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Mirror Mirror Article

Mar 15, 2016

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Mirror Mirror Article

  • Mirror, Mirror.

  • Today I looked in the mirror.

    No longer am I living in that beautiful 5 stone figure. An extra 2 and

    a half stone has taken me over in as little as 4 years and it is shameful. Although everbody says this is healthy. This disgusting body is normality

    and now I have to live with it.

    My reflection stares back at me blankly. All I can see is imperfections.

    They have taken over my body.

    Its been 4 years since

    I overcame an eating

    disorder. But the demons still dwell inside me.

    Why did I let myself get like this?

  • It all started when I was around 16/17. My par-ents split up, I was try-ing to take my A levels,

    friend seemed fickle and

    sparse and emotionally

    I was weak. I felt like I couldnt control the way

    my life was headed. I felt like I had hit a brick wall

    and there was nothing I could do about it. I was

    stuck as this person I

    hated and needed to do anything. I succumbed

    to Ana. The only thing

    that made me feel as if I had some control over

    my own life, even though

    it was the disorder that controlled me. At least it

    cared enough to make me

    feel as if I was achieving.

    I was counting calories,

    keeping records and con-trolling my food intake. I was finally had power of a

    part of my life no matter

    how miniscule that part

    may be. I watched the weight

    drop off me. My clothes

    started to slowly hang off me and I got such a thrill

    from trying on clothes

    while shopping and a

    size 8 was too big. It was brilliant! I couldnt believe

    it. Although I struggled

    finding clothes to fit and

    usually had to buy an 8 and take it in myself. But it didnt matter. Because

    I wasnt eating or being a slob I had more time to spend on how I looked.

    Finally I was going to be beautiful and everybody knows beautiful people

    succeed. I was so excited.

    My parents and friends

    didnt seem to understand this though. They told me I was looking awful, but I

    suppose I was. Because I

    still wasnt skinny enough.

  • WEDS MARCH 1, 2006...skipped breakfast to-day. That meant i could fit in 50 more sit ups to my usual 100 every morning anyway.lunch time at school. some peo-ple just mindlessly stuff-ing their faces with calo-ries. dont they understand they are so disgusting? i had a yoghurt. 65 calories. thats a bit much for lunch! made my-self dinner,, pasta salad. 160 calories, but i only ate half. still that makes 225 for the day. need to get an early night be-fore i start feeling weak. sleep is the only distraction from the hunger.

    MON MARCH 1, 2010...Breakfast - 2 slices of toastlunch - cheese sandwhich, crisps, bottle of coke.dinner - dominoes pizza, cheese and tomato.Total of 1047 calories.

    Oh God....

  • Eating away at me, there is a Pain, Feeding on my agony. A breeding parasite prevails. It gnaws away my insides, taunts me with its strength, acid burning up, a flare up of self hate, a constant reminder of

    the core weakness in me. Decisions to be made are cho-sen by the Pain. No control do

    I have over its actions. Its grasp is too strong for me

    to throw off. I cannot move.Only to trem-ble and shake, the

    Pain is back.I am eaten

    away

  • YESTER-DAY I ATE 2 SLICES OF CAKE. TODAY I MUST NOT EAT ANY-THING.

  • THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT. IM A FOOL. I HAVE TO RE-ALISE HOW DISGUST-ING I AM OR I WILL NEVER BE WORTH ANYTHING.

  • 03/12/2005I thought it would be a good idea to build on my current diet plan and chal-lenge myself today. I so far have been really successful

    at cutting down my calo-ries and in 2 weeks I have

    lost 5lb. The recommend-ed amount for women is something like 1000 calo-ries a day so I wanted to at least halve this to begin with. I did better than I thought though, in the

    first few days I managed

    to cut down to around

    250 calories on average. It

    can only get better. I have

    been trying to think of other methods to help me

    lose weight. I researched

    it and some girls make themselves sick to trick

    their bodies into thinking they have eaten so they wont go through the pain

    of hunger. I tried it and I dont think I will be doing it again. I find that sleeping

    helps get rid of the hunger

    pains. If I feel hungry, I

    sleep and then I wake up

    feeling refreshed, well-rest-ed and ready. So perhaps

    making myself sick isnt

    for me. Ive looked at fast-ing though. It allows me to eat a little more, obviously

    only within my restricted

    calorie allowance and then

    I will fast for a day. I will only consume water dur-ing my fasting days to keep

    me hydrated so I can still

    complete my daily exercise

    routine. Which I am also

    really happy with at the

    moment. I now do a series of squats, lunges and sit

    ups every morning before

    school, then when I come

    home from school and

    then also before I go to bed. On weekends I will just exercise as soon as I

    am bored. Its the only way I can notice a difference

    and I really can see it. Ive

    never been so happy.

