Step 1: Identify the Top Ten Most Annoying Communication Behaviors that Group Members Can Exhibit Step 2: Prioritize the Team’s Top 3 Step 3: Identify.

Step 1: Identify the Top Ten Most Annoying Communication Behaviors that Group Members Can Exhibit

Step 2: Prioritize the Team’s Top 3

Step 3: Identify 2 strategies to rid yourselves of these Annoying Behaviors

Interaction, Interaction, Communication Communication

& Behavior & Behavior

Part I

SESSION 5

Checking Out My

Communication Behavior

Individual Activity

1.Empathy toward other team members occurs when one team is able to take the perspective of others to “stand in their shoes” and to understand their feelings, concerns and priorities.

2.Acceptance of the Team Member for Who They Are means showing genuine positive regard for another person.

3.Credibility means that team members perceive each other as compatible or similar and competent and as someone who speaks his/her mind and takes the group’s interests to heart.

10 Tips for Drawing10 Tips for DrawingOut the Best in PeopleOut the Best in People• Ask others for ideas and opinions• Listen well enough to ask related questions about the

topic• Request their help when brainstorming about a current

issue• Encourage others to expand or elaborate on topics

they initiate• Check to see that you are understanding where they

are “coming from”• Share common interests• When you have questions or need to discuss an issue,

ask when is the best time to meet.• Compliment others in authentic and specific ways.• Observe what times of day are best for individual

interactions

(Petryal Publications, 1999)

Attending Strategies

SStraight

OOpen

LLean

EEye Contact

RRelax

Straight = face the listener squarely

Open = posture where arms and legs are relaxed

Lean = bend forward slightly

Eye Contact = at least 50% of time looking at speaker

Relaxed = not appear artificial when doing each of the 4 behaviors

(Kampwirth, 1999, p. 89)

We ask our students to be active listeners all the time, but what does

that really mean?

Active listening shows that you have both heard the subject content and the emotional content of the speaker’s message. The active listener reflects back the speaker’s words in such a way that her words have been accurately heard and that the listener has understood the feelings behind the words.

(Kampwirth, 1999, p. 90)

1. Ordering, commanding, directing: “Never mind what might happen; just ignore the student when he acts out.”

2. Warning, threatening: “If you don’t take some different tack in regard to the student, the result will be on your head.”

3. Moralizing, preaching, giving “shoulds” and “oughts: “You shouldn’t allow your personal feelings to enter into it. You ought to be able to deal with the student more objectively.”

4. Advising, offering solutions or suggestions: “Well, be that as it may, it would be best to do it my way. I’ve seen it work before in other classes – it ought to work for you.”

5. Teaching, lecturing, giving logical arguments: “Of course, positive reinforcement works. Just read the literature. It worked on much tougher kids than your student, so it should work here too.”

6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming: “Your teaching methods won’t work with these inner-city kids. Didn’t they tell you that at the teacher’s college?”

7. Name calling, stereotyping, labeling: “You’re like a lot of beginning teachers I’ve seen. You’re afraid that if you are firm, the kids won’t like you. I call that being wishy-washy.”

8. Interpreting, analyzing, diagnosing: “You know when you don’t engage in the interventions we’ve discussed, I begin to wonder what is it about you behind the resistance.”

9. Praising, agreeing, giving positive evaluations: “Well anyone as bright as you who’s been to Euphoric U. ought to figure out how to work with these ADHD types.”

10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting: “First of all, it’s not the end of the world. They are tough kids. We all know that. Just keep a stiff upper lip, don’t let them see you cry and I’m sure you’ll make it to Thanksgiving.”

11. Questioning, probing, interrogating, cross-examining: “Why do you think the student is misbehaving? No, why do you really think she is? Now look at your reactions to her. What’s behind that? Is there something else?

12. Withdrawing, distracting, being sarcastic, humoring, diverting: “This is one tough one. Tell me, how is it going with the others? Surely, they all can’t be ruining your career. Ha, Ha; just kidding.” (Gordon, 1974, p. 48-49)

• Florist:Florist: avoids issues by using flowery euphemisms

• Detective:Detective: skirts issues by persistently prying with questions

• Magician:Magician: dismisses issues by pretending they are not there

• Drill SergeantDrill Sergeant: avoids conflict by barking orders

• Foreman:Foreman: clouds issues with compulsive business

• Hangman:Hangman: induces guilt to avoid confronting problems

• Guru:Guru: Covers issues by giving a cliché for every occasion

• Swami:Swami: smoke screen issues by predicting dismal outcomes

• Sign painter:Sign painter: dismisses problems by tacking labels onto them

(Kampwirth, 1999, p. 91)

Prompting“You’re feeling angry because Mrs. Brown said some things that you don’t think are fair.”

