Top Banner
Parenting Workshop Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Adolescent Hood Part II Part II Mary Ann Bishay Mary Ann Bishay [email protected] [email protected]
44
Welcome message from author
This document is posted to help you gain knowledge. Please leave a comment to let me know what you think about it! Share it to your friends and learn new things together.
Transcript
Page 1: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Parenting WorkshopParenting WorkshopAdolescent HoodAdolescent Hood

Part IIPart II

Mary Ann BishayMary Ann Bishay

[email protected]@yahoo.com

Page 2: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

When conflict arises remember…LOVE

Lay your problem at God’s feet, pray

Observe and listen: balance how much you talk with how much they talk

Validate their feelings/frustrations

Establish whether this is a good time to

discuss the issue

Page 3: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What teens look for….C.A.R.T.What teens look for….C.A.R.T.

CCareare

AAcceptancecceptance

RRespect espect

TTrustrust

Page 4: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Communication TipsCommunication Tips

Don’t interrogate or lectureDon’t interrogate or lecture They are not on the witness standThey are not on the witness stand Teenagers are very sensitive to intensive Teenagers are very sensitive to intensive

questioning and tend to withdraw when questioning and tend to withdraw when pressed pressed

If you have serious questions that must be If you have serious questions that must be answered, pick only the most important answered, pick only the most important ones to ask ones to ask

Page 5: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Communication TipsCommunication Tips

Balance how much you talk with how Balance how much you talk with how much your teen talks much your teen talks

Don’t bring up past grievances, or faults Don’t bring up past grievances, or faults that they have done that they have done If it was in the past, keep it there. If it was in the past, keep it there.

Page 6: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What the Bible Tells Us About What the Bible Tells Us About CommunicationCommunication

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; (James 1:19). (James 1:19).

Talk to your children not yell at themTalk to your children not yell at them

Communication is more than just talk. Jesus Communication is more than just talk. Jesus said that “out of the heart’s abundance the said that “out of the heart’s abundance the mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45). mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45). So through good communication, we learn from So through good communication, we learn from

others and reveal things about ourselves. others and reveal things about ourselves.

Page 7: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

RulesRules

Teenagers don’t want to live in a home Teenagers don’t want to live in a home without rules.without rules.

Parents’ job to encourage them and help Parents’ job to encourage them and help them become young men and women God them become young men and women God created them to be.created them to be.

Implementing rules with more than one Implementing rules with more than one childchild

Page 8: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

DisciplineDiscipline

Consistency is key Consistency is key

The goal of discipline is not to punish but The goal of discipline is not to punish but to teach responsibility. to teach responsibility.

Page 9: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What Does God say About What Does God say About Discipline?Discipline?

““Live in sadness and grief” - 1Samuel 2 Live in sadness and grief” - 1Samuel 2

““My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor detest His correction; For whom the LORD loves He Nor detest His correction; For whom the LORD loves He corrects, Just as a father the son corrects, Just as a father the son in whomin whom he delights.” he delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12 Proverbs 3:11-12

““Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on his destruction.” Proverbs 19:18 your heart on his destruction.” Proverbs 19:18

Page 10: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What Does God say About What Does God say About Discipline?Discipline?

““If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?” Hebrews 12:7 chasten?” Hebrews 12:7

““Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11 trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Page 11: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Discipline Leads to Self ControlDiscipline Leads to Self Control

““Now no chastening seems to be joyful for Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)

Page 12: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Strict and Abusive DisciplineStrict and Abusive Discipline

Depressed and guilty childrenDepressed and guilty children

Does not help them grow emotionally or Does not help them grow emotionally or psychologicallypsychologically

Causes low self worthCauses low self worth

Page 13: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Don’t Rely On GuiltDon’t Rely On Guilt

Severe damageSevere damage

Don’t remind them constantly of the Don’t remind them constantly of the sacrifices you’re making for themsacrifices you’re making for them

Self esteemSelf esteem

Adverse effects in other relationships Adverse effects in other relationships

Page 14: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Guide, Don’t ControlGuide, Don’t Control

Remember the goalRemember the goal

““But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:23)there is no law.” (Galatians 5:23) That is the goal to have them be able to self That is the goal to have them be able to self

control, not have parent controlcontrol, not have parent control

Spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline Spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline

Page 15: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Guide, Don’t ControlGuide, Don’t Control

God disciplines those he loves, just as a father God disciplines those he loves, just as a father disciplines his childrendisciplines his children

Hebrews 12:5-10 Hebrews 12:5-10 

He also says that not disciplining a child is an act of He also says that not disciplining a child is an act of hatred and not love.hatred and not love.

He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (Proverbs 13:24)him promptly. (Proverbs 13:24)

Page 16: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Guide, Don’t ControlGuide, Don’t Control

Anytime you help a child with something he Anytime you help a child with something he could complete on his own, you slow his could complete on his own, you slow his progress toward autonomy progress toward autonomy

Ask questions to direct them toward reasonable Ask questions to direct them toward reasonable courses of actioncourses of action

Use your instincts when deciding whether to Use your instincts when deciding whether to help your children function more independently help your children function more independently or persuade them to make certain decisions or persuade them to make certain decisions

Page 17: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Pick your battles!Pick your battles!

Page 18: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Tips For Negotiating Rules and Tips For Negotiating Rules and DecisionsDecisions

1.1. Keep it dynamicKeep it dynamic

2.2. Start shifting the power from you to himStart shifting the power from you to him

3.3. Provide options for her to choose within Provide options for her to choose within a set of parametersa set of parameters

Page 19: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Tips For Negotiating Rules and Tips For Negotiating Rules and DecisionsDecisions

4.4. Know where your boundary lines are, and Know where your boundary lines are, and keep these clear in your head and in your keep these clear in your head and in your child's headchild's head

5.5. Have clearer and fewer rules Have clearer and fewer rules

6.6. Build rules with respectBuild rules with respect

Page 20: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

The Critical PointThe Critical Point

It’s the process by which we arrive at decisions It’s the process by which we arrive at decisions and enforce our rules that is the goldand enforce our rules that is the gold

If teens have a say in the rules and decisions If teens have a say in the rules and decisions they will be more apt to follow and obey them they will be more apt to follow and obey them because they are not be forced upon thembecause they are not be forced upon them

It gives them ownership and it also works on It gives them ownership and it also works on your communication with one another, as well as your communication with one another, as well as problem solving together as a familyproblem solving together as a family

Page 21: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

PunishmentPunishment

Does not promote or strengthen any Does not promote or strengthen any behavior behavior

It may promote different kind of rewards to It may promote different kind of rewards to your child your child

Reinforcing certain behaviorsReinforcing certain behaviors Use action based punishments to help Use action based punishments to help

them learn from their errors them learn from their errors

Page 22: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

PunishmentPunishment

Punishment should be used sparingly and wiselyPunishment should be used sparingly and wisely

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Page 23: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Two Steps Forward, Three Steps BackBack

Page 24: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Shaping BehaviorShaping Behavior

1.1. ReinforcementReinforcement

2.2. ModelingModeling

Page 25: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

ReinforcementReinforcement

Positive reinforcement is the first way to Positive reinforcement is the first way to shape your child’s behaviorshape your child’s behavior

Reinforcement strengthens or increases Reinforcement strengthens or increases the behavior to occur morethe behavior to occur more

Research indicates that there is no Research indicates that there is no better or more effective way to change better or more effective way to change behavior.behavior.

Page 26: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

ModelingModeling

The frontal lobes in your kid’s head are The frontal lobes in your kid’s head are open to copying behaviors that are put open to copying behaviors that are put before him, particularly from role modelsbefore him, particularly from role models

You are the most powerful role model You are the most powerful role model available to your teen available to your teen

They observe you in different scenariosThey observe you in different scenarios

Page 27: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

ModelingModeling

Page 28: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Being a Positive Role ModelBeing a Positive Role Model

Talking Talking

Spending time with them Spending time with them

Practice what you preachPractice what you preach

Page 29: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What This Means to YouWhat This Means to You

Establishing a good code of conduct is importantEstablishing a good code of conduct is important Sit down as a couple and establish some ground Sit down as a couple and establish some ground

rules rules Stay calm. Stay calm. Choose your words. Choose your words. Express yourself clearly and appropriately. Express yourself clearly and appropriately. Model apologizing and forgiving (when kids see Model apologizing and forgiving (when kids see

their parents fight, they should also see them their parents fight, they should also see them make up — and not days later) make up — and not days later)

Page 30: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Being a Positive Role ModelBeing a Positive Role Model

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)

Page 31: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Family Devotion TimeFamily Devotion Time

FDT FDT An occasion for family prayersAn occasion for family prayers Time to discuss and communicate with Time to discuss and communicate with

one anotherone another Should not be time to argue Should not be time to argue Time to enjoy one another’s companyTime to enjoy one another’s company Problems should not be brought up, no Problems should not be brought up, no

criticism whatsoever!criticism whatsoever!

Page 32: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Parents Relationships With One Parents Relationships With One AnotherAnother

Parents must operate as a teamParents must operate as a team

Your relationship with one another affects Your relationship with one another affects your childyour child

Page 33: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Being a solid foundation

“and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. (Matthew 7:25).

