Psych of Interpersonal Relationships

8/11/2019 Psych of Interpersonal Relationships

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PSYC334 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM

The Psychology of Interpersonal Relationships

Syllabus:

9/5/13

What does it mean to have a relationship with someone? Can it be one-way? Do you have to

have met them in real life? Can you have a relationship with allanimals?

The importance of relationships to maintainpeoples sanity

What is a relationship?

Interaction

o Not enough just to interact multiple times

o On examWhat is a relationship? I dont know.

Our focus will be onIntimateRelationships (not casual).

On average, one has 8-12 close relationships; those people/animals provide something other

people cant. The need to belong is the drive to create intimate relationships.

The Need to Belong: a powerful drive to establish intimate connections to others.

o How is it a need?

If you dont have it, you dont ____. People who dont have close

relationships sufferpsychological and physical health declines.

Drive to affiliationwanting to be in large groupsis not a need to belong; a

need to belong applies to intimate relationshipsa small group of people.

Wilson from Castaway is fulfilling Tom Hanks need to belong.

Surrogate belongingseeking belonging from something that is a non-human

o Relationship with God

o Video games

o Places

o Food

o Becomes a problem when people allow surrogate belongings to take the place of

interpersonal relationships.

The Six Components of Intimacy (neither necessary, nor sufficient)

1. Knowledge: you know things about that person


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a. You might be close to but not know a lot about your roommate, your therapist,

extended family

2. Caring(emotional)

a. You might care about someone, but not like them (i.e. a family member)

3.

Interdependence: intimate partners have a strong, diverse, and enduring influence on each

other

a. You rely on each other, provide each others needs, exchange benefits

4. Mutuality: intimate partners think of themselves as a couple instead of two entirely separate

individuals

a. The Inclusion of Other in the Self Scale which set of circles describe your

relationship?

5. Trust

6. Commitment

The Building Blocks of Relationships

Culture

o Religion

o Your relationship with people of your culture is different than those of a different

culture

o Perceived norms of a culture

1. Regionin the US, how you interact with people depends on where you grew up (i.e.

how Pedro asked a girl to prom with a cake)

2. Groups

3. Timewhen you grew up

Why have our cultural norms changed?

The Sex Ratiois lower:

Sex Ratio = number of men/number of women

When there are a relatively equal number of women to men, the norms

change. Sexual attitudes are more permissive the more women there are to

men.

The Influence of Experience

Your past relationships are probably going to affect your current relationship

Infants interactions with their caregivers shape their attachment styles, their learned

orientations towards relationship with others.


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o If as an infant cannot rely on his/her primary caregiver (mother), that affects

your attachment style (secure vs. insecure attachment); less likely to believe

that people will be there for you.

o Your earliest relationship can predict your future relationships

Individual Differences

o Gender Differences

Sexdifferences refer to biological and physical distinctions between men and

womenyour DNA and your genitalia

Genderdifferences refer to the differences that result from teaching, training,

and, and upbringing (NOT sexual preferences)

Cultural expectations, i.e. the color blue vs. pink; nurture vs.

aggression

Sex and gender are highly correlated (in the US) and so you can predict

gender based on sex

o Gender Roles

Feminine traits do not necessarily apply to females

A note on terminology:

Masculine traits are instrumentaltraits (i.e. aggression, competitiveness)

Feminine traits are expressivetraits (i.e. nurturing)

Androgyny in relationships is beneficial

o The Big Five Personality Traits

Neuroticismanxious versus angrybad for relationships

o Self-Esteem

Sociometer theoryyour self-esteem is a measure of the quality of your

relationships; based on The Need to Belong

The Influence of Human Nature

o Evolutionary Psychology

Interaction

o Hard to come up with all the variables of a relationship

o Just the fact that you interact creates a unique set of circumstances

o Even knowing the qualities of each person, theres no certain way to know how the

two will interact

9/10/13

Evolutionary Psychology people do things in order to survive and to reproduce/keep their

genes alive


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Keep your genes alive different for males and females

o Womenmore limited in keeping genes alive b/c they have 9 month pregnancy and

then caring for offspring

Parental Investmentcarrying the child and mostly caring for child so

looking for a mate that will invest in parenthood

Financial stability

Status

Resources

Physical attractiveness/health

o Mencan spread genes by impregnating multiple women

Paternity Un(certainty)needs to know whos his child

Loyaltywant to make sure its hisgenes that are being passed on

Research Methods

Measur ing Concepts

Love exists, but you cant rip it out of your body and measure it on a scale. This is the

problem with variables in psychology in general. Cant be measured directly.

Diagrams:

Circles = conceptual variables/construct(things that exist but are abstract) i.e. love

So how do we make it measurable/tangible?

Squares = operationalization(to make it real/concrete), for example:

Heart rate

Love scale

Time

Ratio positive/negative

Construct validitydoes the measure, measure what it claims to measure? (Does heart rate

really measure love?)

Something else could be affecting your heart ratei.e. caffeine

Reliabilitydoes it measure it well; is it consistent?

Is the measure consistent every time its evaluated?


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There are diff. ways of measuring and manipulating (changing) a conceptual variable.

How manipulation is demonstrated in diagram:

Assignment:

Within subjects experiment

An experiment of yourself

Measure before and after study (pre-test & post-test)

With the circle/square structure

What is my goal? (Change conceptual variable)

Measure and manipulation cant be the same

Hypothesisdoing this will cause this to happen (i.e. expression of affect will increase

closeness with my mother)

You can use published scales

Procedure:

1. Goal (operationalization)

2. Measure

3. Work on goal

4.

Measure again (same measurement)

Correlati onal vs. Experimental Research

Correlational Research:

Distribution of one group compared to the distribution of another group (i.e. sex difference)

You measure more than one variable and you see if they go together (measure then measure)

*Cannot prove causation

Experimental Research:

Manipulate variable(s) and then measure (manipulate then measure)

Obtain ing Participants

Convenience Sample: anyone who is readily available

Representative Sample: a group of people who resemble the entire population of interest

Much more important for correlational design


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9/12/13

Balance theory

Get notes

Kurt LewinField theory

The behavior of people is always a function of the field of forces in which they find

themselves:

Individualspersonal attributes

The social/external situation

B = (individual X situation)

Behavior is the function of the individual andthe situation

Your individual attributes and the situation (something the person does) or an external situation

Attraction

People who have the same letter in their name are more likely to get married.

Mere exposure effectthe more exposed we are to a stimulus, the more likely we are to like it.

Bob Zajoncthe more you expose someone to something (flash an image), the more you

like it

Exceptions:

o Social allergy effectif you hate something initially, the more youre exposed to it,

the more youre going to hate it

Mere exposure affect only works on a neutral/positive attitude

o Avoiding marrying children you were raised with

You think of these people as your brothers/sisters; feels like incest

Similarity breeds attraction

Matching

People of the same attraction level end up together

Desirability = Physical Attractiveness X Probability of acceptance

How does the media affect your perceived attractiveness level?

Comparing yourself to a faked, Photoshop image


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Contrast Effect

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Basics of Attraction

Attraction to someone isbased on ones desire to approach that person.

We are attracted to others whose presence is rewarding to us

Rewards influence attraction.

o Direct rewards

Status

o Indirect rewards

Excitation transferfeeling attracted to someone because of your physical

excitement (e.g. heart rate)

Proximity

o Liking those near us

o More interaction: paths cross, learn about similarities, feel liked by other person

o Propinquity effectb/c you have a lot interaction with people who are near you, you

are likely to create friendships and intimate relationships with them

o When others are nearby, its easy to enjoy whatever rewards they offer

o MIT Campus House Studypeople who lived close to each other were more likely to

become friends than they were with those whose rooms were further away

The Limits of Proximity

o Constant exposure can get boring

o Proximity can make long-distance relationships worse

o Increased proximity to people who are annoying may make things worse

o Proximity accentuates our (preexisting) feelings about others

Long-Distance Relationships

o Distance is costly

o Relationships can be less rewarding and satisfying

o Begin to only expose positive attributes to partner

When youre reunited, things usually arent as good

Online dating is another example of how your liking declines for someone

after meeting them in person

Culture Counts


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o Attractiveness is affected by changing economic and cultural changes

E.g. renaissance paintings

o Norms can differ across ethnic groups

Hair, skin color, weight can differ across cultures; but weight to hip ratios stay

the same (0.7 for women, 0.9 for men)

o Human nature and environmental conditions work together to shape our collective

judgments of whom we perceive as attractive

Why do people think that opposites attract?

o Matching is a broad process

Seeking similar rankings overall in the relationship market place

People may trade one quality for another (e.g. money for looks)

o Misperceptions may persist for some time

Getting to know each other while dating, and only then figuring out what they

have in common

o We occasionally appreciate behavior that differs from our own but complements our

actions and helps us reach our goals

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*Justins notes

Self Concept (2 motivations):

Self Enhancementpeople want to be liked/feel good about themselves

Self Verificationpeople want to be right (about themselves)

o If you have a negative self-concept/low self-esteem, SE and SV are going to be in

conflict

Attribution (Some sources of error):

Schema of your intimate partners is tied into the schema of yourself

So if your partner does something bad, you will apply the self-serving bias to them.

o Self-serving bias: the tendency to attribute positive outcomes to internal causes and

negative outcomes to external causes.

Beyonce and Jay-Z:

Behavior Attribution Attributional Pattern


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Goodsing love song

Badextradyadic sex

Internal (he loves her, he was

kind)

External (he was drunk)

Relationship Enhancing

Goodsing love song

Badextradyadic sex

External (trying to save face)

Internal (hes a jerk)

Distress Maintaining

Relationship Enhancing:

Good for the relationship keeps the relationship going

Distress Maintaining:

Bad for the relationship relationship will end

9/24/13

Goal Measurement Paper All APA

APA Style

In text citations

References Section

apastyle.org presentation: Basics of APA Style Tutorial

owl.english.purduee.edu

Presentation

Citing References in Text:

Author Date Citation Systemnot direct quotation

Direct quote(Authors last name, date, page)

References Section:

In alphabetical order by the authors last name

Name of articles/title of chapteronly first word capitalized

Name of journalall words capitalized and in italics

DOIdigital object identifier unique to every single journal article

Included at end of reference

If no DOI on online article, use retrieved from (insert website here).

Group Paper

APA: In-Text citations, References (one direct-quote per person in group, preferably none)


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o Dont have to have in-text citation on every single sentence of someone elses idea

within paragraph (unless unclear)

Sources: 11 + 1 (per each person in group)

o Anything else besides chapters in edited books and scholarly articles, permission is

needed from Dr. Curtis or Elisa

o Dont site textbook (use index)

Pages: 11 + 1

Goal Paper

Pretest:

APA: Title Page, Abstract, (Introductionno heading), Method (2-3 pages)

Sources: 1

Introheres what I intend to do

Abstractgive it all away; summary of the entire paper (write whole thing first and then go

back to abstract)

Methodwhat/how am I measuring?

Resultsresults of my measurements

Discussionwhat do the results mean?

References

First person is expected

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Social Cognition (cont)

You want to keep your schemas balanced, so if someone is attractive and kind, youre going to

want him/her to be something else good as well

Schemas

Schemas come from schemas

o Stereotypes

When we create schemas, we wants them to be stable (balanced)

o Primacy effectthe first impressionyou get have more affect than any subsequent

information; creates the schema

o We want those schemas to be balanced

o Confirmation biaslooks for info that reinforces your first impression

You interpret the information you get to fit the primacy effect/first impression

you had


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You dont want to know how much Osama Bin Laden loves puppies; and if he

really does, you interpret that to mean that he straps bombs to them

Love at first sight is possible

Series of beliefs people have about romantic relationships. Romanticism is a schema.

Positive illusions

Only one true love for me Destiny Belief

The Power of Perceptions

We are often overconfident in our perceptions

o Friends and parents are better judges of our romantic relationships

People in the relationships are worst judges of how long itll last

o Positive illusions

Are they good or bad?

Good. Associated with more trust, satisfaction, etc. later

Mutualityif your schemas are connected, you want them to

be/feel awesome

Self-fulfilling prophecyCan influence other person to

become more awesome

Positive illusions come naturally in good relationships

Warning sign: if you need to actively delude yourself

Why do we delude ourselves? Self-serving biasyou want to think that you

chose the right mate.

Reconstructive memoriesphotographic memories dont exist, some very few people have

really good memories, but theyre not literally photographs. So we literally reconstruct our

memories.

o We reconstruct things to fit our perceptions

o People will reconstruct memories based on our the relationship is going

E.g. newlyweds will tell

DivorceI should have seen it coming

Focus on good things when relationship is good and minimize bad things

when relationship is bad/ending/over

Relationship Beliefs


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o Romanticismis the view that love should be the most important basis for choosing a

mate (Romanticism scale)

Our love will be nearly perfect.

There is only one true love for me.

True love will find a way to overcome any obstacle.

Love is possible at first sight.

Right on the verge of positive illusions if youre really romantic

o Other beliefs are dysfunctionaland disadvantageous:

Disagreements are destructive.

Mindreading is essential.

Partners cannot change.

Sex should be perfect every time.

Men and women are fundamentally different.

Great relationships just happen

None of these things are true

These perceptions come from any relationships youre exposed to, e.g.

media

o Destiny beliefsassume that two people are either well suited for each other and

destined to live happily ever after, or theyre not.

Bad

o Growth beliefsassume that good relationships are a result of hard work.

Good

Analogymarriage is looking for your dream jobthey entail work but you

love and want to work; I want to be in this job for the rest of my life.

What does this have to do with schemas?

Destiny beliefif your partner does something bad, youre

going to say that person is not my soul-mate

Schemas you hold will influence your relationship satisfaction

Main factor of divorcedisillusion you have a false idea of

what marriage should be

Expectations

o We often get the reactions we expect from others. Self-fulfilling propheciesare false

predictions that come true because they lead people to believe in ways that make the

erroneous predictions come true.

o Studymen and women talk to each other over the phone

Man see:


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Attractive photo

Unattractive photo

Women see nothing

Observation: listen to women onlyrated on how warm, friendly, attractive

Attractive photoobserved as being more attractive

Unattractiveobserved as being less attractive

The mans expectation about the woman changes her behavior

o People who are high in rejection sensitivitynervously expect rejection from others

and subsequently behave in ways that make it more likely that others really will reject

them.

They can be hard to be aroundoften so concerned with being rejected that

interferes with interaction

Looking for instances of rejection and thus more likely to find

Self fulfilling prophecyif you expect to be rejected, your act will elicit a

behavior that sends subtle cues and actually then be rejected.

People want things to fit their self-schema

Self-perceptions

o Ourself-conceptsencompass all the beliefs and feelings we have about ourselves.

Theself-enhancementmotive leads us to seek feedback that makes us look

good (thing good things about yourself).

People who are high in rejection sensitivity still want to think good

things about themselves.

They want to be accepted

Theself-verificationmotive leads s to seek feedback that supports and verifies

our existing self-concepts.

People high in rejection sensitivity also want to be consistently right

about themselves.

Not going to believe that people actually like themb/c they

want to be correct, and thus want to be rejected

There is an imbalanceprovokes anxiety

Strategies of Impression Management

o Ingratiationdoing favors, paying compliments, and being friendly and charming to

elicit liking from others.

o Self-promotionrecounting accomplishments or displaying skills to elicit respect

from others.

o Supplicationappearing inept or inform to elicit help or nurturance from others.


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Elicit responses but only when used sparingly

o Intimidationappearing threatening or dangerous to elicit fear an compliance from

others.

10/3/13

Communication

Verbal Communication

The Theory of Social Penetration

Utilizes both breath and depth

Gender Differences in Verbal Communication

Same-sex conversations and male-female conversations are different from one another.

Male-Female Conversations

In general, women speak less forcefully, using more hedges and questions, and less profanity,

than men do.

Hedges and questions

o State things as questions

o Tone of the voice goes up

Women are using more profanity than they used to, though men still swear more

Men also do most of the talking people think its more disrespectful for a woman to interrupt

a man than vice versa.

Dominance/status issuemen demonstrate higher status behaviors

*This data is on new interactionsnot with established relationships

As the relationship develops, roles might change/switch

Instrumentality Versus Expressivity

Androgynous men tend to have intimate, disclosing interactions with both men and women, just

like women do.

Culturally-tied, i.e. in US not as accepted for men to talk about their feelings

Still, about half of all men are comparatively close-mouthed about their feelings. So:

If a man isnt complaining, women tend to think everythings okay

But if a woman isnt overtly affectionate, men tend to think somethings wrong

o Why? Women are expected to be more expressive, so if that pattern stops, something

must be wrong. Based on the expectations in communications that we have of our

partners


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Dysfunctional Communication

Miscommunication

Two general principles in avoiding miscommunication:

Defensiveness

Negative Emotions

Miscommunication happens when we dontsay what we mean

Unhappy partners do a poor job of saying what they mean.

Kitchen-sinking: addressing several topics at once.

o Why do people do this?

In a good relationship, you have weaponsyou know what hurts your partner

You want your partner to share your feelings balance theory

Defensivenessyou dont respect something thats important to me,

Im going to hurt you.

Off-beam:wandering from topic to topic.

o The discussion wanders very quickly; you dont stay on topic

Cant remember what started the fight

Unhappy partners also do a poor job of hearing each other.

Mindreading: wrongly assuming that you understand your partner.

o

E.g. you assume something your partner said means something else

Improperly decoding someones message

o Interrupt.

o Cross-complaining: responding to a partners complaint with one of your own.

We do this b/c we feel defensive

Will take you off-beam and start a fight

Unhappy partners also display negative affect (emotions) when they talk with each other:

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Criticismattacks a partners personality or character;

o Just criticizing someone, not saying it in a mean way

o The decoder decides when theyve been criticized

o All relationships have this

Contemptin the form of mockery and insults occur;

o A relationship can occur without this


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Defensivenessleads to excuses or counterattacks;

Stonewalling may follow when someone withdraw; and

o I.e. refusing to talk

o Disrespect to the other person

o

Different than a time-outwhen someone says they need a break in order to collect

their thoughts

Belligerence(added) and aggressiveness can result

Based on the presence of these first 4 things, Gottman could predict with 90% accuracy if a

couple will divorce.

Naturally occurring actions that occur b/c of normal emotions, i.e. defensivenessprotecting

your self-schema.

Saying What We Mean

Behavior descriptioninvolves identifying as plainly as possible a specific behavior that

annoyed us.

o Make sure you know what the behavior is, and specifically point to it

o Otherwise the partner doesnt know what youre talking about

I-statementsstart with I and then describe a distinct, specific emotional reaction.

o Youmake me so angry. person feels attacks gets defensive

o Ifeel angry.

XYZ statementscombine behavior descriptions with I-statements:

o When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z.

E.g. Last night at the party, when you called me a fat cow in front of

everyone, I felt humiliated

X and Y are objective

Z is subjective

You can argue why they shouldnt feel that way

o That way you know exactly what you are discussing

Exam 1 Themes

Chapter 1

Uncertainty about the definition of relationships

o Sub-Themes:

How different factors affect relationships (culture, individual differences, etc.)

Chapter 2(Methods)


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Conceptual variables

o How theyre being operationalized

Measurement vs. manipulations

May be asked to draw a circle/square diagram

Chapter 3 (Attraction)

Field theory

o B = (individual differences X situation)

Chapter 4(Social Cognition)

Attributions in field theory

Perception/Expectations

o Schemas

Chapter 5 (communication)

Status

o Reciprocity

Miscommunication

Hint: focus on the stuff in lecture thats also in the book, and stuff in the lecture thats not in the

book.

Readingonly if its interesting

Chapter outlinestudy guide


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Reading 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM

Ch. 1

Is the sex ratio the number of men or women, or the number of men for every 100 women?

Ch. 2

Define: delimited (p. 46)

Is a retrospective design the same as ex post facto design? (Quasi-experiment)

Vocab.:

Psychometricsthe science of measuring mental capacities and processes.

Ch. 4

Not any relationship is possible with hard work. Some people are just incompatible, and no

matter how hard they try they cannot make the relationship work. A relationship should not take

so much work the positives should outweigh the negatives. One shouldnt have to work so hard.

Sometimes its just not meant to be.

P. 120 boxDr. Seltermans research??


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Exam 1 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM

Ch. 1:

Dont understand circle-square diagram


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Group Paper 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM

Bad boys

Romeo and Juliet effect

Reactance

Forbidden fruit

Why do we want what we cant have/is not good for us?

Does confidence play a big role in attraction? Difference between men and women

Only in text citation and references APA

Bad boysomeone that others say to avoid; stay from; bad news

What is the initial attraction?

Why do women stay with these type of men?

Why do people start dating and then stay with a partner that their family/close friends disapprove

of?

Romeo and Juliet Affect

Reactance

o Dating that person as an act of rebellion to assert control

What type of people are more susceptible to this type of behavior

o Individual determinants

Self-esteem

Attachment style

Cultural background

Values

Are people really attracted to those kinds of people?

Focus on reactanceforbidden fruit

Why would you be attracted to this person?

Does it really exist?

Lots of stuff to consider

One reasonreactance

Titlethe question


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Pretest 9/3/2013 12:34:00 PM

Create new relationships

Invite or go to meals with people # of times a week

Increase amount of female friends

Goal: acquiring more female friends

Abstract

Include research topic, research questions, participants, methods, results, data analysis, and

conclusions.

150-250 words

Introduction

My goal is form 5-10 new female friendships with women who attend University of Maryland.

Why is this my goal?

I am from out of state and would like to increase my social circle, including both men and

women, in order to create a positive social experience in my first semester of college.

I usually gravitate towards creating male friendships, which typically require less effort and pose

less potential confrontation. However, I realize that having mostly male friends may be

diminishing my status as a female, and thus, lowering my chances of finding a boyfriend. In

other words, spending a lot of downtime with males makes them more likely to think of me as

one of them, rather than as someone of a different gender. In addition, being accompanied by a

group that consists only of females will increase my chances of finding parties on the weekends.

This phenomenon has two reasons. First, women are more likely to make plans in advance.

Second, most prefer a larger female to male ratio.

Method

I measured my current female friendships at the University of Maryland by surveying my

recently addedfemale friends on Facebook, as well as my text messages from female friends.

Those whom I have spoken to in the last 3 days I will consider to be friends, as opposed to

acquaintances.

Creating close relationshipshow will I do that

Results

How many female friends at the University of Maryland I currently have. How I am going to

increase the number of females friends I have in college.


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Going out to at least one party or social events over the weekend with a group of people that is

composed of at least one half females.

Inviting a female in my dorm to go to the dining hall for a meal at least 5 times a week.

Engage in 45 minutes of self-disclosure with a person of the same gender.

o

Slatcher, R.B. (2010). When Harry and Sally met Dick and Jane: Creating closeness

between couples.Personal Relationships, 17,279297

o

Avoiding bias:

What constitutes as a friend, rather than an acquaintancesHaving an interaction with the

person in the last 48 hours

Measure:

Communication

Measurementamount of female friends now

Abstract

Summarizing each section in 1-2 sentence

Psych of Interpersonal Relationships

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