may run roughshod over your feelings, their bulldozing usually isn’t personal.�With a Melancholy, their criticism will�always� be personal. If they don’t like something about you�they will have no compulsion to try and be tactful or nice.�

A Melancholy makes an excellent team member when critical, detailed thinking is needed. But�this tendency in the Melancholy can become a source of irritation if it goes “too far” in the thoughts�and feelings of the rest of the group.�

Temperament Type Combinations�Melancholy Choleric – MelChol – High C High D in DiSC parlance�The Melancholy Choleric is both a perfectionist and a driver, which may lead him into the law or�medicine. They mix decisiveness and determination. Because of the critical nature of the�Melancholy they may be very difficult to please. If they become negative about someone or�something it will have a tendency to stay with them for a long time.�

The Melancholy Choleric blend does not make a good leader because both temperament types�tend towards criticism and anger. They find it difficult to say kind words or have patience with�stragglers. They believe they are right in most cases and therefore leave everyone else "in the�wrong".�

A somewhat stereotyped image of a Melancholy Choleric is the brilliant but hated surgeon who�has the drive and critical detailed nature to save the hopeless case but alienates and angers�everyone they come in contact with in the process.�

The Melancholy Choleric needs people around them of Phlegmatic temperament to put up with�their critical tongue. A Phlegmatic Choleric may have the drive and straightforwardness to show�the Melancholy Choleric when they are wrong - but that will take patience and determination and�a whole lot of “guts”.�

This temperament blend needs more than anything to develop and embrace an attitude of patience,�kindness, joy and peace. Without these they often end up withdrawn and unhappy people.�

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Page 18: Temperament Monologues

Melancholy Phlegmatic – MelPhleg – Hi C High S in DiSC parlance�The Melancholy Phlegmatic types are often teachers and scholars. They are not as prone to hostility�as other melancholy blends and combine analysis with organization. Unfortunately they can become�easily discouraged and may be susceptible to fear and anxiety. They may become uncooperative�because of stubborn, rigid tendencies.�

This type may become lifelong students of one topic or another. Because of their detailed and�organized nature, it seems natural to keep learning more and more about a subject. And the lack of�drive of the Phlegmatic seems to make one subject enough. This suggests that this type might make�a good specialist in any area; such a medical specialist or a graduate studies professor.�

People of this type need friends with a Sanguine nature because, left totally to their own devices, the�Melancholy Phlegmatic may fall into isolation and depression. More than anything, this type needs� to develop attitudes of peace and joy to counter their natural pessimism and fear.�

Melancholy Sanguine– MelSan – High C High i in DiSC parlance�In the Melancholy Sanguine, the detailed and organized Melancholy is tempered by the outgoing and�warm Sanguine. He makes an excellent teacher as his organized side is well versed in the facts and�his sanguine side makes him enjoyable to attend to. If he goes into sales it will be a type of sales�that calls for exacting detail and the presentation of many facts.�

He is an emotional person - from being moved to tears, to being critical and hard on others. Because�the Sanguine is a more verbally extroverted, they will usually be talkative about the details that the�Melancholy finds so fascinating. If you ask as question of a Melancholy Sanguine, you will get a long�and detailed answer with more detail than you could have imagined or even wanted. However, the�brightness of the Sanguine side usually makes them fairly easy to listen to.�

The Melancholy Sanguine will be better prepared and organized than a Sanguine would normally be.�They can be excellent presenters and teachers because their detailed knowledge of their subject�matter is tempered by their warm Sanguine secondary. Though more outgoing than the Melancholy�is usually, this person will still be a sharp, detailed critic. They could function well as a movie critic or�the judge of a debate; sharp criticism softened by warmth and humor.�

The weakness of the Melancholy is a sharp, critical nature, which is not open to "mitigating�circumstances" (in other words, “no excuses allowed”). Combined with the occasional sharp e�motional outbursts of the Sanguine, the Melancholy Sanguine can deliver sharp pointed verbal barbs�that will often vanish as quickly as they appeared. But be careful of getting on this person's "bad�side" as their verbal inclination will cause them to be quite vocal in their criticism.�

Because the primary Melancholy tends to worry and the Sanguine secondary doesn't, this blend will�find itself knowing that it should be concerned about a situation or problem but unable to work up the� "steam" to do anything about it.�

This temperament blend needs to develop both a peaceful attitude while exercising self-control over�the flighty Sanguine. This person works well alone but needs interaction with others who accept�their occasional "outbursts". Another Sanguine will usually get along with them, but a Phelgmatic�Sanguine will probably be better able to handle their critical side.�

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A Simple Paper and Pencil Temperament Test�

Everyone wonders why people do the things they do. There are numerous temperament tests�"out there". This one simply gives you a slight hint where you are on the DiSC scale.�

Are you naturally outgoing? Do others consider you outgoing? If you are outgoing, are naturally�talkative? If so you are most likely an "I" on the DiSC scale. Which stands for ‘Influence’ -�c�ontacting people, making a favorable impression, verbalizing with articulateness, creating a�motivational environment, generating enthusiasm, entertaining people.�

Cross-reference: Outgoing/people-oriented, Sanguine, MB - ExFP�

If you are outgoing, are you more interested in getting things done than talking? If so you are�probably a "D" on the DiSC scale. This stands for ‘Dominance’ -�getting immediate results, causing�action, accepting challenges, making quick decisions, questioning the status quo, taking authority�.�

Cross-reference: to other systems: Outgoing/Task-oriented, Choleric, MB - ExTP�

If you do not consider yourself naturally outgoing (that is, more quiet or introverted), do you consider�yourself a detailed person? Do others notice that you are careful about order and details? If so�you are most likely a "C" on the DiSC scale. This stands for ‘Cautious’ -� following directives and�standards, concentrating on detail, working under controlled circumstances, being diplomatic with�people, checking for accuracy.�

C�ross-reference: Reserved/task-oriented, Melancholy, MB - xSTJ�

If you do not consider yourself naturally outgoing, are you best known for being easy to get along�with, calm and steady? If so you are probably an "S" on the DiSC scale. This stands for�‘Steadiness’ -�performing an accepted work pattern, sitting or staying in one place, demonstrating� patience, developing specialized skills, concentrating on the task, showing loyalty.�

Cross-reference: Reserved/people-oriented, Phlegmatic, MB - IxFJ�

Two Caveats�Temperament is often modified by life experience and circumstances - we call this our personality.�Each of us is a blend of usually TWO of the above types.�

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Page 20: Temperament Monologues

I�cannot take credit for this, nor can I fully give credit to the author. However it is an excellent�comparison of various types of temperament classifications. If you are interested in these tests, the�following will give you a way of cross-referencing your "type".�

