Etiquette IFT2011

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Professional Etiquette IFT 2011

1. First Impressions

Its no secret that you never get a second chance to make a first impression, which is why its so

important to put your very best foot forward when meeting a potential mate for the first time. Despite

the inevitable pressure that accompanies this truth, making a good first impression doesnt have to beas hard as it may seem. Just do your best to stay relaxed, have fun and consider the points below.

First impressions are fundamentally superficial in nature. Within just a few seconds of meeting

someone for the first time, our initial judgments of that person tend to be based primarily on

appearances. How you present yourself will have a profound impact on the kind of impression you

will make so pay close attention to wardrobe and personal hygiene. Depending on the planned

activity, dress appropriately but in a manner that stays true to your personality and style. Be sure that

your hair is properly groomed and that your breath is fresh. If you use fragrances, be careful not to

overdo it. Keep in mind that some people are hypersensitive to scents. Oh and dont forget the all-

important, stress-resistant deodorant to combat the pungent aroma of first date jitters!

Be aware of your own body language. We interact with other people, in part, by subconsciously taking

cues from our interpretation of their body language. This is why you should be conscious of the

signals that your own body is sending out. Facial expressions contribute significantly to this message

so smile often but sincerely. Keep it natural because most people can usually spot a fake smile pretty

easily. Avoid the urge to look around the room nervously by making frequent eye contact. You should

also pay attention to your posture. Slouching should be avoided but try not to be too stiff either. A

natural, relaxed stance is your best bet.

Break the ice by initiating a conversation. Ask questions and listen attentively. Try to identify common

areas of interest so that you can elaborate on them and keep the conversation flowing. Avoid bringingup controversial topics during a first encounter. Not to say that you should limit yourself to basic

small talk but you should do your best to stick to neutral ground in order to avoid potentially striking

a nerve. Just let your intuitions guide you.

Finally, we come to the most essential part of making a good impression, which is undeniably

authenticity.Honesty is key in this regard. Despite the inevitable awkwardness of a first meeting,

dont be afraid to flaunt your true self in your entire quirky splendor. If you let your personality shine

through, you are sure to make the best of all possible impressions.

2. Body LanguageIn many social situations, positive interactions are often based more heavily on what your body issaying than on what may come out of your mouth. Of course its important to speak clearly and

intelligently but because a great number of social exchanges occur through non-verbal means, it is

equally important to understand the nature of body language and how it can work for you.

Body language refers to a form of communication that uses non-verbal cues such as physical

movement, gestures and facial expressions. Though usually performed mostly on a subconscious

level, these cues can easily influence the way in which the general public will perceive any given

person. Becoming familiar with the way that body language works will inevitably help you use it to

your advantage in social situations. Unlike verbal expression, however, body language is much less

predictable, not to mention significantly more vulnerable to misconceptions.

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There is no exact science when it comes to interpreting body language and outside factors can also

play a role so be sure to keep an open mind. Much of the information available about body language

today can be somewhat misleading in that it sometimes fails to recognize individual differences and

levels of understanding. Every person and situation is unique and should be treated as such. As a

general rule of thumb, remember that the better you are at speaking body language, the more skilledyou will become at interpreting it accurately from other sources.

The most effective way to hone your non-verbal communication skills is to cultivate an ongoing

awareness of the signals that you are sending out. Initially, this task should focus strictly on personal

observation. Pay close attention to your posture, habits, facial expressions and gestures. Do you make

a lot of eye contact? Are you more likely to tense up in certain situations than in others? Do you smile

naturally and often? If you dont think you can be objective in this practice, ask a close friend or

family member to offer an honest perspective. Once you have gained some insight, evaluate your

findings to determine which behaviors elicit the most effective responses and which ones may need to

be consciously monitored or modified. Though culture and context both play a critical role in the

interpretation of body language, there are some common elements to consider.

A genuine sense of relaxation allows the body to convey a more positive message. If you find yourself

feeling stiff or tense in any given situation, make a conscious effort to loosen up. You also want to try

and avoid fidgety behavior since this is typically viewed in a negative light. The ability to appear

relaxed and comfortable will undoubtedly make others perceive you as a more approachable person. It

is very important to seem approachable as this greatly enhances your odds of making new social

and/or romantic connections. On the other hand, it is usually easy to tell if someone is trying too hard

to seem relaxed so do your best to act as naturally as possible.

The most telling messages delivered by your body tend to originate in your eyes and on your lips. Eye

contact is a tricky operation to master but if used correctly, it can be a very effective tool to use during

social interactions. Whenever possible, make it a point to look people in the eyes frequently but

without lingering so much that it becomes uncomfortable for both of you. Knowing how often and for

how long is the trickiest part. Unfortunately, there is no universal answer to this conundrum. Your best

bet is to simply let instinct and personal judgment be your guide.

Last but not least, smile regularly and genuinely. There is no symbol in the body language inventory

more valuable or more widely accepted and understood than an honest and natural smile. Not only

does it add significantly to the approachability factor but it also communicates a sense of warmth and

authenticity. Best of all, smiles tend to be highly infectious and rarely go unreturned!

SMILE......SMILE......and SMILE......

3. How to Build Trust

Trust is a difficult concept to define. There is some debate over whether it is a mental state or an

action but in the spirit of simplicity, I will define trust as a relationship of confidence between people

who hold certain expectations about how the other will behave.

Though it is a double-edged sword in many ways, trust is an important feature of friendship relation.

It is extremely difficult, if not outright impossible, for a relationship to really flourish without it.

Because trust is so fragile, however, it requires a certain level of emotional risk and is prone to being

broken easily. Nobody likes to feel betrayed, which is why some people find it particularly hard to

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trust others, a problem that is often compounded by insecurity as well as painful experiences.

It is important to note that as with most things in life, there is a danger of over-indulging. It is possible

to trust too much or to put trust into someone that does not deserve it. But if you are just starting out

with a new partner who has not previously betrayed you and you want to establish a healthy andtrusting relationship with that person, there are some things that you can do to improve your chances

of success. Try to keep an open mind, watch out for insecurity, and consider the suggestions below.

Text Messaging and Cell Phone Etiquette

Cell phones have become such a crutch for people, it boggles the mind. Not only can a phone pre-

occupy you by taking away your focus, as in a car accident waiting to happen wherein I recommend

a blue-tooth. Cell phones can completely remove you from the here and now at a gathering and

virtually transport you away from those you are surrounded by.

At recent dinner parties I have witnessed grown men checking the score of the ballgame and

checking off their to-do lists. This breach of etiquette occurred coming on the heels of them telling

their children to stop texting friends and turn off their phones.

On a recent trip to Disneyland I was dismayed at the groups of teens parading around the park.

Typically there would be a group of five to six kids. All of them would proceed around the theme

park as a crowd but few of them would carry on conversations with each other. Every one of them

had their own cell phone and all were talking on them. Here was a group of kids who ended up

spending time together and none of them were conversing with the person next to them. They would

rather talk to the person who wasnt there. Whats up with that?

Sadly, its not just adolescents and wayward husbands who have decided to forego manners in order

to communicate with someone who opted out of an event. We were out with a group of people for a

birthday. There were a number of us so we were spread out at multiple tables. One gal at the table

next to us kept getting up and heading to the ladies room. As I entered the bathroom later, I saw that

she was texting someone. I asked if it was someone who was supposed to be at the party. Then I

asked if it was someone who was on their way.

No, she said, just someone to talk to. I commented that shes at a table with 10 of her friends.

Cant she talk to any of them? Well, she responded, this one I can talk to just her.

I shook my head and thought, Shes not even talking to her. Shes using text. Whats the deal?

Etiquette dictates that you consider the people around you. That means physical proximity. Embrace

the people you are with. Embrace the moment you find yourself with these people. What happens

when you get together with the person you are conversing with or texting? Are you going to

disregard them so you can talk and/or text the people you are with right now? Wheres the logic in

that?

