Carlson Alumni

How to Build Positive How to Build Positive Mentoring RelationshipsMentoring Relationships

Presented by: April RiordanDirector of Training & Community PartnershipsMentoring Partnership of MN

Maximize Your Maximize Your ImpactImpact

The Role of Peer MentorsThe Role of Peer Mentors

Please walk around and respond to Please walk around and respond to the questions on the four flip charts.the questions on the four flip charts.

How do you carry your How do you carry your baggage?baggage?

Four Jobs of MentorsFour Jobs of Mentors

1.1. Build positive Build positive relationshipsrelationships

2.2. Teach & model Teach & model life skillslife skills

3.3. Help mentees Help mentees access resourcesaccess resources

4.4. Increase ability to Increase ability to get along with get along with othersothers

Build positive relationshipsBuild positive relationships

Have some fun Have some fun together and together and earn each earn each others’ trust. others’ trust. Give each other Give each other a break from a break from carrying your carrying your baggage.baggage.

Teach & model life skillsTeach & model life skills

Share your personal Share your personal experiences. Model experiences. Model skills like patience and skills like patience and respect. Show your respect. Show your mentee how you carry mentee how you carry your your baggage.baggage.

Increase ability to get along Increase ability to get along with otherswith others

Try starting by Try starting by exploring cultures exploring cultures that are new to both that are new to both of you. When you are of you. When you are ready, talk about how ready, talk about how the cultures you carry the cultures you carry are the same and how are the same and how they are different.they are different.

Help mentee access Help mentee access resourcesresources

Fill your mentee’s bag with new Fill your mentee’s bag with new connections, ideas and connections, ideas and experiences; link them to experiences; link them to resources they can tap into to resources they can tap into to help them carry their load. help them carry their load.

Maximize Your ImpactMaximize Your Impact

Different way of thinkingDifferent way of thinking Focus on “Level 2” SkillsFocus on “Level 2” Skills Role ModelingRole Modeling

MichaelMichael

While you’re together one afternoon, While you’re together one afternoon, Michael tells you that he was invited Michael tells you that he was invited to go with his friend’s family to the to go with his friend’s family to the Twins game in Minneapolis next Twins game in Minneapolis next weekend. He is mad that he can’t go weekend. He is mad that he can’t go and tells you it is because his mom and tells you it is because his mom didn’t pay the $10 for his ticket. didn’t pay the $10 for his ticket. How do you maximize your How do you maximize your impact as a mentor?impact as a mentor?

KathyKathy

It is a Saturday and you are at Walmart with It is a Saturday and you are at Walmart with your friends, just hanging out and shopping your friends, just hanging out and shopping for clothes. Your friend is talking loudly for clothes. Your friend is talking loudly about a girl she doesn’t like, using a lot of about a girl she doesn’t like, using a lot of profanity. She then starts holding up plus-profanity. She then starts holding up plus-size shirts and pants and suggesting they size shirts and pants and suggesting they should buy them for the girl. Just as you start should buy them for the girl. Just as you start to laugh at the joke, you see your mentee, to laugh at the joke, you see your mentee, Kathy. She is standing near her mom’s cart, Kathy. She is standing near her mom’s cart, listening and watching. listening and watching. How do you How do you maximize your impact as a mentor?maximize your impact as a mentor?

WELCOME MENTEES!WELCOME MENTEES!

Find a partnerFind a partner

You will introduce each other to the You will introduce each other to the group:group:

NameName ExperienceExperience with mentoring? (have with mentoring? (have

been or have had a mentor in the been or have had a mentor in the past?)past?)

Important characteristicImportant characteristic of a mentor of a mentor What are your What are your HalloweenHalloween plans? plans?

What is the Mentoring What is the Mentoring Partnership of Minnesota?Partnership of Minnesota?

The Mentoring Partnership of The Mentoring Partnership of Minnesota (MPM) connects kids Minnesota (MPM) connects kids with the power of mentoring with the power of mentoring

Our primary focus is to expand the Our primary focus is to expand the capacity & increase the quality of capacity & increase the quality of mentoring across Minnesotamentoring across Minnesota

Throughout Minnesota, we work Throughout Minnesota, we work with more than 500 adult-to-youth with more than 500 adult-to-youth

mentoring programsmentoring programs

Middle

Closure

Beginning

Stages of Mentoring Relationships

ListeningListening

We talk so much. We’re telling kids We talk so much. We’re telling kids this and that. We forget to listen. this and that. We forget to listen. We forget to ask, ‘What do you We forget to ask, ‘What do you think? How do you feel?’ It’s only think? How do you feel?’ It’s only after we know how they feel and after we know how they feel and what they think that we can know what they think that we can know what to say.”what to say.”

