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Learning How to Read Body Language Learning How to Read Body Language By Jerry Balistreri, M.S., M.Ed. ASTD Certified Trainer (copyright 2012)
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Body Language

Jul 21, 2016

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Page 1: Body Language

Learning How to Read Body LanguageLearning How to Read Body Language

By

Jerry Balistreri, M.S., M.Ed.ASTD Certified Trainer

(copyright 2012)

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Are you good at “reading” people?When you are in a meeting can you tell who may beWhen you are in a meeting can you tell who may be bored and wants to leave?When you are in a meeting can you tell who may be nervous?C ll if li i d i ?Can you tell if someone lies or is deceptive?Can you tell if someone is genuinely interested in what you have to say?Can you read an interview applicant as being reallyCan you read an interview applicant as being really interested in the position?Can you tell if a client is displeased when negotiating a contract?Your business client runs his hands through his hair during a meeting. What’s on his mind?Can you tell if a student is nervous about taking a test or anxious to leave a class?test, or anxious to leave a class?

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Do you know what to look for if a date is going well?Your friend crosses his arms while you are arguingYour friend crosses his arms while you are arguing. What is he thinking?You come home after your curfew time and Mom is there to greet you. Can you tell her mood before she g y yspeaks?Your mother-in-law is telling a boring story, but you don’t want to hurt her feelings. How should you display interest?interest?Would you like to know if a person you are about to hire to come into your home to clean, care for an elderly parent, or care for your children is deceptive?p , y pWould you like to know if you are being deceived when the car repair person says they need to replace a part?Jerry’s use – wife, raised children, boxing, HS principal, b tbosses, etc.

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Develop skills in reading non verbal “tells”Develop skills in reading non-verbal tells . (what to look for and what it means)Understand the limbic system and its role inUnderstand the limbic system and its role in non-verbal communication.Dispel the myth of “fight or flight”.Identifying the most “honest” part of the body.Know how to detect deception.

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Definition:Observing a person’s behavior when he orObserving a person s behavior when he or she is under normal, non-threatening circumstances.

When does base lining begin?(N d it t )(Now - and it never stops)

Why is base lining important?Why is base lining important?(When people deviate from their baseline, that is a red flag!)g

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What to look & listen for:• Speaking tone (engage in chit chat)• Number of words/minute, and word flow

Eye blink rate (normal relaxed rate is 20/min )• Eye blink rate (normal relaxed rate is 20/min.)• Check for limbic reactions• Use of hands while speakingp g• Use of hands while listening• Where the person’s eyes are when asked a question

h ’ h• Where a person’s eyes are when answering a question

• How expressive their face isHow expressive their face is• Etc.

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What connects the internal you to the external universe?How does information from the

id ld i ?outside world get in?Answer:Th hThrough your senses.All of our sensory input (every piece of information from the o tside orld)information from the outside world) comes via the five senses.

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What are the five senses and estimate what percent of sensory information we receive through each sense.

Fi S P t f I f tiFive Senses Percent of Information_________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ ______

(hearing sight smell taste and touch)(hearing, sight, smell, taste and touch)

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What are the five senses and estimate what percent of sensory information we receive through eachof sensory information we receive through each sense.Five Senses* Percent of InformationSight 83%Hearing 11%Smell 3.5%Smell 3.5%Touch 1.5%Taste 1%__

100%100%* Walsh, V. (1989)

Stolovich, H. (2002), ( )

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It is considered to be the “honest brain” in the non-verbal worldverbal world (Goleman, 1995, 13-29).

Consequently it gives off a true response to information in the immediate environment.Why? It reacts instantaneously, real time, and without thought. In the non-verbal world, the limbic brain is where ,the “action” is. Many, but not all, non-verbal responses come from here.The remaining parts of the brain are the thinkingThe remaining parts of the brain are the thinking and creative parts. These are the non-honest parts of the brain. The brain that can deceive and deceives often (Vrij 2003 1-17)deceives often (Vrij, 2003, 1 17).

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The limbic brain has assured our survival as a species because of how it regulates our behaviorspecies because of how it regulates our behavior during times of threat and danger (Navarro, 2008, 25-34).

The “fight or flight” response to threats and danger is a myth.is a myth. Correct number and sequence is freeze, flight, or fight (Goleman, 1995, 27, 204-207).

Movement attracts attention. Freezing meansMovement attracts attention. Freezing means survival, it is our first line of defense when threatened. (Columbine &Virginia Tech. shootings) If the threat is perceived as too close, our second p ,defense is to get out of harms way, or flight. It is distance that gives us comfort.The final response, fight, is a last resort tactic. It is

i l h h i I i fi lsurvival through aggression. It is a final response as we realize it may bring harm to our own body.

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FaceFaceHands and fingersArmsArms Upper body (chest, shoulders, trunk)Lower body (legs, feet)Lower body (legs, feet)

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Identifying the most “honest” part of the y g pbodyTop down versus bottom up (scanning)The feet! (Morris, 1985, 244)Why?When it comes to honesty, it decreases as we move up the body from the feet to the h dhead. Why?