Clarifying“I’m not sure I understand what is happening between you two. Can you tell me more about it?”

Summarizing“Ok, here’s what I’m hearing ______. Is that about it?”

Inquiring“Have you checked with the student’s parents yet about this concern?

Are YOU an Active Listener?Group Activity

Directions:

Have one person in your group tell a story (real or fictional) about an important event in their life. All group members must make a mark on a piece of paper EACH time they feel like commenting instead of listening.

• For the speaker – How did it feel to tell a whole story without being interrupted? Did you feel empathy from your audience?

•For the listeners – How many times did you have to mark your paper because you felt like commenting instead of listening? Was it difficult for you not to comment?

Category Definition Examples

AgreeingAgreeing

A behavior which activity supports or agrees with another person’s ideas or suggestions.

“I feel the same way.”

“OK.”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds fine to me.”

DisagreeingDisagreeing

A behavior which actively disagrees or is not supportive of another person’s ideas or suggestions.

Disagreeing is about issues.

“I don’t like that suggestion.”

“I disagree with that way of handling the situation.”

“I can’t support that view.”

AttackingAttacking

A behavior which attacks another person directly.

This communication is aimed at a person. It is not issue oriented. Name calling and generalizations belong in this category.

“Hey, that’s a dumb comment.”

“What else could we expect from those lazy people at the Board?”

“It’s not my fault. Look at what you made me do.”

10 Tips for Using 10 Tips for Using Non-JudgmentalNon-Judgmental

Language Language• Avoid using words like Avoid using words like alwaysalways and and never.never.• Use “yes and” rather than “yes but.”Use “yes and” rather than “yes but.”• Ask people to tell you more – elaborate.Ask people to tell you more – elaborate.• Put as much energy into listening as you do Put as much energy into listening as you do

speaking.speaking.• Expect and welcome different points of view.Expect and welcome different points of view.• Ask “how” and not “why.”Ask “how” and not “why.”• Give the ideas some “think time.”Give the ideas some “think time.”• Explain differences rather than compare.Explain differences rather than compare.• Recognize your own “need to be right.”Recognize your own “need to be right.”• Remember “right” is relativeRemember “right” is relative . .

(Petryal Publications, 1999)

Category Definition Examples

ProposingProposing

A behavior which introduces a new idea, suggestion or proposal.

“I suggest we change our grading system.”

“Let’s leave that one until tomorrow.”

ExpandingExpanding

(Piggy-(Piggy-Backing)Backing)

A behavior which may take the form of a proposal but which actually enlarges, extends or develops an existing proposal or idea.

“And in addition to your plan, we could also encourage parent participation.”

“And to highlight your suggestion about collecting agenda topics by noon, I can send around a reminder email.”

Category Definition Examples

Inviting Inviting

ParticipationParticipation

A behavior which solicits participation from a group member not verbally participating in a discussion.

It seeks to include that person’s contributions.

“John, we haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s your opinion on this?”

“Lynne, do you have any ideas about the plans we have been discussing?”

Preventing Preventing ParticipationParticipation

A behavior which excludes the participation of a group member by stopping his/her interaction.

Interruption is the most common form of shutting out.

Scott: “I’d like to give you my _________.”

Dave: “No way – I can deal with that, Scott.”

“You’ve contributed many valuable ideas this afternoon, but I’d like to hear from some others, so I’m going to ask that you hold that thought.”

Let’s Take a BREAK

Interaction, Interaction, Communication Communication

& Behavior & Behavior

Part II

SESSION 6

• Seeking InformationSeeking Information

• Providing InformationProviding Information

• Clarifying or Confirming InformationClarifying or Confirming Information

• Open/ClosedOpen/Closed: Infinite range of answers verse limited responses

• Direct/IndirectDirect/Indirect: Interrogative (?) verse a statement

• Single/MultipleSingle/Multiple: # of questions asked at one time

Asking Questions – What We DOAsking Questions – What We DOWHAT WE OFTEN DO with WHAT WE OFTEN DO with

KIDSKIDSWHAT WE SOMETIMES DO WHAT WE SOMETIMES DO

with ADULTSwith ADULTS

Wait until we have their attention Ask when we’re ready

Ask open-ended questions Ask close ended questions

Ask questions with the intent of gaining new information

Ask questions to be polite

Find several ways to ask the same question

Use limited variations of questioning

Welcome most of their questionsMake more statements than ask questions

Ask a lot of questionsBecome defensive in response to some of their questions

Ask varying levels of questionsAsk questions mostly at the knowledge level

Join them in asking questions Ask questions at them

Ask questions that prompt reflective thinking

Ask questions that require little reflection

(Lee, 1999, p. 47)

• Use an “I” message instead of a “you” message.

