A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL · HEREIN OUR BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, rev. 10-05, page 2 Script and Revisions ©2005 KATHY FEININGER - All Righ ts Reserved

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLCreated by

Kathy Feininger

Libretto uses names of actors who created these roles.

Scrooge - “Michael”The Man (Who Isn’t Scrooge) - “Kevin”The Woman (Who Also Isn’t Scrooge) - “Linda Rose”The Man Behind the Piano (Who Also Isn’t Scrooge) - “Howard”

ALL RIGHTS RESERVEDStock and Amateur Production Rights controlled by:

Chanticleer Productions, LLPP.O. Box 16399

Baltimore MD 21210443-827-0566

[email protected]

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROLCreated by Kathy Feininger

ACT I

(Cast enters in formal wear and sings directly to audience.)

MUSIC: COMEDY TONIGHT

MICHAELSOMETHING FAMILIAR,

LINDA ROSESOMETHING PECULIAR,

ALLALL IN A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, TONIGHT!

KEVINWE MIX WITH DICKENS,

LINDA ROSEBROADWAY’S BEST PICKIN’S

ALLHERE IN A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, TONIGHT!

MICHAELSCROOGE WILL BE THERE-

KEVINGHOSTS FOUL-

LINDA ROSEAND FAIR!-

ALL-AS BROADWAY SHOWTUNES FILL UP THE AIR. WE TAKE THE STORY,

Script and Revisions ©2005 KATHY FEININGER - All Rights ReservedRepresentation: Chanticleer Productions, LLP - visit www.broadwaychristmas.com

(MORE)

ADD BROADWAY’S GLORY. GET SET TO BEHOLD A SILLY SIGHT!

KEVINHERE IN A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL TONIGHT!

MICHAELSo, with apologies to Charles Dickens:

HE SINGS

MICHAELTHINGS LITERARY,

LINDA ROSETHINGS QUITE CONTRARY,

ALLFOUND IN A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, TONIGHT!

LINDA ROSEACTORS WHO ARE SMUG-

MICHAELPUDDING AND HUMBUG,

ALLALL IN A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, TONIGHT! HANDS WILL BE WRUNG, SONGS WILL BE SUNG, WE’RE SURE THAT YOU WILL FIND IT QUITE FUN.

MICHAELTHROUGH OUR THEATRICS,

M & K,WE REWRITE CLASSICS,

ALLSOMEHOW, THE STORY COMES OUT RIGHT. HERE IN OUR BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL,

A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, rev. 10-05, page 2


ALL (cont'd)

M & K,TONIGHT!

LINDA ROSETONIGHT, TONIGHT, WON’T BE JUST ANY NIGHT!

(Kevin & Linda Rose step down to narrate as Michael becomes Scrooge)

KEVINMarley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.

LINDA ROSEOld Marley was dead as a door-nail.

KEVINThis - must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story that we are about to relate.

(Michael readies the counting house)

LINDA ROSEScrooge never painted out Old Marley’s name. There it stood, years afterwards, above their counting house door. The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley.

KEVINOh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner!

LINDA ROSEOnce upon a time-

MUSIC: INTO THE WOODS

-- of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve-- Old Scrooge sat busy in his counting house.

(Michael sits in counting house)



MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBah! Humbug!

MUSIC: WE’RE IN THE MONEY

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)I’M IN THE MONEY! I’M IN THE MONEY! I LEND IT THEN I GET HIGH INTEREST FROM YOU!

WHEN I’M YOUR CHANGER! YOU’RE IN GREAT DANGER-FOR I’LL FORECLOSE IF YOU’RE ONE SECOND PAST DUE.

I NEVER HEED A HEADLINE ‘BOUT A BREADLINE TODAY AS LONG AS I’M A MISER I CAN SQUIRREL AWAY FOR A RAINY DAY CUZ-

I’M IN THE MONEY, I’M IN THE MONEY, I’VE GOTTEN RICH BY TAKING MONEY FROM YOU!

(Kevin appears as Nephew Fred)

KEVIN AS FREDA Merry Christmas, uncle! God save you!

LINDA ROSEIt was Scrooge’s nephew, Fred.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBah! Humbug!

KEVIN AS FREDChristmas a humbug, uncle! You don’t mean that, I am sure?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEI do. Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? You’re poor enough.



KEVIN AS FREDWhat right have you to be dismal? What reason have you to be morose? You’re rich enough. Don’t be cross, uncle--

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBah!

MUSIC: PUT ON A HAPPY FACE

KEVIN AS FREDWHY BE SUCH AN OLD MISER, PUT ON A MERRY FACE. YOU’LL SEE IT’S REALLY WISER TO-PUT ON A MERRY FACE. YOU LOOK SO CONSTIPATED WHEN ALL THAT YOU DO IS FROWN. YOU’LL FEEL GREAT WHEN YOU DECIDE TO WEAR THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN.

PEOPLE MIGHT EVEN LIKE YOU,IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH A GRUMP. YOU’LL NEVER MAKE NEW FRIENDSHIPS,LOCKED IN HERE LIKE A LUMP. GET SOME SUNSHINE, YOU’RE GOING TO WASTE-JUST PUT ON A MERRY FACE!

KEVIN AS FRED (cont’d)Merry Christmas, Uncle.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE‘Merry Christmas.’ If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.

KEVIN AS FREDUncle--



MICHAEL AS SCROOGE--Nephew! Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.

KEVIN AS FREDKeep it? But you don’t keep it.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEThen let me leave it alone.

KEVIN AS FREDNow don’t be angry, Uncle. Come! Dine with us tomorrow.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEGood afternoon!

KEVIN AS FREDMerry Christmas, uncle.


KEVIN AS FREDAnd an Happy New Year!


(Linda appears as Charity Collector)

LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTORScrooge and Marley’s, I believe. Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge, or Mr. Marley?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEMr. Marley has been dead these seven years. He died seven years ago, this very night.

MUSIC: SPOOKY SOUNDS

MICHAEL & LINDAOOOOOOOOOOOO!



LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTORAt this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge, a few of us are endeavoring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink and means of warmth.

MUSIC: BIG SPENDER

LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTOR (cont’d)

THE MINUTE I WALKED IN YOUR CELL, I COULD SENSE YOU WERE A MAN OF LIBERALITY, A REAL BIG SPENDER, SEMI-ATTRACTIVE, WEALTHY TOO, HERE IS WHAT WE’D DO IF WE GOT MONEY FROM YOU.WE’D GIVE ’EM BOTH SUSTENANCE AND WARMTH- THEY’RE THE SERVICES THAT WE’D PROVIDE FOR SURE.HEY BIG SPENDER, SPEND-- A LITTLE DIME ON THE POOR!

WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO HELP OUT-THE-POOR? YOU COULD BUY THEM SOME FOOD-AND-CLOTHES. YOU COULD SHOW THEM A . . GOOD TIME. WHY DON’T YOU SHOW THEM A . . GOOD TIME?

THE MINUTE I WALKED IN YOUR CELL, I COULD SENSE YOU WERE A MAN OF LIBERALITY, A REAL BIG SPENDER.HEY, BIG SPENDER! HEY, BIG SPENDER! HEY BIG SPENDER! SPEND, A LITTLE DIME ON THE POOR! Many are in want of common comforts, sir.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEAre there no prisons? And the Union workhouses, are they still in operation? The treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigor then? I was afraid from what you said that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course.

LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTORWhat shall I put you down for?



MICHAEL AS SCROOGENothing!

LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTORYou wish to be anonymous?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEI wish to be left alone. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned -- they cost enough: and those who are badly off must go there.

LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTORMany can’t go there and many would rather die.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEIf they had rather die they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Good afternoon!

(Linda exits)

KEVINScrooge turned his attention to his clerk, Bob Cratchit.

(Kevin quick changes into Cratchit.)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYou’ll want all day tomorrow, I suppose?

