In Harms Way

I N H A R M S W A YPOEMS ABOUT FUCKING

FREEDOM AND PSYCH WARDS

BY WIN HARMS

B A R N C O T T P R E S S LONDON - AMSTERDAM - PARIS - BELGRADE - NEW YORK -

KATHMANDU - CAPE TOWN

In Harms Way

© Win Harms 2015

Cover photograph © Hideyuki Ishibashi.

Back cover & interior photographs © Nicholas Chase Kessler.

All Rights Reserved

Published in print and ebook editions

Barncott Press 2015.

ISBN (Europe): 13: 978-1516857227

ISBN (USA): 10: 1516857224

www.barncottpress.com

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION 1

80 PROOF LOVE 3

HEADS 4

TAILS 5

AMERICAN BOY 7

AUGUST BABY 8

CHICAGO WARD 10

BEAT POEM 11

CONFESSION 13

CULTURE SHOCK 14

DEAD DAUGHTER 17

DEAD ROSES 18

DEATH BY TV 19

DELUSION 20

DROWNING 21

EDGE OF EXISTENCE 22

ELEKTRA EUPHEMISMS 24

FEAR 26

IGNITED 28

INFIDELITY IN ATLANTIC CITY 29

MIDWEST TATTOO 30

SO THERE IT WAS 31

STOWAWAY 32

SUNRISE 34

THOSE WERE THE DAYS 35

UNDER CONTROL 15

About the Author 17

* This a free sample from ‘In Harms Way’

by Win Harms (Barncott Press 2015),

available in print and ebook editions.

Full purchasing details are here.

INTRODUCTION

What do audiences look for in a young woman poet

after the teen angst is gone and with it the cutting,

the Ritalin, the Prozac, junkie chic and bitten red

finger nails?

Does the reader want a pithy, twelve-step

renaissance somewhere around the late twenties,

neatly swallowing the feminist pill like it’s the

gateway drug to embracing the sisterhood of female

poets?

But what if you are like writer of poems, Win

Harms, with a heat-seeking bullshit detector who

doesn't give a shit about feminism because chivalry

can't be dead if you've never heard of it.

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2

80 PROOF LOVE

i was dreaming of conclusion when i heard the

crash of a hard drive mind in a yellow raincoat

his dreams got squared by a second grade

teacher who kicked a girl out of class for

having cool ideas she says that kids don’t live

the way they should radical plans to rule the world

i’d run away to canada but i hate the cold

eyes of his girlfriend as he sneaks a look in

my direction and in his mind i’m running my hands

across his thighs i could not help to crucify her in

a drunken state on a cross made of bedposts

let her die for my sins it plays a trick on my mind

i think it’s his knock but white trash climb in my bed

and whisper hell into my head if i could get away

i would believe in god since it would take a miracle

to yank me away from an 80 proof love

i chased the tequila sunrise with a three

month hangover and i was handcuffed to the

steering wheel with my own addictions

i saw him die that night with a head full of acid

and a stain on his shirt somehow we made it back

and i could swear the pavement was melting

as she drove past the motel for the seventh time

i wanted the gun that held me the night before

but it was too late for we were already dead

3

HEADS

sugar dew drop in your words (not unlike happy tears

running down my sunburned cheeks) to live? Not to live?

that is not a question now nor will it ever be again

characteristically speaking, something about you

travels over my skin like grave dancers and an ocean wave

ecstasy over your curls (creating palpitations with every

touch and never floating far from my mind)

angels covet or want as, covet is sin,

your sun kissed smile and lights (maybe even stars)

brighten when you arrive

4

TAILS

transcendent behavior marked by soft words

could i fall so readily? so out of time and out

of touch? goddess on my knees you or

maybe not you (maybe the illusion of you in

my world running faster than sounds) force against

me while the grass turns a shade of love in the

summertime as rain whispers your name in my ear

grasping sugar sunshine in the cool wet places

only you know, only i know we comprehend

illusions not found in the common eye

5

6

AMERICAN BOY

today or tomorrow

while you are were out

we said the pledge

of allegiance

hands over our hearts

eyes on the flag or

gazing out the window

not hearing the poetry

of such majestic words

he speaks without a clue

i thought i loved him once

blond hair blue eyes

off soon to fight

in a civil war our fathers

did not start but joined

just the same

now he stands

the perfect american boy

7

AUGUST BABY

august baby and i know where you are

still i keep searching for traces of you

the crossword puzzle spells out your

favorite color

i catch a taste of you in the

candy aisle at seven eleven

every poem i’ve written before or after you

sounds like your breath as you asked me

is the captain at home?

