Rumsfeld: Iraqis Now Capable Of Conducting War Without U.S. Assistance

• Rumsfeld: Iraqis Now Capable Of Conducting War Without U.S. Assistance

• March 17, 2006 | Issue 42•12 • WASHINGTON, DC—Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said Monday

that escalating violence in Iraq demonstrates that the Iraqi population is now capable of waging the Iraq war without outside military aid, and pronounced the American mission there "a complete success."

Rumsfeld lauds Iraqis' progress in making war.• "Over the last month, the Iraqis have been fighting like you wouldn't

believe," said Rumsfeld in a press conference at the Pentagon. "New Iraqis are joining the war every day—so many, in fact, that we don't know where they all came from. It's almost as if they came out of nowhere."

• "The scope and intensity of the combat in Iraq is such that I believe the presence of American forces in the country will no longer be required to help the Iraqi people plummet into meaningless violence," Rumsfeld added.

• How to Vote

Peaceful political participation can be confusing for many people in Portadown, and the proportional representation system only complicates matters. The Portadown News has compiled this handy cut-out-and-keep guide to voting in Northern Ireland:

• As you approach the polling station, accept all leaflets offered to you. These people will remember your face. • Say hello to the policeman or 'community representative' guarding the door. • Point at any UN Observers present and shout "Shouldn't you be in Zimbabwe?" • Show your identification to the nice old lady. • Receive your ballot, noting with alarm the unique serial number printed on the bottom. • Enter the booth, and savour the illusion of power. • Write '1' beside the candidate who has threatened you most recently. • Write '2' beside a moderate candidate, so you can kid yourself you're not really as bigoted as everyone else in this town. •

• Note: Sinn Fein voters should repeat this procedure until their bus leaves for the next constituency.•

• 'Jesus votes DUP' - claimby our religious affairs correspondent, Helen Brimstone

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• Jesus would vote DUP claims Ken Elliot, High Priest at Portadown's Bethany First Presbyterian Church. The controversial claim was made during Mr Elliot'sSunday sermon.

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• "The signs are clear, to the righteous," screamed Mr Elliot from his pulpit. "Jesus was unemployed, lived with his mum, hung around with his mates all day talking politics, and was always getting into trouble with the Romans. Clearly he was a DUP supporter."

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