KEVIN AS CRATCHITIf quite convenient, sir?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEIt’s not convenient and it’s not fair. If I was to stop you half-a-crown for it, you’d think yourself ill used, and yet, you don’t think me ill used when I pay a day’s wages for no work.

KEVIN AS CRATCHITBut sir, it is only once a year. . .

MUSIC: ONCE A YEAR DAY



KEVIN AS CRATCHIT (cont’d)THIS IS MY- ONCE A YEAR DAY, ONCE A YEAR DAY- I FINALLY GET A BREAK FROM HERE CUZ, THIS IS MY- ONCE A YEAR DAY, ONCE A YEAR DAY. I REALLY DON’T ASK MUCH FROM YOU. I COME IN EARLY, AND STAY LATE YOU DON’T HEAR ME COMPLAIN, I WORK ON THROUGH THE HEAT AND COLD (BRRR!)CAN’T I HAVE TOMORROW OFF, SIR?‘CAUSE- THIS IS MY- ONCE A YEAR DAY, ONCE A YEAR DAY, EVERYONE’S ENTITLED TO A BREAK, GOODNESS SAKE, PITY ME, I’M ONLY FREE- ONCE A YEAR!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEA poor excuse for picking a man’s pocket every twenty-fifth of December! But I suppose you must have the whole day. Be here all the earlier next morning.

LINDA ROSEScrooge took his melancholy dinner in his usual melancholy tavern then went home to bed. He lived in chambers which had once belonged to his deceased partner. Now, it is a fact that there was nothing at all particular about the knocker on the door, except that it was very large. It is also a fact that Scrooge had not bestowed one thought on Marley since his last mention of his seven-years dead partner that afternoon. And then let any man explain to me, if he can, how it happened that Scrooge, having his key in the lock of the door, saw in the knocker, not a knocker, but Marley’s face.

MUSIC: LOOK AT THAT FACE



MICHAEL AS SCROOGELOOK AT THAT FACE, JUST LOOK AT IT, LOOK AT THAT HIDEOUS FACE OF YOURS. I KNEW FIRST LOOK I TOOK AT IT, THIS WAS A FACE FROM WHICH TERROR POURS.

LOOK AT THOSE EYES AS SUNKEN AND VOID AS CAN BE. LOOK AT THAT NOSE, IT’S POINTING ITSELF AT ME.

AS FOR YOUR SMILE IT’S CYNICAL, GRUESOME AND COLD AS A WINTER’S DAY. YOUR FACE DOES NOT BELONG HERE, AND I WISH THAT IT WOULD JUST GO AWAY.

I FIND IT MAKES MY BLOOD CURDLE, IT’S THROWING MY HEART OFF PACE, I FIND I GET SHOOK WHEN I SUDDENLY LOOK AT THAT FACE.

LINDA ROSEAs Scrooge looked fixedly at this phenomenon, it was a knocker again.

KEVINScrooge went inside, lit a candle and ascended the stairs to his room, trimming the candle as he went. He walked his room to see that all was right. He had just enough recollection of the face--

MUSIC: SPOOKY SOUNDS

--to desire to do that. Nobody under the table, nobody under the sofa, nobody under the bed. Quite satisfied, he closed his door, and locked himself in; double locked himself in, which was not his custom. Scrooge settled down in his favorite chair when he heard a clanking noise deep down below, as if some person were dragging a heavy chain over the casks in the wine cellar.

LINDA ROSEClankity-clankity-clankity!

KEVINSuddenly, the cellar door flew open with a booming sound,



LINDA ROSEBoom!

KEVIN. . .and Scrooge heard the noise much louder on the floors below,

LINDA ROSECLANKITY!-CLANKITY!-CLANKITY!!!!!!

KEVIN. . .then coming up the stairs;

LINDA ROSEClankity-boom, clankity-boom, clankity-boom!

KEVIN. . .then coming straight towards his door!

LINDA ROSEClankity-clankity-clankity!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEHumbug! I won’t believe it!

KEVINHis color changed, though, when, without pause, it came on through the heavy door and passed into the room before his eyes!

(Linda appears as Marley a la Mae West)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWho are you?

LINDA AS MARLEYAsk me who I was.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWho were you, then?

LINDA AS MARLEYIn life, I was your partner, Jacob Marley.



MICHAELNo, I remember definitely, Jacob Marley was not a woman!

LINDA AS MARLEYIn life I WAS your partner, Jacob Marley.

MICHAELOh.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWhat do you want with me, JACOB?

LINDA AS MARLEYMuch!

MUSIC: TURN BACK, OH MAN.

LINDA AS MARLEY (cont’d)TURN BACK, OLD MAN. FORSWEAR THY GREEDY WAYS. YOU MUST REPENT RIGHT NOW, OR COUNT YOUR DAYS. DA DA DA DA DA. I WAS-- LIKE YOU AND LOOK AT WHAT I GOT. IF YOU DON’T CHANGE YOUR WAYS- YOU’RE HEADED FOR MY LOT. TURN BACK, OLD MAN, -I’m wearin’ the chains I forged in life! TURN BACK, OLD MAN, Mankind shoulda been my business, TURN BACK OLD MAN - lis ten to me mortal, FORSWEAR THY GREEDY WAYS. Repent, honey!

I am here tonight to warn you that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate. A chance and hope of my procuring, Ebenezer.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYou were always a good friend to me. Thankee!



LINDA AS MARLEYYou will be haunted this night by Three Spirits.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEIs that the chance and hope you mentioned?

LINDA AS MARLEYIt is. Expect the first tomorrow when the bell tolls one.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGECouldn’t I take ‘em all at once, and have it over?

LINDA AS MARLEYExpect the second on the next night at the same hour. The third the next night when the last stroke of Twelve has ceased to vibrate. Look to see me no more!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEJacob?

(bell rings, Linda exits, Humbug! I won’t believe it.

(Westminster quarter strikes)A quarter past.

(Westminster half strikes)Half past.

(Westminster three quarters strikes)A quarter to it?

(Westminster hour (one) strikes)The hour itself and nothing else!

(Kevin appears as The Ghost of Christmas Past - very very past)

Are you the spirit, sir, whose coming was foretold to me?

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTI am.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWho and what are you?

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTI am the Ghost of Christmas Past.



MICHAEL AS SCROOGELong past?

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTNo, your past.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEIf I could be so bold as to inquire, what business has brought you here?

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTYour welfare!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWell, thankee for that, but I do think that a night of unbroken rest would be more conducive to that end.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTYour reclamation, then. Take heed!

MUSIC: TRY TO REMEMBER

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PAST (cont’d)TRY TO REMEMBER, WHEN YOU WERE MORE LIMBER,WHEN AS A CHILD TO SCHOOL YOU DID GO.

(Linda Rose appears as Baby Fan)TRY TO REMEMBER, SIS WAS YOUR DEFENDER,SHE CHEERED YOU UP WHEN YOU FELT SO LOW. TRY TO REMEMBER THE DAY IN DECEMBERSHE CAME AND ANNOUNCED WITH HER HOME YOU WOULD GO, TRY TO REMEMBER AND IF YOU REMEMBER - THEN FOLLOW-

LINDA ROSE as BABY FANFOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTTRY TO REMEMBER, WHEN YOU WERE MORE LIMBERWHEN YOU WERE POOR AND CONTENT TO BE SO.

(Linda Rose appears as Belle)



(MORE)

TRY TO REMEMBER LIFE AS AN EAST-ENDERWHERE YOU HAD FRIENDS AND LOVE YOU DID KNOW.TRY TO REMEMBER THAT AWFUL DECEMBER WHEN TO YOUR TRUE LOVE YOU STRUCK SUCH A SAD BLOW,TRY TO REMEMBER AND IF YOU REMEMBER THEN FOLLOW

LINDA AS BELLEFOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOWETC.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTYour lip is trembling, and what is this upon your cheek? Do you know the way?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEKnow it? I could walk it blindfolded.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTWell that’s good, cuz I’m a little lost.