i saturated myself with you

in the spring time

i let my life explode like fireworks

as we watched the ashes

falling to the ground

we went big then you went home

while i was left with a

red suitcase and an empty flask

still i keep screaming your name

8

9

CHICAGO WARD

edwin chased razor blades with pinesol

miguel is a chronic masturbator who said

come with me, you want to do sex?

miriam punched me twice, hard

i took lithium and clonopin

with no one to stop me but myself

and now I’m sitting here with these

ghosts, shells of the person you were

i can’t even call so you can

laugh at me

while i wear the pajama pants

the woman who read us our vows wore

800 miles and three suicide attempts

(one successful, two not)

away from a beautiful day in march

ten years ago we thought

crazy could be cured

now the man has become the myth

and the woman has been left a widow

10

BEAT POEM

i numb my mind with cartoons and high grade marijuana

spouting off outrageous claims like “i am going to kill the

president” or

“i am the chosen one; the sun god told me so”

i am a caffeine fiend and nicotine queen

ex (future) junkie whore if this bit doesn’t work

i remember everything, even the things i say i don’t

every second of this comedy called life

where everyone is seeking mysteries but

forgetting about reality

i see the beauty in all: art, poetry, hoboes, and

naked people dancing in the street

i see the hazy visions

i can never tell for i am the keeper of the children

each and every one of you i am the mother, protector

i am always there, waiting for you

the scandals that surround me are true

i am only half angel

the shadows find me, too

but i know the way

the rest we’ll catch as catch can

burn the flags and smoke the pipes

run with the hunted and hide in the light

11

12

CONFESSION

this confession, long overdue, is not sordid and sad

in our confusion and grief one turns the ordinary into

dare i say fantastic? in time the mystery starts to

unravel, and it is seen that life is synonymous with

love, death, beauty, hatred, sex, hunger, greed, and

standing before everything the ever present IF or

GOD the entity that created and drives all living things \a monarchy for people who fear themselves and the horrid

truth that goes with looking yourself in the eyes crying when it is better to laugh and hanging on others as if they are the only thing that can bring you to your  light (she sighed at this

point in her drunken rambling to point out that despite what she said when she was fourteen, true love does exist, and a

long island iced tea was the only appropriate way to honor dead friends) confession... i have seen the light and it isn’t far away just give me your oceans and shores, your

mountains and your trees!!!! i will bow down and at these things my spirit is free even if my hands are bound now i bid

you a fine fare well and may your

journeys be as cluster-fucked and chaotic as mine

13

14

UNDER CONTROL

my bruises were the color of revenge in a pinkish

tone revenge for words i didn't say words he heard

years ago from some nobody walking down the

street like some kind of hard ass but i got a knife held

to my throat as he told me to take off my clothes i

guess i shouldn't come here anymore i never learn

those days were things i couldn't dream my mind

was liquid and my hands shook what's your name

little girl? but i wasn't little i was 36-24-36 and i could

rule the world once he took me aside and said don't

you worry your pretty little head you want it you got

it and and i was a PRINCESS running down the

street from screeching tires that chased me across

town and finally caught up thrown in the backseat

with a half breed who kissed my neck and took my

money my freedom my life everything will be a.g.

'cause we got it all under control... and there i lie on

this hotel bed watching him convulse from some

kind of overdose but he'll be fine 'cause they got it

UNDER CONTROL and i took a 40 oz to quench

my thirst as i heard my name in his plans i wanna talk

and i sighed knowing no words would come from

these lips because i never had a conversation that

involved words when they had me under control

15

Win Harms. Photo: Amy Richman.

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About the Author

Win Harms is a poet living in France. She hails from

the state of the cowboy poetry contest, but  she has lived pretty much everywhere, including many psych

wards, and considers herself a survivor of the struggle. The chaos has ceased and now she spends her time doing needlepoint and laundry, but longs to share her

words with the world. As of last year, she left her roaring twenties, and is now feeling fecund and free.

She regularly posts new poems on her website: www.winharms.wordpress.com/

Also by Win Harms:

‘October 22’ (Barncott Press 2014)‘Boys and Booze’ (Hand-bound, 2015)

* This a free sample from ‘In Harms Way’

by Win Harms (Barncott Press 2015),

available in print and ebook editions.

Full purchasing details are here.

BARNCOTT PRESS

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