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Bouncing feet – high confidence, happy, l t delated

Pointing feet – direction of intentionToe point – happy, elated (gravity defying)

d lStarter position – ready to leave, disengagedLeg/foot splay – control, intimidation, h i i l

g p ythreaten, territorialLeg crossing (standing) – high comfortLeg crossing (seated) – leg direction di i

g g ( ) gdictates emotionsShoe dangle – comfort, courtshipFoot lock w chair – freeze behavior, nervous,

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Torso lean (away) – avoidance, dislike, di tdisagreementTorso lean (in) – interest, comfort, agreementS dd i di iSudden arm cross w grip – disapproving, protecting, defensiveTorso bare parts – notice me, make statement affiliation (tattoos muscles etc )statement, affiliation (tattoos, muscles, etc.)Torso embellishments – affiliations, denotes purpose, attitude (clothing, badges, emblems gang dress etc )emblems, gang dress, etc.)Chest puff – dominance, about to lash outShoulder rise – weakness, insecurityMi i f tMirroring – comfort

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Arms up – happiness, positive, joy, excitement, praise (gravity defying)praise (gravity defying)Withdrawn arms – worried, stressed, injured, abusedOpen arms from shoulder – welcome, comfort ki d ff tikindness, affectionOpen arms from elbow – warm but no strong emotionArms behind back – higher status notArms behind back – higher status, not approachable, superiorityHooding – territorial, in chargeArm/finger splay on table – territorial, confidence,

h/ g p y , ,

authorityArm over chair – confidence, comfortableArm around partner – territorial, protectiveF ld d di i d f iFolded arms – disapproving, anger, defensive, protecting

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Steepling – high confidence, superiorityCovering mouth – disbelief extreme excitement nervousnessCovering mouth disbelief, extreme excitement, nervousnessResting face in hands – genuine interest or extreme boredomWringing hands – nervous, anxious, stressedFinger point/snapping fingers – negative, rude, offensiveT hi i f t tTouching – sign of trustPreening – nervousness, dismissivenessTapping fingers – nervousness, tension, boredomHidden hands – suspicious, dishonestp ,Hand shake – strength of character Hand Gestures – Meant to emphasis, i.e. clenched fist –determination, hostility, anger(politicians and singers tend to use most)(politicians and singers tend to use most)Open hand – honesty, acceptance, sincerityThumbs in/out of pocket – low confidence, weakness vs. high confidence, high statusStroking and rubbing hands – concern anxiety nervousnessStroking and rubbing hands – concern, anxiety, nervousnessNeck/collar/face touching – low confidence, stress reliever, nervousness

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Jaw tightening – tensionFurrowed forehead (frown) – disagreement, resentful, angryLips tight together hesitancy secrecyLips tight together – hesitancy, secrecySmile – content, understanding, acceptance, encouraging (fake vs real)Direct eye contact – positive messagesA idi di t t t d lAvoiding direct eye contact – you and your message are no longer important Nail biting – distress, discomfort, nervousness, insecurityHead nod – positive messages (not always agreement)Eye blocking – low confidence, discomfortEye squinting – dislike, object to loud noise, sounds, angerRaised eyebrows – surprise, disbeliefBiting the lip – nervous, fearful, anxiousBiting the lip nervous, fearful, anxiousEye blink increase – troubled, nervousness, suspiciousFace blush – stress, got caught Face turns white – shockLip licking nervous stressed anxious looking to pacifyLip licking – nervous, stressed, anxious, looking to pacify

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11 1 – Inadequate2 – Good but incomplete

2 2

2 Good but incomplete3 – Best chance to detect

deception1 1

2 2

2

3deception

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Why do people lie?1. Help someone & make ourselves feel good. (pro-social

lie)Example – Answering, “Does this dress make my butt look big?”

2. Make ourselves look better while not hurting another. (self enhancement lie)

Example – I also have a Ph.D!

3. Personal benefit at the expense of another. (a selfish lie)Examples – I can’t do this presentation because I have to takemy wife to the airport. Tax preparation.

4. Deliberately damage another. (anti-social lie)Example – I saw Bob take the money.

Paul Ekman 2001UC-San Francisco

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“For every lie told, two to three more will need to be invented to cover the tracks of the first lie.” Scientific Content Analysis (SCAN) 1992

• Have to remember the first lie.• New lies must connect to the first lie• New lies must connect to the first lie.• Have to have a great memory.• Sound convincing without deception• Sound convincing without deception

leakage.• Truthful people do not have to go through p p g g

those mental gymnastics!

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Lying is becoming easier and easier for people these days. American’s lie – and are lied to – much more than we realize. The book “The Day America Told The Truth” saysbook The Day America Told The Truth says that 91 percent of Americans lie routinely.

USA Today y

In her book Liespotting, Pamela Meyer indicates we encounter nearly 200 lies a day.