MUSIC: LET ME ENTERTAIN YOU(Linda enters as Baby Fan a la Shirley Temple)

LINDA AS FANHi! My name’s Baby Fan, what’s yours?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGELook, there’s Fan!

LINDA AS FANI have come to bring your home, dear brother!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEHome, little Fan?

MUSIC: BROADWAY BABY

LINDA AS FANHOME, EBENEZER, I’LL BRING YOU HOME FOR GOOD AND ALL. FATHER’S TURNED INTO A DOLL,



KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PAST

(MORE)

AND SAID YES YOU SHOULD COME ON-HOME, EBENEZER. FATHER SENT ME IN A COACH. A RIDE WE WILL NOT HAVE TO POACH, TO GET BACK TO TOWN.

DAD- IS NOT SO BAD, AND HE’LL BE GLAD, WE’RE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN. FEAR, NOT BROTHER, DEAR, FOR IT IS CLEAR,THAT YOU’LL BE A MAN.

HOME, EBENEZER HOME FOREVER AND A DAY. AND IT’S TRUE FATHER DID SAY NOW HE’S MENDING FENCES HE WILL GO TO GREAT EXPENSES TO SEE YOU- SHALL-BE- A- MAN!

MUSIC: THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE

MICHAEL AS SCROOGESTARTING WITH TODAY I HAVE A NEW OUTLOOK

LINDA AS FANYOU WILL BE A GROWN UP NOW

MICHAEL AS SCROOGESTARTING WITH TODAY I WILL BE A MAN.

LINDA AS FANALL THE LADIES YOU WILL WOW!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEIT’S TIME I PURCHASED SOME ADULT CLOTHES TO WEAR,IN FACT I WONDER IF I SHOULD GROW SOME FACIAL HAIR?



LINDA AS FAN (cont'd)

LINDA AS FANYOU SHOULD GROW SOME FACIAL HAIR!YOU SHOULD GROW SOME FACIAL HAIR!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEDAD WILL SET ME UP IN A NEW PROFESSION-

LINDA AS FANGET YOU AN APPRENTICESHIP!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYOU WILL SEE THE CHANGES WILL BE QUITE HUGE

LINDA AS FANYOU WILL LEARN TO CRACK THE WHIP!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEGOOD BYE TO CHILDHOODTHE CHANGE’LL BE HUGE! SO BEAT THE DRUMS ‘CAUSE HERE COMES A GROWN UPEBENEZER SCROOGE!

(dance break)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)GOOD BYE TO CHILDHOODTHE CHANGE’LL BE HUGE! SO BEAT THE DRUMS ‘CAUSE HERE COMES A GROWN UPEBENEZER SCROOGE!

LINDA AS FANCome dear brother, let us go home.

MUSIC: EXTRA, EXTRA(Linda exits)



KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTAlways a delicate creature, whom a breath might have withered. But she had a large . . . heart! She died a woman, and had, as I think, children.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOne child, my nephew, Fred.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTNed?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGENo, Fred.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTOh, Ted.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWith an “f” and an “r” and an “e” and a “d” and an f-r-e-d Fred!

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTHey!Know you this place?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYes! I was apprenticed here. It’s Old Fezziwig’s! The Christmas Ball, and look, there’s Mrs. Fezziwig!

(Linda as a tipsy Mrs.Fezziwig,)

LINDA AS MRS. FEZZIWIGCome Ebenezer, do favor us with a dance.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBut, I don’t know how.

MUSIC: SHALL WE DANCE

LINDA AS MRS. FEZZIWIGIt’s simple, I’ll show you. One, two, three and - One, two three, and - that’s very good!



(MORE)

YOU JUST STEP TO YOUR LEFT, AND THEN STEP TO YOUR RIGHT. NOW PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME AND YOU HOLD ON VERY TIGHT.I’VE HAD MY EYE ON YOU, FOR MANY DAYS AND NIGHTS,AND NOW THAT THEE-ARE HOLDING ME-IT’S USELESS TO PUT UP A FIGHT, AS WE DANCE!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOne, two three, and-

LINDA AS MRS. FEZZIWIGAS WE PRESS FLESH TOGETHER CROSS THE FLOOR.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOne, two, three, and-

LINDA AS MRS. FEZZIWIGAS WE DANCE-

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOne, two three, help!-

LINDA AS MRS. FEZZIWIGAS WE MAKE MOVES THAT LEAVE ME WANTING MORE!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOne, two three and-

LINDA AS MRS. FEZZIWIGTAKE A CHANCE! IT’S HIGH TIME YOU SEDUCED YOUR BOSS’S WIFE!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEAS WE DANCE ROUND TOGETHER, IN MY MIND I’M WONDERING WHETHER, I SHOULD START RUNNING FOR MY LIFE!



LINDA AS MRS. FEZZIWIG (cont'd)

BOTHTHERE’S NO MISUNDERSTANDING-OF JUST WHAT IN FACT IS HAPPENING-AS WE DANCE, AS WE DANCE, AS WE DANCE!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE(breaking embrace, Linda exits)

Oh, there’s Mr. Fezziwig! He was a generous man with both words and actions.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTA small matter to make these silly fools so full of gratitude. He has spent but a few pounds of your mortal money, is that so much that he deserves praise?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGESmall? It isn’t that, Spirit. Say that his power lies in words and looks, in things so slight and insignificant that it is impossible to add and count ‘em up.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTWhat is the matter?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEI should like to be able to say a word or two to my clerk just now. That’s all.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTMy time grows short. Now, see another Christmas.

(Linda appears as Belle)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBelle?

LINDA AS BELLEI have come to say goodbye, Ebenezer. Another idol has displaced me, a golden one. Our contract is an old one.



(MORE)

It was made when we were both poor and content to be so. You are changed, Ebenezer.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBelle, I have not changed toward you, I’ve pledged thee my troth.

MUSIC: SUE ME

LINDA AS BELLEYOU PLEDGE ME YOUR LOVE, YOU PLEDGE ME YOUR TROTH, YOU PLEDGE ME ALL THAT BUT YOU DON’T FOLLOW THROUGH, AND WITH ME YOU’RE A SLOTH - BUT YOU RUSH OUT THE DOOR, WHEN IT’S TIME TO COUNT MONEY AGAIN, AND I WATCH YOU IGNORE MY NEEDS, AS YOU WALLOW IN SELFISH GREED,SO I’M SETTING YOU FREE.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEGIVE MY RING BACK AND FREE ME, FREE ME, ALTHOUGH, THE FACTS BE, I LOVE YOU. GO AHEAD THEN AND LEAVE ME, LEAVE ME,CEASE TO BELIEVE THAT I LOVE YOU-

LINDA AS BELLEIF WE HAD NOT MET THEN, TELL ME YOU’D TRY TO WIN ME NOW?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEALRIGHT, ALREADY IT’S SURE YOU’VE NO DOWRY- ALRIGHT, ALREADY IT’S SURE, YOU’RE POOR. SO FREE ME, FREE ME, BUT CAN’T YOU SEE ME? I LOVE YOU.

LINDA AS BELLEYOU ARE A CHANGED MAN, YOUR IDOL IS GOLD. I WILL NOT REMAIN HERE AND WATCH YOU GROW MEAN, AND I’M SICKENED TO DEATH BY YOUR MISERLY WAYS



LINDA AS BELLE (cont'd)

(MORE)

AND I’M TELLING YOU I RELEASE YOU.AND I WATCH YOU IGNORE MY NEEDS,

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBelle, Belle.

LINDA AS BELLEAS YOU WALLOW IN SELFISH GREED,

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBelle!

LINDA AS BELLESO I’M SETTING YOU FREE.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEFREE ME, FREE ME, THOUGH THE TRUE FACT BE, I LOVE YOU!

LINDA AS BELLEI release you from our contract Ebenezer. May you be happy in the life you have chosen!

(Linda returns his ring and exits)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBelle! Spirit, remove me from this place, take me back.

