Interpersonal Communication Skills

Study Unit

InterpersonalCommunication SkillsBy

Tamra Orr

About the Author

Tamra Orr is a full-time educational author in the Pacific Northwest.She has written more than 200 nonfiction books as well as multipleground and online courses in many subjects. She also has acquiredyears of experience behind a customer service desk. Tamra has adegree in education/English and has taught in multiple settings.

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In any office, you’ll meet and interact with a variety of peopleevery single day. It’s important for you to be aware that manyof these people will most likely be quite different from you insome ways; it’s also important that you take these differencesinto account when you communicate with them.

This study unit is designed to help you develop successful,rewarding, and professional relationships with all of thoseyou interact with in the workplace. Understanding and appre-ciating cultural, gender, ethnic, and personality differenceswill help you grow both in your personal relationships andyour career.

One fact you’ll explore in this unit is that your interactionswith others are never limited to words. The old saying“Actions speak louder than words” contains a lot of truth. In interpersonal relations, your body language, or nonverbalcommunication, is often as important—if not more important—than verbal communication. In fact, according to somecommunications experts, 7 percent of any message we sendis conveyed through our words, 38 percent comes throughour tone, and 55 percent is communicated through our bodylanguage. You read that correctly—55 percent!

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When you complete this study unit, you’ll beable to

• Explain the components of communication, includingeffective listening and observation

• List and describe multiple defense mechanisms that actas barriers to effective communication

• Describe personal traits essential for successfulinterpersonal relations

• Outline the components of the communication feedbackloop

• List and describe at least six components of effectiveoral communication

• Recognize prejudice, discrimination, or insensitivity ininterpersonal relations

• Define body language, or nonverbal communication, anddescribe the role it plays in communication

THE IMPORTANCE OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS 1

The Messages You Send 1Communication Components 4Effective Listening 6Paraphrasing 8Effective Observation 9Traits for Successful Interpersonal Relations 15Defense Mechanisms 17

ORAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS 20

Articulation 20Rate of Speaking 21Volume, Pitch, and Tone 23Enunciation and Pronunciation 25Improving Your Speech 26

INTERACTING WITH OTHERS 29

Be Professional 29Interacting with the Office Team 29Displaying Loyalty and Respect/

Working with Others 32

SELF-CHECK ANSWERS 37

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THE IMPORTANCE OFINTERPERSONAL SKILLS

The Messages You Send

As an office professional, your job requires you to communicate,or relay and receive different types of information, in manytypes of situations (Figure 1). You’ll interact on a daily basiswith executives, coworkers, new and established clients, andmore. You’ll also handle incoming and outgoing telephonecalls as well as written and electronic correspondence.

InterpersonalCommunication Skills

FIGURE 1—Effective communi-cation is a large part of theoffice professional’s job.

Interpersonal Communication Skills2

Although you might not be aware of it, you’re constantly send-ing messages to others. Your posture, your style of dress, theposition you take in a room, and the tone of your voice arenonverbal ways to convey a message about what you’rethinking and what you’re trying to say. In this study unit,you’ll learn how to interpret a number of nonverbal behav-iors. As you read, keep in mind that nonverbal behaviors don’talways mean the same things to different people (Figure 2).Cultural differences often color the translation. For example,in North America, a nod of the head means yes and a shakeof the head means no. In other cultures, such as Greece andBulgaria, a nod means no and a shake means yes.

FIGURE 2—Cultural norms dictate nonverbal behaviors. Keep this in mind when interacting with peoplefrom different cultures.

Interpersonal Communication Skills 3

KNOW YOURSELF

Before you can understand others, you must understand yourself. The following quiz will help

you take a good, hard look at your interpersonal skills. Answer each question as it applies to

you. Be honest. If you’re uncomfortable with your answers, you’ll know which areas of inter-

personal skill you need to work on.

1. Do you find it easy to start a conversation?

2. Are you able to hold up your end of a conversation?

3. Do you ask good questions? (Good questions are usually open-ended, requiring detailed

answers rather than just “yes” or “no” answers.)

4. Are you able to talk about topics other than yourself?

5. Do you listen to the speaker?

6. Do you use appropriate body language when speaking?

7. Do you draw others into conversations when they aren’t contributing their share?

8. Do you avoid exaggerating facts when speaking to others? (Tall tales don’t count.)

9. Do you remember names of people when introduced?

10. Do you avoid using dialect, bad grammar, slang, clichés, or jargon in professional or

formal situations?

11. Do you enjoy learning about people, their interests, hobbies, and ideas?

12. Do you keep others interested in what you’re saying?

13. Do you give others an opportunity to express their views?

14. Are you able to discuss controversial matters without getting angry or upset?

15. Do you pay attention to the conversation without having your mind wander?

If you answered “yes” to at least 10 questions, your interpersonal skills are probably quite

good. But try to work on any weak areas so that you can change “no” answers to “yes.”


Communication Components

The communication process has five essential elements:

1. The message—information that you wish to communi-cate to another person

2. The sender—the person sending out the information

3. The channel—method used to convey the information(verbal, nonverbal, written, or electronic)

4. The receiver—the person receiving the information

5. Feedback—when the receiver and sender reverse positions

Take a look at the communication feedback loop in Figure 3to better understand the role each element plays.