• Say “and” instead of “but.”

• State behavior objectively.

• Name your own feelings.

• Say what you want to happen.

• Express concerns for others.

• Use assertive body language. (Kampwirth, 1999, p. 92-93)

• When I am angry with someone, I usually:a) Drop hints about my feelings, hoping he/she will get the message.b) Tell the person in a direct way what I want and feel ok about it.c) Avoid the person for a while until I calm down and the anger wears off.d) Blow up and tell him/her off.e) Express my anger sarcastically – getting my point with some humor or a dig.

• When someone gets angry with me, what I usually do is:a) End up crying.b) Back off.c) Ask him/her to explain his/her anger further, or else I respond to it in some other equally straightforward manner.d) Get angry in return.e) Apologize if I don’t understand why they are angry.f) Try to smooth it over.

• When I need time and information from a busy professional, I usually:a) Put off calling until I absolutely have to.b) Apologize for taking up his/her time when I callc) Come directly to the point – state directly what I need and ask for what I want.d) Let him/her know that I expect immediate attention. After all, I am important too.

• If someone asks me to do a favor for him/her and I refuse, I think he/she probably will:a) Hate me.b) Be angry with me.c) Understand and will not mind.d) Act as though he/she doesn’t mind, but secretly resent me. e) Think I don't like him/her.f) Hesitate to ask me again.

• When I walk into a party and don’t know anyone, I usually think:a) No one there will talk to me.b) Everyone else is relaxed except me.c) I’m out of place and everyone knows it.d) I won’t be able to say the right thing if someone does talk to me.e) It will be fun to meet some new people.f) Of ways to get attention.

Technology & Communication

Group Activity

Directions:

Step 1: As a group, brainstorm ways that technology has influenced communication.

Step 2: Discuss the strengths and weaknesses of each influence.

Step 3: Choose your group’s most influential technology (either positive or negative) and report out to the class.

Eagle – Spring – Yellow

The Visionary

Positive

Sees the big picture Idea-oriented Future-focused Develops solutions creatively Divergent thinker

Negative

Losses energy on task Time boundaries difficult Not detailed-oriented Lack of dependability Head in clouds Overwhelmed

Roles: Big picture thinker, Visionary

Buffalo – Winter – White

The Warrior

Positive

Challenge other Quick to act Probes and Presses Likes to be in Control of Relationships

Negative

Autocratic Defensive Pushes other beyond limits Not aware of feelings

Roles: Driver, Leader

Deer – Summer - Summer

The Humanist

Positive

SupportiveInvites other in Accepts other at face-valueTrusting of othersConcerned with processEstablishes relationships to accomplish taskAllows others to feel important

Negative

Has trouble saying “no”Assumes blamePuts relationships above taskEasily taken advantage of

Roles: Process, Relationships

Bear – Autumn – Brown

The Judge

Positive

Keeper of traditionRelies heavily on data and logicThorough and methodicalFollows systems and procedures

Negative

StubbornEntrenched in PositionCollects unneeded informationResists emotional pleaseWithdrawnResists changeIndecisive

Roles: Evaluation, Follow-up

When Evaluating Your Own When Evaluating Your Own Communication Behavior, make Communication Behavior, make sure you address the following sure you address the following dimensions:dimensions:• Listens without interruptingListens without interrupting• Accepts consultee’s point of Accepts consultee’s point of

viewview• Identifies important pointsIdentifies important points• Summarizes, paraphrases, Summarizes, paraphrases,

clarifiesclarifies• Identifies nonverbal languageIdentifies nonverbal language• Pursues issues assertivelyPursues issues assertively• Reinforces consultees effortsReinforces consultees efforts

Maybe check this site out to access your communication style? http://www.queendom.com/cgi-bin/tests/transfer.cgi