  • These are some facts I found about Anorexia Nervosa victims. I first read them and though they were pathetic excuses for those who dont understand the complexity of this lifestyle. I then realised I was only making excuses for myself. I suppose it really shows I havent recovered...

    Food and eating dominate the lif

    e of a person with ano-

    rexia nervosa. Weight loss is achi

    eved by excessive diet-

    ing and other extreme ways of co

    ntrolling weight. These

    behaviors are fueled by an intens

    e desire to be thinner and

    a fear of becoming fat.

    Eating disorders can re-quire long-term medical

    care and disrupt function-ing in school, work, and

    relationships. While severe

    cases can lead to permanent

    disability and even death,

    recent advances in the understanding of anorexia

    nervosa provide hope for

    more success in treatment. Currently, about 75% of

    people with anorexia ner-vosa experience improve-ment with treatment.

    People with an eating disorder think about food, weight, and body image constantly. They usually have chronic medical and psycho-logical problems relat-ed to these issues and how they eat.

  • 23/02/2006Ive been feeling so tired recently. The hunger pains are beginning to get to me. I think I have spent the past few hours crying. But I cant settle them. I already went over my 200 calorie a day limit yesterday by eating yoghurt because I couldnt bear it anymore, so today I had to fast. And it hurts so much. Im so weak. I couldnt do half of my morning exercise routine and when I went to try again after school I couldnt even get to 50 squats without feeling faint. Ive been keeping myself hydrated and I just dont understand what is wrong. Ive been doing so well. I was speaking to another girl who has pretty much the same ideals as me. She said she only tried fasting once a week now, whereas I do it every couple of days. She has also said she has upped her calorie intake to allow for more highly ener-

    gising foods but also upped her exercise regime to com-pensate. I think she has about 300-400 calories a day and on top of a similar regime to mine, goes for a 2 mile run every other day. I am almost at my target weight anyway so once I get there it will be fine and it will all be about main-taining and balancing the diet to keep myself there. I am currently 5 stone 6lb. My target weight is 5 stone exactly. Its incredible to think that I have lost nearly 3 stone in about 2 months. I am so proud of myself. That final 6lb should be a doddle. I am going to try what this girl does and up my calorie count and change my exercise pat-tern to see if I can cope a little more and hopefully the next 6lb will be gone. I give myself 14 days maxi-mum, but if I can do it in one week then I will be so happy. I cant believe how well I am doing!

  • some-times i wish

    i could live my

    life effortlessly,but mostly im caught up in

    compulsive emo-tion

    sometimes i give in and let myself heal

    but reaching the sky is my intimate aspira-

    tion.

    when my body cries out to me, i close my ears

    but when my mind scolds me, i cant disobey

    captivating ads and announcements so clear

    beauty and success, just one pound away

    happiness, just twoand self-love, quite a few

    sometimes i need an escape from this hollow home,

    but im captive to treadmills and running on emptythe faster i run the closer the victory,

    but in conquering the sky, the journey is ended.

  • 08/03/2006I did it. 5 stone exactly.

    I was so happy when I

    stepped on the scales this

    morning. I even celebrated

    by having a rice cake for

    breakfast. I never have breakfast, kinda hoping

    I hadnt ruined it! One problem though. I was

    getting ready this morning to go and meet a friend. I got dressed, put my make

    up on and straightened my

    hair, as I would normally. I

    was in such a good mood

    because of the success. I

    then stood up to take one

    final look in the mirror and

    I couldnt believe what I

    was seeing. I was disgust-ing. I wasnt beautiful at all. I was skinny but not beautiful. I didnt under-stand. I still dont. All this

    hard work and as soon as I have reached my goal it

    was ruined. I had succeed-ed in nothing but making myself a smaller version of

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