Notice the wavy lines in the middle of Figure 3 that indicateinterference. Interference is anything that gets in the way ofclear communication between two or more people. It can comein a number of forms. In writing, an author’s style can be con-fusing or a reader’s comprehension level not high enough forthe material. In conversation, a speaker’s word choice may beunclear. Interference can also take the form of outside noisesor other distractions. Regardless of the type of interference,its presence disrupts communication. To be effective, commu-nicators must keep their listeners’ needs, expectations, andcomprehension abilities in mind.

FIGURE 3—TheCommunication Feedback Loop


When we communicate, whether sending or receiving, wehave reference points that determine how we express andunderstand messages. These points, which include educa-tion, life experiences, social and cultural expectations, andreligious beliefs, color the way we communicate with others(Figure 4).

One of the most influential reference points is a listener’slanguage abilities. For example, if this study unit included anumber of words that you weren’t familiar with and that thetext didn’t define, you would most likely struggle to under-stand the message within it. The same holds true when youcommunicate with someone. If you use vocabulary, phrases,idioms, or expressions that are outside your listeners’ realmof experience, it isn’t likely that your message will be under-stood. For this reason, when working in an office, you shouldbe sure to use your words wisely (Figure 5).

FIGURE 4—Our educationallevels and life experiencesare just two of the factorsthat affect our understand-ing of communication.


Effective Listening

A Turkish proverb states, “If speaking is silver, then listeningis gold.” To be a successful communicator, one of the mostimportant skills you need to develop is effective listening. Thisis the ability to accurately absorb information and then providefeedback to the speaker. By listening effectively, you can

• Obtain more information

• Increase people’s trust

• Reduce the risk of conflict

• Motivate others

• Encourage commitment

For example, picture this scene. Your coworker, Joe, isslumped over his desk. His head is in his hands. You ask,“Joe, are you okay?” He picks up his head but doesn’t lookyou in the eye as he replies, “Yes, I’m fine. Just tired.”

Clearly, his verbal and nonverbal responses aren’t in sync.Joe may say he’s fine, but there’s something wrong beyondbeing tired.

Listening to what others say is an important part of the com-munication process. However, listening isn’t complete withoutobservation. Good listeners hear exactly what another personsays, and they compare that message with the person’s facialexpressions and other body language (Figure 6).

Take your pick On the right track Pearl of wisdom

Be that as it may A baker’s dozen As clear as mud

Get a head start Heads will roll Solid as a rock

Up to their necks A tight ship A knight in shining armor

Stay out of my hair Down in the dumps Par for the course

FIGURE 5—These are some of the most common American idioms. You know what they mean—butpeople from other countries may not.


When communicating with others, pay as much attention totheir nonverbal clues as you do to their words. When a per-son’s words seem at odds with his or her actions, you canusually trust the person’s actions to be a much more reliableindicator of what that person is thinking or feeling. Listeninginvolves the eyes as well as the ears!

Becoming an effective listener takes time and effort. Here aresome of the best ways to learn and practice the skill:

• Prepare yourself to listen. Clear your mind of otherthoughts and focus only on the person speaking. Stopany other activity that might distract you.

• Look at the speaker. Eye contact displays your interestand also makes it more difficult to let your attentionwander while the person is speaking.

• Concentrate on what’s being said. Focus on the speaker’swords, not on what you’ll say in response to thosewords.

• Listen with empathy. Understand what the speaker issaying and why he or she feels that way.

FIGURE 6—When wordsare at odds with body language, the messagebeing sent with the body is generally more reliable.It’s obvious this officeprofessional is growingimpatient with her supervisor.


• Listen not only to what is being said, but also how it’sbeing said. Remember, actions speak louder than words.Is the person’s body language and/or speaking voice con-trary to the message?

• Demonstrate to the speaker that you’re listening by nod-ding your head, leaning forward and saying appropriateresponses such as, “Yes,” “I see,” “Okay,” and so on.

• Don’t attempt to guess or predict what the person is goingto say. This interferes with your ability to hear what’sactually being said.

• Don’t interrupt or cut off a person’s statement. Try waitingthree to five seconds after someone is done talking beforeresponding.

• Avoid thinking about a solution to a problem while the person is still talking. You can easily get so caught up in your own thoughts that you stop listening.

Paraphrasing

One of the foundations for developing listening skills is paraphrasing, or repeating a person’s message back to thatperson, using different words to express the same idea. Toparaphrase, you listen to a speaker and then repeat his orher message in your own words, without changing the mean-ing. Read these examples:

Speaker: I work so hard all year long, it doesn’t seem that I’d be out of line to expect decent accommodations and goodweather for two lousy weeks!

Paraphrased: When you finally take a vacation, you wantthings to go well.

Speaker: Lisa told me that she would take care of the finaldetails. She didn’t do it, and now it looks like I was the onewho didn’t follow through!

Paraphrased: Lisa didn’t do what she was supposed to, andnow you have to deal with the blame.


Notice that neither example repeated the speaker’s words verbatim, or word for word. Doing that doesn’t guarantee thatyou understood what the speaker said. It could just meanthat you, like a well-trained parrot, have a knack for repeat-ing what you hear. Besides, repeating a person exactly couldbe quite annoying. Rephrasing helps a person feel like youtruly were paying attention and are fully engaged in the conversation.