This seems like an interesting system. From what I've read, it seems particularly accurate and more�"real" than other systems (like MB and Enneagram) which I am skeptical of. One reason for this is�that while I find it very difficult to type me on the MB/Enneagram systems, I immediately recognized� myself in this. I am a strong S with moderate I/C followed by a weak D.�

It measures a person's personality in 4 areas:�

Dominance� •� getting immediate results� • causing action� • accepting challenges� • making quick decisions� • questioning the status quo� • taking authority� • causing trouble� • solving problems�

Influence� • contacting people� • making a favorable impression� • verbalizing with articulateness� • creating a motivational environment� • generating enthusiasm� • entertaining people� • desiring to help others� • participating in a group�

Steadiness� • performing an accepted work pattern� • sitting or staying in one place� • demonstrating patience� • developing specialized skills� • concentrating on the task� • showing loyalty� • being a good listener� • calming excited people�

Cautious� • following directives and standards� • concentrating on detail� • working under controlled circumstances�

The DiSC Temperament System�

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Page 21: Temperament Monologues

• being diplomatic with people� • checking for accuracy� • criticizing performance� • critical thinking� • complying with authority�

Naturally, you can match this with other personality systems. On one site, it said D's were�Outgoing/Task-oriented, I's were Outgoing/People-oriented, S's were Reserved/People-oriented,�and C's were Reserved/Task-oriented. This sounds an awful lot like Myers-Briggs. Here is my�matching..�

DISC type/MB types�:�

• D = ExTP� • I = ExFP� • S = IxFJ� • C = xSTJ�

This is if you look at each letter separately. We are all a mixture of the four letters, so this is why�you can be a MB type, which isn't on that list. A person with high D and C (like in your analysis)�would most likely be an ESTJ, for example.�

DISC type/Enneagram type:�

• D = 3, 7, 8 (best matches with 8)� • I = 2, 3, 7 (best matches with 7)� • S = 4, 6, 9 (best matches with 9)� • C = 1, 5, 6 (best matches with 1)�

One = moderate D, low I, moderate S, very high C�Two = low D, high I, high S, low C�Three = moderate D, high I, low S, moderate C�Four = low D, low I, moderate S, low C�Five = moderate D, very low I, low S, moderate C�Six = low D, high I, high S, high C�Seven = high D (if 7w8), very high I, low S, very low C�Eight = very high D, moderate I, very low S, moderate C�Nine = very low D, moderate I, very high S, moderate C�

DISC type/Oldham type:�

D = Aggressive, Adventurous, Vigilant� I = Dramatic, Mercurial, Self-Confident� S = Devoted, Leisurely, Sensitive, Self-Sacrificing� C = Conscientious, Solitary, Idiosyncratic�

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For the most part, the types match well, although Idiosyncratic seems to be the only one who doesn't�match at all (C is the closest I could match it with). D matches best with Aggressive, I with Dramatic,�S with Sensitive, and C with Conscientious.�

On a personal note, I can see this perfect relation in me. My top three styles are Sensitive, Leisurely,�and Devoted (all S). I then have Dramatic and self-confident behind those styles (I) which adds flavor�to me. I score a bit less in the C types, and especially the D types.�

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Letters from Online�

Temperament Percentages�I got an email the other day asking about a breakdown of temperaments by percentage of the�population. Here's the letter and my reply:�

Hello,�

I have known about the 4 temperaments since 1995 and have taken several personality tests�including the very thorough Birkman.�

I recently bought a book that said that only 3% of people have Choleric as their primary�temperament, 11% Sanguine, 17% Melancholy, and a whopping 69% Phlegmatic. I am a Choleric�Sanguine which would make me the most rare of the 16 combos.�

Are these percentages accurate, in the ball park, or totally off?�

Thanks, Matthew�

And I replied:�

Matthew -�

I've never thought about that aspect of temperament; I've always focused on how temperaments�interact in life. However it doesn't seem right to me.�

Marti Laney in her book "The Introvert Advantage" says that extroverts make up 75% of all people�and Introverts only 25%.�

Cholerics and Sanguines are typically extroverts so the percentages you quote don't seem right -�at least to me.�

Also, in my experience, there just isn't that large a percentage of easy-going, laid back people!�

Thanks for writing.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

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Page 24: Temperament Monologues

Opposite Temperament Types in One Person�The question below relates to the "blend" of temperament types in each of us. What happens when�they are opposites?�

I noticed that you said you're a Phlegmatic Choleric, and I was wondering if you've studied that�combination much because those two personalities are conflicting and opposite. I was wondering�what you think how the opposite personality types can be in the same person. Taylor�

My reply:�

Taylor�

Your question is one I’ve often thought about. I�do� believe that you can have a blend of two�opposite temperament types as I live in one (Phlegmatic Choleric).�

Also my wife has two opposites (Sanguine Melancholy). From my experience, understanding this�has to do with the position of each type; by that I mean that in most people one type is dominant�and the other is less so.�

For instance, I have a good friend that is choleric phlegmatic. How do we differ since we share the�same two types? I am almost always the most laid back person in the room (Phlegmatic) but when�I get impatient (traffic, slow lines) my choleric driver wants to come out.�

In my friend, his choleric primary causes him to be a straight-ahead driver who does it in a non-angry�way; his phlegmatic tempers his choleric.�

The upshot is that individuals with opposite temperament types in combination will struggle with�those opposites; which is partly what makes each of us unique.�

Thanks again for writing.�

Reconciling DiSC and Myers Briggs�I do not believe that these two temperament inventories measure the same things. The following�exchange illustrates what I mean:�

Dear Hal,�

My name is Bryne. I have taken both the MBTI and the DISC tests. On the DISC test, I tested�as a Mel Phleg; as for the MBTI, i tested as an INFP/INTP(my score for the T/F scale is pretty close).�So, how do I reconcile the results of these two tests? Does INFP correlate well with Mel Phleg or�does INTP correlate Better?�

Please advise.�

And I answer:�

I've always been interested in trying to reconcile the Myers Briggs and the DiSC; in my observation�they are NOT the same way of looking at temperament.�

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Page 25: Temperament Monologues

For example; I have a friend who is, like me, an INFP - both of us are rate strong for this type.�However I am a Phlegmatic Choleric (High S, High D) and he is a Phlegmatic Melancholy (High S,�High C).�

So while we both tend to be laid back, my friend is much more analytical and critical and I am much�more results-oriented. ("Results-oriented" is a relative term in a Phlegmatic!)�

Since you are also an INFP we should share some of the same approaches to life HOWEVER�because you are Melancholy first and Phlegmatic second, you're personality would seem to differ�from my friends' and me in many ways.�

I realize this isn't a direct answer but it does indicate to me that the two types of inventory measure�different qualities.�

Wish I had more; I guess I should put more effort into this but I'm a Phlegmatic so . . . .�

Hal Warfield�

Schmoozing for Introverts�A quick link on a favorite topic:�How to be an Introvert and Sell for a Living. Introverts of the�world unite!�

www.businesspundit.com/50226711/how_to_network_for_introverts.php�

Choleric Husband and Melancholy Wife�I write extensively on our natural Temperament; but as a Christian I must make the point that all of�our efforts in the natural cannot overcome the natural weaknesses each temperament type has. Let's�look at a letter from a wife with a Melancholy (detailed, analytical) temperament:�

Mr. Warfield,�

I am in need of advice and I have searched everywhere to find nothing that fits my situation. The�information I found on several sites that were submitted by you were the first glimmers of hope I�have found in years.�

I am veteran/working professional now stay at home mom of three. My husband is a veteran and�now working professional in a highly demanding company. We live in a high stressed area near our�nation's capital.�

I am just beginning to understand my husband and my personality types. His a ChlorMelSan�(Choleric Melancholy) and I am a MelChlor (Melancholy Choleric).�

We have been married for 12 years and it has been an uphill battle off and on all the way. We are�alike in many ways, but then our differences are so strong; I often wonder what is the real key.�

In spite of his cool qualities that can be hurtful at times, I would not change him even if I could�because every thing in him is what makes him unique in God's Kingdom. Lucille�

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II believe that if I could learn how to effectively communicate with him at all times, according to�God's word, that our relationship would be a blessing to both us and all those around us.�

Thank you in advance for your time and advice on this matter.�

Sincerely, Lucille�

And I reply:�

Lucille�

I do not know whether I can be of help or not; I will give you my thoughts for what they are worth.�

A Choleric Melancholy is one of the most difficult temperament blends to live with. I do not say�this critically; it is simply a fact. A Choleric is hard driving, straight-ahead task-oriented with little�concern for the feelings of those in their line of travel (metaphorically – their line of travel through life).�

A Melancholy is detailed and analytical but with a strong critical edge. I have had Choleric�Melancholy types email me saying they didn’t like anyone; even themselves.�

In a marriage this is often reflected in the interaction between husband and wife. A Choleric�Melancholy will initially pursue his mate-to-be with the same drive and determination he uses in�achieving any goal; but afterwards, other goals drive him.�

Now the weakness of both types – anger in the Choleric and criticism in the Melancholy can assert�themselves. These types cannot be classified as ‘sensitive’ in any way.�

Your blend – Melancholy Choleric – is actually one that has the potential strength to handle a�Choleric Melancholy. Your weaknesses – criticism and over-analysis and anger – may compound�the troubles but there is strength there as well.�

You ask about communication – a Choleric Melancholy wants straightforward, well-organized,�task-oriented communication. This, however, is not highly conducive to pleasant marital�communication.�

Your email seems to indicate you are a Christian – my “solution” for ANY temperament problems�is rooted in God’s way of doing things.�

God created us with our natural temperament – He expects us to grow and change under the�influence of His Spirit living within us. Too many Christians use the excuse “that’s just the way�God made me” to excuse their natural weaknesses.�

The solution to transformation (and that’s what our life in Him is – not being conformed to this�world’s way but being transformed by the renewing of our minds) is found in Galatians 5:22.�

Here are listed the fruits of the Holy Spirit – and each one, when taken into our lives and allowed�to grow and mature, overcomes a natural temperamental weakness.�

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The Choleric needs love, kindness, gentleness and self-control to overcome anger. The Melancholy�needs joy, patience and goodness to overcome a critical nature. The Phlegmatic needs peace and�self-control to overcome worry and laziness. The Sanguine needs faithfulness and self-control to�overcome a sloppy, unorganized life.�

The key here is the part of the verse that says, “against these, there is no law”. Temperament is a�natural law – the fruit of the Spirit overcomes these natural laws.�

BUT (there’s always a ‘but’) it’s only as believers commit themselves to appropriate these fruits,�accept them from God by faith as a gift, and allow them to grow, that they will begin to overcome the�natural temperamental weaknesses.�

I do not know if your husband is a Christian – but you can begin to seek to allow these fruits into your� life (and hopefully he can as well).�

You each must realize that in your natural selves you will always have friction – and you can learn�natural ways to deal with them. But if one of you doesn’t see the need to change then change�becomes more difficult.�

I know I’ve rambled – if you haven’t yet, I’d refer you to my�web site� and for further reading. I would�also encourage your husband to read these as well.�

Best wishes, Hal Warfield�

A Melancholy Child�I get many letters from individuals asking questions about their temperaments. This letter comes�from a mother with a Melancholy child. Remember that a Melancholy temperament is very organized�but can be overly analytical and critical. Here's the letter:�

Good day.�

I have looked at your web site and found many interesting facts about the various personalities. I�have a 10 year old very COMPLEX boy. He is most definitely a melancholy child.�

Please advise as to how I can get the most out of him, for him to eventually WANT to do things for�himself, e.g.. school work, sport etc. it seems as if he goes through cycles of really not liking himself.�He accepts ‘compliments very skeptically.�Thanks -- Michelle�

And I answer:�

Michelle,�

You didn’t indicate whether you know his secondary type – Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Sanguine. His�age magnifies the problem, as he is about to enter adolescence which is a difficult time for the�happiest of children.�

A Melancholy is usually analytical and critical of others but not themselves. If he is not naturally�outgoing (a Phlegmatic secondary) he needs to have some sort of peer group where he receives�positive attention, activity and feedback.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 28: Temperament Monologues

It probably seems like a cliché but activities like Tae kwon do or other martial arts seem to excel in�this type of activity.�

If he’s musically inclined, get him a guitar and some lessons. Again the point is to give him feelings�of accomplishment AND to focus his attention more outwardly. Whatever you can come up with to�give him feeling of success and divert his attention from himself should have the effect of gradually�raising his self-concept.�

At the same time, I would avoid competitive groups where he will have the tendency to be self-critical�(sports teams for instance).�

Don’t expect this to be an overnight change – realize his temperament is inborn and that his�personality is temperament plus his life experience and circumstances. The only part you can�influence are the latter two.�

Best wishes, Hal Warfield�

All Four Temperaments in One?�Ewa writes:�

I was told that I do have all four and that is unusual. Am I cursed or blessed? Can you elaborate�on this combination?�

And I answer:�

Ewa –�

I have encountered many who have said that there are “all four temperament types” – and this points�up the differences between temperament and personality.�

Let’s take a person with a Phlegmatic (laid back, easy going) temperament. If this person is raised�by Cholerics (hard driving, non-emotionally sensitive), they will by necessity take on some Choleric�behaviors simply by being around Cholerics.�

So remember that temperament is inborn; personality is your life experience added to your�temperament. You still are probably a blend of two types, but circumstances in your life may have�caused you to take on the behaviors of temperaments that are not naturally your own.�

To better see your natural temperaments, ask yourself two questions. First, what are my natural�weaknesses; the things I just “can’t seem to help”? If laziness, you are probably a Phlegmatic. If�you are disorganized, you are probably a Sanguine. If you have a tendency to be critical and�analyze others, you may be Melancholy. And if you tend to not care much about how you affect�other people, you are probably Choleric.�

Second, ask yourself how you respond under stress and pressure. A Phlegmatic will procrastinate,�a Sanguine will have sharp emotional outbursts that go away quickly, a Melancholy will begin to�over-analyze everything, and a Choleric will get quiet and angry.�

I hope this helps. Hal Warfield�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 29: Temperament Monologues

Another “Cold Call for Introverts” Idea�I got an email question on cold calling. It was from someone in the insurance business. Now we�all know that cold calling is NOT an effective way to drive sales, but many sales managers do not�know this.�

While I didn't have a direct way to help this person, I did suggest an indirect way that might help.�Here's the letter and my response:�

Hello Hal,�

I read your article on�Cold Calling for Introverts�. Thank you!�

I am new to the Life Insurance business and I am required to do the dreaded cold calling.�

Any advice on selling this type of product?�Regards, John�

I respond:�

John --�

I’m not sure my original approach would work as well in an insurance setting. It’s difficult to see�how you could call an individual about information when it’s obvious they haven’t asked for it.�

One indirect idea might be to do online searches for lists of names – in this case it might be�membership lists of clubs or organizations in your area (�Carson City Chamber of Commerce�).�You’ve got Rotary, Lions, Elks, Chamber, Band Parents, etc, etc, etc.�

When you find one in your area, you can call with a question about the organization and then try�to move onto your ‘pitch’.�

It’s just an idea – it may not have merit. Let me know if you could see how it would work for you.�

Hal Warfield�

Space Time for Introverts�There is a whole series of Dilbert cartoons where Wally is on sabbatical in his cubicle. He keeps�sending out old memos and emails. Well, at least I added a new sentence at the beginning!�

Since introverts tend to be more introspective - I've been saving links to sites that tend to make ME�introspective. (For more on introspection, see my article�here�.)�

Ken Galliott has taken the time to write a wonderful series of essays on all the reasons that "things�are not as they seem". Start your journey down the rabbit hole at his site called�Seeking�.�

What makes you introspective? How much time do extroverts spend "looking inside themselves"?�What is introspection good for?�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 30: Temperament Monologues

Does Shy Equate to Introversion?�It's been a busy week. Two days in LA, followed by two days being an illegal alien in Canada! Next�time I'll have the right paperwork with me!�

Now back in LA waiting for a flight, I have time to reflect more on that question I get asked from time�to time:�Does being shy mean the same thing as being introverted?�

As a high-powered Introvert (INFP) (Phlegmatic/Choleric) I feel uniquely qualified to answer that�question. As a child I was HIGHLY bashful. I did not speak much, I did not interact with other�children much and my mother tells me I was a very compliant child.�

Now I believe that introversion formed the basis of this shyness which lasted into college. But I�believe that even the most hard-nosed introvert can overcome shyness.�

As an adult I have made my living in Sales and Marketing for 15 years. I HATE cold calling (see�my article entitled "Cold Calling for Introverts") and do not schmooze well.�

After a presentation or meeting I still have the Introvert's desperate need to go hide somewhere�until I can recharge. But I CAN make presentations and I CAN call people when I have to and I�CAN hold conversations with strangers.�

So what happened? I believe a strong program of self-development over the years helped me build�self-confidence. Not blustering, Dale Carnegie confidence but actual confidence in my abilities, my�intelligence and my understanding.�

Studying Temperaments helped me tremendously -- finally coming to the realization that I was not�socially retarded (Hey! I'm just an Introvert!) made a big difference.�

So, while perhaps controversial, I believe that Introversion is inborn and shyness is a controllable,�changeable behavior. If you disagree, please let me know back -- I am always open to other points�of view.�

Introverts of the World – Evolve!�And I'm not talking about growing feathers. One of my ongoing peeves in life is a tendency by many�to excuse their behavior on inborn temperament.�

Now understand that, in my book, temperament IS the subtle underlying basis of who we are. Some�are easy going Phlegmatics, others are detailed Melancholies, there are outgoing Sanguines and�hard driving Cholerics.�

But because you were originally wired that way is NOT an excuse for not growing and�changing. Dictionary.com defines the word evolve as to develop or achieve gradually' -- and this I�support for all temperament types.�

Phlegmatics tend to fight laziness -- to evolve means to become generally more active over time�through work and discipline. Melancholies tend to over-analyze and be critical -- to evolve means to�put this to good use in helping others rather than criticizing them.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 31: Temperament Monologues

Sanguines are disorganized and messy -- to evolve means learning organizational skills both in�physical spaces and mental ones. Cholerics have little patience with others and care little about�their feelings -- to evolve means taking others into consideration.�

And if you are introverted I understand the difficulty involved; I once refused to go into church�because we were 20 minutes late and my introversion refused to allow me to face the crowd.�But I have evolved -- while I don't necessarily like being outgoing, I can do it when needed. So�much so that I've ended up in leadership positions over and over again.�

So don't grow a tail today -- but do think about evolving.�

Temperament and Marriage�I'm not happy with myself for the gaps in this. And I'm cautious about making a new years� resolution -- I may not keep it.�

Oh well, here is a question from a reader of one of my articles on my other�website�on how�temperament relates to choosing a spouse.�

Hey friend, I’d like to ask your opinion on marriage. Do you think opposites make best marriages?�Is it important in your mind? The ones that don’t have matching temperaments (and I mean both as�we all have at least two) never quite seem to thrive as well as those that are, any thoughts yourself?�

Any feedback is much appreciated!�

And here's my response:�

In my experience Temperament plays a vital role in marriage. What most people don’t realize is�that we are often attracted to temperaments that are different than ours. A quiet Phlegmatic may�appreciate the outgoing, talkative Sanguine. An organized Melancholy may think that a hard�charging Choleric is just like them.�

The problem arises when we find out that their weaknesses are our strengths and we cannot�understand how what is easy to us is so hard to them. A Sanguine is very, very disorganized and�a Melancholy finds that infuriating. A Phlegmatic is very easy going and a Choleric is totally�impatient with that approach.�

You cannot help your natural temperament type any more than you can help your eye color.�Therefore it makes sense to find someone who shares some of your temperament in some way.�Remember also that each of us is a blend of two temperament types. If you are a Choleric�Sanguine (full speed ahead but also socially outgoing), you might do well with a Sanguine�Phlegmatic (socially outgoing and easy going at the same time).�

The most difficult combination is two complete temperamental opposites. A Melancholy Choleric�(detailed/critical and hard charging) is going to be very impatient and critical of a Sanguine�Phlegmatic (socially outgoing and easy going).�

I believe temperament tests are a useful tool when looking (objectively) at choosing a spouse. Let�me know if you have questions. - Hal Warfield�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 32: Temperament Monologues

Inter-Temperamental Irritation�Hmmm . . . sounds like the cause for a rash. And in a way it is. Every temperament type is irritated�by every other. With the exception of the Phlegmatic (who is generally laid back and easy going),�each type finds something irritating about the other.�

The Choleric is purposeful and direct -- and strongly dislikes the "flightiness" of the outgoing Sanguine.�The Melancholy is detailed and analytical and tidy -- and strongly dislikes the lack of organization by�the Phlegmatic and Sanguine. And they are also critical of the Choleric's "pushiness".�

The Sanguine is "warm and fuzzy", social and talkative, and they have short but strong outbursts at�anything and everyone -- but they're over quickly.�

What temperament traits irritate you? And which of your traits would you imagine irritate others?�

So here's a letter:�

Good day sir,�

I am a typical Chinese student from Singapore. I have just read your comments and explanation on�man’s character and personality. Frankly speaking, I am mostly choleric and a little melancholy. I�have a friend, who is also a student leader like me, and I find him extremely showy. And I find it very�hard to bear with him too since both of us are student leaders. I don’t see why he is so dominant,�though I am his In-Charge. This really makes me insecure and angry. If you do not mind, can you tell�me a way to correct my perspective sir? I will be forever indebted to your help.�

Thank You,�Name withheld, Singapore Republic�

To which I reply:�

Sir,�

As a Choleric, you are very goal-oriented BUT you are not particularly outgoing. You are not a�natural “people person”. Your Melancholy makes you analyze things carefully. However, the�weaknesses of your temperament include anger and criticism – so it is natural that you find yourself�reacting this way.�

On the other hand, you friend is most likely Sanguine that is, an outgoing, warm, friendly “people�person” who is naturally extroverted. This person can no more help being outgoing than you can�help being dedicated and focused.�

Since neither of you can change your natural temperament, you must learn to accept (or at least�tolerate) each other. You would do well to cultivate some friends with Phlegmatic temperaments. A�Phlegmatic is soft spoken and easy going and will be a good listener.�

Focus on getting things done and don’t let your friends natural temperament make you insecure –�here is an�article� about accepting your temperament type on my website� www.introvert.cc.�

Best wishes, Hal Warfield�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 33: Temperament Monologues

Like Father, Like Daughter?�I asked my oldest daughter, Lauren, to express her feelings about being an Introvert. My wife and�youngest daughter are Extroverts. You just can't get away from them! (Kidding!)�

My name is Lauren. I am nineteen and a sophomore attending Rhodes College. A while ago, my dad�asked me to write an article for his introvert web site about being an introvert, how it affects me, what�it means to me, etc. So here I am, and here it is.�

First of all, I would like to start off, though it may be a bit high school essay-ish, writing what�dictionary.com�says the meaning of introvert is. Although we are not quite “anatomical structures that�are capable of being introverted,” we do fit some of the other definitions:�

•�to concentrate (one’s interests) upon oneself�• a person who tends to shrink from social contacts and to become preoccupied with their own thoughts�• to turn inside�

All these definitions can be amounted in a singular sentence: To be introverted is to be more focused�on ones insides rather than the external world. Boy is that me. Actually, now that I think about it, you�can be both focused inside and out. Let me try to explain.�

I am a thinker. I enjoy thinking. I really like and enjoy being alone with my thoughts. I am no basket�case, but it is almost as if is a separate you within you that is a part of you with whom you converse�or just talk to. It is somewhat difficult to explain. It’s not as though I have multiple personalities or�anything, I just like thinking and talking to myself-internally, of course. I enjoy my own company.�

In doing so over the past nineteen years, I’ve gained a very deep sense of beliefs, my morals, and�myself. I think it’s funny to watch people, especially those my age, talking about learning to get to�know themselves and such because I’ve already done it. I’m not saying I know just every facet about�myself, but I have a solid sense of self.�

My outward focus is more of an observer. I am totally aware of my surroundings and am always�looking around me and watching people. I watch people try to read them, with an internal conversation�about what I’m seeing. It’s difficult to be highly self-aware. I’m also highly sensitive. Those two things�aren’t always fun when put together.�

Of the few parties I’ve gone to, it’s rather a strain and emotionally draining and exhausting for me. It�takes energy to try and be more extroverted and focus outwards. Extrovert’s conversations flow;�where as we introverts think before we talk. I tend to prefer deep conversations as opposed to the�rapid, flowing conversations on (what often seems to me to be) frivolous topics that extroverts seem�more inclined to.�

Being introverted is a mixed blessing. On one hand, I know myself and am very comfortable with�myself. I can also read people and “feel” them and situations. I can feel my emotions intensely and�deeply. That can be helpful and hindering. On the other hand, I’m constantly watching myself and�can be critical of myself.�

Sometimes I feel bad because so many other people (75%) are extroverts, and it’s almost like there�is something wrong with me. I know it’s just that I’m in the minority, but that doesn’t make it any less�difficult to be around lots of people.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 34: Temperament Monologues

If it all came down to it, I’d prefer to be an introvert. I like knowing myself and being alone a good�amount of the time. It’s peaceful and nice. Sometimes people just need to be quiet and calm down.�However, it was more difficult�, and still can be, during school when socialization is such a big part of� growing up and life in general. Sometimes I just really, really want to fit in with all those other happy,� smiley people who are just chatting away, but I know that’s not me, and I wouldn’t have fun even if� I were within that group.�

That’s not to say I’m a loner. Nor is it to say that I am shy. I merely prefer small groups of more�intimate friends. I’m pretty selective of my friends anyway. I must “feel” them out and have a sense of�connection, or I know nothing will come of it. Within my own group of friends, I can be very outgoing�because I trust, know, and connect with them.�

Extroverts don’t always bother me. I know they are just acting they way they are made to act. That�doesn’t make it any less difficult to be around them at times though. It’s also a bit difficult to live in�an extroverted world. If 75% of the world is made up of extroverts, then they have molded this world� to fit the extroverted lifestyle. To be successful, it is necessary, or at least helpful, to be outgoing a� lot of the time. In a way it’s like fitting a round peg into a square hole. But I suppose we need the�extroverts, and they need us in a sort of balance although they have more yin over our yang.�

It’s kind of strange (in a good way) to be an introvert sometimes. It can be very difficult to describe� the distinct sensations and perceptions you have of the world around you. I once read it being�described as a sort of sixth sense in a way. Say I see a random person out somewhere. Just from� looking at them I can generally tell what type of person they are and what they are like. Oh, I know�to stay away from the new guy. He’s a big flirt with everyone and still kind of immature and stuck in a�seemingly high school phase. In the end, he’ll be no good. Something similar to that, but these aren’t� thoughts but rather feelings and perceptions I get.�

Again, when it all comes down to it, I enjoy being an introvert despite what pains it may and will cause�me. I like being comfortable with myself, and I like having my “sixth sense.” I almost feel as though I�have a sort of “leg up” on other people. It gives me a sense of confidence. I trust myself. There’s�something more I want to say about being an introvert, something very good and wonderful about it,�but again, it’s a feeling that is hard to describe.�

Decisions, Decisions�Once we discover that our temperament has something to do with where we are in life, we often�panic and want things to change. Read on for another letter:�

Please help!!!!!! I am a MelPhleg with a number of Choleric traits underlying my personality. I read�your book "Why you act the way you do". Very interesting! I am currently an occupational therapist�and miserable. I feel like I am drowning in paperwork and sit on my butt all day. This is not a good�recipe for a doer. I have been thinking about a career change. I am thinking about being a�photographer in the military. Of course, I am analyzing this to death. I am reading all information I�can get my fingers on, seeing a career counselor now and plan on talking to a recruiter in the near�future. I was wondering if you have any additional advise for me and my situation? Do you still offer� the Personalized Temperament Analysis? If so, I am interested in receiving it for myself.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 35: Temperament Monologues

And I answer:�

First off - s-l-o-w down. You’re gonna blow a gasket! A Melancholy Phlegmatic is a detailed�person who doesn't feel the need to force that style on others. The need to analyze of the� Melancholy combined with a tendency to worry from the Phlegmatic are causing some of this�anxiety. If it is important to change what you are doing, then some of your steps are already�underway. A "career counselor" can mean a lot of things so be careful there. I might suggest you�read an article on�Introspection�and one on a�Personal Life Planning� process here on my "other"�web site.�

I would also recommend Po Bronsen's book�"What should I do with My Life"� which I have reviewed�here. Best wishes and let me know if you have questions.�

Hal�

And a Child Shall Lead?�I cannot believe I've been off over a month. My life is so busy now I'm meeting myself coming�and going (which only works in an 11 dimensional space-time).�

And now my mail includes temperament questions about kids! Well, I'll take a shot at it.�

Question: My wife and I realize we have a Choleric child. She is 7, first born, very bright (school�comes easy). She is also prone to erratic behavior, fits of anger, outburst and the like. She tries to�dominate by manipulating your actions through hers. We now know not to spank a Choleric child,�but how do you discipline one? Thanks for any help.�

My answer:�

First understand that no one is a pure Choleric or any other of the four types. At 7 it may be�difficult to see her “secondary” type but it’s there. Is she detailed? Then her secondary might be� Melancholy. Is she outgoing and talkative? Her secondary may be Sanguine.�

A Choleric is a task oriented, goal focused individual who doesn’t care much how they achieve�those goals. Rather than trying to control, I suggest you find “energy outlets” that are goal oriented.�I’ve not been involved personally but something like martial arts, which stresses personal discipline�and control, might be something to consider.�

Discipline has to make sense to a Choleric. By “make sense” I don’t mean they like it but that the�punishment clearly fits the crime. It probably needs to be an activity based discipline like cleaning�or picking up sticks in the yard or something like that; don’t make them “take a time out” that’ll just�make the pot boil.�

Best wishes, Hal Warfield�

Hate Your Temperament Type�Each of us has, at some time, wished we had the traits of another person. I wish I was as�(cool/smart/beautiful/add your own word) as so-and-so. Why are we so dissatisfied with the cards�we were dealt?�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 36: Temperament Monologues

Not sure I have the answer but it's a good lead into tonight's email question:�

Hi�I do hate my personality. I am a semi professional in health care. I have always been the quiet�shy guy. Good at my career but avoid going to far out of the box therefore give up lot of career�opportunities. I wish I could be comfortably outgoing, is there any way at 47 years old, I could�change that? At my age I still do not like my personality, it holds me back in more ways than one.�

My response:�

It does no good to "hate" your personality any more than you can hate your eye color. It was� something you received from birth and heritage. I am an extremely introverted individual but I've�had to learn (some by being forced and some by making myself) to at least function well in an�extroverted world. If you feel your temperament has"held you back" then you've got to figure out�what you really want out of life. Read this article on� "What Should I do with My Life"� - which is my� personal review of Po Bronsen's book - then look at this article on�Personal Discovery�.�

I think an introvert can be happy with one or two good friends - you don't have to want to be an�extrovert; introverts are needed on the planet too!�

Are Melancholies Doomed?�I return today to the "Ann Landers" portion of my site. These are letters I get from those who read�my Personal Development articles over on my other website --� I'm Gonna Keep On Looking�. They�write, I answer . . . One letter said:�

If I'm a MEL (Melancholy temperament) I'm doomed I couldn't see one positive trait there and in this�day and age it's harder than ever to remain thick skinned; A friend of mine down the pub noticed this�was my personality type and now I feel worthless.�

My reply:�

(chuckle) One of a Melancholy's weaknesses is being critical; especially SELF-critical -- you are�neither 'doomed' nor 'worthless'. First off, relax -- there is not one temperament that is better or�worse than another.�

A Melancholy is strongest in being organized and analytical. Melancholies make excellent doctors�or engineers or any profession where a highly detailed and organized person is needed. They are�the types that can keep a group or job or project organized and on track.�

It is true that the Melancholy, when they go too far, can be seen as critical. This is a trait that you'll�need to work on. First, even if you feel that you are absolutely right in something you are thinking�or going to say, take the time to think how your comments may affect the other person. No matter�how right you feel, it most often does no good to open up verbally on the other person.�

You need to identify your "secondary" trait because no one is all Melancholy. Are you also a Driver�(Choleric)? Or outgoing and verbal (Sanguine)? Or is there a part of you that is laid back�(Phlegmatic)? It helps to know your secondary type because it affects your overall personality. - Hal�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 37: Temperament Monologues

My 10-year-old’s Take on Introverts and Extroverts�My daughter wants to add her $0.02 worth to my ongoing symposium on introverts and extroverts:�

I think that some people make a bigger deal about being extrovert and introvert than others. Like�my father, who is the maker of this website, and my sister. They both kind of joke around with Mom�and me about us being extroverts. Sometimes it seems like you can be a mixture of both like me.� At school I’m really shy and introverted and then I get home and I become extroverted. I think that�introverts are really cool though because they don’t say hurtful things as much as extroverts do�because they kind of keep it to themselves. And that is fine with me!�

Anger Anyone?�I rarely get angry but I don't think it's because I'm introverted. Beyond introvert/extrovert there are�other temperament classifications. To see a comparison of different types of temperament systems�look at� I'm Gonna Keep On Looking�.�

But here is one of my coaching emails dealing with anger:�The reader writes:�

Thank You So Much! I have taken the temperament (personality test) from one of Florence Littauer's�books (HOW TO GET ALONG WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE) and came out as a strong Melancholy,�followed closely by Choleric with almost no Sanguine and just a few Phlegmatic traits. As the typical�Melancholy might I've always tried to understand who and why I am and how to get along better with�others, since I do not(!) get a long well. Your article was very enlightening and helpful. Now if I can� just apply what I've learned I might cope better.�

And I answered:�

The Melancholy/Choleric combination is a very detailed person with a strong drive to accomplish�whatever is ahead of them. Unfortunately, it also has the potential to combine the strongest�negative traits - criticism and anger. A melancholy/choleric MUST realize that they are not always�right (even when it seems SO clear that you are - to you!) and that other's ways of doing things are�okay (even when they seem careless and un-directed).�

You will work better with other Cholerics who respect your level of detail. You would do well to�cultivate a few Phlegmatic friends who will accept you as you are - and give them the space in�your life to (gently) offer you their input on your ideas. Let me know if I can answer any other�questions.�

Extrovert versus Introvert – Win/Win?�I'm using some of my coaching emails to continue to explain some of the differences between�temperaments.�

A wife wrote: My husband is a phlegmel (in other words, a strong Phlegmatic with a Melancholy� secondary), and I am a sangchol (or a Sanguine with a Choleric secondary). How can I best relate�to my husband without shutting him down, or trampling on he feelings?s. To that end, she is more�open to visit with friends, co-workers, and family to meet her need for socialibility.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 38: Temperament Monologues

Thanks for your input!�

I answered:�

As a Sanguine Choleric you are an outgoing, warm "driver"; Driver in the sense that you want to�move forward and push ahead towards your goals and ambitions. Your Sanguine primary gives�you an "edge" in that the warmth and outgoing part of your nature keeps you from seeming�overbearing as you move towards the things you want.�

As a Phlegmatic Melancholy, your husband is more likely to be an "inner" person - laid back, easy�going, but not the outgoing person you are. Phlegmatics feel threatened by the more outgoing�temperament types. Here are some suggestions:�

First, realize that you are NOT going to change his underlying type and he is NOT going to change�yours. As a Phlegmatic myself, married to a Sanguine, I have to find time to "retreat and recharge"�from her energetic and outgoing nature. She has come to realize that the things she values in me�(stability, ability to "take" her moods, etc) are not necessarily what she needs in interpersonal�relationship�s.�To that end, she is more open to visit with friends, co-workers, and family to meet her�need for socialibility. That doesn't let me (or your husband) off the hook - to get more "out of him"�he HAS to feel that you are a SAFE person to be around; safe in terms of allowing him to feel his�own feelings and express them in his own way. If you are impatient (as a SangChol) can easily be�he will feel it's not okay to be himself.�

I could go on - but I'd better leave it here. Let me know if you have additional questions. -�Hal�

Introverted Doesn’t Mean Uninteresting�I read an entry in Jessa June’s blog recently that commented that a blog for introverts seems a bit� like a contradiction in terms. And, honestly, that opened up an avenue of thought I hadn't�considered . . .�

Do people think that because a person is introverted that they are uninteresting inside? I remember�as I grew up that I was considered shy, snobby, arrogant, and probably other things I'm glad I never�found out.�

But introverts are lively and witty and sharp and fun - inside and with a few close friends who have�taken the time to learn how rich an introvert's personality can be.�

A blog or a chat room is heaven for an introvert because that inner self can shine forth in relative�safety. I say relative because there's always a chance of an unkind comment.�

Which reminds me of an old, old saying - Still water runs deep . . . .�

Why so many Extroverts?�The title of this blog is "a haven for 25% of the planet" - this supposedly being the percentage of�introverts versus the other 75%. Now I'm sure this wasn't on a census form somewhere and I'm not�even sure where he research was done.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 39: Temperament Monologues

But still, it does seem that there are a lot more extroverted people out there. Or is it just that it�seems that there are so many because their so darned loud!!?�

Sorry, just my rant for the day. And, by the way, the next time you're at the mall, take a few minutes� to study the faces of passersby. It's amazing to me how few people look happy and how many look�like life has kicked them in the stomach.�Anyway, it's a fun, introverted way to pass time in the mall.�

Temperament Tests for You�I've often had to explain the difference between temperament and personality - at least from my�point of view and experience.�

Your temperament is that basic set of behaviors and ways of thinking you were born with. This is�the entire premise behind the Meyers-Briggs and DiSC tests. This will indicate whether you are�outgoing or introverted, prone to anger or criticism or anxiety, and it cannot be changed.�

It can, however, be modified. Personality is the temperament modified by life. Your personality is�the sum total of your experiences on top of your temperament.�

You can find a couple of pretty good free temperament tests at:�www.advisorteam.com/temperament_sorter/register.asp�.�

My in depth article on temperament is on my other blog -�I'm Gonna Keep on Lookin'�.�

The Saddest Thing�I've studied temperament and personality now for over 10 years. I know the natural strengths and�weaknesses of all kinds and types of people.�

But the saddest thing I think is a person who, for who for one reason or another, has "put on" the�behaviors of a temperament type not their own for such a long time that they have "become" that� type.�

It seems so forced and unnatural, like an introvert who thought they had to be outgoing so they�forced an outgoing "face" for so long that it stuck (Like your mother told you - if you keep doing that�your face will stick that way!)�What are your experiences with people who behave "off type"?�

Introverted? Or Shy?�What's the difference? Are they interchangeable? Not really. Shyness may be a result of an�introverted personality but an introvert is not necessarily shy. Confused? Okay, let's see . . .�

I have an introverted temperament - my Myers-Briggs in INFP and my "Greek" style is Phlegmatic.� I was a HIGHLY shy child and it didn't change all that much until I reached my junior and senior�year of high school.�

It didn't get a lot better there but I did find I enjoyed theatre and, in doing plays, you have to become�more outgoing.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 40: Temperament Monologues

Now I'm in sales and that requires I be outgoing though I'll never become an extrovert.�

Shyness seems to be more a reaction to the world around you - the circumstances of your growing�up years. If you had parents who worked hard to "socialize" you, then you may have grown less�shy.�

If, like me, your parents left you pretty much to your own devices, then shyness may have been the�Result.�

An introvert is a person who is more internal than external; who finds satisfaction is being alone�(note I did not say 'lonely'), and is most likely happy with a few close friends.�

So - are you shy? Or are you introverted? And what about you extroverts reading this? What do�you think and feel about introverts? Believe me we'd like to know!�

Cold Calling for Introverts�In her book, The Introvert Advantage, Marty Olsen Laney talks about the defining moment when�she embraced the fact that she was an introvert. It came in the form of a statement, "Oh, there's�nothing wrong with me, I'm just an introvert!"�

According to her research only 25% of people are introverted which leaves us the daunting task of�dealing with the 75% extroverts of the world. And surprising as it seems, there are those of us who�have, for one reason or another, chosen to make our living in sales.�

Being in sales poses many problems for introverts but probably the biggest is the idea of making�cold calls. Now before we look at cold calling for introverts let's look at the concept of cold calling�itself a bit closer.�

Sales guru, Jeffry Gitomer, says that cold calling is the least effective method of generating new�sales. It interrupts the prospect, probably irritating them, and has a fairly low rate of return.�Having said all that, cold calling is still needed and sometimes required of those of us in sales.�

As an introvert I have always looked with envy at the ease with which an extrovert approaches�cold calling. Because they dwell in the outside world (while many introverts find their reality in the� inner world) they find it easier to pick up the phone and call. They are usually more outgoing�naturally so conversation with strangers is easier. And, darn it, they also don't seem as affected�by the inevitable rejection; seemingly able to shrug it off and move on to the next call.�

Introverts will sometimes go to great lengths to avoid cold calling. First we have to plan who to call�- who is most likely to be positive or at least neutral about our call? Then we have to make sure we�have all our information together to handle any contingency that might come up - files, literature,�scripts and anything else that might take 5 or 10 more minutes to find. Then we have to think�about our prospect's schedule - we don't want to call too early or too late and, you know, everyone�is too busy on Mondays and Fridays aren't a good day to call either.�

Once we've exhausted every excuse we're left sitting looking at the phone. It's time to pick it up�and call. Short of drugs, there's probably no way to completely eliminate the stress cold calling�causes introverts. But let me lay out a technique that works for me; both reducing my stress and,�surprisingly, producing good contacts and prospects.�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 41: Temperament Monologues

As a caveat there is one aspect to this technique that may bother some people but give me until the�end of the article to provide some explanation. The underlying assumption here is that someone in�the business or company you are about to cold call could >have requested information about your�product or service. This assumption could include Internet inquiries; "bingo" cards in magazines,�inbound 800 number calls, or any other way to request information. It doesn't mean that they� actually did ask for information, only that they could have.�

We begin by at least knowing what department or area of a business or company would usually be� interested in our product. If you sell forms, which department uses those forms? If you sell�advertising, would the marketing department be the logical place to start? If you're in industrial�sales, which department mainly uses your goods or services?�

Take a deep breath, pick up the phone and dial. If you get an automated attendant you can�usually raise a "real" person by hitting "0" on your phone. When you get that real person say�something like this, "Hello, my name is Joan Smith with ABC Company. I need to speak with�someone in your ___________ department (that department name being the one you previously�identified). In 90% of calls they will connect you without comment. We'll deal with the other 10%�in just a minute.�

The phone will ring and your stress level will peak. Will someone answer or will you end up in�voice mail - what you say next remains the same either way. When someone (or the message�machine) answers say something like this. "Hello, my name is Bill Jones with ABC Company.�I'm new in this position and as I was going through my predecessor's files I found a request for�information from your company but it doesn't have a name on it. I didn't want to throw it away�without at least trying to see if the information had been sent. Do you know of anyone who would�have requested information on (your product or service)?"�

And wait. They may ask for your company name again. They may ask for more information on�the product or service you just mentioned in passing. But most of the time their reply takes one of�the following forms.�

"Well, that would have been (a name). Let me connect you to him - make sure you have a pen�ready during this call." When you're connected to Bob (or his voice mail) repeat the thread�above, that is, you've found a request for information with no name and you want to make sure that�whoever requested the information got what they needed.�

Sometimes, the person will say, "Well, that would have been me but I don't remember asking for�information." No hostility, just puzzlement. Your response at that time is "As I said, this request�doesn't have a name on it so it may not have come from you." Then you can give an abbreviated�sales pitch by asking, "Are you already using (your product or service)?" A positive answer gives�you the opportunity to ask if they are satisfied. A negative answer lets you ask if they would like to� see information.�

A third response you might get would be this, "Well, that would have probably come from Anne�Adams and she's not here. Would you like her voice mail?" Your reply something like this, "Yes,�please, but do you mind giving me Anne's email address as well? That way I can send her a link to�our web site just to be sure she gets the information requested." Again in most cases the person�on the phone will give you their name, their email address, and maybe even this most coveted of�responses, "You know, this is a timely call. We just brought a project off the back burner that uses�(your product or service). Can you come by to meet with us?"�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�

Page 42: Temperament Monologues

Let's back up a minute to the 10% of operators or receptionists that don't put you right through.�They may ask, "Can I ask what this is concerning?" At this point I give a short version of my original�thread, that I have a request for information from my company but no contact name and that I don't�want to simply throw the request away. This will usually disarm the screener and get you a name or�at least a ringing phone.�

Those few that you get through to who say, "nope, wasn't me and we have no need for that" are the�ones you let go with a brief apology and thanks. Don't let it rattle you.�

Now back to the ethical question that this may raise for some of you. "I'm really telling a lie - no one�asked for this information" and that is true. For some of you that point may eliminate you using this�technique but first ask yourself this question. If you believe in your product or service, then you feel� that the companies you call on can benefit from what you sell. If they knew they could benefit�would they ask you for information? If they could and should have asked for this information that� could benefit them AND if they were aware of your company, they would have asked, wouldn't they?�

So using this line of reasoning you can make the jump to the idea that they would have asked if�they'd known to ask. So you are simply making them aware by your call.�

I realize this is rationalizing - but 90% of the people with whom I have used this technique are polite,�interested, and give me excellent information. And many of them have benefited from the� information I give them. And the alternative is to grit your teeth, call a receptionist, stumble through�an explanation of who you are and what you're selling, hope they don't tell you to call purchasing, or�put you through to someone who doesn't want to talk to a sales person AND who is in an irritable�mood today.�

What makes this approach less stressful to the introvert? For whatever reason it is easier for me to�call someone who first called me. If they called me first then they must be open to talking with me�and I find this an easier call to make. This technique simply assumes that the person you're talking�to would have called you if they had known of the benefits of your product or service.�

So give it a try - call a couple of people who might have asked for your information. Offer them the�chance to really see your information. Then go lie down for about 10 minutes to let the stress go�away. After all, we still are introverts!�

Hal Warfield is a speaker, teacher and coach. Write him at�[email protected]�. Or read�additional self-development and business articles at�www.halwarfield.com".�

The Temperament Monologues� © 2007�

www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc