Session 2 Clarity. Clarity Word choice Word choice Sentence structure Sentence structure Use of the active voice instead of the passive voice Use of the.

Session 2Session 2

ClarityClarity

ClarityClarity

Word choiceWord choice Sentence structureSentence structure Use of the active voice Use of the active voice

instead of the passive voiceinstead of the passive voice ParallelismParallelism Use of transitional wordsUse of transitional words

Word ChoiceWord Choice

Preferring Clear and Preferring Clear and Familiar WordsFamiliar Words

Use everyday, conversational Use everyday, conversational words.words.

Strength of a single syllable: When Strength of a single syllable: When you speak and write, no law says you speak and write, no law says you have to use big words.you have to use big words.– Eleven words account for 25% of all Eleven words account for 25% of all

spoken English, and all are spoken English, and all are monosyllabicmonosyllabic I, you, the, a, to, is, it, that, of, and, inI, you, the, a, to, is, it, that, of, and, in

Omit superfluous Omit superfluous wordswords Words are superfluous when Words are superfluous when

they can be replaced with they can be replaced with fewer words that mean the fewer words that mean the same thing. same thing.

Sometimes you can use Sometimes you can use simpler words for these simpler words for these phrases:phrases:

Superfluous vs. Superfluous vs. Simpler WordsSimpler Words SuperfluousSuperfluous

– in order to in order to – in the event thatin the event that– subsequent to subsequent to – prior to prior to – despite the fact despite the fact

thatthat– because of the because of the

fact that, in light fact that, in light ofof

SimpleSimple

Sentence StructureSentence Structure

Sentence ClaritySentence Clarity

Why do we need to be Why do we need to be concerned with sentence concerned with sentence clarity?clarity?

To communicate To communicate effectively to the readereffectively to the reader

To make writing To make writing persuasivepersuasive

To show credibility and To show credibility and authority as a writerauthority as a writer

Common clarity Common clarity problemsproblems

Misplaced Misplaced modifiersmodifiers

Dangling Dangling modifiersmodifiers

Passive voicePassive voice

Misplaced ModifiersMisplaced Modifiers

Words or Words or phrases that phrases that cause confusion cause confusion because they are because they are located within a located within a sentence so far sentence so far away from the away from the word(s) to which word(s) to which they referthey refer


Consider the Consider the different different meanings in the meanings in the following following sentences:sentences:

The dog under the The dog under the tree bit Carrie.tree bit Carrie.

vs. vs.

The dog bit Carrie The dog bit Carrie under the tree.under the tree.


Sometimes, Sometimes, misplaced misplaced modifiers are used modifiers are used for comic effect:for comic effect:

The other day, I The other day, I shot an elephant in shot an elephant in my pajamas. How my pajamas. How he got in my he got in my pajamas I'll never pajamas I'll never know. know.

-- Groucho Marx-- Groucho Marx

How might you correct How might you correct the following the following sentence?sentence?

Jennifer called her Jennifer called her adorable kitten opening adorable kitten opening the can of tuna and the can of tuna and filled the food bowl.filled the food bowl.

Better:Better:


Portia rushed to the Portia rushed to the store loaded with cash to store loaded with cash to buy the birthday gift.buy the birthday gift.

Better:Better:


Some one-word modifiers often Some one-word modifiers often cause confusion:cause confusion:

almostalmost justjust nearlynearlysimply simply

eveneven hardlyhardly merelymerely onlyonly

Explain the meaning of Explain the meaning of each sentence:each sentence:

AlmostAlmost everyone in everyone in the class passed the the class passed the calculus exam.calculus exam.

Everyone in the class Everyone in the class almostalmost passed the passed the calculus exam.calculus exam.

Which sentence Which sentence indicates that indicates that everyone in the class everyone in the class failed the exam?failed the exam?

Explain the meaning of Explain the meaning of each sentence:each sentence:

John John nearlynearly earned earned $100.$100.

John earned John earned nearlynearly $100.$100.

Which sentence Which sentence indicates that John indicates that John earned some money?earned some money?

A dangling modifier A dangling modifier is…is…

a word or phrase that a word or phrase that modifies another word or modifies another word or phrase that has not been phrase that has not been stated clearly within the stated clearly within the sentencesentence

Often occurs at the beginning or Often occurs at the beginning or end of a sentenceend of a sentence

Is often indicated by a participle, Is often indicated by a participle, an infinitive or a prepositional an infinitive or a prepositional phrasephrase

Dangling modifiersDangling modifiers

Having finishedHaving finished dinner, the dinner, the

television was turned on.television was turned on.


Playing solitaire on the Playing solitaire on the computer for three hours, computer for three hours, Michael’s paper was not Michael’s paper was not completed.completed.

Better:Better:

Better:Better:

How might you correct How might you correct the following sentence?the following sentence?

Locked away in the old Locked away in the old chest, Richard was chest, Richard was surprised by the antique surprised by the antique hats.hats.

Better:Better:

Better: Better:

How might you correct How might you correct the following the following sentence?sentence?To work as a loan To work as a loan officer, an education in officer, an education in financial planning is financial planning is needed.needed.

Better:Better:

The Effective SentenceThe Effective Sentence

Vary the kinds of sentences.Vary the kinds of sentences. Vary the beginnings of your Vary the beginnings of your

sentences.sentences. Vary the complications of Vary the complications of

sentences. sentences. Combine sentences.Combine sentences.

Simple sentencesSimple sentences Compound sentencesCompound sentences Complex sentencesComplex sentences Compound-complex sentencesCompound-complex sentences

Vary the kinds of Vary the kinds of sentencessentences

Avoid long, obscure sentences, Avoid long, obscure sentences, which:which:– Are hard to read;Are hard to read;– Are hard to write;Are hard to write;– May contain more grammatical errors; andMay contain more grammatical errors; and– May bury some ideas.May bury some ideas.

Keep most sentences short and Keep most sentences short and simple.simple.

Avoid too many ideas in one Avoid too many ideas in one paragraph.paragraph.

Vary the kinds of Vary the kinds of sentencessentences

Vary sentence Vary sentence beginningsbeginnings Begin with an adverb.Begin with an adverb.

– Calmly, she listened to the sad news.Calmly, she listened to the sad news. Begin with an adjective.Begin with an adjective.

– Tall and handsome, he towered over Tall and handsome, he towered over them.them.

Begin with an infinitive.Begin with an infinitive.– To tell the truth is often difficult.To tell the truth is often difficult.

Vary sentence Vary sentence beginningsbeginnings Begin with a participial phrase.Begin with a participial phrase.

– Tired from working, the farmer rested.Tired from working, the farmer rested. Begin with a noun clause.Begin with a noun clause.

– How the prisoners escaped is a How the prisoners escaped is a mystery.mystery.

Begin with a direct object.Begin with a direct object.– His books he gave to the library.His books he gave to the library.

Vary sentence Vary sentence beginningsbeginnings Begin with “there.”Begin with “there.”

– There is hope.There is hope. Begin with an adverbial clause.Begin with an adverbial clause.

– Unless you tell the truth, we will not Unless you tell the truth, we will not know what really happened.know what really happened.

Begin with a prepositional Begin with a prepositional phrase.phrase.– After a few seconds, a man opened the After a few seconds, a man opened the

door.door.

Vary sentence Vary sentence complicationcomplication Complicate the subject.Complicate the subject.

– Mary went along with the idea Mary went along with the idea because this particular bond seemed because this particular bond seemed especially safe.especially safe.

– Mary, while basically opposed to the Mary, while basically opposed to the idea of a new bond for the bank, idea of a new bond for the bank, went along with the idea because went along with the idea because this particular bond seemed this particular bond seemed especially safe.especially safe.

Vary sentence Vary sentence complicationcomplication Complicate the verb.Complicate the verb.

– Vincent Rodriguez bought carefully, Vincent Rodriguez bought carefully, but still he bought.but still he bought.

– Vincent Rodriguez bought carefully, Vincent Rodriguez bought carefully, but only after much research into but only after much research into the commodities market. Still, he the commodities market. Still, he bought.bought.

Vary sentence Vary sentence complicationcomplication Complicate the direct object.Complicate the direct object.

– A car is sometimes called an A car is sometimes called an investment.investment.

– A car is sometimes called an A car is sometimes called an investment, one that few people investment, one that few people ever make money on. ever make money on.

Combine sentencesCombine sentences

Why should we know about Why should we know about sentence combinations?sentence combinations?

To build clarityTo build clarity To avoid wordinessTo avoid wordiness To avoid redundancyTo avoid redundancy

Keys to combining sentences:Keys to combining sentences: Create adjectivesCreate adjectives Create properly placed modifying clausesCreate properly placed modifying clauses Eliminate unnecessary or repetitive Eliminate unnecessary or repetitive

phrasesphrases


Use an appositive phrase.Use an appositive phrase.– This place usually draws a large crowd on This place usually draws a large crowd on

Sundays. It is a popular tourist spot.Sundays. It is a popular tourist spot.– This place, a popular tourist spot, usually This place, a popular tourist spot, usually

draws a large crowd on Sundays.draws a large crowd on Sundays. Use a participle.Use a participle.

– The boy refused to study. He felt dejected.The boy refused to study. He felt dejected.– Feeling dejected, the boy refused to study.Feeling dejected, the boy refused to study.


Use a gerund.Use a gerund.– The man walked briskly around the park. The man walked briskly around the park.

He was in high spirits.He was in high spirits.– Walking briskly around the park lifted the Walking briskly around the park lifted the

man’s spirits.man’s spirits. Use a compound subject.Use a compound subject.

– Ramon brought his books to school Anita Ramon brought his books to school Anita brought her books to school, too.brought her books to school, too.

– Ramon and Anita brought their books to Ramon and Anita brought their books to school.school.


Use a compound verb.Use a compound verb.– Marianne looked for her bag. She found it Marianne looked for her bag. She found it

on top of the desk.on top of the desk.– Marianne looked for her bag and found it Marianne looked for her bag and found it

on top of the desk.on top of the desk. Use a compound object.Use a compound object.

– The students studied some interesting The students studied some interesting fossils. They studied their names, too.fossils. They studied their names, too.

– The students studied some interesting The students studied some interesting fossils and their names, too.fossils and their names, too.


Use an infinitive.Use an infinitive.– The carpenters are here. They came to The carpenters are here. They came to

repair the leaking roof.repair the leaking roof.– The carpenters are here to repair the The carpenters are here to repair the

leaking roof.leaking roof. Use a relative clause.Use a relative clause.

– We need some helpers. They must be We need some helpers. They must be good workers.good workers.

– We need some helpers who are good We need some helpers who are good workers.workers.


Use an adverbial clause.Use an adverbial clause.– We visited our cousins. They felt We visited our cousins. They felt

depressed over what had happened.depressed over what had happened.– Because our cousins felt depressed over Because our cousins felt depressed over

what had happened, we visited them.what had happened, we visited them.

Consider the following Consider the following paragraph:paragraph:

The boy struggled to ride his bike. The boy struggled to ride his bike. The boy is four years old, and he The boy is four years old, and he is feisty. The bike is new, and it is is feisty. The bike is new, and it is a light blue color. The boy a light blue color. The boy received the bike for his birthday. received the bike for his birthday. He struggled for two hours. He struggled for two hours. However, he was unsuccessful in However, he was unsuccessful in riding the bike. riding the bike.

Combining SentencesCombining Sentences

The animal trainer dove into the The animal trainer dove into the pool. The trainer was skilled and pool. The trainer was skilled and athletic. She was excited when she athletic. She was excited when she dove into the pool. She swam with dove into the pool. She swam with two dolphins. The dolphins were two dolphins. The dolphins were babies. The dolphins were playful. babies. The dolphins were playful. The trainer swam with the dolphins The trainer swam with the dolphins for over an hour. When the trainer for over an hour. When the trainer swam with the dolphins, she was swam with the dolphins, she was happy.happy.

Use of the active Use of the active vs. the passive vs. the passive voicevoice

Active VoiceActive Voice

The subject-and-verb relationship The subject-and-verb relationship is straightforward. The subject is straightforward. The subject is a be-er or a do-er and the verb is a be-er or a do-er and the verb moves the sentence along. moves the sentence along.

The executive committee approved

the new policy.

Passive VoicePassive Voice

The subject of the sentence is The subject of the sentence is neither a do-er or a be-er, but is neither a do-er or a be-er, but is acted upon by some other agent acted upon by some other agent or by something unnamed.or by something unnamed.

The new policy was approved by the

executive committee.

Use the Active Voice Use the Active Voice with Strong Verbswith Strong Verbs One of the quickest ways to One of the quickest ways to

ensure clarity is to use the ensure clarity is to use the active voice with strong verbs.active voice with strong verbs.

Strong verbs are guaranteed Strong verbs are guaranteed to liven up and tighten any to liven up and tighten any sentence, virtually causing sentence, virtually causing information to spring from the information to spring from the page.page.

Use the Active VoiceUse the Active Voice

To be To be more:more:– SpecificSpecific– PersonalPersonal– ConciseConcise– EmphaticEmphatic

The board decided to increase this year’s

bonus.

A decision was made to increase this year’s

bonus.

Use the Passive Voice:Use the Passive Voice:

When you want to stress the receiver When you want to stress the receiver of the actionof the action– Your savings account Your savings account is insuredis insured up to up to

P500,000.P500,000.– Only Robert Only Robert was injuredwas injured in the accident; the in the accident; the

remainder of the passengers were unhurt. remainder of the passengers were unhurt. When the agent of the action is When the agent of the action is

unknown unknown – My cell phone My cell phone was stolenwas stolen last night. last night.

When the doer is not important in the When the doer is not important in the sentencesentence– The new students’ center was completed last The new students’ center was completed last

week. week. http://international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive/; http://www.writing.utoronto.ca/advice/style-and-editing/passive-voice

Use the Passive Voice:Use the Passive Voice:

When the agent of the action is When the agent of the action is obvious from the contextobvious from the context– I I was bornwas born on July 10, 1985. on July 10, 1985.

When you want to make generic When you want to make generic statements, announcements, and statements, announcements, and explanations: explanations: – Rules Rules were madewere made to be broken. to be broken.

When you want to avoid personal, When you want to avoid personal, blunt accusations or commandsblunt accusations or commands– The account The account was mishandledwas mishandled..

http://international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive/; http://www.writing.utoronto.ca/advice/style-and-editing/passive-voice

Use the Passive Voice:Use the Passive Voice: When you want to connect ideas When you want to connect ideas

in different clauses more clearly in different clauses more clearly – The music The music was being playedwas being played too loudly too loudly

by the students, who by the students, who were were finallyfinally askedasked to turn it down. to turn it down.

When you are writing in a When you are writing in a scientific genre that traditionally scientific genre that traditionally relies on the passive voicerelies on the passive voice– The sodium hydroxide The sodium hydroxide was dissolvedwas dissolved in in

water.water.http://international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive/; http://www.writing.utoronto.ca/advice/style-and-editing/passive-voice

Passive VoicePassive Voice

Indicates what is receiving the Indicates what is receiving the action rather than explaining action rather than explaining who is doing the actionwho is doing the action

Two indicators:Two indicators: "to be" verb (e.g., is, are, was, "to be" verb (e.g., is, are, was,

were) + past participle of the verbwere) + past participle of the verb "by ________” (optional)"by ________” (optional)

Examples of the Passive Examples of the Passive VoiceVoice

Mistakes were made.Mistakes were made.

The cats have been The cats have been brushed by Laura.brushed by Laura.

Passive vs. Active Passive vs. Active VoiceVoice There is nothing inherently wrong There is nothing inherently wrong

with the passive voice, but if you with the passive voice, but if you can say the same thing in the active can say the same thing in the active mode, do so.mode, do so.

The worst offense of the passive The worst offense of the passive voice is when business interests, voice is when business interests, government agencies or the government agencies or the military use the passive voice to military use the passive voice to avoid responsibility for actions avoid responsibility for actions taken. taken.

Passive vs. Active Passive vs. Active VoiceVoice

"Cigarette ads have been "Cigarette ads have been designed to appeal especially designed to appeal especially to children" places the burden to children" places the burden on the ads — as opposed to, on the ads — as opposed to, "We have designed the "We have designed the cigarette ads to appeal cigarette ads to appeal especially to children," in which especially to children," in which "we" accepts responsibility."we" accepts responsibility.

How might you How might you improve the following improve the following sentence?sentence?

The decision that was The decision that was reached by the reached by the committee was to committee was to postpone the vote.postpone the vote.

Better:Better:

Best:Best:

How might you improve How might you improve the following sentence?the following sentence?

The disk drive of the The disk drive of the computer was damaged computer was damaged by the electrical surge.by the electrical surge.

Better:Better:

Best:Best:

ParallelismParallelism

Parallel ConstructionParallel Construction

Formerly, science was taught by Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method, while now the textbook method, while now the laboratory method is the laboratory method is employedemployed..

Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method; now it is taught by the laboratory method.

Keep Your Sentence Keep Your Sentence ParallelParallel Parallelism reinforces Parallelism reinforces

grammatically equal elements, grammatically equal elements, contributes to ease in reading, contributes to ease in reading, and provides clarity and rhythm. and provides clarity and rhythm. – If you want to buy shares in Fund X by If you want to buy shares in Fund X by

mail, mail, fill outfill out and and signsign the Account the Account Application form, Application form, makingmaking your check your check payable to “The X Fund,” and payable to “The X Fund,” and put put your your social security or taxpayer identification social security or taxpayer identification number on your check.number on your check.

Parallelism and Parallelism and Correlative Correlative ExpressionsExpressionsCorrelative expressions (both,

and; not, but; not only, but also; either, or; first, second, third; and the like) should be followed by the same grammatical construction. Many violations of this rule can be corrected by rearranging the sentence.

It was both a long ceremony and It was both a long ceremony and very tedious.very tedious.

My objections are first, the injustice of the measure; second, that it is unconstitutional.

Parallelism ExerciseParallelism Exercise

Raul's motivation to succeed Raul's motivation to succeed in this program seems to be in this program seems to be greater than his sister. greater than his sister.

Espinoza's style was Espinoza's style was remarkable for its dexterity, remarkable for its dexterity, grace, and she could play any grace, and she could play any position. position.

Either you will begin to study Either you will begin to study now or risk failing the exam. now or risk failing the exam.

Transitional WordsTransitional Words

Transitional WordsTransitional Words

Using transitional words and Using transitional words and phrases helps papers read phrases helps papers read more smoothlymore smoothly

Transitions indicate relations, Transitions indicate relations, whether from sentence to whether from sentence to sentence or from paragraph sentence or from paragraph to paragraph.to paragraph.

Examples of Examples of Transitional WordsTransitional Words

Addition:Addition:– also, besides, furthermore, in addition, moreover, also, besides, furthermore, in addition, moreover,

againagain Consequence:Consequence:

– accordingly, as a result, consequently, hence, accordingly, as a result, consequently, hence, otherwise, so then, therefore, thus, thereuponotherwise, so then, therefore, thus, thereupon

Summarizing:Summarizing:– after all, all in all, all things considered, briefly, by after all, all in all, all things considered, briefly, by

and large, in any case, in any event, in brief, in and large, in any case, in any event, in brief, in conclusion, on the whole, in short, in summary, in conclusion, on the whole, in short, in summary, in the final analysis, in the long run, on balance, to sum the final analysis, in the long run, on balance, to sum up, to summarize, finallyup, to summarize, finally

Examples of Examples of Transitional WordsTransitional Words Generalizing:Generalizing:

– as a rule, as usual, for the most part, as a rule, as usual, for the most part, generally, generally speaking, ordinarily, generally, generally speaking, ordinarily, usuallyusually

Restatement:Restatement:– in essence, in other words, namely, that is, in essence, in other words, namely, that is,

that is to say, in short, in brief, to put it that is to say, in short, in brief, to put it differentlydifferently

Contrast and Comparison:Contrast and Comparison:– contrast, by the same token, conversely, contrast, by the same token, conversely,

instead, likewise, on one hand, on the other instead, likewise, on one hand, on the other hand, on the contrary, rather, similarly, yet, hand, on the contrary, rather, similarly, yet, but, however, still, nevertheless, in contrastbut, however, still, nevertheless, in contrast

Examples of Examples of Transitional WordsTransitional Words Sequence:Sequence:

– at first, first of all, to begin with, in the first at first, first of all, to begin with, in the first place, at the same time, for now, for the place, at the same time, for now, for the time being, the next step, in time, in turn, time being, the next step, in time, in turn, later on, meanwhile, next, then, soon, the later on, meanwhile, next, then, soon, the meantime, later, while, earlier, meantime, later, while, earlier, simultaneously, afterward, in conclusionsimultaneously, afterward, in conclusion

Diversion:Diversion:– by the way, incidentallyby the way, incidentally

Illustration:Illustration:– for example, for instance, for one thingfor example, for instance, for one thing

Examples of Examples of Transitional WordsTransitional Words Similarity:Similarity:

– likewise, similarly, moreoverlikewise, similarly, moreover Direction:Direction:

– here, there, over there, beyond, here, there, over there, beyond, nearly, opposite, under, above, to nearly, opposite, under, above, to the left, to the right, in the distancethe left, to the right, in the distance