Taboo Topics to Avoid This Holiday Season

Slide 1Overview
We’re not saying you should be afraid to talk about complex issues with family and
friends. But you’re going to share the holiday table with some characters, from
Grandpa’s nosey neighbor to your sister’s hippie second husband. This might not be
the proper time or place to hold forth on your knowledge of current events and
controversial topics.
For just a few hours, think about swallowing the enormously controversial issues that
you know will make some people sick to their stomachs. Stick
to puppys and parades. Here’s a quick guide to topics to avoid at holiday dinner time.
Politics
No. 1 on the list of holiday etiquette rules you need to follow shouldn’t even need to be
stated. Politics and turkey do not mix. Even if you think you know everyone’s political
persuasion, someone may surprise you. Save your political opinions for the ballot box
— or your bumper sticker. Make Dinner Peaceful Again.
Potential
engagements
Half the problem with your family is that they know you too darn well, and they
know your exes, too. Whatever happened to (fill in significant other’s name here) and
why didn’t (he/she/you) ever propose? Don’t engage yourself on someone’s possible
engagement unless they are waving a ring or a save-the-date in your face.
Delayed
weddings
On a slightly different tack, if you know someone’s engaged, but they’re not showing
any interest in unrolling the details, keep your thoughts veiled, especially if their
fiance of three years is spending Christmas with his side of the family. Some
engagements end in bitter breakups, not joyful ceremonies. If you’re invited, you’ll
find out soon enough.
Singledom
Keep the fix-ups and the set-ups away from dinner. Even if your single pal wants you
to make a match, don’t try to pull it off in front of three generations of relatives.
“How come you’re not married yet, huh?” and “I work with someone whose
daughter’s neighbor would be just perfect for you! Do you want to meet them?” are
among the rudest questions you can ask.
Future
children
Kids are great, but not everyone wants to have them — or is able to do so. You might
think cousin Louie would make a perfect dad, but whatever you do, don’t nag him about
it. To parent or not to parent is an incredibly personal decision, and any couple in your
life have certainly done their own research and had those conversations in private. Oh,
and never, ever assume a woman is pregnant unless you physically see the baby
emerging.
Employment
choices
The corporate ladder has plenty of rungs, and climbing them can be tricky. Even if
you feel like cousin Craig should have a better job by now, mind your own business.
Asking rude questions like why someone is still at that same, seemingly dead-end job,
is one of the top mistakes holiday guests make.
Old family
fights or
scandals
Remember Doug’s DUI? Cathy’s complex custody battle? That fight between Greg
and Gloria that ended in tears and throwing things? No. You do not. You have complete
memory loss when it comes to past scandals and family feuds. Let sleeping scandals
lie. Or, lie about sleeping scandals. Merely bringing one up might create a whole new
one.
weight
One old-fashioned etiquette rule we need to bring back? Don’t talk about others.
Few of us are exactly where the BMI chart says we should be. Some are overweight,
and some are underweight. Some never check their weight, and some obsess over the
scale. Unless someone is asking you for diet tips, never, ever volunteer them.
The price of
anything
There’s a price-conscious Pete at every event. How much did that designer purse cost?
What did you pay for your house? Your brother spent how much on that new sports car?
How others spend their money (or don’t spend their money) is none of your business.
Bringing up finances is one of those etiquette mistakes you need to stop making by age
30.
Inheritance
issues
No one is reading out anyone’s last will and testament publicly over pie. If you’re in
anyone’s will, let’s hope that they will have discussed this with you privately and
quietly, or you’ll find out when that fatal day comes.
Complaint
s about
the food
Holiday dinners are stressful to prepare. Most of us don’t make a giant
turkey or glazed ham every day, and when you’re cooking unfamiliar foods, things can
go wrong. If the pie’s burnt on the bottom or the turkey tastes dry, fork down a polite
mouthful or two and shove the rest around your plate like you did as a kid with
your Brussels sprouts.
Portion size or
food choices
Yes, maybe your niece should have taken more vegetables and less stuffing. Or you find it
excruciatingly weird that your brother wasn’t hungry for the main course, but found room
for a piece of every dessert. Not your business, not your circus, not your monkeys.
Commenting on others’ food choices is one of the top things not to discuss during the
holidays.
Unsolicited
fitness tips
You know how you didn’t comment on anyone’s weight from that earlier tip? Neither
are you going to suggest a fitness plan for them or a CrossFit center. While you’re at it,
refrain from telling the runner in your crowd that they are destroying their arches
or bragging that you went to HIIT five times a week all of October. No one’s asking,
because no one cares.
Generational
complaints
We all know the stereotypes. Boomers grabbed all the cheap real estate but can’t rotate
a .PDF. Gen Xers are the latchkey kids of divorce who drew the short straw on
everything. And millennials will be forever broke because of lattes and avocado toast.
Breach that generation gap by not generalizing by age — even if some of the clichés
ring true.
Very specific
diet plans
Maybe you’re vegan, and you swear it’s given you more energy than ever. Or you think
going paleo or gluten free relieved your stomach pain. Whatever trendy diet works for
you might not work for everyone. If you must discuss your own eating habits and
preferences, don’t push it on others.
Child-raising
advice
Nothing will turn a relative or friend against you quicker than unwanted parenting
advice. Maybe you think Sophie is bratty, underdressed or rude for eating McDonald’s
rather than the holiday ham. You don’t get to play Dr. Spock, especially on the one day
a year you see little Dennis the Menace. Let moms and dads do their job.
Your MLM
You can definitely make money from your small business this holiday season — just
don’t pitch your products during the holiday celebration itself. Whether you’re selling
leggings, cosmetics or essential oils, don’t view your friends and family as ready-made
customers. It’s uncomfortable enough when you hit them up on Facebook.
Pet problems
Whether or not you agree with it, pets are like children to many owners. Don’t tell
Grandma her poodle is too plump or you don’t know how anyone can stand her
beloved beagle’s whiny bark. You don’t have to feed, walk or clean up after their pet,
and you don’t get to give advice on raising it.
Religion
Bringing up religion is one of the worst etiquette mistakes you can make. Whether
you’re an atheist or the parish organist, you’re free to worship (or not) as you choose.
But a family event isn’t the time or place to recruit new church members or to
convince the pious that they’re wasting their time.
Jeffrey
Epstein
Yeah, yeah, Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. (He totally did.) Keep your conspiracy
theories where they belong: in the dark recesses of social media.
Coming Out
We don't want to keep anyone's sexual identity in the closet, but let's not drag it out
onto the Thanksgiving table, either. If the party in question feels like sharing details
about their LGBTQ+ status, they will. But they probably won't because most people
ask stupid questions like this one.
Your
Hatred
We know. We feel you. We hate everyone at Thanksgiving, too. But you have to put a
lid on it. It's the holidays! You can scream into your pillow later tonight. We won't
tell.
Conclusion
TheThanksgiving dinner table is a minefield. It’s not a question of if someone will say
something offensive, inappropriate, or untoward; it’s just a question of when. Before
you dare to sit down with your filter-free and possibly unhinged relatives this turkey
day, review our list of some taboo topics you absolutely should avoid at the
Thanksgiving dinner table. Curtail your conversation accordingly! When in doubt,
just shove another forkful of food in your mouth to keep your tongue from uttering
something unsavory.