Dont give five people who are physically around you the message that you dont appreciate their

company and would rather have someone elses attention. The short-sightedness of this is so obvious

an explanation is hardly necessary.

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If you find yourself talking to someone over the phone ask yourself why youre not with them and

why you chose to be where you are. Would you rather be with the person you are conversing on the

phone with or the people you are around? If you want to hang out with the person on the other end of

the phone then go to them and leave the party. Its not like youre acting like a real guest anyway.

Proper Interview EtiquetteThe unemployment rate is closing in on 10%. Its projected that by summers end over 10% of our

population will be unemployed. This stat is not to shake you up but to encourage you to check out

how to interview well. Properly and snag that job out there before someone else swoops in. Interviews

are stressful. There is no denying that. For the seasoned actor who still gets butterflies before going

onstage, the job seeking pro still gets stressed. In fact, its said that when the actor stops getting the

proverbial butterflies, its time to get a new job. Being nervous is natural and simultaneously keeps

you on your toes. Going into an interview relaxed can come off as cocky and its quite possible youll

be off your game.

Before you arrive (perhaps a day or two before) scout out where you are going. This way youll know

how long it takes to get there. You will see how people at the office dress. If you go in, you might find

some literature on the company. There may be an annual report, newsletter or a sales brochure. If you

havent been told already, you can find out the name of the person you are interviewing with. If they

are prominent with the company go to the company website and check out their credentials.

Appearance is key to making a positive first impression. It used to be that a coat and tie or power suit

was necessary. Now you can wear almost anything. Its just up to the company. Thats why doing a

little homework is key. Make sure your hair is clean and combed. Likewise, your nails should beclean and trimmed. Ladies, that chipping nail polish will distract you and your interviewer. It could

also be an irritant when you discover that when you are nervous you pick at your peeling polish. Its

best to not have any polish at all. When choosing your clothing, go for conservative over glamorous.

If you are unsure of a companys dress code, overdress (as in a skirt and top) rather than under dress

(as in slacks and t-shirt). You want to arrive at least 10 minutes early. Turn off your cell phone. Finally

do not assume the person who greets you is the receptionist. At all times remain humble and gracious.

Regardless of who you meet first, assume everyone at this company (not just your potential boss) will

have a say in hiring you.

When it comes to personal appearance, what you wear and how you wear it will speak volumes. You

may adore your wildly streaked hair. And your lip ring may really say who you are. Your potentialhire, however, may interpret these outward shows of individuality as rebellion and a lack of wanting

to work as a cohesive unit. You have every right to be who you are. Every company, on the other

hand, has just as much right to say that pierced eye brows are not the image they are trying to project.

You will have to decide if the job or your personal style is more important.

Grooming is as important as wearing appropriate attire. Press your clothes and make sure they are

clean. Shine your shoes. Look for missing buttons, tears and hanging threads. Keep hair done and

clean and make-up simple. Deodorant is important but abstain from perfume and cologne.

During the interview make a professional and positive first impression. You can start by being on

time. There are no exceptions to this rule. If you are unrepentantly late it reflects poorly on you. It's

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better to call and offer to reschedule.

Introduce yourself first to the receptionist. Dont assume they know who you are. Even if you were

there just yesterday, walk in, smile, introduce yourself and say who you are there to meet with. There

is nothing more awkward than having people ask who you are. So eliminate the challenge.Smile and look your interviewer in the eye. Give a firm handshake and address them by their name.

Reinforce how positive and considerate you are by calling them by their name at least once. Speak

clearly and effectively. Dont mumble and avoid the ums, you knows and slang that would

scream how young and inexperienced you really are. Use your words appropriately. Dont try to

incorporate your word of the day. Using complete sentences and enunciating will place you head and

shoulders above overly techie verbiage and terms.

At the end of the interview call them by their name and thank them for their time. Look them in the

eye and shake their hand. Follow up with a short thank you note.

How to Dress For Success

Here's How:1. Wear a solid color conservative suit with a coordinated shirt or blouse

2. Wear moderate shoes

3. Make sure your hair is well groomed and neat

4. Don't overdo the perfume, makeup, cologne or after shave

5. Limit your jewelry

6. Make sure to try on your outfit BEFORE the day of the interview

Tips:

1. Your clothes are your image, check the mirror and see what others see2. It is better to be overdressed than underdressed

How to Dress for an Interview

The first impression you make on a potential employer is the most important one. The first judgment

an interviewer makes is going to be based on how you look and what you are wearing. That's why it's

always important to dress professionally for a job interview, even if the work environment is casual.

You'll want that first impression to be not just a good one, but, a great one. The candidate dressed in a

suit and tie is going to make a much better impression than the candidate dressed in scruffy jeans anda t-shirt.

a. Men's Interview Attire Suit (solid color - navy or dark grey)

Long sleeve shirt (white or coordinated with the suit)

Belt

Tie

Dark socks, conservative leather shoes

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Little or no jewelry

Neat, professional hairstyle

Limit the aftershave

Neatly trimmed nails

Portfolio or briefcase

b. Women's Interview Attire

Suit (navy, black or dark grey)

The suit skirt should be long enough so you can sit down comfortably

Coordinated blouse

Conservative shoes

Limited jewelry (no dangling earrings or arms full of bracelets)

No jewelry is better than cheap jewelry

Professional hairstyle Neutral pantyhose

Light make-up and perfume

Neatly manicured clean nails

Portfolio or briefcase

c. What Not to Bring to the Interview

Gum

Cell phone

ipod

Coffee or soda

If you have lots of piercings, leave some of your rings at home (earrings only, is a good rule) Cover tattoos

d. Interview Attire Tips

Before you even think about going on an interview, make sure you have appropriate interview

attire and everything fits correctly.

Get your clothes ready the night before, so you don't have to spend time getting them ready on

the day of the interview.

If your clothes are dry clean only, take them to the cleaners after an interview, so they are

ready for next time.

Polish your shoes.

Bring a breath mint and use it before you enter the building.

2. Teen Interview TipsThe key to successful teen interviewing is to do exactly what a professional candidate for employment

would do. That's the best way to make a positive impression on a prospective employer and to

enhance your chances of the getting the job.

I worked with a teen going on her first interview for a volunteer position, and she got a job offer on

the spot. Why was it so easy? She dressed appropriately, answered questions in an informed manner,

had questions to ask the interviewer, and, in general, made a very good impression on the interviewer.

These teen interview guidelines will help you make just as good an impression:

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For part-time or summer, non-professional, job is a little different from applying for a full-time

professional position. Dress should be, at the least, neat and tidy. Business casual is usually

appropriate. For example, khakis and a neat tucked in polo shirt would work well. Your shoes should

be moderate and you should avoid extreme hairstyles or colors. Also, keep makeup and perfume to a

minimum. No jeans or shorts, no tank tops, crop tops, or anything especially low cut (shirt or pants)or too short (skirt or blouse) - keeping everything professional is a must.

Etiquette at Work

How common courtesy and good manners can increase productivity and sales in the work place.

Business Etiquette

Good business creates more good business. Likewise bad business well, you get the picture. Proper

business etiquette first and foremost entails paying attention to others. Your others may include

customers who you take care of, business contacts whos business you either want or want tomaintain and finally co-workers, who you work with and see on a regular basis. Business etiquette

runs a similar path to good business practice, which includes responsibility, accountability and

energy.

Etiquette requires that you are responsible for your actions. Whether you do something right or

wrong, taking responsibility for your actions puts the power of success in your hands. This success

requires graciousness on your part. Being gracious does not mean pointing fingers. Neither does it

mean beating your chest in an effort to draw attention when you feel you have done a stellar job.

Graciousness considers your response to others. The most successful business person asks, What

can I do to resolve the situation? When things go wrong you graciously take responsibility by

stepping forward, making things right and moving on. When success seems to follow your path youagain show grace by looking at what you have done, improve on it, and move forward. Notice

nowhere did the word boast come into play.

Next, accountability is a key ingredient to your successful business etiquette repertoire. To be

accountable is more than being responsible. You need to do what you say you are going to do. And

you need to go above and beyond whats expected of you. Followers do the minimum of what is

expected of them. And they are compensated accordingly. Going above and beyond allows you to be

above reproach. Titus 2:6-8 reminds us: Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In

everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness

and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed

because they have nothing bad to say about you. Accountability has its paybacks too. It allows youto expect reciprocity. Your karma improves. Good juju follows you because you are instilling a work

ethic that cannot be questioned.

Finally, laziness is the ultimate business etiquette faux pas. We need to tap into a flow ofenergy that

allows us to succeed big. Remember this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and

whoever sows generously will also reap generously 2 Corinthians 9:6. This doesnt just apply to

service and hospitality. All business benefits from a service mentality. Rather than thinking whats

the least amount of effort expected of me? Or, how little work do I need to do to accomplish this

task? Consider efficiency and expediency. Sowing small equates with time and effort. Sow

generously and youre considering time management, those around you, and your future

relationships.

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Business etiquette is not so different from that of dining, emailing, driving or speaking. In all areas of

life you want to consider the thoughts and feelings of those around you. Proper business etiquette is

not elusive or only for those whove received their MBA. You can be successful in all areas of

business by taking responsibility for your actions. Be accountable to your business contacts by goingabove and beyond whats expected of you. Finally, tap into the timeless law of sowing and reaping.

Whether you believe in karma, juju or fate, youll find that proper business etiquette reaps success.

Greeting VisitorsWhen making introductions can be one of the more stressful aspects of good etiquette. A sense of

confidence thus making introductions important. Knowing the correct procedures involved in various

types of introductions are important. Practicing beforehand will give you a sense. While one usually

knows to use the correct honorific and/or title(s) when making formal introductions, one is often

unsure which person should be introduced first. What are the guidelines? Better yet, are there

guidelines?

The basic guideline is to introduce the most important person last. Of course, now you want to know

how to judge importance. Like any other etiquette problem its all situational. Will your introduction

involve business acquaintances, friends and family, guests at a party, or perhaps more than one of

each? The main rule concerning importance is the same; we just need to understand the various

levels of importance.

In a business situation the person of least authority would be introduced to the person of greater

authority. For example: Mr. Smith, I would like you to meet Ms. Jones, our newest customer service

representative. Ms. Jones, this is Mr. Smith, our vice-president in charge of operations. While vice-

president of operations is an important position, if you are introducing a possible client then your V.P.would take the lesser role as in: Ms. Doe, this is Mr. Smith, our vice-president in charge of

operations. Mr. Smith, this is Mrs. Doe, who is considering using our firm to advertise her new thing-

a-ma-jig line. In business (at least good business) all customers, and possible customers, out-rank

everyone up to, and including, the CEO.

At home, as a rule, you would introduce a family member to a guest. However, being the good

southerner that I am, Mama comes first. So I would introduce Ursula and Fred to my mother, then

introduce my other family members to Ursula and Fred. I would also include some general bits of

information about each person during the introductions.

At a party the question Who is the more important person? can become confusing. A few basic

rules can help one to wade through these murky waters. If the gathering is large, it is perfectly correct

to introduce yourself to others present if your host(ess) is busy. Men are introduced to women.

Introduce the younger person to the elder. Introduce the lay-person to the Doctor, Judge, Reverend or

Priest. Introduce the single woman to the married woman. (Archaic I know, but, theres no arguing

with custom.) Remember to also add a little general information about the people you are

introducing. Hobbies, types of employment or common interests are the usual tidbits that help get

conversations started.

HOW TO DRESS:

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Office Attire and the Need for a Suit

Our society is becoming more relaxed. Our cars lack the behemoth size of former years and are

getting smaller and more efficient. Likewise, our clothing manufacturers are eliminating the need for

layers. We now have shirts and socks which can wick away moisture while simultaneously keep uswarm and dry. In many ways less has become more. Even in the case of office attire we are wearing

less and becoming more relaxed in our choice of clothing. Many younger corporations have made

business casual attire trendy and acceptable. Three-piece suits have been replaced with Chinos and a

button down. Ties are becoming obsolete, as are Wingtips. Except in the most formal of office settings

is a suit necessary anymore. The vest was eliminated first, followed by the tie. The blazer is nice to

have but just gets in the way. Nowadays you can get by with a button down, slacks and some nice cuff

links.

We all, however, need one or two suits in our wardrobes. Whether we are men or women, we all need

a good, actually fantastic, suit to meet societal needs. Why, you ask? And just what might those

societal needs be in this new millennium of ours? How about funerals and weddings for a start?

People are united every day and, sadly, people depart from our lives. Both occasions call for a show

of respect on our part and the gift of dignity for which the occasion is for.

When attending a somewhat formal affair, a suit is never overkill and you will never look too polished

or over dressed. Having one suit for men or in a womans case a skirt suit in your closet actually

allows you to show up to an event with just the person for whom you are there for on your mind.

There is nothing cool about showing up to a wedding in jeans and a t-shirt or some mini skirt and

tank youd wear to a bar. And omitting a blazer or proper jacket to a funeral is not going to help the

grieving during their time of need. No one cares if jeans are your style. This occasion in life, as are

most of lifes events, is not about you. This is your opportunity to show the world that you have thecapacity to demonstrate consideration for others while simultaneously declaring that you didnt just

show up for the free food.

We all hear the lamenting that you cant afford to dress like that. Trust me, though, its quite doable.

For the financially challenged you can piece a great suit of clothes together. Although one great suit is

wonderful to begin with and then you expand from there, heres a way to put your wardrobe to work

for you. Begin with the shirt. You want a long sleeve button down. Go to a mens or womens

department and find one that is of good quality and fits. Often this requires asking for help. Whether it

be the person behind the counter, your significant other (great date opportunity) or your mother, get a

qualified second opinion. Start with the basic white shirt. And learn to press it yourself. It saves time,

money and helps the environment.

Now that youve conquered the shirt, your next step is locating either slacks or a skirt. Again consider

the quality of the fabric and the fit. You want pants to break at the right place above your shoes and

to be the proper length in back. Skirts need to fit well also and be of a more conservative length. As

for color, go for black first as its timeless. Navy is extremely corporate but will look good. Again

keep it pressed, hung and ready at a moments notice.

Next is the blazer which needs to match the pants. And remember shoes. Get a pair that are

comfortable but go well with the shirt. Consider getting a pair of shoe trees to keep your shoes in

good condition. Again consult with authorities, get a second opinion and go for a timeless, classic

look

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You are now set and lacking in excuses. Dressed for success, you can entertain the idea of getting a

decent gift rather than working at justifying your sad attire. Considering others rather than working to

justify your lack of decorum is a freeing experience. Taking the opportunity to show respect when the

occasion calls for it allows you to be more relaxed and either enjoy the moment or reach out to others,depending on the occasion. Congratulations, youve just mastered office attire too.

Semi-casual Attire

Where semi-formal is a step down from formal, semi-casual is a step up from casual. One can

typically list types of dress like this:

Sweats

Jeans

Casual

Semi-casualSmart casual

Business casual

Cocktail

Semiformal

Formal

Black tie

Lines tend to blur when the office calls for business casual during the week and jeans on Friday. There

are times Ive been surprised and somewhat appalled that someone in corporate America would

equate casual Friday with actually wearing sweats and a t-shirt. Im honest, however, when I say Iveseen it happen.

When asked to dress semi-casual, you are not to dress like a slob. Etiquette would dictate that

although your favorite jeans with the holes in the knees and frayed hem are your most comfortable,

you are not going to produce your best work in clothing you can easily take a nap in.

Both men and women in todays more relaxed society are arriving at work in what can only be

described as sweats. Its amazing to think that someone would actually think they can work in

clothing they would probably not wear to the grocery store as it might offend your neighbor yet you

will wear the sweats and Grateful Dead t-shirt to your place of employment.

Proper semi-casual dress may include loafers or cap toe shoes. At times you can wear sandals in warm

weather. Socks should be dark with mens loafers. Women can wear lighter stockings but should opt

to not go stocking free unless you are wearing sandals.

Pants can be a smooth material. In colder weather, however, you can wear corduroy. Skirt or dresses

for women is allowed. Button-down dress shirts, sweaters or polo shirts are great for men. Men may

also wear a necktie but its not expected.

For a casual affair such as church, dinner at a friends home or casual dining, a nice jacket or sweater

for men is best. For ladies, a nice slacks outfit or dress works. A top/skirt combination can be

appropriate, but dress it up with a little jewelry or scarf. Dont over do it, though.

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As for outerwear, any kind of coat or hat goes fine. A long, formal top coat is not necessary. Opt for a

shorter, sportier version. A cute pair of gloves work too. Of course a top hat or Easter bonnet would be

decidedly over the top.

Accessories should be kept to a minimum. Excessive jewelry is unnecessary with semi-casual dress.

Casual Friday

Casual Friday: What does it really mean?

Casual Friday might mean jeans but does it equate with what you wear to paint your bathroom. So

whats the deal?

Companies everywhere have adopted a casual Friday attire specification. For some offices, casual

Friday equates with this is the only day jeans are acceptable. For others offices, this means ties are

optional, pants can be opted for skirts and you dont have to wear your suit coat to meetings. For

many offices, Chinos and a button-down take the place of a suit for men. Slacks and a nice top replace

the business suit for women.

Regardless of the actual specifications of your office, casual Friday still takes place at work. The

workplace is a domain where productivity is key. If you opt to wear something that detracts from your

ability to perform your job well, as a person who considers the fact that your job, and the ability with

which you perform it, reflects the type of person you are you need to consider just what casual really

means. Aside from the examples described above, There are many things casual Friday does not

mean. First, casual Friday does not ever mean what you might choose to wear if you are going topaint your bathroom or clean out your garage. It also does not mean something you would typically

wear to your childs ball game. Finally, when considering casual Friday and how to keep your job

productivity up, clothing that distracts others, such as t-shirts with offensive language or revealing

clothing is not appropriate for the workplace, ever.

If you wouldnt wear it to meet with your friends at a coffee shop or have breakfast in something

other than a greasy spoon then dont wear it to the office. How about what youd wear to the post

office and grocery store? Well, if you wear your sweats to these public places, dont think that means

its acceptable in the workplace.

Out for drinks with friends? Yes. Not the sleazy aspect, but definitely the I want to make a favorable

impression to a stranger and dont want to embarrass my friends look. I you wouldnt meet yourfriends for drinks after work because your decision to wear jeans with a sweatshirt ala soccer mom,

then you may want to rethink if its appropriate for the office.

Bottom line, you dress for the office to be ready for business. Theres something about wearing a suit

which puts you in the proper mind frame for the office. Sweats may be comfortable, but that kink of

comfort begs for a nap at noon after reading the morning paper. Thus, sweats, like naps dont equate

with efficient office mind thought. If its unproductive, leave it at home and chose a more business-

type outfit.

Dressing for a Company Party

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Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, New Years. There are many reasons to throw a party and the

Holidays in general is when we all get that opportunity to attend one relatively large soiree. A typical

get together when winter is upon us is the Company Party. Lots of times its to celebrate all things

Holiday. Often a company will utilize this opportunity to highlight their achievements and proclaim

goals for the upcoming New Year.

Regardless of the reason, you have the opportunity to see your co-workers and boss and other

employees you may not know outside of the office environment. Its a great chance to see people you

see often with their spouse or significant other. You get to have a sip and a nibble on the companys

dime, which is always a nice perk. And you will have the opportunity to finally wear that great outfit

youve been dying for a chance wear somewhere.

Before you exit your home all dolled up, there are a few items to consider when dressing before you

attend this company event. After all, this is an opportunity to look great and talk about stuff not

related to business. You want to make sure the impression you give outside the work environment is

positive and complimentary of your personality. This may be the only chance you actually get to meetthe President or CEO of the company. When considering these things, you still need to keep in mind

that, although you are out of the office, this is still business.

For that reason, consider the outfit you have picked out. Is it suggestive? Do you want an inebriated

executive to think you are being suggestive? What do you hope to accomplish at this company party?

What you wear is going to say all these things whether you want it to or not.

As for your apparel, if you believe it sends the message you want, the next thing you need to do is see

if it survives what I have dubbed The Sit Test. When you are sitting down to eat the nibbles the

company is providing does your dress or top or scarf, etc. stay where it is supposed to. When you

pick up a fork and lean ever-so-slightly-forward, does your outfit fall open? Do your shoulders stay

there or do they slip down to your elbows? These are questions you will want answered prior to

arriving at the party.

The other item of concern is The Reach Test. When you are at the buffet or reaching for a glass of

champagne resting on a passing tray, are you able to reach, grasp and bring it back with your entire

outfit still intact? What about your sleeves? Do they graze the canaps when you pick up just one?

Again, these are items to consider when deciding what to wear to that company party.

Of course the hoped-for result is that you enjoy yourself and those around you enjoy your company. If

your apparel choice inhibits this because the person next to you thinks you are being suggestive, youmost likely won't enjoy the party. If your outfit does not survive sitting and eating, youll either go

faint from hunger when you opt out or youll be remembered as the more revealing worker of the

bunch. Finally, if your sleeve falls into the punch or your shoes pinch and you opt to go barefoot, the

message you send may not be the one you intended.

Heres hoping you enjoy your evening and your coworkers and others recall with enthusiasm how

fantastic you looked and how amazing you made the evening.

Attending a Funeral

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Funerals and memorial services honor the deceased and acknowledge a sense of loss. Customs vary

depending on locale and religion. The memorial service can vary in ceremony and procedures

according to the community and religious affiliations. A memorial is distinguished from a funeral by

the fact that the body is not present. Often, however, public visitation is held prior to the memorial

service. Burial or cremation may take place prior to or following the visitation for funeral itself.Really a service of remembrance, the memorial service can be scheduled at any time often weeks or

months after a death has taken place.

One of the most challenging dilemmas people ask is what to say to the person who has lost a loved

one. Sympathy to someone in deep mourning can be hard. Whatever you chose to say, keep it simple.

Express your sorrow for this persons loss. A hug or a handshake and recalling a memory of this

person is fine. Simply stating, It was good to know him or her is considerate. Or she will be

missed. Avoid proclaiming that you know how they feel or proclaiming your spirituality.

Everyone needs help and at this particular time those most impacted at this loss need assistance and

just "being there" more than ever. So make yourself available if at all possible. Be specific whenoffering to help. Offering to make dinner, run errands or babysit are nice gestures. Just let them know

that you are thinking of them and available to assist. You can also just bring food, linens for the extra

guests, do the dishes and assist in a general way. Paper supplies are also appreciated. Be sure to label

any food containers you bring with its contents and identify that its yours. Disposable containers are

appropriate.

Even if you did not know the deceased but know the person who is grieving, a sympathy card is

appropriate. Sending a sympathy card is a good practice and is meaningful to the family. You can also

call the residence. Out of respect, however, its important to keep your conversation as brief as

possible.

Its common to give flowers to the bereaved. You can send them to either the home of the person who

is grieving or to the funeral home. Almost any kind of flower or plant is fine. Floral crosses and

wreaths are beautiful and can often be sent by a group. A fancier arrangement can be specifically

designed for the deceased featuring a photo or something which represents the deceaseds interests.

Refrain from giving a casket arrangement, however, as they are usually provided by close family. In

lieu of flowers or food, sometimes there is and opportunity to remember the deceased through

contribution to a memorial fund.

Because memorials are somber occasions, attending would call for somber, respectful clothes. Women

should wear a dark dress or a dark suit. Men will be appropriate in a dark suit or dark pants and ajacket. Although wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate, keep in mind the person who

has died and the people who are mourning their loss the most. A funeral is not the time to show up

and parade your individual personality. Its an opportunity to show dignity and respect to the

deceased.

Relatives and friends will be requested to sign the register book. Your full name and address, if

requested, should be listed by you. If you are a business associate and the family may not recognize

your name (even if youve met on more than one occasion), it is proper to list your affiliation to the

deceased.

The type of service conducted for the deceased is specific by the family. Protestant religious services

are held either at the church or the funeral home with the body of the deceased present. This service

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varies in ritual according to denomination. It is customary to let the family and clergy decide what

procedure will be followed. The Catholic funeral Mass is held in the deceased's church under the

direction of the priest. For the Mass the casket is closed and draped with the religious pall. A wake or

prayer service is often held prior to the Mass. The Jewish funeral usually is held in the synagogue or

funeral home. It is customary not to send flowers to the funeral home. Friends and relatives areencouraged to visit the residence. A period of mourning (Shiva) follows the burial. Usually the

mourning period is preceded by a memorial service at the residence which is attended by the family

and friends. In today's society there are two families who prefer a non-religious service which is

termed "Humanist." In this type of funeral, the same respect is paid to the deceased and condolences

are sent to the family.

A pall is the heavy cloth that is draped over a coffin. Etiquette stipulates that relatives, friends, church

members or business associates can serve as a pallbearer. A pallbearer is a funeral participant who

helps to carry the casket of the deceased person from a religious or memorial service or viewing either

directly to a cemetery or to and from the hearse.

A eulogy is often part of a funeral or memorial service. If you are asked to do a eulogy, its most

likely because you either knew the deceased well, are well spoken or a combination of both. If you

are asked to speak during the eulogy, its alright to decline if you are too upset. If you accept, plan

carefully what you would like to say. The eulogy should last between two and ten minutes. Explain

how you knew the deceased but speak beyond just your relationship with him or her. Be sure to

emphasize their best qualities.

The above covers the basics for attending a funeral and how to assist someone you know through a

very difficult time. When dealing with this time in peoples lives, patience and understanding are key.

Grief is so overwhelming and loss is so deep. Many people simply cannot do this alone. If you were a

friend, you should attend the memorial. Because you are distraught is no reason to not attend.

Everyone in attendance is at a loss and this is an opportunity to support each other, not leave them

alone. Hopefully this will assist you in taking care of remembering someone who made a difference in

your life.

What goes where on the table

What to do when

a. When to start eating:

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Despite what mother told you, culinary experts say you do not always have to wait for everyone to

begin - start eating hot food when it is served. For cold foods or buffets, wait for the host to announce

dinner, and wait until the head guest starts dishing.

b. Foods you can get by hand:1. Bread: break slices of bread, rolls and muffins in half or into small pieces by hand before buttering.

2. Bacon: if there's fat on it, eat it with a knife and fork. If it is crisp, crumble it with a fork and eat

with your fingers.

3. Finger meals: follow the cue of your host. If finger meals are offered on a platter, place them on

your plate before putting them into your mouth.

4. Foods meant to be eaten by hand: corn on the cob, spareribs, lobster, clams and oysters on the

half shell, chicken wings and bones (in informal situations), sandwiches, certain fruits, olives, celery,

dry cakes and cookies.

c. Removing inedible items from your mouth:1. Olive pits: drop delicately into your palm before putting them onto your plate.

2. Chicken bone: use your fork to return it to the plate.

3. Fish bones: remove with your fingers.

4. Bigger pieces: bigger bones or food you don't appreciate you should surreptitiously spit into your

serviette (napkin), so that you can keep it out of sight.

Which glasses go with what drinks

Wine connoisseurs agree that each type of wine needs a particular type of glass to bring out the distinctive

bouquet. Using a narrow glass for a rich Burgundy, for example, won't allow enough room to swirl it around in,and it's the swirl that brings out its bouquet. The glass also needs to taper properly toward the top so that itcaptures the bouquet yet allows for sipping. In general, the stem of a glass should be long enough to keephands from touching the bowl, which can affect the wine's temperature, and therefore its bouquet.

a. Water: full body glass with short stem. Hold the glass by the stem to preserve its chill.

b. Brandy: brandy snifter. Roll the snifter between both hands and then cup it in one hand - warming

the glass brings out the bouquet in brandy.

c. White wine: slightly smaller glass with wider bowl to capture the bouquet. Hold the glass by the

stem to preserve its chill.

d. Burgundy Reds and Pinot Noirs: a wide bowl to bring out their complexity. The glass is slightly

taller than the white wine glass.

e. Champagne: a narrow fluted glass, which reduces the wine's surface area and keep the bubblesfrom dissipating.

f. Red wine: the bigger of the wine glasses. Hold the glass at the bottom of the bowl where it meets

the stem.

Table manners refers to the etiquette used while eating, which may also include theappropriate use ofutensils. Different cultures observe different rules for table manners. Many table

manners evolved out of practicality. For example, it is generally impolite to put elbows on tables,

since doing so creates a risk of tipping over bowls and cups. Each family or group sets its own

standards for how strictly these rules are to be enforced.

Chinese table manners

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Generally, Chinese table manners are more informal than the West, although there are more rules

concerning interactions with other guests due to high levels ofsocial interaction as a result of the

communal style of serving.

a. Chopstick usage

Chopsticks should always be held correctly, i.e. between the thumb and first two fingers of the

right hand.

When not in use, chopsticks must always be placed neatly on the table with two sticks lying

tidily next to each other at both ends. Failure to do so is evocative of the way the dead would

be placed in a coffin before the funeral and is a majorfaux pas.

Chopsticks are traditionally held in the right hand only, even for the left-handed. Although

chopsticks may now be found in either hand, a few still consider left-handed chopstick use

improperetiquette. One explanation for the treatment of such usage as improper is that within

the confines of a round table this may be inconvenient.

Never point the chopsticks at another person. This amounts to insulting that person and is amajor faux pas.

Never wave your chopsticks around as if they were an extension of your hand gestures.

Never bang chopsticks like drumsticks. This is akin to telling others at the table you are a

beggar.

Never use chopsticks to movebowlsorplates.

Never suck the chopsticks.

Decide what to pick up before reaching with chopsticks, instead of hovering them over or

rummaging through dishes.

To keep chopsticks off the table, they can be rested horizontally on one's plate or bowl; a

chopstick rest (commonly found in restaurants) can also be used.

When picking up a piece of food, never use the tips of your chopsticks to poke through thefood as with a fork; exceptions include tearing apart larger items such as vegetables. In more

informal settings, smaller items or those more difficult to pick up such as cherry tomatoes or

fish balls may be stabbed, but this is frowned upon by traditionalists.

Never stab chopsticks vertically into a bowl of rice, as this resemblesincense sticks used at

temples to pay respects to the deceased. This is considered the ultimate dinner table faux pas.

b. Communal chopsticks

When there are communal chopsticks, it is considered impolite to use your own chopsticks to

pick up the food from the shared plate, or to eat using the communal chopsticks.

It is considered impolite to use the blunt end of one's own chopsticks to transfer food from acommon dish to one's own plate or bowl; use the communal chopsticks instead.

An exception to the above can usually be made in intimate settings such as at home.

c. Other utensils

If noodle soup is served, many consider a more elegant way to eat by picking the noodle into a

serving spoon first, and eating from the spoon, rather than slurping directly from the bowl into

the mouth using chopsticks.

Chinese traditionally eat rice from a smallbowl held in the left hand. The rice bowl is raised to

the mouth and the rice pushed into the mouth using the chopsticks. Some Chinese find it

offensive to scoop rice from the bowl using a spoon. If rice is served on a plate, as is more

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common in the West, it is acceptable and more practical to eat it with a fork or spoon. The

thumb must always be above the edge of the bowl.

d. Eating from common dishes

Pick the food on the dish that is at the top and nearest to you in distance. Never rummage

through the dish or pick from the far side for your favorite food.

In general, more conservative Chinese frown upon the practice of picking more than one or

two bites of food in your bowl or serving plate as if you were eating in the Western way. Most

Chinese would understand the practice during infectious disease epidemics, or if the person is

from the West.

If both a serving bowl - separate from rice bowl - and plate are provided, never put any food

items to be eaten onto the serving plate. This rule may be relaxed for foreigners.

If a dish is soupy, pull the serving bowl near the serving dish and reduce the distance the

chopsticks need carrying the food. Spilling plenty of sauce on the table is a major faux pas.

After you have picked up a food item, do not put it back in the dish.

e. Seniority and guests at the table

The elderly or guest(s) of honor are usually the first to start the meal.

The youngest or least senior may serve the eldest or most senior first, as part of theConfucian

value of respecting seniors.

The youngest on the table addresses all of the elder members at the table before starting,

perhaps telling them to please "eat rice" as a signal to help themselves.

The best food in a dish should be left to the elderly, children, or the guest of honor, even if

they are one's favorite.

The eldest person present, or the guest of honor, is given a seat facing the door. When the hostess says her food is not good enough, the guest must disagree and tell her it is

one of the finest foods they have ever tasted.

f. Drinks

The host should always make sure everyone's cups are not empty for long. One should not

pour for oneself, but if thirsty should first offer to pour for a neighbor. When your drink is

being poured, you should say "thank you", and/ortap your index and middle finger on the

table to show appreciation, especially when you are in Southern China, e.g. Guangdong

Province.

When people wish to clink drinks together in the form of a cheer, it is important to observethat younger members should clink the rim of their glass below the rim of an elder's to show

respect.

Strong alcohol, called baijiu [pronounced "by joe"], is often served throughout the meal; and it

is customary for the host[s]/hostess[es] to insist that guests drink to "show friendship." If the

guests prefer not to drink, they may say, "I'm unable to drink, but thank you." [in Mandarin:

"Wo bu neng he jiu, xie xie." ] The host may continue to insist that the guests drink, and the

guests may likewise continue to insist upon being "unable" to drink. The host's insistance is to

show generosity. Therefore, refusal by the guests should be made with utmost politeness.

Beware: If a guest drinks alcohol with a subordinate at the table, the guest will be expected [if

not forced] to drink a glass of the same alcohol with each superior at that table, and possibly at

other tables tooif the guest has not passed out yet.

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g. Smoking

Smoking is customary when dining and the host will often pass out cigarettes to all [men]

around the table. If the guest prefers not to smoke, she/he should politely refuse (in Mandarin,

one would say, "Wo bu hui chouyan, xie xie").

h. Business meals

During business meals, it is best not to eat to the point of satiation, as business and not food is

the actual main purpose of the gathering.

i. Miscellaneous

Some people sit at least 1 metre (3 chi) from the dining table so they will not be literally

rubbing elbow with other guests.

When eating food that contains bones, it is customary that the bones be spat out onto the table

to the right of the dining plate in a neat pile. Spitting onto the floor is only acceptable in cheaprestaurants.

Belching, smacking, and sipping is allowed

Talking with a full mouth, eating with the elbows on the table and tasting from a table guest's

plate is also allowed

British table manners

The fork is held in your left hand and the knife is held in your right when used at the same

time (except for theleft-handed, who may prefer to hold the knife in their left hand and the

fork in their right).

You should hold your knife with the handle in your palm and your fork in the other hand withthe prongs pointing downwards.

If youre eating adessert, your fork (if you have one) should be held in the left hand and the

spoon in the right.

When eating soup, you should hold your spoon in your right hand and tip the bowl away from

you, scooping the soup in movements away from yourself. The soup spoon should never be

put into the mouth, and soup should be sipped from the side of the spoon, not the end.

It is not acceptable to use your fingers at the table to eat or push food onto your fork. You may,

however, eat some foods such as fruit, sandwiches, burgers, crisps, chips or pizza with your

fingers; fingers are mandatory for eating some items, such as asparagus, which is traditionally

served with sauce on the side for dipping.

If there are a number of knives or forks, start from the outside set working your way in as each

course is served.

Drinks should always be to the right of the plate with the bread plate to the left.

When eating bread rolls, break off a piece before buttering. Use your knife only to butter the

bread, not to cut it.

Do not start eating before the host does or instructs guests to do so. At meals with a very large

number of people, it is acceptable to start eating once others have been served.

When finished, place the knife and fork together at six oclock with your fork on the left (tines

facing up) and knife on the right, with the knife blade facing in. This signals that one is

finished.

The napkinshould never be screwed up. Nor should it be folded neatly as that would suggest

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that your host might plan to use it again without washing itjust leave it neatly but loosely on

the table.

Never blow your nose on your napkin. Place it on your lap and use it to dab your mouth if you

make a mess.

It is considered rude to answer the telephone at the table. If you need to take an urgent call,excuse yourself and go outside.

Always ask for permission from the host and excuse yourself if you need to leave the table.

You should place your napkin on your seat until you return. It is considered common courtesy

for all gentlemen at the table to stand when a lady arrives or leaves the table.

If you must leave the table or are resting, your fork should be at eight oclock and your knife

at four oclock (with the blade inwards). Once an item of cutlery has been used, it should not

touch the table again.

Food should be brought to your mouth on the back of the fork.

Dishes should be served from the left, and taken away from the right. Unless the food is

placed on your plate at the table, then it should arrive from the left.

Drinks should be served from the right. Never lean across somebody elses plate. If you need something to be passed, ask the person

closest to it. If you have to pass something, only pass it if you are closest to it and pass it

directly to them if you can.

Salt and pepper shakers should be passed together.

Do not take food from a neighbors plate and dont ask to do so.

You must not put your elbows on the table.

If pouring a drink for yourself, offer to pour a drink for your neighbors before serving

yourself.

If extra food is on the table, ask others if they would like it before taking it yourself.

When chewing food, close your mouth and only talk after you have swallowed it.

Swallow all food before eating more or drinking.

Do not slurp your food or eat loudly.

Never pick food out of your teeth with your fingernails.

Try to eat all the food you are served.

Wine glasses should be held by the stem in the case of white wines, and by cupping the bowl

in the case of red wines

Ifport is served after the meal, then the decantershould be passed to the person on your left

and never passed to the right.

Never transfer food to your mouth with your knife.

American table manners

a. Table Setting

Common American table setting. Note the alignment of the bottom of the flatware.

Bread or salad plates are to the left of the main plate, beverage glasses are to the right. If small

bread knives are present, lay them across the bread plate with the handle pointing to the right.

A table cloth extending 10 to 15 inches past the edge of the table should be used for formal

dinners, while placemats may be used for breakfast, luncheon, and informal suppers.

Modern etiquette provides the smallest numbers and types of utensils necessary for dining.

Only utensils which are to be used for the planned meal should be set. Even if needed, hosts

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should not have more than three utensils on either side of the plate before a meal. If extra

utensils are needed, they may be brought to the table along with later courses.

If a salad course is served early in the meal, the salad fork should be further from the main

course fork, both set on the left. If a soup is served, the spoon is set on the right, further from

the plate than the knife. Dessert utensils, a small (such as salad) fork and teaspoon should beplaced above the main plate horizontally (bowl of spoon facing left, the fork below with tines

facing right), or more formally brought with the dessert. For convenience, restaurants and

banquet halls may not adhere to these rules, instead setting a uniform complement of utensils

at each seat.

If a wine glass and a water glass are set, the wine glass is on the right directly above the knife.

The water glass is to the left of the wine glass at a 45 degree angle, closer to the diner.

Glasses designed for certain types of wine may be set if available. If only one type of glass is

available, it is considered correct regardless of the type of wine provided.