KEVIN AS CHRISTMAS PASTI told you these were shadows of the things that have been. They are what they are do not blame me.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE

Haunt me no longer!

(bell rings, Kevin exits, Linda appears as Christmas Present - sort of Lena Lamont wearing a large gift box)



LINDA AS BELLE (cont'd)

MUSIC: CATS CRAWL

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTI am the Ghost of Christmas Presents!

MICHAELShouldn’t that be “Christmas Present?”

LINDA ROSEWhatever!

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTI am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me! You’ve never seen the like of me before!

MICHAELActually, you look a little like the Ghost of Jacob Marley.

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTYou’ve never seen the like of me before!

MICHAELOh!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGENever. Spirit, conduct me where you will. I went forth last night on compulsion, and I learned a lesson which is working now. Tonight if you have aught to teach me, let me profit by it.

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTTouch my robe, uh . . . box! TOUCH IT!

MUSIC: MEMORY

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTTOUCH ME IT’S NOT EASY TO BE ME CUZ THIS BOX IS REAL HEAVY AND I’M STARTING TO SCHVITZIF YOU TOUCH ME



(MORE)

THEN WE CAN MOVE ALONG WITH OUR PLAY AND MORE CHEAP LAUGHS WE CAN GITZ!

This humble house you have never entered before. Do you recognize the gathering?

(Kevin appears as Cratchit)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGENo, Spirit. I know no one who would live in such meager a dwelling. Why, it’s my Clerk, Bob Cratchit. And this must be his family.

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTObserve, little man, and learn!

(Linda leaves box)

MUSIC: THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS (as she quick changes into Mrs. Cratchit)

KEVIN AS CRATCHITMrs. Cratchit, such a goose there never was!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWhy, it’s not very large, surely not enough to feed a family of this size.

KEVIN AS CRATCHITAnd the pudding, a masterpiece.

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHITOh, Mr. Cratchit, you do go on!

KEVIN AS CRATCHITNo, my dear, I am sincere, in fact . . .

MUSIC: CLAMBAKE

KEVIN AS CRATCHIT (cont’d)THIS WAS A REAL NICE PUD-DING, THE PRIZE OF OUR CHRISTMAS FEAST. THAT IT WOULD TURN OUT, WE HAD NO DOUBT!



LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENT

(MORE)

WE’RE GRATEFUL TO SAY THE LEAST. WE’RE ALL AT HOME, TOGETHER AGAIN-WITH MUCH DESSERT TO EAT.WE END OUR MEAL WITH PUD-DING, BECAUSE WE CAN’T AFFORD MUCH MEAT.

FIRST COME CHRISTMAS GOO-OSE, LIKE THERE NEVER WAS! EKED OUT WITH FRESH MASHED ‘TA-TOES AND SOME APPLE SAUCE!

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHITTHEN CAME TIME FOR THE PUD-DING-

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYOU WERE OH SO NERVOUS!

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHITI WENT TO FETCH IT AND BROUGHT IT OUT TOPPED OFF WITH A CINNAMON STICK!

ALLOH! OH! OH!THIS WAS A REAL NICE PUD-DING, THE PRIZE OF OUR CHRISTMAS FEAST. THAT IT WOULD TURN OUT, WE HAD NO DOUBT! WE’RE GRATEFUL TO SAY THE LEAST. WE’RE ALL AT HOME, TOGETHER AGAIN-WITH MUCH DESSERT TO EAT.WE END OUR MEAL WITH PUD-DING, BECAUSE WE CAN’T AFFORD MUCH MEAT.

WE’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND WE’LL SAY IT AGAIN, WE JUST CAN’T AFFORD MUCH MEAT! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

KEVIN AS CRATCHITMrs. Cratchit, young Tim was good as gold in church today.



KEVIN AS CRATCHIT (cont’d)

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHITI worry about him. Somehow he gets thoughtful, s itting by himself so much. He told me that he hoped people would see him in church because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day who made the lame walk and blind men see. Tim, my Tiny, TINY Tim, how do you stay so optimistic?

(Kevin quick changes into Tiny Tim)

KEVIN AS TINY TIMIt’s easy, mother, I just always remember:

MUSIC: TOMORROW

KEVIN AS TINY TIM (cont’d)I’M GOING TO WALK, TOMORROW, BET YOUR LAST HA'PENNY THAT TOMORROW IS THE DAY! JUST THINKIN’ ABOUT-- TOMORROW,CHEERS ME UP AND KEEPS FROM LETTIN’ SORROW GET IN MY WAY,WHEN THE OTHER KIDS LAUGH AND CALL ME GIMPY,I JUST SMILE REAL CUTE BUT INSIDE I SAY- OH! I’M LEARNIN’ TO WALK, TOMORROW, SO YOU BETTER LOOK OUT AND TOMORROW, YOU’D BETTER RUN,TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I GET YA, TOMORROW, SO GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE!TO-MORROW, TOMORROW, I GET YA, TOMORROW, SO GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE!

MUSIC: CATS CRAWL(as Linda quick changes into Christmas Present)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGESpirit, tell me if Tiny Tim will live.



LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTI see a vacant seat in the chimney corner, and a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, the child will die.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGENo, no, kind Spirit, say he will be spared!

MUSIC: THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS (as Kevin and Linda quick change into the Cratchits)

KEVIN AS CRATCHITMr. Scrooge. I give you Mr. Scrooge, the Founder of the Feast.

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHITThe Founder of the Feast indeed! I wish I had him here. I’d give him a piece of my mind to feast upon, and I hope he’d have a good appetite for it.

MUSIC: MASTER OF THE HOUSE

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHIT (cont’d)COME ON, NOW BOB, SIT YOURSELF DOWN. YOU KNOW HE’S THE WORST MISER IN TOWN. SCROOGE AT HIS BEST, IS JUST A CROOK, CHARGIN’ HIGH RATES AND COOKIN’ THE BOOKS! SELDOM WILL YOU SEE, HEARTLESS MEN LIKE HE, IS THIS THE VERY MAN THAT YOU PURPORT TO BE...

FOUNDER OF THE FEAST, THE MAN TO WHOM YOU’RE BOUND, EVERY LITTLE CHANCE HE GETS HE HOLDS YOU DOWN. NEVER GET A RAISE,



(MORE)

ALWAYS GET A FROWN, FOR YOUR CHRISTMAS BONUS YOU DON’T GET ONE POUND! HE DON’T GIVE NO CHRISTMAS PRESENTS, WOULDN’T HURT HIM TO BE NICE. BUT SCROOGE DON’T GIVE YOU NOTHING EVERYTHING TO HIM HAS GOT IT’S PRICE.

KEVIN AS CRATCHITFOUNDER OF THE FEAST, CHEAP TO SAY THE LEAST, NOW I COME TO THINK OF IT HE’S JUST A BEAST. NEVER A NICE WORD, NEVER GIVES ME COAL, PEOPLE TAKIN’ SIDE BETS THAT HE HAS NO SOUL. EVERYBODY HATES A MISER. WOULDN’T WANT HIM AS A FRIEND. IF WE WERE NOT SO POOR- I’D TELL HIM OFF FOR SURE- HOW I EVER STAND IT NO ONE KNOWS!

MUSIC SWITCHES TO MINOR KEY

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEI’M THE FOUNDER OF THEIR FEAST, REALLY RATHER SAD. THE CHILDREN HATE ME FOR THE WAY I TREAT THEIR DAD

MUSIC BACK TO MAJOR

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)SPIRIT IT IS CLEAR, NOW I SEE MY FATE, BETTER CHANGE MY WAYS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. EVERYBODY HATES A MISER I HAD BETTER MAKE MY PEACE-

KEVIN AS CRATCHITEVERYBODY RAISE A GLASS-

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHITRAISE IT UP OLD SCROOGE’S ASS!



LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHIT (cont’d)

ALLEVERYBODY RAISE A GLASS TO THE FOUNDER OF THE FEAST!

