Etiquette Has Changed Since the ‘90s

Slide 1Overview
It's something we've all heard, said, or experienced in one way or another over the
years—someone from an older generation expressing their disapproval of how those
in younger generations behave, often in regards to their lack of manners, common
courtesy, or proper etiquette. However, the reality isn't so much that younger people
don't have manners or codes of etiquette anymore, it's more that they just have ones
that are different from the ones the generations before them had. What was deemed
"polite" a couple of decades ago may have been naturally phased out of practice, or
may even be seen as rude nowadays. So, to clear the air a bit, we've rounded up all
the etiquette rules that have changed in your lifetime
You no longer
name
In the United States, at least, we may call coworkers or new people we meet by their
first names. Also, if an adult tells a child that it is alright for them to call them by their
first name, this is acceptable as well. Letting go of these stiff old rules makes for
better, less formal relationships.
a casserole
dish with
more food
It used to be customary for people to bring baked dishes, like a casserole, to your home
during a hectic or hard time, such as a death in the family, a new baby, or even an illness.
And while people still do this, the expectation that you have to return their dish back to
them with a new home-cooked meal in it has changed.
You can't
anymore.
When you picked up the phone and randomly called someone, it used to be seen as
kind and caring. However, with the simplicity of texting and emailing, it's now seen as
rude and intrusive to call someone and expect them to drop everything to listen to you
speak. Phone calls from anyone other than immediate family tend to signal bad news"
because most people simply send a text. Calls are reserved for long and serious
conversations.
move
It wasn't that long ago when the idea of a woman asking a man out on a date was not
considered to be a socially acceptable practice. A woman had to wait for a man to
"choose" her. However, that's no longer the case. While some women still prefer
the old-fashioned nature of a man making the first move, there are plenty of women
who take "charge of their relationship choices."
Men aren't
check
In a 2013 survey of more than 2,000 men and women, Forbes reported that while 71
percent of the Lost Generation (ages 67–82) felt that a man should always pay, only 50
percent of Generation Z (ages 18–23) felt the same way—and that number is only
expected to keep falling moving forward. The new popular concept is that the person
who asked for the date should offer to pick up the check, with 42 percent of all
respondents feeling this way.
Kissing
someone's
hand
Instead of being seen as polite, this is more often seen now as pretentious and at times,
creepy. When a Reddit thread asked if hand-kissing was still a common form of
greeting etiquette, responses overwhelmingly fell in the "no" category—with people
responding, "Do you live in a '90s soap opera?" and "It's almost always cringeworthy
and awkward."
Social Media
Changed
Everything
How we meet new people, how we communicate and how we share news about our
everyday lives and biggest moments is totally different now. Just remember one rule
about social media: If you don‘t want your elders or employers to see it, don‘t post it.
That‘s a sure etiquette lesson your grandma wishes you knew.
It’s Rude to
Smoke in Public
In the 90s, you could light up pretty much any ol‘ place you chose to. It wasn‘t
considered particularly rude to smoke at your friend‘s house, in the car or at a
restaurant or bar. But in 2018, 26 states and hundreds of cities have indoor smoking
bans, so it‘s illegal to smoke indoors. And if you‘re in the company of others, it‘s polite
to ask to step outside to have a cigarette. But really, you know the health effects of this
habit, so maybe you should quit smoking.
You Need to Be
Humor
Go back and watch some old episodes of even a seemingly harmless sitcom like
Friends. You‘ll notice that some of the jokes just don‘t land the way they used to.
Joking about sexual preferences, gender, race, weight or a host of other touchy
topics is considered pretty offensive today.
RSVPing Is
Prompt
Back in the day, you had to RSVP to every birthday party, bar mitzvah and wedding with
a phone call or stamped and addressed letter. These days, all you need to do to confirm
your attendance to a party is send a text, check attending‘ on Facebook or fire off a
quick email. RSVPing within 24 hours of receiving an invitation is polite and a sure way
to be the best party guest ever.
There’s
Literally No
Excuse for
Being Late
Being late is a habit you really need to quit. There‘s no excuse for it! In the 90s, you
didn‘t know when you‘d hit traffic or when the trains were stalled. Today, you can check
Google Maps or Waze to see exactly how long it will take you to get to your final
destination, and Twitter is a great resource for seeing if people are talking about traffic
or public transportation delays. And if you are late, shoot your friend a text and let
them know ASAP.
seriously
Over the last 10 to 15 years, more companies have embraced a business casual dress
code, with some even going as far as to encourage employees to wear jeans and t-
shirts. It may still not be acceptable to throw on a crop top and yoga pants when going
into the office, but dress policies have significantly relaxed in most office cultures.
Women are no
name
In the past, women didn't really have a choice on whether or not they adopted their
husband's last name when they got married. However, as the years go by, it's become
more and more common for women to ignore this once steadfast societal rule. As
women are more prominent in the workplace, the years they have spent building
reputations around their maiden names make it harder to detach from them, says
Pearson. Not to mention, it's quite a lot of work to change your name.
You don't have
to worry about
wearing white
after Labor
Day anymore
In the past, this rule existed because those in higher society would wear white
during the summer months to stay cool, but after Labor Day, the color was no
longer a practical option for daily tasks, so the wealthy would switch out white
linens for darker clothes to indicate that summer was over, and it was time to get
back
day
Women must wear white on their wedding day, and it's been commonplace for
women to do so over the past decades—as it embraced a symbol of purity and
innocence. However, this tradition is no longer a must. Many brides are opting out of
the white tradition and going with different color dresses for their wedding.
The bride's
wedding bill
The idea that a bride's family pays for the wedding is no longer a set rule. Many
couples today are financially independent by the time they consider marriage and
earn more money than their parents, so they end up paying for their wedding as a
joint endeavor.
restaurant
Many upscale restaurants had a classic service standard where women were served
first, going clockwise around the table, then men were served after, also in clockwise
order. This included ordering, pouring water, serving plates, and taking away empty
plates. However, more restaurants are getting rid of their "ladies first" rules and
simply serving by seat numbers, regardless of gender.
You don't have
before you eat
Some people still think it's important to wait for everyone to be served before they
eat. However, any "gracious guest" who realizes that everyone else's food is getting
cold should, and will, not want to hold up the table. Simply offering a "please eat," to
the other guests around the table is more encouraged these days than forcing everyone
to wait while their food gets cold.
You don't have to
toast
Due to an old superstition dating back to Ancient Greece, it used to be a common
etiquette rule that those not drinking alcohol had to refrain from raising their glasses
in a toast. However, many people abstain from drinking alcohol, and it's become more
rude to exclude the people who aren't drinking.
You can share
want
With social media so commonplace in society now, sharing personal information has
almost become the norm, rather than taboo.As a matter of fact, if we don't, we
might be left out, especially in business. Most of the entrepreneurs share vulnerable,
heartwarming, or heartbreaking details because it is a very powerful skill to connect
with the audience. Vulnerability is praised.
And you're free
to talk to
strangers, too
The rise of the internet and social media has also changed the way we view speaking to
strangers. It used to be seen as rude, or dangerous, to strike up a conversation with
someone you did not know. However, Parker says this is now how most of us communicate
with people, whether it's meeting them "over social media" or in your day-to-day
activities.
Conclusion
As society changes, our manners have to change as we adapt to the world around us,
she explains. We‘ve become much more fast-paced and expect things to be quick and
convenient which means that etiquette is moving from being more formal to less
formal. These are the good manners that everyone should commit to memory.