Paraphrasing allows you to test whether or not you’ve heardthe message correctly and have understood the speaker’s inten-tions. Hearing the message reflected back lets the speaker knowhe or she got their points across correctly. It gives everyoneinvolved the opportunity to catch any misunderstandings and clarify or correct them.

Effective Observation

Remember how we said that listening is using your eyes as wellas your ears? This is known as effective observation, and it’sdefined as the ability to recognize and understand nonverbalcommunication, or the body language that reveals a great dealabout an individual.

It may sound simple, but communication experts have deter-mined that there are more than 100,000 nonverbal signals.The eyebrows alone have almost two dozen! Take a look atthis list for some key examples:

• Facial expression

• Gestures

• Eye contact

• Posture

• Tone of voice

• Touching

• Physical proximity (Too close—pushy or aggressive? Toodistant—aloof, angry?)


Can you see why learning how to read nonverbal communica-tion is so important? Often a person’s body language is a moreaccurate indicator of what a person is thinking than is anythinghe or she says (Figure 7). This is because most nonverbal com-munication isn’t under our conscious control. Certain habits—nail biting, finger tapping, hair twisting, and so on—revealour inner emotions without our even realizing it.

Nervous habits are easy for an observer to recognize, butother types of nonverbal cues aren’t quite so obvious. In fact,the same gesture or facial expression may mean one of sev-eral things. For example, sitting with your arms folded overyour chest could mean that you’re

• Trying to protect yourself from somebody or something

• Hugging yourself as a form of comfort

• Feeling self-conscious about your physical appearance

• Cold and trying to warm up

FIGURE 7— Body languageis usually unconscious.This office worker may notrealize that he’s projectingan aura of (possibly) sad-ness, anger, or confusion.


Which one of these is accurate? You can’t be sure, and that’swhy it’s essential that you not jump to any conclusions aboutthe meaning of any particular nonverbal communication. Thisis especially true if you work in an office setting where cowork-ers and clients are from a variety of ethnic backgrounds. Eachculture has its own meanings attached to nonverbal commu-nication. Here are just a few examples:

• Many Asian cultures believe eye contact to be rude.

• The “O.K.” gesture in America means “worthless” inFrance.

• The “V for Victory” sign here means “Get lost!” in somecountries.

Proxemics is the study of what people consider comfortablepersonal space. How close is too close? It depends on yourcultural background (Figure 8).

One of the most powerful nonverbal tools you can use is eyecontact. Looking someone in the eye says, “I’m interested inspeaking with you and hearing what you have to say” (Figure 9).On the other hand, if you look away from someone when he orshe is talking to you, you may give the impression of disinter-est or even disrespect. Of course, it’s important not to overdoit and stare at someone. This can be disconcerting and evenproject hostility.

Culture Distance between Speaker

and Listener in Inches

Middle Eastern 8 to 12

Western European 14 to 16

North American 19

British/Scottish/Irish/Welsh,

Korean, Chinese 24

Japanese 36

FIGURE 8—Appropriatepersonal space varies from culture to culture.


Other body gestures can enhance your interaction with others.A welcoming or parting handshake, for example, is a sign offriendship in American culture; so is patting someone on theback or shoulder. Smiling virtually always conveys friendlinessand approachability, two very important qualities for the officeprofessional.

What are some other body expressions and their commonmeanings?

• Looking upwards and to one side: “I’m thinking aboutsomething.”

• Tapping the hands and/or feet: “I’m getting impatient.”

• Stretching the arms backward or upward: “I’m ready toleave.”

• Holding the stomach in: “I’m feeling anxious and need toget control.”

• Leaning in towards the speaker: “I’m very interested inwhat you’re saying.”

• Leaning away from the speaker: “I’m not remotely inter-ested in what you’re saying,” or “Get out of my personalspace.”

FIGURE 9—Eye contactsends the message thatyou’re interested in whatthe other person has tosay.


One method for interpreting body language is to “turn thevolume down” on a person’s words and “turn the volume up”on the person’s facial expressions and gestures. Concentrateon facial expression, body posture, placement of limbs, andso on. You can practice by watching a video with the volumeturned off. Can you figure out what people are saying andfeeling just by watching them? It can be quite challenging,but will get easier as you practice.

Another way to practice body language analysis is to spendtime in front of the mirror mimicking facial expressions andmovements you’ve seen other people make. Exaggerate themand see how you feel as you do them (Figure 10).

If you’re dealing with a person and wish to confirm your under-standing of a particular nonverbal communication, discuss itwith him or her, but remember not to be rude or judgmental.Use tact—say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’tsay it mean! Avoid playing amateur psychiatrist, and don’tinvade the person’s privacy. Here’s an example:

KEY BODY LANGUAGE TIPS

1. Face your listeners as they speak so you can maintain eye

contact.

2. Stand up straight and avoid slouching.

3. Keep your facial expressions relaxed, or match the other

person’s expression.

4. Speak in a moderate, clear vocal tone. Don’t whisper or

shout.

5. Avoid fidgeting or any other nervous behaviors.

6. Hold your arms at your side or gently folded.

7. Stay an average of one arm’s length away from the person

to whom you’re speaking.

8. Remember that as you’re observing a person’s body language,

he or she may be doing the same.


Rude: You don’t have to cross your arms over your chest, Mr.Somers. None of the other interviewees were a bit nervous!