KEVIN AS CRATCHITMy dear, the children! Christmas Day.

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHITI’ll drink his health for your sake and the Day’s, not for his. Long life to him! A Merry Christmas and an Happy New Year! He’ll be very merry, and very happy I have no doubt!

MUSIC: CATS CRAWL(Linda quick changes into Christmas Present)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGESpirit, take me from this place. It is clear I am not welcomed here.

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTCome then Scrooge, observe another Christmas feast!

MUSIC: THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS(Kevin quick changes into Nephew Fred )

KEVIN AS FREDHe said that Christmas was a humbug, as I live! He believed it too! He’s a comical old fellow, that’s the truth; and not so pleasant as he might be. However, his offenses carry their own punishment, and I have nothing to say against him. But, my wife and I have hope for him yet.

LINDA AS MARIEI’m sure he’s very rich, Fred, at least you always tell me so.

KEVIN AS FREDWhat of that, my dear? His wealth is of no use to him. He don’t do any good with it. He don’t make himself comfortable with it.

LINDA AS MARIEI have no patience with him.



KEVIN AS FREDOh, I have. I am sorry for him; I couldn’t be angry with him if I tried. Who suffers by his ill whims? Himself always. Here he takes it into his head to dis like us, and he won’t come and dine with us. What’s the consequence? He loses some pleasant moments, which could do him no harm. And now - how about a game?

LINDA AS MARIEOh, yes - a game but what?

HOWARD AS TOPPERBlind man’s bluff?

LINDA AS MARIEMusical chairs?

HOWARD AS TOPPERStrip poker?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOh, play “Yes and No!” Please play “Yes and No!”

KEVIN AS FREDI know - how about “Yes and No?”

MUSIC: LET’S MISBEHAVE

KEVIN AS FRED (cont’d)NOW LET’S PLAY A PARTY GAME, YOU SHOULD KNOW IT’S TERRIFIC FUN IT’S CALLED “YES AND NO” YOU ALL ASK ME PROBING QUESTIONS LIKE: ‘DO I BARK OR CROW?’ AND I THEN MUST ANSWER WITH “YES” OR “NO”

LINDA AS MARIEIS IT A BEAST?

HOWARD AS TOPPERWILD AT LEAST?



LINDA AS MARIEAND IS IT CUNNING?

HOWARD AS TOPPERDOES LOTS OF RUNNING?

KEVIN AS FREDYES, YES, YES, NO!

LINDA AS MARIEAND DOES IT GROWL-

HOWARD AS TOPPEROR SOMETIMES HOWL-

LINDA AS MARIEAND IS IT VICIOUS?

HOWARD AS TOPPERDOES IT EAT FISHES?

KEVIN AS FREDYES, YES, YES, NO!

KEVIN AS FRED (CONT.) (cont’d)IT ALSO WALKS AND TALKS AND ISN’T PRONE TO LAUGHTER IN FACT I WORRY FOR HIS SOUL IN THE HEREAFTER.

LINDA AS MARIEIS IT A MAN WHO’S NOT A FAN OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON?

HOWARD AS TOPPER-DEFIES ALL REASON?

LINDA AND HOWARDIT’S YOUR UNCLE SCROOGE!



KEVIN AS FREDYes! It is my Uncle Scrooge. He has given us plenty of merriment, I am sure, and it would be ungrateful not to drink his health. A Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to the old man, where ever he is! He wouldn’t take it from me, but may he have it, nevertheless. Uncle Scrooge!

(Kevin exits)

MUSIC: CATS CRAWL(as Linda changes into Christmas Past)

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTScrooge, my life upon this earth is very brief. It ends tonight at midnight.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGESpirit, forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask, but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your - um - skirts.

(from under/inside of Linda’s box appears Kevin with two LES MIZ hand puppets)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)Spirit! Are they yours?

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTThey are Man’s. The Boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware of them both but most of all beware this boy.

MUSIC: IT’S A HARD KNOCK LIFE

KEVIN AS IGNORANCE IT’S THE HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US!

LINDA AS WANTIT’S THE HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US!

LINDA AND KEVINLIFE IS FILLED WITH PESTILENCE, WHEN YOU’RE WANT AND IGNORANCE. IT’S THE HARD KNOCK LIFE!



KEVIN AS IGNORANCE YOU CAN FEEL THE WEIGHT OF MANKIND ON YOUR SHOULDERS. YOU CAN FEEL YOURSELF A CARRYIN’ MAN’S SINS.

LINDA AS WANTWE GO ON UPHILL PUSHING HEAVY BOULDERS. AND WE’RE NEVER GETTING CLOSER TO THE END.

LINDA AND KEVINGO THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT A CHANCE. AS WE PAY FOR MANKINDS’ DANCE. SPENDING LIFE AS PUNY RUNTSCUZ WE’RE WANT AND IGNORANCE, IT’S A HARD KNOCK LIFE!

(Kevin and puppets exit)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEHave they no refuge or resources?

LINDA AS CHRISTMAS PRESENT‘Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?’

(bells strikes midnight, Linda and Kevin exit as lights fade to black on Michael)

END OF ACT IINTERMISSION



ACT II

(lights up on Howard at piano dressed as Phantom. As he pounds into intro, Linda and Kevin enter - they sing deadpan to audience)

MUSIC: THE TALE OF SWEENY TODD

LINDA AND KEVINTHE TALE OF EBENEZER SCROOGE.INCREDIBLY CHEAP AND IMPOSSIBLY RUDE. SO HERE’S WHAT’S UP WITH OUR PLAY SO FAR, PUT DOWN YOUR POP CAN AND COME BACK FROM YOUR CAR. WITH INFORMATION WE’LL DELUGE-

(alternative :SO HERE’S WHAT UP WITH OUR PLAY TO DATE, PLEASE COME AND SIT DOWN SO WE DON’T HAVE TO WAIT. WITH INFORMATION WE’LL DELUGE-)

OF MR. SCROOGE, THE MISER CALLED EBENEZER.

LINDA ROSENO FRIENDS HAS HE SINCE HIS PARTNER DIED.

KEVINHE HAS A POOR CLERK HE KEEPS LOCKED UP INSIDE.

LINDA ROSEAND NO ONE CARES BUT HIS NEPHEW FRED,

KEVINIF SCROOGE HAD HIS WAY THE POOR BOY WOULD BE DEAD.

BOTHA GHOST BROUGHT WORD TO MAKE AMENDS-



LINDA ROSEMARLEY, THE DEAD FRIEND-

BOTHOF THE MISER CALLED EBENEZER. ONE GHOST CAME TO SEE SCROOGE AND SHOWED HIM HIS OWN PAST- REMINDED HIM THAT ONCE HE HAD KNOWN HAPPINESS.

(Michael enters, with razor)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGETHE TALE OF EBENEZER SCROOGE. INCREDIBLY CHEAP AND IMPOSSIBLY RUDE. THE SECOND GHOST SHOWED ME THINGS FROM TODAY AND IF FATE WILL LET ME I’LL ALTER MY WAYS-

(Michael raises razor)WHY DO I FEEL I KNOW THIS SONG?

(Michael tosses razor away)LET’S MOVE ALONG- WITH THE MISER CALLED EBENEZER.

ALLEBENEZER, EBENEZER SCROOGE.

(Kevin and Linda clear, lights on Michael who is back in his bedchamber as clock finishes striking)

MUSIC: SO LONG, FAREWELL

MICHAEL AS SCROOGETHERE’S A SAD SORT OF CLANGING FROM OUTSIDE IN THE GLOOM, AND THE PIT OF MY STOMACH TOO,TELLS ME SOON IN MY BEDCHAMBER A THIRD SPIRIT GUIDE WILL BE POPPIN IN TO SAY “IT’S TRUE.”