Liespotting, 2012

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T FiTop Five

1. Nurses 84 %2. Pharmacists 70 %3. High School Teachers 65 %4 Doctors 64 %4. Doctors 64 %5. Clergy 56 %

ll ll2008 Gallup PollHonesty & Ethics

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Bottom DwellersBottom Dwellers

Stockbrokers 12 %Ad ti i titi 10 %Advertising practitioners 10 %Car salesmen 7 %Telemarketers 5 %L bb i 5 %Lobbyists 5 %Labor unions 3%Congress 3%Lawyers 2%

2008 Gallup PollpHonesty & Ethics

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What creates content and structure?O Q S O SYOUR QUESTIONS!

There is no such thing as a bad intervieweeThere is no such thing as a bad interviewee. There are only bad interviewers. Questions must be structured clear and concise, so theremust be structured clear and concise, so thereis no room for the respondent to wiggle outof.

Example: Do you know the location of the body?body?

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That was a poorly stated question for thefollowing reasons:following reasons:

1. What if an accomplice disposed of the body?body?

2. What if your suspect dumped the body in a river and the body is now miles downriver from theand the body is now miles downriver from the dump site?

Fraud related questions:q

Have you seen the ring since filing the claim?What do you know about the fire?What do you know about the fire?How did you get injured?

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What to look & listen for?

1. Didn’t answer the question.

Example:Question - “Did you take the wallet?”Q y

Response “Why would I take that wallet? I d ’t d t t l I k ddon’t need to steal, I make good money. I’m not the type of person that would steal.”

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2. Changes in tenses and nouns.

Susan Smith, TV Appearance October 1994

“I just can't stress it enough that we -- we just got toI just can t stress it enough that we -- we just got to get them home. We're -- that's just where theybelong, with their mamma and daddy.”

Critical Review?

When a pronoun takesWhen a pronoun takesthe place of a noun, that’s an indicator of deceit and distancing No first persondistancing. No first person usage.

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Susan Smith, TV Appearance November 1994

“I would like to say to whoever has my children, that they please, I mean please bring 'em home to us where they belong. Ibring em home to us where they belong. I have put my faith in the Lord, and I really believe He's taking care of them. They're toobeautiful and precious that He's not goingbeautiful and precious that He s not going to let anything happen to them.”

lCritical Review?Changing pronouns (whoever to they) Distancing (bring’em and them)Distancing (bring em and them)

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Deception and/or lying initiates a stress reaction in t l Th t i f f b i d t t dmost people. The stress is fear of being detected

or caught. Stress can be further induced via guilt.Nervous fingersE t t hiftiEye contact shifting Rigid and/or defensive posture Sweaty palms and/or face

fVariations in pitch, amplitude, and rate of speech Abnormal speech hesitation and speech errors (thinking)

f fIncreased embellishments of story or parts of the story Micro-expressions micro-bursts Inconsistency in story

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Visual Accessing Cues

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When asked a question a normal right handed person looks (from your point of view, looking pe so oo s ( o you po t o e , oo gat them):Up and to the left indicates Vc (visually constructing imagesconstructing imagesUp and to the right indicates Vr (visually remembering images)To the left indicates Ac (auditory constructed)To the left indicates Ac (auditory constructed)To the right indicates Ar (auditory remembering)Down to the left indicates FDown to the left indicates F (feeling/kinesthetic)Down and to the right indicates Ai (internal di l )dialog)

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2008, Secrets of Body Language, History Channel.Blair J P Horvath F (1996) Detecting of Deception Accuracy Using theBlair, J.P., Horvath, F. (1996). Detecting of Deception Accuracy Using the Verbal Component of the Behavior Analysis Interview Model, Michigan State University.Cummings, S. (2008) Mystery at Bootleggers Cove, Dateline TV, NBC.Goleman D (1995) Emotional Intelligence New York: Bantam BooksGoleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.Mehrabian, Albert (1971) Silent Messages, Wadsworth Publishing Co.Morris, D. (1985) Body Watching. New York; Crown Publishers.Navarro, J. (2008). What Every Body Is Saying. HarperCollins Publishers.Pearlman G (2007) How To Spot a Liar The Palm Beach TimesPearlman, G. (2007). How To Spot a Liar, The Palm Beach Times.“The Reid Nine Steps of Interrogation, In Brief.” Practical Aspects of Interviewing and Interrogation. John Reid and Associates, Chicago, IL.Stolovich, H. (2002) Telkling Ain’t Training. ASTD Press 19-20.Varsamis C (2005) How To Detect Liars In Your Business & PersonalVarsamis, C. (2005). How To Detect Liars In Your Business & Personal Life, Article Alley.Vrij, A. (2003). Detecting Lies and Deceit: The psychology of lying and the implications for professional practice. Chichester, UK: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.So s, tdWalsh, V. (1998). Skill learning: brining cognition to its senses. Current Biology, 8 (16), 572-574.

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Jerry BalistreriJ y(907) 346-3466balis@acsalaska [email protected]