Tactful: Mr. Somers, you seem anxious. Would you like to sit at this desk and review your materials before yourinterview?

Observing and interpreting nonverbal behavior is especiallyimportant when the body language contradicts the individual’swords. In this case, the individual may be expressing throughnonverbal communication what he or she is unwilling or afraidto say out loud. For example, observe the nonverbal behaviorin Figure 11. What do you think his behavior is saying?

FIGURE 10—Facial expressions are another example of nonverbal communication.


Along with watching and interpreting other people’s nonverbalcommunication, you need to monitor your own. How can youdo this? Ask a friend to record you on video. Have someone takea series of photos of you. Check each one for evidence of non-verbal habits. What can you change or improve?

Traits for Successful Interpersonal Relations

Relating to people means making a connection between youand another person. If you have the following personalitytraits, or if you take the time to develop them, you’ll find iteasier to form positive connections. You must have

• Patience

• Tact

• Courtesy

FIGURE 11—What nonver-bal communication is thisworker expressing?


• Empathy

• Consistency

• Respectfulness

• Honesty

• Sensitivity

Patience is an important interpersonal skill that allows you todeal effectively with other people. It means allowing others towork at their own pace or in their own style, even when thatdiffers from your own. It means not getting irritated or annoyedwhen things don’t go your way.

Tact means doing and saying the right things at the right time.If you’re tactful, you maintain good relations with others byavoiding needless offenses. You need to be perceptive in rec-ognizing your own feelings and those of others. Often, it’s notwhat is said but how it’s said that causes offense. Take careto use an appropriate tone, inflection, and style of speaking.

Courtesy means putting the needs of others before your own.It means cooperating, sharing, and giving. You should treat allpeople in a polite manner—courteously, professionally, andimpartially. Please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me,and may I help you? should be standard phrases in yourvocabulary. Courtesy is intertwined with common decency;you must be careful never to play favorites. Don’t do specialfavors for one coworker that you wouldn’t do for another. Doingso breeds ill will and dissent in the workplace.

Empathy means being able to recognize and understand whatanother person is feeling. When you empathize, you can makethe other person aware that you understand his or her feelings.Empathizing is more than just paraphrasing; it involves boththe basic message and the emotions behind it. In empathizing,the listener not only understands the content of the messagebut also brings out and labels the speaker’s underlying feelings.

Consistency means being reliable and predictable in how yourespond to others. If people know what to expect from you,they’re more likely to trust you and communicate freely with


you. Your coworkers and the executives you work with on adaily basis need to know that they can count on you to do ajob well and follow through when you say you will.

Respect: No matter whom you’re dealing with—your employer,your coworkers, or your clients—it’s essential to be respectfulin your manner and speech. Treating others with respect, andremembering to respond rather than react to them, will inspirepeople to communicate in the same way.

Honesty: Being honest is very important in all of your work-place dealings. Telling a lie of any sort is only going to lead tomore trouble. Keep in mind that it’s okay to tell a client orcoworker that you simply don’t know something, as long asyou immediately offer to find the information elsewhere.Bluffing doesn’t belong in the office.

Sensitivity: Staying aware of people’s needs and feelings willhelp guide you in determining how to respond to them. Mostlikely, people will appreciate your awareness and reflect it backto you as well. Taking the time to congratulate a coworker ona job well done, for example, improves his or her morale andcan make work a more pleasant place for both of you. Takingnotice of a coworker who has a problem and offering to helpcan do the same.

Defense Mechanisms

Psychologists and psychiatrists have identified a number ofdefense mechanisms, which are unconscious adjustments wemake in our behavior in response to people and situations.Defense mechanisms make interpersonal communicationsdifficult. Because you’ll be working with so many differentpeople in so many different situations, it’s important that yourecognize and identify these mechanisms in yourself and inthe people around you.

Repression. Socially unacceptable or painful desires orimpulses are pushed out of the conscious mind into theunconscious, without our being aware of it. These feelingsmay crop up in dreams or in subtle behaviors.


Displacement. Emotions about one person, idea, or situa-tion are transferred to another, seemingly more acceptable or easier target.

Projection. One’s own ideas, feelings, or attitudes are attrib-uted to someone else. For example, you convince yourself thatsomeone else is to take the blame for something because youdon’t want to take the responsibility.

Rationalization. Justifying your actions for “logical” reasons,without really examining the true motives of behavior.

Intellectualization. Again, reasoning is used to avoid thetruth, as a way of denying strong feelings that may be sociallyunacceptable or difficult.

Sublimation. An instinctual desire or impulse is divertedinto a socially acceptable activity.

Temporary withdrawal. Finding ways to avoid dealing withpainful or difficult situations by avoiding that situation.

Malingering. Deliberately pretending to be sick when healthyin order to escape an anxious situation.

Denial. Failing to accept and deal with a traumatic, stress-ful situation by refusing to admit or acknowledge that the situation exists.

Regression. Returning to an earlier mental or behaviorallevel during times of stress.

If on occasion you recognize some of these defense mecha-nisms in yourself or someone else, don’t worry too much.These behaviors are the mind’s natural way of coping withstress. However, habitual use of such defense mechanisms can indicate a need for counseling. Chronic dependence ondefense mechanisms can point to interpersonal communica-tion problems that might be solved if they’re faced andanalyzed.

In the next section, we’ll talk about oral communication skills.Before going on, please check your understanding of whatyou’ve studied so far by completing Self-Check 1.


Self-Check 1

At the end of each section of Interpersonal Communication Skills, you’ll be asked to pause

and check your understanding of what you’ve just read by completing a “Self-Check” exer-

cise. Answering these questions will help you review what you’ve studied so far. Please

complete Self-Check 1 now.

Indicate whether each statement is True or False.

______ 1. Feedback is a return message.

______ 2. Sitting with your arms crossed over your chest always means you’re trying to warm up.

______ 3. To paraphrase, repeat what someone said, word for word.

______ 4. The five components of the communication process are the message, the speaker, the

voice, the listener, and feedback.

______ 5. One of your reference points is the amount of education you have.

______ 6. Body language always reinforces or agrees with the spoken message.

Check your answers with those on page 37.


ORAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

People often list public speaking as their second biggest fear inlife. Yet some form of public speaking is required in virtuallyevery job imaginable. At some time, you may have to presentinformation to coworkers, executives, or perhaps even clients.Being able to speak clearly and well is an integral part of goodcommunication, so knowing the basics will help you do yourjob better. Let’s explore the qualities that are needed for strongoral communication skills.

Articulation

Your professional interactions require you to be articulate, or able to express yourself readily, clearly, and effectively(Figure 12). Your message is going to be lost if it isn’t under-stood. Use concise words, correct grammar and speak in apleasant tone of voice without rushing. Remember to addpauses where you would have commas and periods and don’tbe afraid to pause between statements for emphasis. If yousmile often, that smile will transfer into your voice and pro-mote good business relations.

FIGURE 12—Effectivespeakers use correctgrammar and pronuncia-tion. They also speak at apleasant rate.


What makes a voice pleasing? Proper volume (not too loud, nottoo soft), clear enunciation, good pitch, and a correct speakingrate are the most important elements.

Rate of Speaking

Your rate or pace of speaking can serve as a source of interfer-ence when trying to get a message across. Always strive tospeak at a moderate rate, that is, not too quickly nor tooslowly. You’ll find listeners more attentive to what you have to say when you speak at a moderate rate.

Analyze your voice to see if it needs improvement in this area.How quickly do you speak? Do people often ask you to repeata statement? Do they seem to lose interest when you’re speak-ing? Your voice should sound natural, not affected. If you havea tendency to be a fast talker, slow down. If you speak tooslowly, speed up.

An average rate of speech should be approximately 120 wordsper minute. You can measure your rate of speed by reading thepassage in Figure 13 out loud, taking time to pause where youwould if you were engaged in a conversation. Read the passagethrough silently once or twice to familiarize yourself with thewords. Time yourself. When you finish, divide 600 by the num-ber of minutes it took you to read. Don’t round off to thenearest minute, but to make your math simple, it’s okay toround off to the nearest 15 seconds. For instance, if it takesyou 5 minutes and 15 seconds, divide 600 by 5.25. If it takesyou 5 minutes and 45 seconds, divide by 5.75. A speaker withan average rate of speech will take approximately 5 minutes.


COMMUNICATION BARRIERS

While there are many barriers to effective communication, Thomas Gordon, an expert on inter-

personal communication, has identified 12 of the most common ones. These “conversation

stoppers” are almost guaranteed to block the flow of communication between individuals, and

can even end friendships! How many do you recognize?

Criticizing. Making a negative evaluation of the other person’s actions or attitudes. “You brought

it on yourself; you’ve got nobody else to blame for the mess you’re in,” or “Can’t you do any-

thing right?”

Name-calling. Putting down or stereotyping the other person. “You hardhats are all alike” or

“What a dope!” or “Just like a woman,” or “You’re really dumb.”

Diagnosing. Analyzing why a person’s behaving a certain way; playing amateur psychiatrist.

“You’re just doing that to irritate me,” or “I know just what’s wrong with you,” or “ Just because

you went to college, you think you’re better than I am.”

Praising evaluatively. Being too nice by saying things about a person that are excessive or

aren’t really true. “You’re perfect.” Or “You’re the best typist in the world,” or “I’ve never seen

anything like that report—really fabulous.”

Ordering. Commanding the other person to do what you want to have done. “I want you to

do this report right now. Why? Because I said so!” or “Get these letters out right now and take

your break later.”

Threatening. Attempting to control the actions of others by warning of negative consequences.

“If we don’t get along better, I’m going to tell Mr. Smith about you,” or “You’ll finish that report

tonight or else!” or “Just come in late again and see what happens.”

Moralizing. Telling another person what to do or “preaching” what you believe is right or

proper. “You shouldn’t get a divorce; think about what will happen to the children,” or “You

ought to tell him you’re sorry,” or “You can do much better than that if you try.”

“Bully” questioning. Asking questions that are often conversation stoppers because the

response must be a forced yes or no. “Are you sorry you did it?” or “Well, weren’t you sup-

posed to know that before you attended the meeting?” or “You mean you didn’t take the report

with you?”

Unwelcome advising. Giving the person a solution to a problem even when the person

didn’t ask for one. “If I were you, I’d sure tell her off!” or “That’s an easy one to solve—first

you . . .” or “What you need to do is go to night school.”

Diverting attention. Pushing the other person’s problems aside through distraction. “Don’t

dwell on it, Sarah, let’s talk about something more pleasant,” or “You think you’ve got it bad—

let me tell you what happened to me.”

(Continued)

FIGURE 13—Read this passage aloud to determine your rate of speaking.


Volume, Pitch, and Tone

Your speaking volume is the degree of loudness. The pitch ofyour voice is its highness or lowness of sound. Tone commu-nicates mood or feeling; your voice can have soft, rough, sweet,harsh, excited, bored, and many other qualities. The volume,pitch, and tone of your voice vary according to circumstances.Listen to someone who’s thrilled about something. That person’svoice has a high, louder-than-usual quality to it. Or, listen tosomeone giving a speech over a microphone; the tone is nor-mally lower and richer.

Some people speak so loudly that they blast the listener’seardrums. Others speak so softly that they can hardly beheard. It’s difficult to concentrate on either type of voice. Ofcourse, there are times when shouting and whispering arethe appropriate speaking volumes. But do you shout or whisper when you speak in normal conversation?

Although it’s good to maintain a moderate volume, pitch, and tone in the office, you shouldn’t take moderation too far. Speaking in a monotone voice—one that doesn’t show achange in feeling or pitch—is a quick way to put your listenerto sleep. A voice with variety is more pleasant than a constanthumming sound. Raise and lower your voice as you speak.This variety makes the speaker appear more interesting, and,therefore, the subject appears more interesting. Use a pleasant

COMMUNICATION BARRIERS—Continued

Logical argumentation prematurely. Attempting to convince the other person with an appeal

to factors or logic without knowing the factors involved. “Look at the facts: if you hadn’t left

work early the other afternoon, we would have finished the report and Ms. Smith wouldn’t be

upset,” or “By devoting 20 minutes to opening the mail in the morning and concentrating on

getting all your typing done before lunch, you should be able to spend every afternoon on

changing the files over.”

False reassuring. Trying to stop the other person from feeling negative emotions. “Don’t worry,

it’s always darkest before the dawn,” or “It will all work out okay in the end,” or “There’s no

point in crying over something that you can’t do anything about.”

FIGURE 13—Continued


tone of voice that shows enthusiasm and warmth. Your voicerepresents your personality. Your speech should match thesmile on your face.

The telephone can bring out the worst in people’s voices.Some people who speak at a moderate volume face-to-faceuse the telephone like it’s a bullhorn. Others speak as if theybelieve the telephone wires amplify their voices. Since a sig-nificant part of your job may include answering the phoneand/or making calls, you should make sure that your voiceis at the right level. Ask your friends to spend time with youon the telephone and give you helpful feedback on your vol-ume, tone, pitch and speed (Figure 14).

FIGURE 14—Speaking correctly on the telephone is just as important asspeaking correctly in person.


Enunciation and Pronunciation

In the movie My Fair Lady, the character of Eliza Doolittlerepeated the phrase, “The rain in Spain stays mainly in theplain” over and over. Her manner of speaking made it almostimpossible to understand what she was saying. After enoughpractice and instruction, however, she finally made herselfclearer. In so doing, she learned the art of enunciation andpronunciation.

Enunciation is the way you form your words when you speak.Pronunciation is how you say each syllable. To perform bothproperly, you have to use your lips, teeth, jaw, and tongue. Itcan be hard for you to tell how you sound; we’re used to ourown ways of speaking and may not notice a flaw or problem.To study your voice, read out loud into a tape recorder andthen play it back. How do you sound? Do you notice anythingthat needs work? Don’t stop there. Have someone else listento it, too, and get his or her feedback. You may discover anaccent that you didn’t realize you had!

Avoid the following common mistakes in enunciation andpronunciation.

• Don’t sound a silent h.

heir honest

honor honorable

heiress

• Be sure to sound the h in each of these words.

wharf while

when whip

where whiz

which why

• Distinguish between the sound of ern and ren.

southern eastern

western children

northern brethren


• Don’t confuse per with pre.

perform pretend

persist prevent

perhaps prescription

• Sound the final g, but don’t hang on to it and don’t makeit hard like the g in grunt.

sitting sing

playing ring

dancing thing

• Don’t run words together.

Give me (not gimme) Catch them (not ketch em)

Saw her (not saw r) Don’t you (not doncha)

Let me (not lemme) Might as well (not mize well)

Improving Your Speech

You might look into taking a speech, communication, or acting class to improve your oral communication skills. You may even consider finding a local Toastmaster’s group(www.toastmasters.org). They specialize in helping peopleimprove their speaking abilities. You can also become morearticulate by keeping your ears and eyes attuned to language.Here are a few suggestions.

Listen attentively to those who speak correct, effectiveEnglish. Pay attention to the oral delivery style of newsannouncers, national speakers, and politicians. These peoplehave been coached and taught the elements of strong speak-ing skills, so pattern your speech after theirs. (However, beaware that not all announcers are perfect. You may stumbleupon one who says “innernet” for Internet or “innerview” forinterview.) You might also consider asking a friend, teacher,or coworker who speaks well to listen to you and make sug-gestions (Figure 15).

http://www.toastmasters.org

http://www.toastmasters.org


Listen to audio books. These are narrated by professionalspeakers. Pay close attention to the use of slang, accents, andlocal dialect. Picking out the differences between standardEnglish and these styles is a good way to improve your lan-guage skills.

Become good friends with your dictionary. You’ll encountermany unfamiliar words when you read or talk to others. Don’tlet these new words escape your scrutiny! Look them up in thedictionary and note how they’re spelled and pronounced. Readtheir definitions and try to use them when possible so that theybecome a part of your active vocabulary.

Think positively. Anytime you have to give a speech or pres-entation, visualize yourself giving it wonderfully. See the wordsflowing smoothly and your audience listening and appreciatingyour information. Keep up a positive internal dialogue bytelling yourself, “This speech will go well,” “I’m prepared,organized, and professional,” and, “I know I’m capable ofdoing a good job.” By programming your brain with positiveimages, you effectively enhance your skills and abilities.

FIGURE 15—You mightconsider asking someonewhose opinion yourespect to grade and/or guide you in yourspeaking performance.


Self-Check 2

1. List five barriers to effective communication.

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

2. Give four ways you can improve your oral communication skills.

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

3. Practice saying the following to gain accuracy and precision of pronunciation. Modulate yourpitch and tone in an interesting way.

a. Are our oars here?b. Bring me some ice, not some mice.c. Suddenly seaward swept the squall.d. He saw six long, slim, sleek, slender saplings.e. Amos Ames, the amiable aeronaut, aided in an aerial enterprise at the age of eighty-eightf. Six thick thistle sticks, six thick thistles stick.g. A big black bug bit a big black bear.h. He rejoiceth, approacheth, accepteth, ceaseth.i. Geese cackle, cattle low, crows caw, cocks crow.



INTERACTING WITH OTHERS

Be Professional

All office personnel share the responsibility for making surean office is professional. Not only should your office have anefficient, business-like aura about it, but so should you—atall times. While no one is perfect, doing your best at all timesis expected. This means that in all of your interactions, whetherit’s with coworkers, bosses or clients, you should be

• Honest

• Punctual

• Reliable

• Helpful to others

• Trustworthy

• Wary of gossip

• Appropriately dressed

• Maturely behaved

Interacting with the Office Team

An office staff is very much like a sports team. Everyone worksfor a common goal (winning) but has his or her own specificduties (quarterback, pitcher, forward, etc.). As an integral partof a team, you work with others to achieve the goal of a pro-fessional, successful office (Figure 16). You must be flexible,willing, and able to assume additional duties or assist otherpeople when needed. “That’s not my job” is an expression youshould eliminate from your vocabulary of phrases. Willingnessto help in a pleasant and cooperative manner will earn you thehigh opinions of your coworkers.


Of course, you shouldn’t overstep your boundaries, either.There’s a difference between pitching in and taking over. Don’tever assume that your assistance is needed. Wait until you’reasked.

The ability to cooperate and get along with other people playsa major role in success at the workplace. Your coworkers arepeople you have to work with despite any differences amongyou in personality traits, beliefs, values, and work habits.Problems with your colleagues can result in negative conse-quences, such as subpar work performance, more frequentabsenteeism, and overall job instability. To deal with prob-lems effectively, you’ll have to be dependable, polite, andpatient. You must strive to remain above pettiness and moodi-ness, because the competent office professional doesn’t bringa bad mood to work. Never let your personal problems inter-fere with professional interactions—even if the problem happensto be with a coworker. Remember to put the objectives of yourjob before your personal feelings.

Supervisors generally welcome input from employees. Mostsupervisors hold regular staff meetings so that office staffhave the opportunity to get to know each other, review office

FIGURE 16—The success of any office depends on the quality of teamwork by its staff.


policies and work procedures, and discuss and solve prob-lems. Although meetings can seem tedious, try to view themas excellent opportunities to interact effectively with the otherpeople in your office.

When working with others, keep the following rules in mind:

• Be sensitive to your coworkers’ feelings.

• Adjust your attitude so you can cooperate with fellowemployees.

• Show interest in other people—but not to the point ofgossiping.

• Express appreciation. If someone assists you in someway, show that you’re grateful for the help.

• Be courteous to everyone.

• Be open to new ideas and concepts.

• Keep communication lines open among all staff members.

• Be honest with yourself and others.

• Keep the private business revealed to you by yourcoworkers to yourself.

• If you have a criticism of an employee, take it directly to that person rather than complaining to everyone orspreading rumors. Don’t do it in front of others, either;set a convenient, private time and place to discuss things.

• When misunderstandings occur, clear them up as soonas possible.

• Admit your mistakes and learn from them.

• Accept constructive criticism graciously and with anopen mind.

• Be open to taking work problems to a mediator or objective third party if needed.

• When you talk to your coworkers about a problem,remember to have a dialogue, not a debate. The goal isn’tto win but to get the issue resolved.


Displaying Loyalty and Respect/Working with Others

The company and people you work for are entitled to yourloyalty. When you’re with friends or family, avoid makingnegative or derogatory remarks that could cast an unfavor-able light on any of your coworkers, bosses, or company. Itcould damage their reputation—and yours.

As a member of an office team, your coworkers expect a cer-tain level of professionalism. It’s essential that you make aconcentrated effort to treat all people you meet equally, nomatter what personal feelings you have about the person’srace, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, and so on.