(Howard from piano in robe)

HOWARD AS C’MAS YET TO COMEIT’S TRUE, IT’S TRUE



MICHAEL AS SCROOGEAS I CAN NOT DISPEL YE IT’S CERTAIN YOU’LL COMPEL ME TO GO ALONG-

HOWARD AS C’MAS YET TO COMEIT’S TRUE!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWITH YOU! HELLO, WIE GEHTS, WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE!OFF I MUST GO TO LEARN THE TRUTH FROM YOU-

(there is a musical transition between So Long, Farewell and Willkommen)

YOU ARE THE GHOST-AND I SAY- WELCOME YOU GHOST OF THE FUTURE. FROM MY BEDROOM-INTO THE GLOOM- LET’S FACE MY DOOM!

(MUSIC: Phantom of the Opera chords)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)Am I in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come?

(Howard nods yes)You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us?

(Howard nods yes, lowers hood to reveal Phantom mask)

Ghost of the Future! I fear you more than any specter I have seen.

MUSIC: PHANTOM(Scrooge is “transformed” into Christine from Phantom, Linda Rose appears with gondola for Christine, Kevin appears with candelabra on long long extension chord and follows gondola around the stage as Scrooge sings)



MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)FROM SLEEP YOU BECKON MEFROM DREAMS I STAND.WHAT IS IT THAT YOU SEE?WHAT IS YOUR PLAN?YOU’LL SHOW ME SHADOWS OFTHINGS THAT WILL BE.THE PHANTOM OF CHRISTMASES YET TO COME I’LL FOLLOW THEE.

HOWARD AS C’MAS YET TO COMECOME SCROOGE AND WALK WITH ME, ACROSS THIS LAND. GO WHERE I POINT YOU WITH- MY BONY HAND.I’LL SHOW YOU GLIMPSES OF WHAT WAITS FOR THEE. I’M THE PHANTOM OF CHRISTMASES YET TO COME,SO FOLLOW ME.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWHAT YOU WILL SHOW TO ME? I NEED TO KNOW.THOUGH I’VE GREAT FEAR OF THEE-

HOWARD AS C’MAS YET TO COMECOME ON, LET’S GO!

BOTHONE SPIRIT AND ONE MAN, IN HARMONY. THE PHANTOM OF CHRISTMASES YET TO COME, I’LL/SO FOLLOWTHEE/ME.



HOWARD AS CHRISTMAS YET TO COME

I’M THE PHANTOM OF THE FUTURE.(Howard points, Michael won’t go, Howard keeps pointing his bony finger as - Kevin and Linda put away props then return)

KEVIN & LINDAYES! YES! HE’S THE PHANTOM OF THE FUTURE!

(Michael begins to vocalize strangely, his song becoming more and more extravagant until END. The rubber chicken falls from the ceiling)

MICHAELBehold! She is singing to bring down the Chanticleer! Chanticleer - get it? It’s french for rooster, rhymes with chandelier - like in Phantom of the Opera they drop the chandelier and we . . . well . . .

MICHAEL AS SCROOGESpirit, I know your purpose is to do me good, and I hope to live to be another man from what I was. Will you not speak to me?

(Howard nods “no”)Lead on, Spirit!

(Kevin and Linda appear as Gossips)

KEVIN AS GOSSIPThey say Old Scratch is dead?

LINDA AS GOSSIPYes. I don’t know much about it, I only know that he is dead.

KEVIN AS GOSSIPWhen did he die?

LINDA AS GOSSIPLast night I believe. I thought he’d never die.

KEVIN AS GOSSIPWhat has he done with all his money?



LINDA AS GOSSIPNot left it to me, that’s all I know.

KEVIN AS GOSSIPDid you hear about his servants?

MUSIC: RAZZLE, DAZZLE

LINDA AS GOSSIPGAVE ‘EM THE OLD ROB AND PLUNDER-

KEVIN AS GOSSIP. . . THEY ROBBED AND PLUNDERED HIM?

LINDA AS GOSSIPTHEY TOOK THE LINENS AND THE SILVERWARE- THEY STRIPPED THE BED AND LEFT HIM LAYING THERE!

KEVIN AS GOSSIPTHEY TOOK THE OLD “FIVE FINGER DISCOUNT?”

LINDA AS GOSSIPHOW COULD HE SEE WITH TUPPENCE ON HIS EYES?

KEVIN AS GOSSIPYOU MEAN TO SAY NO ONE WAS WISER?

LINDA AS GOSSIPWHO EVER CARED FOR THAT OLD MISER?

BOTHTHEY ROBBED AND PLUNDERED HIM, ROBBED AND PLUNDERED HIM,ROBBED AND PLUNDERED HIM, AND NOBODY GOT WISE!

(Linda and Kevin freeze onstage)



MICHAEL AS SCROOGESpirit, this is a fearful place. If there is any person who feels emotion caused by this man’s death show that person to me, Spirit, I beseech you!

(Linda and Kevin turn around to become Caroline and her husband)

LINDA AS CAROLINEIs it good or bad?

KEVIN AS CAROLINE’S HUSBANDBad. There is no hope yet, Caroline.

LINDA AS CAROLINEIf HE relents there is. Nothing is past hope!

KEVIN AS CAROLINE’S HUSBANDHe is past relenting, he is dead.

LINDA AS CAROLINETo whom will our debt be transferred?

KEVIN AS CAROLINE’S HUSBANDI do not know, but I find it impossible to believe that anyone could be as merciless a creditor as his predecessor. We may sleep tonight with light hearts, Caroline.

MUSIC: EVERYTHING’S COMING UP ROSES

LINDA AS CAROLINEWE’LL SLEEP WELL!WE’LL SLEEP LATE! KNOWING HE LOST CONTROL OF OUR FATE!

BOTHSTARING HERE, STARING NOW, WE NO LONGER HAVE DEBTS TO THAT MISER!



LINDA AS CAROLINEHEAVEN’S BLESSED US, TOOK HIM OUT OF OUR WAY!

KEVIN AS CAROLINE’S HUSBANDHIS DEATH’S A PLUS,TERMS ON OUR LOAN WE CAN DISCUSS!

LINDA AND KEVINWE’LL SLEEP WELL!WE’LL SLEEP LATE! KNOWING HE LOST CONTROL OF OUR FATE!

LINDA AS CAROLINEWE’LL CREATE, A CLEAN SLATE-

KEVIN AS CAROLINE’S HUSBANDNOW HE’S DEAD, I FEEL GREAT!

BOTHNOW HE CAN’T HOLD US TO A THING WE’VE SAID!WE NO LONGER HAVE DEBTS TO THAT MISER,THAT WRETCHED MAN-WE DON’T HAVE DEBTS TO THAT PIG

-HEADED LITTLE MANWE DON’T HAVE DEBTS TO THAT MISER-LET’S GO HOME TO BED!

(they exit)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGESpirit, let me see some tenderness connected with a death!

(Linda enters as Mrs. Cratchit)

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHIT

Your father is not yet home? He walks a little s lower than he used to. I have known him to walk with Tiny Tim upon his shoulder very fast indeed.

(Kevin enters as Cratchit)



KEVIN AS CRATCHITBut, he was very light to carry.

LINDA AS MRS. CRATCHITBob!

KEVIN AS CRATCHITI went to see that place where Tim is today. I wish you could have seen how green a place it is. But you’ll see it often. I promised him that I would walk there on a Sunday. My little, little child!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOh, no, Spirit, it cannot be so. . .

MUSIC: BRING HIM HOME

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)GOD, UP HIGH, IT’S ME, SCROOGE. NOW I SEE, THAT I’VE BEEN A BIG STOOGE,TIM’S A KID, TINY TOO, LET HIM LIVE, PLEASE, WON’T YOU- SEND HIM HOME?SEND HIM HOME?SEND HIM HOME? HE’S LIKE THE KID I COULD HAVE BEEN, IF I HAD BEEN A NORMAL KID.WHY PUNISH HIM FOR WHAT I DID?UNTIMELY DEATH I MUST FORBID.TRUE, HE’S A PUNY INVALID.