Page 34: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Feuding ParentsFeuding Parents New research shows that kids who New research shows that kids who

constantly see their parents bicker may be constantly see their parents bicker may be more apt to have problems in schoolmore apt to have problems in school

Feel home environment is not secureFeel home environment is not secure Increased risk for things like:Increased risk for things like:

Anxiety Anxiety Depression Depression Aggression Aggression Trouble interacting with their peers Trouble interacting with their peers

Page 35: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What This Means To You What This Means To You

Stay calmStay calm Choose your wordsChoose your words Express yourself clearly and appropriatelyExpress yourself clearly and appropriately Model apologizing and forgivingModel apologizing and forgiving No hitting, pushing, or threatening. No hitting, pushing, or threatening. No name-calling (even if it's jokingly). No name-calling (even if it's jokingly). No making broad generalizations (this is called No making broad generalizations (this is called

"globalizing"), like "This always happens" or "globalizing"), like "This always happens" or "You never help me." "You never help me."

Page 36: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What This Means To YouWhat This Means To You

No leaving unless you both agree to take a No leaving unless you both agree to take a break or a "time-out" from the conversation break or a "time-out" from the conversation (time-outs can help grown-ups, too). (time-outs can help grown-ups, too).

If your kids are around and watching (or hearing) If your kids are around and watching (or hearing) you squabble, it's also wise to add these other you squabble, it's also wise to add these other no-no's to your fighting rule book:no-no's to your fighting rule book:

No yelling. No yelling. No cursing. No cursing. Don't involve your kids in your disagreements or Don't involve your kids in your disagreements or

expect them to take sides. expect them to take sides.

Page 37: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What This Means To YouWhat This Means To You

Also avoid exposing your kids to Also avoid exposing your kids to arguments about adults-only topics arguments about adults-only topics

Problems are learning opportunitiesProblems are learning opportunities Kids need to know that it's never their fault Kids need to know that it's never their fault Make sure your children understand that Make sure your children understand that

even if you fight, you still love each other even if you fight, you still love each other How parents react to conflicts often lays How parents react to conflicts often lays

the foundation for how children deal with the foundation for how children deal with others others

Page 38: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Team building techniquesTeam building techniques

Date your spouseDate your spouse

Support your partner Support your partner

Keep your sense of humor Keep your sense of humor

Page 39: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

Single Parenting: The Toughest Single Parenting: The Toughest Job You’ll Ever Have!Job You’ll Ever Have!

Page 40: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What You Can DoWhat You Can Do

Take care of yourselfTake care of yourself

Build a community of friends, co-workers, Build a community of friends, co-workers, church members, support groups, church members, support groups,

and other single parentsand other single parents

Let your child know that you love him Let your child know that you love him or her, both in words and actionor her, both in words and action

Page 41: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What You Can DoWhat You Can Do

Set a good exampleSet a good example

Talk with your teenTalk with your teen

Involve your child in decision-makingInvolve your child in decision-making

Develop routines and family traditions and ritualsDevelop routines and family traditions and rituals

Spend time with your child Spend time with your child each dayeach day

Page 42: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What You Can DoWhat You Can Do

Don't overindulge your childDon't overindulge your child

Don't take your anger, anxieties, Don't take your anger, anxieties, frustrations, or personal problems out frustrations, or personal problems out on your childon your child

Page 43: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

What You Can DoWhat You Can Do

Don't say negative thingsDon't say negative things

Don't confideDon't confide

Remember that there is no such thing Remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parentas a perfect parent

Page 44: Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood Part II Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com.

10 Commandments For Parents10 Commandments For Parents1. Thou shall use Thy Heavenly Father as Thy parental model1. Thou shall use Thy Heavenly Father as Thy parental model2. Thou shall love thy child with all thine heart2. Thou shall love thy child with all thine heart3. Thou shall provide a nurturing place for thy child to grow3. Thou shall provide a nurturing place for thy child to grow4. Thou shall become and stay involved4. Thou shall become and stay involved5. Thou shall have a positive attitude toward thy child5. Thou shall have a positive attitude toward thy child6. Thou Shall learn the art of listening with thy child6. Thou Shall learn the art of listening with thy child7. Thou shall not fear conflict with thy child7. Thou shall not fear conflict with thy child8. Thou shall choose wisely when to approach thy children8. Thou shall choose wisely when to approach thy children9. Thou shall not lecture, interrogate, or threaten thy child9. Thou shall not lecture, interrogate, or threaten thy child10. Thou shall not use guilt against thy child10. Thou shall not use guilt against thy child