--John Hogan, mentor--John Hogan, mentor

Being Mentee-DrivenBeing Mentee-Driven

Most important denominator in Most important denominator in successful matches is the ability of successful matches is the ability of mentors to allow the relationship to mentors to allow the relationship to be mentee-drivenbe mentee-driven

Mentors who enter the relationship Mentors who enter the relationship with preconceived ideas about the with preconceived ideas about the ways in which they will help mentees ways in which they will help mentees are less successful are less successful

Respecting BoundariesRespecting Boundaries

When mentors ask young people When mentors ask young people personal questions before a solid personal questions before a solid relationship has been established, relationship has been established, the most common response is the most common response is silence.silence.

Being Sensitive to Being Sensitive to DifferencesDifferences

Mentors and mentees may come Mentors and mentees may come from different worlds (class, from different worlds (class, generational, cultural, etc.)generational, cultural, etc.)

Focus on youth, help negotiate Focus on youth, help negotiate changing relationships with parents changing relationships with parents at a stage in life when these bonds at a stage in life when these bonds are being redefined are being redefined

Providing Support & Providing Support & ChallengeChallenge

Balance - nurture youth while also Balance - nurture youth while also pushing them toward their goalspushing them toward their goals

Successful mentors are consistently Successful mentors are consistently there for young peoplethere for young people

Acknowledging ReciprocityAcknowledging Reciprocity

Mentoring is a two-way streetMentoring is a two-way street Growth, benefits, and struggles are Growth, benefits, and struggles are

present on both sidespresent on both sides Mentors who are able to convey to Mentors who are able to convey to

mentees that they are they for mentees that they are they for mutual exchange stand the greatest mutual exchange stand the greatest chance of making a solid connectionchance of making a solid connection

Being RealisticBeing Realistic

Mentors are not magicMentors are not magic Mentor who work with young people Mentor who work with young people

toward achievable goals can make a toward achievable goals can make a real contributionreal contribution

Thick skin, ongoing commitment & Thick skin, ongoing commitment & genuine caring essential to successgenuine caring essential to success

Mentoring is hard workMentoring is hard work

Difficult to connectDifficult to connect Social distanceSocial distance Young people do not exist in a Young people do not exist in a

vacuum, other influences must be vacuum, other influences must be recognized when measuring recognized when measuring outcomesoutcomes

Many matches failMany matches fail Program capacityProgram capacity

How do you carry your How do you carry your baggage?baggage?

Four Jobs of MentorsFour Jobs of Mentors

1.1. Build positive Build positive relationshipsrelationships

2.2. Teach & model Teach & model life skillslife skills

3.3. Help mentees Help mentees access resourcesaccess resources

4.4. Increase ability to Increase ability to get along with get along with othersothers

Build positive relationshipsBuild positive relationships

Have some fun Have some fun together and together and earn each earn each others’ trust. others’ trust. Give each other Give each other a break from a break from carrying your carrying your baggage.baggage.

Teach & model life skillsTeach & model life skills

Share your personal Share your personal experiences. Model experiences. Model skills like patience and skills like patience and respect. Show your respect. Show your mentee how you carry mentee how you carry your your baggage.baggage.

Help mentee access Help mentee access resourcesresources

Fill your mentee’s bag with new Fill your mentee’s bag with new connections, ideas and connections, ideas and experiences; link them to experiences; link them to resources they can tap into to resources they can tap into to help them carry their load. help them carry their load.

Increase ability to get along Increase ability to get along with otherswith others

Try starting by Try starting by exploring cultures exploring cultures that are new to both that are new to both of you. When you are of you. When you are ready, talk about how ready, talk about how the cultures you carry the cultures you carry are the same and how are the same and how they are different.they are different.

Maximize Your ImpactMaximize Your Impact

Different way of thinkingDifferent way of thinking Focus on “Level 2” SkillsFocus on “Level 2” Skills

Impact of MentoringImpact of Mentoring

A lost child tells of a A lost child tells of a dream…dream…

In the dream, he is stuck in a pitch-dark In the dream, he is stuck in a pitch-dark room, helpless and confused, room, helpless and confused, awkwardly feeling his way around. His awkwardly feeling his way around. His mentor is there too in the dream, and mentor is there too in the dream, and knows just where the light switch is. knows just where the light switch is. But instead of turning it on, the mentor But instead of turning it on, the mentor waits, then aims the beam of a waits, then aims the beam of a flashlight at the switch. flashlight at the switch.

It’s the job of the child to do the rest.It’s the job of the child to do the rest.

Thank you!Thank you!

For more information For more information about mentoring about mentoring

opportunities in your opportunities in your community, visit:community, visit:

www.mentoringworks.orgwww.mentoringworks.org