I AM MEAN, HE IS MILDWHY TAKE HIM? HE’S A SHORT LITTLE CHILD.PLEASE BE FAIR, PLEASE REFLECT PROVE YOU’RE THERE, RESURRECT. IF I GO, WHO WILL KNOW, BRING HIM BACK, SEND HIM HOME, SEND HIM HOME, SEND HIM HOME.

(Howard points)



MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)Spirit, why do you point this way? My house is yonder. Before I draw near to the stone to which you point, answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that WILL be, or are they shadows of the things that MAY be only?

(Kevin enters as/with Ignorance )

MUSIC: IT SUCKS TO BE ME

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEHey Scrooge!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWant?

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEIgnorance - I’m a new plot device - so, how is your life?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEDisappointing!

(Linda enters as/with Want)

LINDA AS WANTWhat’s the matter?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWell, my life didn’t turn out quite the way I expected it!

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEYeah well, what ya gonna do?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEI know! I mean, look at me! I said. Look at me! I’m old and I can’t even get anyone to . . .

LINDA AS WANTWhat?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGENo, it sounds stupid.



KEVIN AS IGNORANCEAny stupider than anything else you’ve done tonight?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I DREAMED I WOULD BE-

LINDA AS WANTWhat?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEA MAN LIKE FEZZIWIG, WITH FRIENDS SURROUNDING ME BUT NOW I AM QUITE OLD AND AS YOU CAN SEE-I’M NOT

KEVIN AS IGNORANCENope!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOH WELL

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEIT SUCKS TO BE THEE

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYeah I know

LINDA AS WANTIT SUCKS TO BE THEE

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEI said I know!

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEIT SUCKS TO BE OLD AND HAVE NO FRIENDS AND HAVE NO FAMILY -IT SUCKS TO BE THEE.

Well, you think your life sucked?



MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYes, I do.

(Linda enters as/with Want)

LINDA AS WANTYour problems weren’t so bad!

LINDA AS WANT (cont’d)I SPEND MY LIFE WITH SOMEONE’S HAND UP MY SKIRT

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEI know the feeling.

LINDA AS WANTIT MAY SOUND FUN BUT AFTER’WHILE IT HURTS AND I’M REAL SICK OF THIS BIG RIP IN MY SHIRT AND I WANT SOME NEW CLOTHING

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEME TOO, AND I’M ALWAYS HUNGRY

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE(to Linda)

You’re right!IT SUCKS TO BE THEE

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEMe too.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE(to Kevin)

IT SUCKS TO BE THEE

KEVIN AS IGNORANCEIT SUCKS TO BE WE

LINDA AS WANTIT SUCKS TO BE WANT



KEVIN AS IGNORANCEAND IGNORANCE

LINDA AS WANTTO LOOK LIKE A SLOB

KEVIN AS IGNORANCETO NOT HAVE A PENCE

KEVIN & LINDAIT SUCKS TO BE WE!

HOWARD AS CHRISTMAS YET TO COME

I DIDN’T STUDY MUSICTO PLAY THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COMENOW I’M STUCK PLAYING PIANOWHILE WEARING THE MASK FROM PHANTOM I HOPE THIS GIGWILL LAST ONE SEASON AT WORSTSO I SAID YESAND I’M TRAPPED IN HELL NOW-

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWE’RE OFF TRACK CUZ THIS PLAY’S ABOUT HOWI NEED REDEMPTION THE GHOSTS HAVE SHOWED ME THE WAY

LINDA AS WANT/KEVIN AS IGNORANCE

OH YEAH!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEI UNDERSTAND THAT I MUST CHANGE MY WAYS AND CHANGE TO DAY WITH AN-Y LUCK SOMEDAY I MAYBE WILL SAY MY LIFE



(MORE)

DIDN’T SUCK BUT TODAY I AM STILL STUCK

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)IT SUCKS TO BE WE!

KEVIN & LINDAYUP! IT SUCKS TO BE WE!

HOWARDSUCKS TO BE WE

LINDA AS WANTIT SUCKS TO BE WE

ALLIS THERE ANYBODY HERE IT DOESN’T SUCK TO BE? IT SUCKS TO BE WE

BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAHBAH BAH BAH BAHHUMBUG!

BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH BAHBAH BAH BAH BAHHUMBUG!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE(crossing to tombstone)

S-C-R-O-O-G-E. Scrooge Am I the man?

LINDA AND KEVINUh Huh!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE(point to tombstone)

IT SUCKS TO BE HE!



MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont'd)

LINDA AND KEVINYou win!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEIT SUCKS TO BE HE!

LINDA AND KEVINSUCKS TO BE SCROOGE

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEIT SUCKS TO BE SCROOGE

LINDA AND KEVINIT SUCKS TO BE ---

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWait!

(music stops)I will not be the man I must have been for this intercourse.

(light cue)

KEVIN AS IGNORANGEWhat does that mean?

LINDA AS WANT(exiting)

Come on, I’ll show you . . . (to audience)

In the DICTIONARY!(Kevin and Linda exit)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWhy show me this if I am beyond all hope? Good Spirit, I WILL honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!

(bell rings 7 o’clock)

Why, it is morning, I am in my room. This is the chance in hope I asked for!

MUSIC: GOOD MORNING



MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)IT’S MORNING!IT’S MORNING! AND I AM IN MY BED,IT’S MORNING, IT’S MORNING, I’M NOT DEAD.

IT’S MORNING! IT’S MORNING! I GET MY SECOND CHANCE. IT’S MORNING! IT’S MORNING! LET’S DANCE!

THE SPIRITS SHOWED ME SIGHTS THAT TAUGHT ME I SHOULD CHANGE MY WAYS.THEIR MESSAGE SENT, NOW I REPENT, I’LL BE GRATEFUL ALL MY DAYS

BECAUSE IT’S MORNING! IT’S MORNING! AND I CAN CHANGE MY FATEIT’S MORNING IT’S MORNING I FEEL GREAT!

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont'd)I will live in the Past, the Present and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. O Jacob Marley and the Christmas Time be praised for this! I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as and angel, I’m as giddy as a drunken man-

Music: I’M IN LOVE WITH A WONDERFUL GUY

MICHAEL(to Howard)

Not even I am that cheap!(Howard stops)



MICHAEL AS SCROOGEOh, a merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world! But, I don’t know what day of the month it is . I don’t know how long I have been among the Spirits. I don’t know anything.

(Crossing to ‘window’)Hallo! You there, boy. What’s today?

KEVIN AS BOY IN STREET‘Eh?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWhat’s today, my fine fellow?

KEVIN AS BOY IN STREETToday? Why, CHRISTMAS DAY.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE

It’s Christmas Day! I haven’t missed it. The Spirits have done it all in one night.

(to boy)Hallo! Do you know the poulterer’s in the next street but one, at the corner?

KEVIN AS BOY IN STREETI should hope I did.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEAn intelligent boy! A remarkable boy! Do you know whether they’ve sold the prize turkey that was hanging up there? Not the little prize turkey: the big one?

KEVIN AS BOY IN STREETWhat! The one as big as me? It’s hanging there now.

MUSIC: WHO WILL BUY

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEGO AND BUY THAT WONDERFUL TURKEY! HERE’S SOME CASH,



(MORE)

-TAKE MORE FOR YOUR FEE. GO AND SENDIT OFF TO BOB CRATCHIT’S-ATTACH IT TO THIS NOTE FROM ME.

IT’S TIME THEY STOPPED LIVING LIKE PEASANTS. WHY, I SHOULD SEND A

CHRISTMAS TREE.AND I MUST SEND SOME CHRISTMAS PRESENTS,BUT THEY WON’T KNOW THEY CAME FROM ME!

