Crucial Conversations - Sep 2011

© International Institute of Business Analysis™

Crucial Conversations

Guest Speaker: Elizabeth Alo

September 14, 2011

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WELCOME §  Board Introductions §  Upcoming Events § October 5th - Daniel Gallagher “Enterprise Analysis: Making the Business Case”

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© 2006 Vitalwork Inc. All rights reserved.

Critical Business Analyst Competency

Elizabeth Alo Managing Partner – Vitalwork, Inc.


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Introduction to Vitalwork

We are a Learning and Development firm

based in Rochester, NY that has been working

for over 22 years in the Change Management

arena with organizations that are in transition.


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Chief Engagement Officer

•  Facilitating conversations where business and technology requirements are gathered, vetted, tested, debated, prioritized, fallen on the sword for…

•  …is no small potatoes •  As the Chief Engagement Officer,

–  What are you doing? –  Who are you being?


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Engagement

•  Bad •  Don’t agree •  Nothing in it

for me, the team, or the company

•  Duty

•  Whatever •  Wait and see •  Neutral •  Need

•  Great •  On board •  Something in it

for me, the team, or the company

•  Choice

Resistant Engaged Compliant


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“Conversations” are Your Tools

•  Each of us conducts our work inside a web of “conversations”

•  When there are “signs” that certain conversations are not welcome or safe, discretionary effort, initiative, and engagement plummet.

•  When people feel at odds or not communicating openly with each other, the “shut down” is on. Compliance replaces creativity, passion and initiative.

•  Your job gets even harder


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The Real Problem

•  The problem is not that these breakdowns exist at all, or that they are even commonplace.

•  In fact, these problems are inevitable in any business scenario

•  The real problem is that those who see these problems don’t effectively confront and resolve them, to successfully conduct the “right” conversation because they don’t know how.

•  What would you like to improve?


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Crucial

Conversations

High Stakes

Three Elements of a Crucial Conversation


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Definition of Dialogue

Free flow of clear meaning between two or

more parties in an environment of mutual

purpose and mutual respect.


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Goals of Dialogue

•  Advance an issue towards resolution

•  Learn about the other party’s perspective

•  Enhance the working relationship by building trust


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•  Get unstuck

Conditions

Skills

Implementation

•  Master my stories

•  STATE my path •  Explore others’

paths •  Move to action

•  Start with heart •  Learn to look •  Make it safe

Eight Principles


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1. Get Unstuck How to spot conversations that are keeping you from what you want

•  Anytime you find yourself stuck, there are crucial conversations keeping you there –  “Stuck” is the same as “not getting the results you

want”

–  Where are you stuck?

•  Backtrack from poor results to determine the specific crucial conversation that applies


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Specific Crucial Conversations Types

•  Content –  A one time incident

•  Pattern –  Several occurrences of the same incident

•  Relationship –  When the pattern begins to raise questions in your

mind about trust and/or intention


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•  Work on me first –  Change in heart - admit that you’re the person to initiate

this conversation and know that there really is nothing wrong, just something not working.

•  Focus on what you really want –  For yourself, for others and for the relationship. Behave

as if you really do.

•  Refuse the Sucker’s Choice –  Move from “or” to “and” thinking.

•  “I wonder how I can achieve______ AND avoid _____?”

2. Start with Heart How to stay focused on what you really want


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•  For when a conversation turns crucial –  Physical, emotional and behavioral signs

•  For signs that safety is at risk –  Silence: Masking, Avoiding, Withdrawing –  Violence: Controlling, Labeling, Attacking

•  For your own style under stress

3. Learn to Look How to notice when safety is at risk


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•  When safety is missing, it is futile to continue talking about the content at hand

•  Step out of the content and restore safety

•  Restore safety: –  Apologize – when appropriate “I am sorry if this is

upsetting to you.” –  Contrast – Don’t/Do statement that avoids

misunderstanding and clarifies intention –  Create Mutual Purpose – move to a higher and longer

term goal that satisfy both parties “We are in this together.”

4. Make It Safe How to make it safe to talk about almost anything


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•  Separate facts from stories –  See/Hear – Tell a story – Feel – Act

•  Watch for three clever stories –  Victim: It is not my fault –  Villain: It’s all your fault –  Helpless: There is nothing else that I can do

•  Tell the rest of the story –  Victim: “What is my role in the problem?” –  Villain: “Why would a reasonable, rational, decent

person do this?” –  Helpless: “What should I do right now to move toward

what I want?”

5. Master My Stories How to stay in dialogue when you are angry, scared or hurt


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S = share your facts T = tell your story A = ask for others’ path T = talk tentatively E = encourage testing

What

How

6. STATE My Path How to speak persuasively not abrasively


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•  Ask to get things rolling

•  Mirror to confirm feelings

•  Paraphrase to acknowledge their story

•  Prime when you’re getting nowhere

7. Explore Others’ Paths How to listen when others’ blow up or clam up


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•  Agree on who will do what, by when, and

what follow-up action will be taken. Then

follow up.

8. Move to Action How to turn Crucial Conversations into action and results


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Questions

Crucial Conversations The power of your people to change your

business one conversation at a time. For additional questions contact Elizabeth Alo [email protected] (585) 425-0301 ext. 21