A church I was attending asked me to teach a parenting class using the book, Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey. I used this book and Child Parent Relationship Training materials to create this comprehensive training for parents. It incorporates the worldview of the Baptist church I was teaching at, as well.
Parenting 101 Taught by Christy Graham Based on Becky Baileys Conscious Discipline and Dr. Garry Landreths Child Parent Relationship Training.
Your Brain and Stress Basic parts of the brain Cortexconscious, makes decision Limbicemotions and memories [I hate you, or your mothers words] Brain Stemsurvival
Your Brain Fear based discipline Triggers the physical stress response in your child Keeps the child from learning! Fear=release of cortisol High levels of cortisol damage brain cells in the hippocampus Hippocampus plays a major role in memory and learning Also associated with Alzheimers
Fear is wrong? Psalm 19:9 The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous. Psalm 25:12-14 12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. 13 He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land. 14 The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.
Psalm 33 1 Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him. 2 Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre. 3 Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. 4 For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. 5 The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love. 6 By the word of the LORD were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth. 7 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars [a] ; he puts the deep into storehouses. 8 Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the people of the world revere him. 9 For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm. 10 The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. 11 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. 12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. 13 From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; 14 from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth- 15 he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. 16 No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. 17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. 18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, 19 to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. 20 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. 22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you. What do you notice about fear? Based on knowledge of who God is, what He can do. NO MENTION OF LOSS FOR THE BELIEVER
Fear God Hebrew: yare English words used to translate: Fear, afraid, terrible, terrible things, dreadful, reverence, fearful To fear, revere, be afraid To reverence, honor, respect To cause astonishment and awe, to be held in awe To inspire reverence or godly fear or awe
Okay, so fear is bad. What do I do now? Too many experts talk about what not to do. Use this understanding of the brain for you, not against you! 1. You should be calm when you talk to your child. 2. Child should be calm when you talk to them. 3. Teach your child through example and practice how to calm down. Examples: Breathing Technique Time outs/Safe Spots
The Seven Powers of Self Control The Power of Attention What you focus on you get more of. The Power of Acceptance The moment is as it is. The Power of Intention Conflict is an opportunity to teach. The Power of Love See the best in one another.
The Seven Powers of Self Control The Power of Perception No one can make you angry without your permission. The Power of Free Will The only person you can make change is yourself. The Power of Unity Focus on connecting.
Power of Intent Conflict is an opportunity to teach. How did God use conflict with the nation of Israel? How did Christ use conflict in his ministry? Pharisees asked questions and he used it to teach. His death was an object lesson in how to use conflict to teach!
Misbehavior Is there anything positive? Children learn What is safe and what is not. to use their words to get their needs met. How to act, feel and behave toward others. to say yes to healthy and no to unhealthy things. what is my business and what is not my business. responsibility. self-awareness and self-discipline.
Misbehavior? Romans 3:20 Therefore, no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather through the law we become conscious of sin. Our rules, discipline, are designed to keep our children safe and teach them about God. Therefore, our response to their misbehavior should mirror Gods. Love and relationship balanced with holiness
The Power of Love Gods Love John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son so that whosoever believes in him will have eternal life. 1 Cor 13:4-8a Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. 1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
The Power of Love Pray blessings for your children. Attribute positive intent for misbehavior. Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthythink about such things. Affirm that what you give to others, you give to yourself. Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins
The Power of Perception No one can make you angry without your permission. Proverbs 19:11 A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. Col 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Psalms 4:4 In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Live the values you want your child to develop
Power of Free Will God allows us to choose, we need to allow our children to do so as well. We cannot control other people, but we can set up consequences for our children.
Power of Unity Romans 12:5-6a So in Christ, we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. Romans 7:4 So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God.
Homework!! Continue to pivot: Remind yourself what you focus on is what you get. Memorize Psalm 139: 13 [We will memorize 13- 16, but not all at once.] Remind yourself that conflict is an opportunity to teach! Practice being with your child 5 minutes a day, or 30 per week Follow their lead Notice their behavior Focus totally and completely on that child
Seven Basic Discipline Skills Composure Living the values you want your child to develop. Assertiveness Saying no and being heard. Choices Building self esteem and willpower.
Seven Basic Discipline Skills Encouragement Honoring children so they will honor you. Positive Intent Turning resistance into cooperation. Empathy Handling the fussing and the fits. Consequences Helping children learn from their mistakes.
The Skill of Composure: Teaching Integrity Be the person you want your child to be Follow the values you teachno Do as I do, not as I say Talk about why you do what you Deuteronomy 11: 1-7, 18-21 Turn off flight or fight response to conflict Take a deep breathturns off stress response Pray Phillipi