Hosts should always provide cloth napkins to guests. When paper napkins are provided, they

should be treated the same as cloth napkins, and therefore should not be balled up or torn.

Napkin rings are only used for napkins which will be used repeatedly by members of thehousehold, and therefore should never be used with a guest's napkin as they only receive

freshly laundered ones. Napkins may be set on the plate, or to the left of the forks.

Coffee or tea cups are placed to the right of the table setting, or above the setting to the right if

space is limited. The cup's handle should be pointing right.

Candlesticks, even if not lit, should not be on the table while dining during daylight hours.

b. Before Dining

Mens' and unisex hats should never be worn at the table. Ladies' hats may be worn during the

day if visiting others. Before sitting down to a formal meal, gentlemen stand behind their chairs until the women are

seated.

A prayer or 'blessing' may be customary in some households, and the guests may join in or be

respectfully silent. Most prayers are made by the host before the meal is eaten. Hosts should

not practice an extended religious ritual in front of invited guests who have different beliefs.

A toast may be offered instead of or in addition to a blessing.

One does not start eating until (a) every person is served or (b) those that have not been served

request that you begin without waiting. At more formal occasions all diners should be served

at the same time and will wait until the hostess or host lifts a fork or spoon before beginning.

Napkins are placed in the lap. At more formal occasions diners will wait to place their napkins

on their laps until the host places his or her napkin on his or her lap. One waits until the host has picked up his or her fork or spoon before starting to eat.

When eating very messy foods, such as barbecued ribs or crab, in an informal setting, where it

must be eaten with the fingers and could cause flying food particles, a 'bib' or napkin tucked

into the collar may be used by adults. Wet wipes or ample paper napkins should be provided to

clean the hands. In formal settings, bibs or napkins used as such are improper, and food should

be prepared by the chef so that it may be eaten properly with the provided utensils.

Even if one has dietary restrictions, it is inappropriate for non-relatives to request food other

than that which is being served by the host at a private function.

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c. General Manners while Dining

When a dish is offered from a serving dish (a.k.a. family style), as is the traditional manner,

the food may be passed around or served by a host or staff. If passed, you should pass on the

serving dish to the next person in the same direction as the other dishes are being passed.

Place the serving dish on your left, take some, and pass to the person next to you. You should

consider how much is on the serving dish and not take more than a proportional amount so

that everyone may have some. If you do not care for any of the dish, pass it to the next person

without comment. If being served by a single person, the server should request if the guest

would like any of the dish. The guest may say "Yes, please," or "No, thank you."

When serving, serve from the left and pick-up the dish from the right. Beverages, however, are

to be both served as well as removed from the right-hand side.

Dip your soup spoon away from you into the soup. Eat soup noiselessly, from the side of the

spoon. When there is a small amount left, you may lift the front end of the dish slightly with

your free hand to enable collection of more soup with your spoon.

If you are having difficulty getting food onto your fork, use a small piece of bread or yourknife to assist. Never use your fingers or thumb.

You may thank or converse with the staff, but it is not necessary, especially if engaged in

conversation with others.

It is acceptable in the United States not to accept all offerings, and to not finish all the food on

your plate. No one should ask why another doesn't want any of a dish or why he has not

finished a serving.

There should be no negative comments about the food nor of the offerings available.

Chew with your mouth closed. Does not slurp, talk with food in your mouth, or make loud or

unusual noises while eating.

Say "Excuse me," or "Excuse me. I'll be right back," before leaving the table. Do not state that

you are going to the restroom. Do not talk excessively loudly. Give others equal opportunities for conversation.

Refrain from blowing your nose at the table. Excuse yourself from the table if you must do so.

Burping, coughing, yawning, or sneezing at the table should be avoided. If you do so, say,

"Excuse me."

Never slouch or tilt back while seated in your chair.

Do not "play with" your food or utensils. Never wave or point silverware.

You may rest forearms or hands on the table, but not elbows.

Do not stare at others.

Do not talk on your phone or "text" at the table, or otherwise do something distracting, such as

read or listen to a personal music player. Reading at the table is permitted only at breakfast. If

an urgent matter arises, apologize, excuse yourself, and step away from the table so yourconversation does not disturb the others.

If food must be removed from the mouth for some reason, it should be done using the same

method which was used to bring the food to the mouth, i.e. by hand, by fork, etc., with the

exception of fish bones, which are removed from the mouth between the fingers.

Before asking for additional helpings, always finish the serving on your plate first.

Gentlemen should stand when a lady leaves or rejoins the table in formal social settings.

d. Using Utensils

The fork is used to convey solid food to the mouth. Do not use your fingers unless eating

foods customarily eaten as such, such as bread, asparagus spears, chicken wings, pizza, etc.

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Do not make unnecessary noises with utensils.

The fork may be used either in the "American" style (use the fork in your left hand while

cutting; switch to right hand to pick up and eat a piece) or the European "Continental" style

(fork always in left hand).

Unless a knife stand is provided, the knife should be placed on the edge of your plate when notin use and should face inward.

When you have finished eating soup from a bowl or larger "soup plate," the spoon should be

placed on the flat plate beneath, if one is present.

As courses are served, use your silverware from the outside moving inward toward the main

plate. Dessert utensils are either above the main plate or served with dessert.

e. At the end of the meal

When you have finished your meal, place all used utensils onto your plate together, on the

right side, pointed up, so the waiter knows you have finished. Do not place used utensils on

the table. Except in a public restaurant, do not ask to take some uneaten food or leftovers home, and

never do so when attending a formal dinner. A host may suggest that extra food be taken by

the guests, but should not insist.

Leave the napkin on the seat of your chair only if leaving temporarily. When you leave the

table at the end of the meal, loosely place the used napkin on the table to the left of your plate.

Wait for your host or hostess to rise before getting up from a dinner party table

f. During the Meal:

Don't order messy food - pasta with lots of sauce, chicken with bones, ribs, big sandwiches,

and whole lobsters are all dangerous.

Don't order the most expensive entree on the menu.

Do order food that is easy to cut into bite-size pieces.

The polite way to eat soup is to spoon it away from you. There's less chance of spilling in your

lap that way too!

Break your dinner roll into small pieces and eat it a piece at a time.

If you need to leave the table, put your napkin on the seat or the arm of your chair.

When you've finished eating, move your knife and fork to the "four o'clock" position so the

server knows you're done.

Remember to try and relax, listen, and participate in the conversation.

g. To Drink or Not to Drink:

It's wise not to drink alcohol during an interview. Interviewing is tough enough without adding

alcohol to the mix.

h. After the Meal:

Put your napkin on the table next to your plate.

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Let the prospective employer pick up the tab. The person who invited you will expect to pay

both the bill and the tip.

Remember to say "thank you." Consider also following-up with a thank you note which

reiterates your interest in the job.

Ten Basic Etiquette Tips for Business Meals

1Etiquette is all about other people. The whole point is not to make others feel uncomfortable. Be

gracious and open, not uptight. Dress appropriately and if you are in doubt as to what is appropriate,

call and ask someone. Please, no grooming at the table!

2Wait until everyone at your table is served before you begin eating. If your plate is the one still

missing, encourage others to begin without you so their food doesnt get cold.

3Which is my water? Remember BMWBread on the left, Meal in the Middle, Water (or any

drink) on the Right.

4Bread & Butter: Put the butter on your bread & butter plate, then break (dont cut) the bread one

bite at a time and butter each bite individually.

5Passing: Generally, pass items to your left. Unless something is right in front of you, ask that it be

passed to you.

6Sweetener wrappers: Place neatly next to your glass or under your saucer.

7Cut food one or two bites at a time. The idea here is not to create a bigger mess than necessary on

your plate.

8Turn your cell phone off! If it rings audibly, reject the call, apologize and turn off the ringer. If you

answer the call, you are telling everyone you are with that you and your caller are more important

than they areserious breach of etiquette!

9As to alcohol: Follow the lead of your host (although never in a job interview!) and dont exceed

your personal limits.

10All done? Imagine your plate is a clock. Lay your knife & fork across your plate at the 4:00position, with the knife & fork (tines up) pointing to 10:00. Fold your napkin and place it to the left of

your plate.

Dining Etiquette

Dining with Confidence

Did you know that the point of etiquette rules is to make you feel comfortable, not uncomfortable?

The idea is that if there are standards that people abide by, then you can have confidence that you are

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behaving "appropriately." It takes the guesswork out of public behavior.

I was blessed to have parents who taught me dining etiquette, but many people are not so fortunate.

When I started traveling for business as a young man, it really made corporate dinners less

intimidating.

Bread on the Left, Drink on the Right

Which drink is yours? This is one of the first decisions at the dinner table because oftentimes, napkins

are in the glass when you arrive at the table.

b dHere is an easy tip to help you remember. Hold both hands in front of you, palms facing each other.

Using the tips of your thumb and forefinger, make circles on each hand. The remaining three fingers

in each hand point upwards. Your left hand will form a "b" and your right hand will form a "d". Bread(b) is on the left, and drink (d) is on the right. Thank you Martha Stewart for that tip.

If your neighbor has already taken your bread plate or drink, quietly ask the waiter for another.

Napkins

Napkins belong in your lap. Large napkins can be folded in half or with a quarter folded over the top.

They should never be tucked into your shirt like a bib.

Wait for the host to unfold his napkin before unfolding yours. In a banquet setting or at a restaurant,

simply place your napkin in your lap as soon as you are seated.

If you excuse yourself from the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it to the left or right of your

plate. Do not refold your napkin or wad it up on the table either.

Note: Some respected etiquette experts will disagree and flatly state that when leaving the table, you

should hang the napkin over the back of your chair. Whatever you do, do not place the napkin in the

seat of your chair. You don't want to wipe your mouth with a napkin that has been left on the seat.

Place Settings Etiquette

Place settings can be confusing. The general rule for silverware is to work from the outside in as the

meal progresses.

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1. Dinner plate - The center of the place setting. When finished eating, do not push the plate

away from you. Instead, place both your fork and knife across the center of the plate, handles

to the right. . Between bites, your fork and knife are placed on the plate, handles to the right,

not touching the table.

2. Soup bowl - May be placed on the dinner plate. If you need to set your soup spoon down,

place it in the bowl. Do not put it on the dish under the bowl until finished.

3. Bread plate - Belongs just above the tip of the fork. Bread should be broken into bite -sized

pieces, not cut. Butter only the piece you are preparing to eat. When butter is served, put some

on your bread plate and use as needed.

4. Napkin - Placed to the left of the fork with the fold on the left. Sometimes placed under the

forks or on the plate.5. Salad fork - If a salad fork is used, it belongs to the left of the dinner fork.

6. Dinner fork - Placed to the left of the plate. No more than three forks to the left of the plate. If

there are three forks, they are usually salad, fish, and meat, in order of use, from outside in. An

oyster fork always goes to the right of the soup spoon.

7. Butter knife - Place horizontally on bread plate.

8. Dessert spoon - Above the plate.

9. Cake fork - Above the plate.

10. Dinner knife - To the right of the plate. Sometimes there are multiple knives, perhaps

for meat, fish, and salad, in order of use from outside in.

11. Tea spoon - To the right of the dinner knife.

12. Soup spoon - If needed, to the right of the tea spoon.13. Water glass - Just above the tip of the knife.

14. Red wine glass - To the right of the water glass.

15. White wine glass - To the right of the red wine glass. A glass of white wine is held on

its stem to preserve the chill. It should be served at 45 to 55 degrees Fahrenheit.

16. Coffee cup and saucer not pictured - If needed, bring at time of coffee service.

Serving Food

Pass food from the left to the right.

If asked for the salt or pepper, pass both together.

Food is served from the left.

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Dishes are removed from the right.

Butter, spreads, or dips should be transferred from the serving dish to your plate before

spreading or eating.

General Dining Etiquette

Start eating hot food when it is served, do not wait for everyone else to begin.

For soup, dip the spoon into the soup, from the edge of the bowl to the center, moving away

from you. Only fill it 3/4 full to avoid spilling. Sip, not slurp, from the edge of the spoon. Do

not insert the whole bowl of the spoon into your mouth.

It is proper to tip a soup bowl slightly to get all of the soup.

Never turn the glass upside down to decline wine. It is more polite to let the wine be poured

and not draw attention to yourself. If you are asked about wine and will not be drinking,

quietly decline.

Do not ask for a doggy bag unless it is an informal dining situation.

Do not smoke at the table. Do not ask to taste someone else's food. Similarly, do not offer a taste of your food to someone

else.

Taste your food before seasoning it.

For hard to scoop items like peas, use your knife or a piece of bread to push the items onto

your fork. Do not use your fingers.

Do not talk with your mouth full.

Cut only enough food for the next mouthful.

Chew with your mouth closed.

If soup is too hot to eat, let it cool in bowl. Do not blow on it.

Practice good posture. If not eating, place your hand in your lap or rest your wrists on the edge

of the table. Do not put your elbows on the table. If hot food is burning your mouth, discretely drink something cool to counteract the food.

When dining out, order foods that can be eaten with utensils.

Meeting materials or briefcases should be placed under your chair until it is time to discuss

business.

Try to pace your meal to finish at the same time as your host or the majority of the group at

the table.

Do not blow your nose at the dinner table. Excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your

hands before returning to the dining room.

If you cough, cover your mouth with your napkin to stop the spread of germs and muffle the

noise. If your cough becomes unmanageable, excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your

hands before returning to the dining room.

Casual Dining Exceptions

Eating out with your friends is not an excuse to become a slob. However, dining etiquette guidelines

are not as important when eating a burger and fries at Chilies.

Do not worry about ordering foods that are eaten with your hands - burgers, fajitas,

sandwiches, etc.

When sharing chips and salsa at your favorite Mexican food restaurant, do not concern

yourself with transferring salsa to your own plate. However, do not double dip. In other words,

do not dip your chip, bite off a piece, and then re-dip your chip.

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Beverages

Ordering beverages is a subject that can be done either before or after ordering.

It is an unwritten rule that diners not conform to what everyone else is drinking, but rather be

independent in deciding on a beverage.

As far as technique goes for drinking beverages, there is the art of holding the glass and how to drink

it. Let us first start with how to hold the glass.

Holding the Glass

Hold large stemmed glasses by the base of the bowl.

White chilled wine and small stemmed glasses should be held by the stem.

Goblets should be held at the base of the glass.

Brandy snifters should be held by the under side of the bowl with the hand turned upward.

Taking a drink

Make sure to swallow first. You don't want any food in your mouth when you take a drink.

You should wipe your lips with a napkin first, this keeps the glass free of grease and food

marks.

UtensilsForks are placed to the left of the plate; the only exception is the fish fork, which is placed to the

right.

Knives are placed to the inside, closest to the plate on the right side with the cutting side facing

towards the plate. The sharper of the two, usually the steak knife, is on the very inside.

Spoons are placed to the right of the spoons. The soup spoon is placed to the outside of the teaspoons.

The best and easiest way to remember which to use is to begin at the outside and work your way in.

Water and wine glasses are placed to the upper right of the plate.

The bread and butter plate is to the left of the wine and water glasses.

The napkin has two common locations--folded and placed in the center of the dinner plate or to the

left of the plate, usually under the forks.

ServingAt a formal restaurant or banquet, food is usually served to guests in the following order:

1. guest of honor

2. female guests

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3. male guests

4. hostess

5. host

After the guest of honor, the women and men are served in one of two ways:

Dishes can be presented to guests in the order of their seating, starting at the host's right

Dishes may be served in order of seniority, starting with the most influential and proceeding

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Etiquette IFT2011

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