It’s highly likely that you’ll interact with people of different racesand cultures in your job (Figure 17). They may speak and actin ways that are completely new to you. It’s important for youto be tolerant and understanding of these differences and showrespect for every person’s cultural beliefs. Remember that yourbehavior and mannerisms may seem odd to a member ofanother culture. How would you like that person to treat you?

FIGURE 17—Show respectfor all people of all cultures.


Respecting others requires you to be aware of your own beliefsand potential prejudices. Most people don’t think of themselvesas prejudiced. In reality, though, every person has preconceivednotions and biases. It can be hard to see our opinions as prej-udices, because they seem perfectly reasonable to us. However,personal prejudices affect the way we view and treat others.For example, restaurant servers waiting on couples oftenplace the bill in front of the man without asking who is pay-ing. Some people still assume a doctor will be a man and anurse will be a woman, even though both jobs are held byboth genders.

Stereotypes are preconceived ideas about a group of peoplemade without taking individual differences into account.Stereotyping groups people together, assigning them thesame traits and behaviors simply because they belong to a certain social group. Labeling in this way is a symptom ofprejudice.

Office professionals who respect individual differences andhonestly care about people won’t label individuals. If youlearn all you can about other cultural groups, you’ll avoidoffending people who have different ethnic backgrounds.You’ll also earn their respect and confidence in return.

However, what do you do if the prejudice is directed towardyou? By law, employers aren’t allowed to discriminate basedon race, color, national origin, religion, sex, family status,handicap, or age. If you feel discriminated against, youshould contact your state branch of the Equal EmploymentOpportunity Commission (www.eeoc.gov) or the CanadianCommission for Labor Cooperation (www.naalc.org). Discrimi-nation is a very serious charge, though, so be sure of your factsbefore contacting authorities.

Look over the list of the most common types of prejudice thatfollows and ask yourself: Do I subscribe to any of them? If so,make every effort you can to rid yourself of such prejudices.

• Race or ethnic group

• Gender

• Age

• Sexual orientation

http://www.eeoc.gov

http://www.naalc.org


• Handicap or disability

• Religious beliefs or practices

• Non-English-speaking individuals

• HIV-positive individuals, or those afflicted with AIDS

• Weight

• Marital status

• Use of public assistance

• National origin

• Pregnancy


Self-Check 3

1. How is stereotyping a symptom of prejudice?

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

2. List at least five practices that will help you work well with others.

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

3. Name at least three ways you can exhibit professionalism in the office setting.

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

(Continued)


Self-Check 3

Questions 4–10: Match the statement given in the left-hand column to its correct form of

bias in the right-hand column.

______ 4. “What does she know? She’s just a woman.”

______ 5. “We don’t provide maternity leave here.”

______ 6. “Don’t ask her. She’s Jewish.”

______ 7. “I bet she won’t even fit in her desk chair.”

______ 8. “Did you know she’s on welfare?”

______ 9. “Only hire married people. Singles are too unreliable.”

______ 10. “He can’t understand you, so say whatever you want.”


a. weight

b. gender

c. marital status

d. public assistance

e. non-English-speaking

f. pregnancy

g. religious beliefs

Self-Check 11. True

2. False

3. False

4. False

5. True

6. False

Self-Check 21. Any five of the following:

• Criticizing

• Name-calling

• Diagnosing

• Praising evaluatively

• Ordering

• Threatening

• Moralizing

• “Bully” questioning

• Unwelcome advising

• Diverting attention

• Logical argumentation prematurely

• False reassuring

2.

• Listen attentively to those who speak correct English.

• Imitate a favorite radio or television announcer.

• Listen to recordings of popular books.

• Acquire the dictionary habit.

3. Self-check your answers.

37

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sw

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sA

ns

we

rs

Self-Check 31. Stereotyping unfairly groups people together and doesn’t

take individual differences into account.

2. Any five of the following:

• Be sensitive to your coworkers’ feelings

• Adjust your attitude so you can cooperate with fellowemployees.

• Show interest in other people—but not to the point ofgossiping.

• Express appreciation. If someone assists you in someway, show that you’re grateful for the help.

• Be courteous to everyone.

• Be open to new ideas and concepts.

• Keep communication lines open among all staff members.

• Be honest with yourself and others.

• Keep the private business revealed to you by yourcoworkers to yourself.

• If you have a criticism of an employee, take it directlyto that person rather than complaining to everyone orspreading rumors. Don’t do it in front of others either,but set a convenient, private time and place to discussthings.

• If misunderstandings occur, clear them up as soon aspossible.

• Admit your mistakes and learn from them.

• Accept constructive criticism graciously and with anopen mind.

• Be open to taking work problems to a mediator orobjective third party if needed.

Self-Check Answers38

• When you talk to your coworkers about a problem,remember to have a dialogue, not a debate. The goalisn’t to win but to get the issue resolved.

3. Any three of the following:

• Be honest.

• Be punctual.

• Be reliable.

• Be helpful to others.

• Be trustworthy.

• Avoid gossip.

• Dress appropriately.

• Behave maturely.

4. b

5. f

6. g

7. a

8. d

9. c

10. e

Self-Check Answers 39

Interpersonal Communication Skills

Documents

interpersonal skillsthe messages

oral communication skills

interpersonal communication skills

private business revealed

persons facial expressions

persons body language

communication lines open

taking work problems