KEVIN AS BOY IN THE STREETI’LL GO AND BUYTHAT WONDERFUL TURKEY. I’LL TAKE CARE,WON’T SAY IT’S FROM THEE. GO AND SEND IT OFF TO BOB CRATCHITS’

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWELL DON’T STAND THERE AND GAPE, GO ON YOU SILLY APE, I’M TELLING YOU TO GO AND BUY!

(Kevin begins to exit, then becomes Narrator)

KEVINScrooge dressed hastily and ran out into the streets. He regarded every one he met with a delighted smile.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEGood-morning . . .

KEVINScrooge had not gone far when, coming toward him he beheld a familiar face.

(Linda as Charity Collector)

LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTORScrooge and Marley’s I believe?



MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont'd)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEMy dear madame, how do you do? I hope you succeeded yesterday. A Merry Christmas to you!

LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTORMr. Scrooge?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYes, that is my name, and I fear it may not be pleasant to you. Allow me to ask your pardon. And will you have the goodness. . .

(he whispers in her ear)

LINDA AS CHARITY COLLECTORLord bless me! My dear Mr. Scrooge, are you serious? I don’t know what to say.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEDon’t say anything, please-

MUSIC: WOULDN’T IT BE LOVELY

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)ALL I WANT IS A CHANCE TO PROVE, I’M IN THE PHILANTHROPIC GROVE, AND SO I’LL MAKE MY MOVE- NOW I’M NO LONGER MISERLY.

LOTS OF POOR FOLKS THAT I CAN AID, WITH WINTER SHELTER AND SUMMER SHADE. THEY’LL BE MY NEW CRUSADE,NOW I’M NO LONGER MISERLY.

NO, MORE MISERLY PINCHIN’ EVERY SINGLE BLOODY CENT, I’LL TAKE BEGGARS IN MY HOME, - AND I WON’T CHARGE ANY RENT.

SOMEDAY MAYBE GOOD FRIENDS WE’LL BE. SAY THAT YOU’LL COME AND CALL ON ME, AND THERE’S NO CONSULT FEE,NOW I’M NO LONGER MISERLY-



(MORE)

MISERLY-MISERLY- MISERLY -MISERLY.

LINDA ROSEScrooge walked about the town and found that everything could yield him pleasure. He had never dreamed that any walk - that anything- could give him so much happiness. In the afternoon he turned his steps towards his nephew’s house. He passed the door a dozen times before he had the courage to go up and knock. But he made a dash and did it.

(Scrooge knocks on door)

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEFred!

KEVIN AS FREDWhy, bless my soul! Who’s that?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEIt is I. Your Uncle Scrooge.

LINDA AS MARIEUncle Scrooge?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEI have come to dinner. I hate to be a pest, but will you let me in, Fred?

MUSIC: BE OUR GUEST

KEVIN AS FREDBE A PEST?

LINDA AS MARIEBE A PEST?

KEVIN AS FREDPUT THAT AWFUL THOUGHT TO REST!



MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont’d)

LINDA AS MARIECOME AND JOIN OUR CHRISTMAS PARTY,

KEVIN AS FREDWE’LL MAKE YOU OUR HONORED GUEST.

(Linda ‘ahs” here as Kevin sings)DON’T BE SHY, COME DO TRY,NOW I WILL NOT TELL A LIE- TRUE FUN AT YOU WE WERE JUST POKING-

KEVIN & LINDA BUT YOU KNOW WE’RE ONLY JOKING!

KEVIN AS FRED(Linda ‘ahs’ some more)

COME INSIDE- DON’T YOU HIDE- SEE OUR ARMS ARE OPEN WIDE! TO HAVE YOU HERE WITH US TONIGHT WAS OUR REQUEST-

KEVIN & LINDAWE ARE SO GLAD TO SEE YOU,NOW INSIDE PLEASE COME DO,BE A PEST! BE A PEST! PLEASE BE A PEST!

LINDA ROSEBut, Scrooge’s transformation did not end with his work on Christmas Day. He rushed to the counting house the next morning, hopeful to catch his clerk arriving a few minutes late.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEWhat do you mean coming here at this time of day?

KEVIN AS CRATCHITI am very sorry sir, I am behind my time. It is only once a year, s ir, it shall not be repeated. I was making rather merry yesterday, s ir.



MICHAEL AS SCROOGENow, I’ll tell you what, my friend. I am not going to stand this sort of thing any longer. And therefore, and therefore . . . I am going to raise you salary!

KEVIN AS CRATCHITSir?

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYes, raise your salary, Bob. A Merry Christmas, Bob! A merrier Christmas, Bob, than I have given you for many a year! I’ll raise your salary and endeavor to assist your struggling family!

KEVIN AS CRATCHITAre you feeling alright, Mr. Scrooge? You seem strangely altered.

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEYou see, Bob-

MUSIC: HEART

MICHAEL AS SCROOGE (cont'd)I’VE THAWED OUT MY HEART, I’VE DISCOVERED I’VE A HEART. LEARNIN’ WHAT MY FORMER WAYS JUST MIGHT COSTMADE ME DEFROST THAT PART.

(Linda enters as Charity Collector)I’VE BEEN A BIG DOPE, WALKIN' ON A SLIPPERY SLOPE. BUT I’VE SEEN THAT THOUGH MY SINS HAVE BEEN VAST,I AM NOT PAST ALL HOPE.

YES, IT’S TRUE,I WAS A MISER,

LINDA AND KEVIN

YES YOU WERE-

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEALL THAT I DID WAS COMPLAIN,



LINDA AND KEVINTHAT’S ALL YOU DID-

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEBUT FROM THE SPIRITS I CAN INFER.

LINDA AND KEVINYES YOU CAN-

MICHAEL AS SCROOGEMY SALVATION’S THERE TO GAIN

LINDA AND KEVINWE’LL HELP YOU THROUGH IT, YOU CAN DO IT!

ALLI’VE/HE’S THAWED OUT MY/HIS HEART, I’VE/HE’S DISCOVERED I’VE/HE’S A HEART. LEARNIN’ WHAT MY/HIS FORMER WAYS JUST MIGHT COSTMADE ME/HIM DEFROST THAT PART-I’VE/HE’S GOT A HEART, I'VE/HE’S GOT A HEART, I’VE/HE’S GOT HEART!

LINDA ROSEScrooge was better that his word. He did it all, and infinitely more.

KEVINAnd to Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man as the good old City knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough in the good old world.

MICHAELAnd so, A Merry Christmas to us all, my dears, and as Tiny Tim says:

ALLGod Bless Us Everyone!



MUSIC: OKLAHOMA!

ALL (cont’d)

EH-BENEZERGOOD TO KNOW YOUR MISER’S LIFE IS DONE.YOU HAVE CHANGED YOUR WAYS. FOR ALL YOUR DAYS,YOU WILL SING GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE.

EH-BENEZER, IT IS GOOD TO KNOW YOU’VE SEEN THE LIGHT.THE GHOSTS CONVINCED YE,THEY SET YOU FREE, FROM NOW ON YOUR FUTURE WILL BE BRIGHT.

GO THROUGH LIFE WITH YOUR ARMS OPEN WIDE. AND THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS INSIDE, AND WHEN WE SAY - BAH!AND HUMBUG HUMBUG HEYBAH! WE’RE ONLY SAYING YOU’RE DOING FINE EBENEZER, EBENEZER, OK.

EBE-NEZER, EBE-NEZER, EBE-NEZER, EBE-NEZER-

GO THROUGH LIFE WITH YOUR ARMS OPEN WIDE,AND THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS INSIDE, AND WHEN WE SAY - BAH!AND HUMBUG HUMBUG HEYBAH! WE’RE ONLY SAYING YOU’RE DOING FINE EBENEZER, EBENEZER, E-B-E-N-E-Z-E-R EBENEZER!

(BOWS.)



A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL · HEREIN OUR BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, A BROADWAY CHRISTMAS CAROL, rev. 10-05, page 2 Script and Revisions ©2005 KATHY FEININGER - All Righ ts Reserved

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